16. Elliot, Ashley, and Everything Else

I'm still a mess, and Elliot knows that. Of course he knows that. It's Elliot. But he left my apartment rather quickly.

"I'll be right back," he said.

It's been twenty minutes.

For whatever reason I feel I'm breaking again.

But, after 21 minutes, he's at my door again. Holding a bag.

He settles me on the couch and and asks, "salty or sweet?"

"Huh?"

"Just answer the question. Salty or sweet?"

"Sweet."

I see what he means now. He has a whole collection of junk food in that bag. He gives me gummy bears and different chocolate candies. My favorite. He knows that.

"What do you wanna watch?" he asks.

"I don't care, honestly," I say.

He scrolls through the TV guide and flips on a movie. We devour some junk food and I start feeling a lot better.

But, about 3/4 of the way through the movie, I feel myself nodding off. I put my bag of mini Kit-Kats down on the coffee table, leaning back to Elliot.

His arm falls around me. And eventually, I'm out.

*Elliot's POV*

Olivia is pretty common sense when you spend enough time with her. Because of that, I may or may not know her better than anyone. I was her partner for so long. She was my partner. Now, she's just mine. And I plan to keep it that way.

After almost 2 hours, the movie being almost over, she falls asleep against me. And it's not a bad thing either.

I let her sit there until the credits start to roll. Then I pick her up as gently as possible and carry her to her room, putting her to bed.

She stirs a little. But she's not awake.

I go back out to the living room and bag up all the candy and junk food, the wrappers and garbage go in the trash. I quietly open Ellie's door, and she's not there. I decide to take Liv's phone and call her. She answers immediately.

"Mom?" she questions.

"It's Elliot," I tell her. "Come home before your mom wakes up, alright?"

"I've been sitting on the apartment building steps. I'll be up in a minute. I just needed to breathe."

"Alright," is how I say bye to her.

One last time for the night, I go to check on Olivia. She looks so peaceful. And beautiful. I can't help reaching my hand out and brushing her hair with my fingers. I kiss her forehead and step towards the door.

"Elliot," she says, almost in a baby voice. That's how she talks when she's tired; she can't speak with many specific syllables. I turn around. "Stay."

"It's fine, Liv. I'll take the couch."

"No, stay. With me," she insists, more awake. Her big eyes are drawing me in.

I walk over to her bed, on the other side. Watching her, I move the blankets and lie next to her. Immediately, she rolls herself towards me. She rests her head on my chest and wraps her leg around me.

I kiss her head again, hoping and praying she stays with me for as long as possible.

*Ellie's POV*

I come back upstairs and Elliot's gone. My mom probably went to sleep, so I sneak over to my room and curl up in bed. I'm out rather quickly.

When I wake up in the morning, I nearly want to cry. No more "two best friends and then whoever". No more peacefulness. No more of my old life.

It's all over. SVU is gonna treat me different now that I've been a victim. I have to testify against the men who attacked me and Ashley. And school, I can foresee it being terrible.

I get up and shower, taking my sweet time. I don't even dry my hair afterwords; I let it hang wet and dry wavy. I hear Mom's alarm go off, so I quickly get my stuff together. I run out to get to school on time.

School sucks. I'll just leave it as that.

Before lunch, I'm at my locker, realizing in my rush I forgot to bring food or money.

Oh well.

I sit at our lunch table, half expecting Ashley to show, but I know she doesn't. What surprises me is Jordyn doesn't.

I guess it's okay. Logan shows up. Well I mean, he was here, but not sitting at the end of a table in the corner of the cafeteria alone.

I stare at my book, hoping he just gets up and walks away.

"Where are your friends?" he asks.

"Not here," I say quietly.

"Why not?"

I shrug in response. But then I say, "I hope you don't think I'm ignoring you, but it's hard now."

"I get it. I don't like seeing you like this though."

"Well neither of us can do much about it," I reply.

"Well you can come sit with us. That should perk you up a little." He's trying. And I appreciate it more than he'll ever know.

"No thanks. I don't do well in big groups."

He nods and walks away, just to return with his bag and lunch.

"You forget food?" he asks, looking down at my book.

"Not hungry."

"Come on, you've gotta eat something."

"I'll eat when I'm hungry." I'm actually starving, but I couldn't care less.

"Here." He slides his bag of chocolate covered pretzels to me.

As much as I want to refuse, chocolate is something I can never say no to.

I take one with a smile.

"So I heard Ashley's safe now."

I nod. "She's switching schools anyways."

"Did she move?"

I nod again. "Not far but far enough to switch boundary lines," I tell him.

"That sucks," he says.

I take another pretzel. "Take 'em," he says. "I'm not a fan of white chocolate."

I smile and pull the ziplock bag towards me. I eat another one.

