Ch 117

"Orochimaru, I'm going to leave tomorrow. There's nothing you can do about it." 

I'm just so tired of everything. It feels like no matter how much I sleep, I never feel rested. I wake up, and it's like I haven't slept at all. My body is heavy, like it's being dragged through quicksand. I try to get out of bed, but it takes everything I have to even pull myself up. The energy I once had is gone, and I don't know where it went. I sleep a lot—sometimes too much, sometimes just to avoid facing the day, but it doesn't help. I wake up again, just to face the same tiredness, the same emptiness. The things I used to love doing—reading, my kokoriku, walking outside—they don't feel the same anymore. They don't bring the same feelings, not like they used to. I can't even get excited about the things I used to look forward to. I try to push myself to do them, but it feels like I'm just going through the motions, trying to remember why I liked them in the first place. Nothing sticks anymore. Everything is gray now. There's no color or vibrancy in anything. I don't know when it started, but I just feel... numb. I don't want to be around people; I don't want to talk to anyone. I can't shake the feeling that everyone is moving forward while I'm stuck, frozen in place, buried in exhaustion. I want to disappear—just fade away, so I don't have to deal with the weight of it all. Sometimes, I wonder if anyone would even notice if I didn't show up anymore. It's not that I want to hurt anyone; it's just that the idea of escaping everything, even for a little while, feels like the only peace I can find. 

What am I even thinking about? 

Orochimaru, still standing in front of me, let out a long sigh. He looked... off, not himself at all. His face was tense, the usual calm demeanor replaced with something darker. 

Why, losing another Uchiha upset you? He barely acknowledged me, his expression turning more irritated. Then. 

"Ishi, you-" 

He sighed again, this time harsher, the sound almost angry. But it wasn't aimed at me. It was something else. 

"When you go to the Leaf, meet with Tsunade. She'll help you." 

His words hung in the air. I blinked, confused. He was just letting me leave? Just like that? And Tsunade—why her? 

What could she possibly do for me? 

Before I could ask anything, Orochimaru raised his hand, and my thoughts scattered. His fingers gently touched my face—no, not gently. He wasn't caressing me. 

He was wiping something away. 

Tears.

My tears. 

It hit me all at once—hot, thick tears had been streaming down my face, unnoticed by me until now. 

The saltiness of them stung as I finally realized I had been crying this whole time, completely unaware, as if the emotion had been building without me even noticing. 

I wiped my face quickly, embarrassed, but Orochimaru didn't say anything. He just looked at me, his expression unreadable. 

I can't believe I cried in front of him. No, I've done it before. This same song and dance. I've cried many times, but most have been in front of him. 

What a funny thought. 

"Th-" 

I tried to speak, tried to say something, anything, but the words wouldn't come. I knew what I wanted to say. 

I knew what I needed to say. But my throat felt tight, as if something was choking me from the inside. 

"Th-" 

I tried again, forcing the words out, but they stuck, lodged somewhere deep inside. Why couldn't I say it? 

Why couldn't I speak? 

I could feel the frustration bubbling up inside me, but it didn't change anything. The words just wouldn't leave my lips. 

It was like I was frozen in place, trapped in my own silence. I wasn't even sure what I was afraid of, only that something was stopping me. 

I glanced up at Orochimaru, but he didn't seem to notice my struggle. His eyes were distant, as if lost in his own thoughts. 

I opened my mouth again, but nothing came out. The words I'd never thought I'd say—whatever they were—stayed locked inside me, just out of reach. 

And the more I tried, the harder it became. I didn't understand why. I didn't understand anything anymore. 

My tears came harder, unable to stop the flow turning into a heavy stream. I can't do this. I moved to leave and this time, Orochimaru didn't stop me. He just stood there, unmoving. 

I walked through the halls, my arms crossed and on my shoulders like a self comforting hug. 

A hug? I haven't been hugged in years- 

"You look pathetic." 

I looked up to see Sasuke walking towards me. I was still heavily crying and his words won't make it stop or slow anytime soon. 

He stopped in front of me, looking down at what he probably hasn't seen in awhile. I felt hurt, not by him but just in general. 

I've felt like this for a while... 

His words only angered me. This wasn't the right time to do this. 

Not only did I feel nasty, but I was ready to bring him down with it too. If I felt this way, you have to as well. 

I let out a mocking laugh, loud and boisterous. 

"So are you! Going after Itachi for petty revenge, you and I are in the same boat. At least he didn't try to kill you," I don't even know what I was saying. 

It didn't register in my mind. I just needed to let out some tension and he had just said the right words to set me off. 

Sasuke's face immediately contorted into rage at those words. Disbelief on his face at what I had just said. And it was me of all people too! 

"How dare you-" 

"Sasuke Uchiha," I interrupted, my sharingan blazing in all its glory. 

"Right now, I am in no mood for your tantrums. I'd suggest you go back to your room before I lose my patience." 

I feel weird. I don't like this feeling. I don't know what I'm saying. 

What am I saying? What am I saying to him? 

What he deserves. 

But he doesn't deserve that. 

Yes he does. 

No he doesn't. 

What is happening to me? 

Sasuke didn't look deterred and also flashed his. 

"You think I am scared of you?" 

To add insult to injury he drew his katana, an act that displeased me deeply. How dare he? Is his first thought get in a fight with me? 

Why does he want to fight? Just because I hurt his feelings?? He does the same thing all the time! 

"Oh? You think you're grown enough to handle this? To make adult choices? Fine. I'll indulge you." 

I did not have any of my weapons but that didn't mean I was at a disadvantage. My mind was so clouded that I could barely make out the faint chakra behind me. 

Ready to strike. 

Barely, but I did see it. 

I turned around just in time to block an attack. From who, you ask? 

Orochimaru. 

He looked displeased but that wouldn't explain why he was attacking me. Actually it would, I'm leaving and he doesn't want me to. He doesn't like it. 

So he wants to hurt me? 

Does he actually? 

Sasuke didn't move from where he was but I could see he was completely surprised. Like he just noticed something. 

Orochimaru yelled out something but I wasn't able to make it out. 

Then I felt another chakra, I turned in time to stop an attack from Kabuto. 

What is this? 

What is happening?! 

Stop trying to hurt me! 

Stop it! 

I just want to leave! 

I just want to make it out of here! 

I won't tell anyone! 

I felt a prick on my arm. A sharp sting.

So please... 

Just leave me alone... 

I just... 

I looked up at Orochimaru who for the first time I've ever seen, looked concerned.

A/n Our girl is not having a great time... Enjoy~