The bell rings. "Wanna walk to history together?"

I nod.

History isn't the same anymore. Logan is a tremendous help but I want Ashley passing notes with me.

I go home and Mom isn't there, of course.

I sit and look through our old DVD's and things when I find a home video. We have a couple of those back there, but this one says "Ellie - video 1".

I decide to turn it on. It opens up with Mom sitting in a hospital bed. A nurse comes by and hands her a bundle of something - me in a pink blanket. She's crying, but smiling. A man comes into view and sits on the edge of her bed. It takes me a second to realize it's Elliot.

Elliot strokes my mom's hair and is smiling along with her. So many questions are running through my head. Yeah they were partners, but how close were they? I guess, very. If he was here for this, why did he leave? He can't be my dad, can he? Mom told me she had sex with someone who then left her. It wouldn't be him.

I hear the door start to open, so I quickly find the remote and turn off the TV.

"Hey, El. I'm home," Mom says.

"Okay," I reply. "You're early."

"We didn't have a case," someone who is not Mom answers. I turn my head and see Amanda is with her.

Immediately, I get up and head to my room.

"Where you going, Babydoll?"

"I have homework," I lie.

*Olivia's POV*

We sit on the couch, knowing Ellie wants to be alone. Turning on the TV, I see that she truly didn't want me to know she saw this home video I meant to show her one day.

Amanda knows all about Elliot. Except for the fact he was here last night. And that I hope he comes back again. And stays.

"Did you ever show this to Ellie?" Amanda asks me.

"No," I say, nearly silently. "Looks like the day I planned to show her is today."

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Elliot was my partner when I started SVU," I start with. "For...12 years or so we were. And we got really close."

Ellie nods. I know this isn't the hard part yet, but I feel myself freezing up.

"After 6 years, I got pregnant with you. I was terrified. Elliot has 5 kids already. He told me he would help me. He did help, so much. I wouldn't have been able to keep you if it wasn't for him."

At that she raises her eyebrows. I keep going.

"Everyone in the squad was there when you were born. Except for Amanda and Nick, who hadn't come to the squad yet. But Elliot held my hand and helped me through the actual birth."

I know she's uncomfortable now, but I have to tell her everything. And actually everything.

"But, a couple years ago, he quit the SVU and never talked to any of us again. No goodbye, no nothing. I didn't realize I was in love with him until that happened. The interrogation room you went into with Thompson is the one I ran to and cried in multiple times."

I look down, feeling exactly how Ellie did when she would tell me secret thoughts: wanting to shrink, run, and never speak of it ever again. I feel her try to take my hand. At first, I don't want her coddle me, until I realize it isn't coddling. I let her do what she wants.

"It really hurt me. I had to raise you and didn't have any help. I had to be a good cop too. It was so hard. I knew it was hard on you too. I would pick you up from school and you'd be all smiley and happy and say, "Mommy! I made you a picture!" and whether Elliot was on my mind or a case that I couldn't handle was, I would have to act happy for you. And I loved everything you gave me and told me and begged from me and giggled about. I just couldn't be as happy as I wanted to be. I knew I shut you out. I knew you would see me and I would be crying and I'd slam the door in your face."

I sneak a glance at her. She doesn't look sad. She looks...understanding. When she sees in looking, she tells me, "It's okay."

"It's not, Ellie! I always knew I wanted a baby. I didn't care if it was a boy or girl but I've always wanted a girl! And I got it, but not the way I wanted! This is gonna be hard for you, and I don't want you to be angry but you will! I know you will! I've lied to you, Ellie!"

*Ellie's POV*

Her whole story so far is things I already know. I say, "It's okay," and she flips. I guess we are the same in that sense, too.

What she tells me is sort of surprising, but I also sort of expected it. When she says, "I've lied to you, Ellie!", I feel like I know what she'll say, based on what she just told me.

"I wasn't conceived consensually, was I?" I ask, interrupting her. Her facial reaction is enough for me to confirm it.

"How did you know?" She almost sounds scared asking.

"I had suspicions. One time last year I had to do a baby project and I needed to know the hospital I was born at and stuff. You were working so I went and found my birth certificate. I saw that there wasn't any father written down. And you never had any battle with anyone over child support. But, you just said, too, 'not the way I wanted.'"

"Ellie. I'm sorry," she says, her eyes begging for forgiveness. "I didn't know how or when to tell you and I knew I was running out of time before you'd hate me for not telling you-"

"Mom, it's fine. Seriously. I'm okay."•••{AN: So I did decide to go ahead with the sequel! It's going to be called Double Jeopardy. This story has like 3-4 parts left so I'll probably post those all at once then tell you about the sequel. I'm actually pretty excited for it, so keep reading! I appreciate all those who are!}