Ch 116

I move toward the door, my hand gripping the handle, but before I can twist it, I feel Orochimaru's eyes on me—cold, unblinking. 

I try to open it but he moves his foot against the wall, preventing it from being opened. The silence is suffocating, stretching between us like a rope pulling taut. 

I try to open the door again, a quiet yet defiant motion, but his foot shifts, pressing firmly against the wall. 

He's blocking me, preventing my escape with the most casual of gestures, but the message is clear: I am not leaving without his say-so. 

I glance up briefly, and Orochimaru's lips curl into a thin, smug sneer that drips with the kind of arrogance I despise. It's enough to halt me, to root me in place. 

My hand loosens on the doorknob as I lock eyes with him, that same mocking stare piercing me. 

A challenge. 

A dare. 

What is his problem? I just showed him my experiment and everything was well and done. But something happened. 

I don't like this—no, I don't like him right now. 

He steps closer, his movements slow and deliberate, as though savoring every moment. I shift to the side, trying to maneuver past him, but he mirrors my movements with eerie precision. 

There's no rush, no urgency to his actions—he's simply enjoying my struggle, enjoying the power he has over me in this moment. 

I try again, my body moving to the side, but this time I don't get far. He's not letting me go. The realization hits me like a slap: He's blocking me—again. 

Who does he think I am? A fool? A pushover? I will hit you. 

Just because I've been playing by the rules, being good, does not mean I'm going to let him do whatever he wants. 

I've faced him before, at his lowest and at his most powerful. I've mocked him without fear, and I'll do it again. 

Hell, I did it when he was at his peak, and I'm still here, aren't I? Still breathing, still standing, still defying him. 

"Why are you doing this?" 

There's no point in pretending to be calm anymore—I'm beyond that. I'm angry, and I won't sugarcoat it for him. 

"Ishi, what happened this morning?" 

His voice is low, probing, as if he's trying to uncover something beneath the surface. But I'm not fooled. 

I roll my eyes. This is about that? About nothing? It was just a stupid swimming session. But now, apparently, it's a matter of importance to him. 

"Swimming. Ever seen it?" 

I snap back, annoyance dripping from my words. He doesn't respond immediately. Instead, that damn smile of his remains, unwavering and cold, mocking me. I can't stand it. 

"You were under there pretty long," he remarks lightly, like it's some kind of casual observation. 

He's not accusing me of anything—at least, not directly—but I can feel it. The insinuation. The suspicion. 

Even if nothing happened, even if there's absolutely nothing to question, I can already tell: he won't let this go. Not ever. 

I narrow my eyes, determined to throw his words back at him. 

"And how do you know I was under there for a long time? I don't remember you being there." 

His chest rises and falls with a quiet, almost silent laugh, but he doesn't answer. So, we're not going to talk, huh? 

Fine, I can play that game. Let's turn this into something worse. Let's make it a confrontation, a real argument. 

"Are you spying on me? Again?" 

I demand, my voice rising in frustration. The last time he pulled this stunt, using his damn snakes to keep an eye on me, I caught him. 

But this time—this time, I've let my guard down, clouded by my own thoughts. And I hate myself for it. 

"Where's the snake, Orochimaru? The one you put on me?" 

I ask, my frown deepening. This is how it always starts—with these small, insidious invasions of my privacy. I should have known better. 

Orochimaru's expression shifts slightly, his brow quirking as he watches me. There's something almost amused in his gaze, like he's enjoying the rare sight of me showing genuine emotion. 

"I didn't put one on you," he responds smoothly, his voice light and casual. "We don't have that petty relationship anymore." 

His words hang in the air, and I'm left standing there, a mixture of frustration and disbelief bubbling inside me. 

A strange sense of disbelief. This is some bullshit! What is this? We don't have that petty relationship anymore? 

Ah, yes we do? But if we don't tell me, please do so. I'm dying to hear what you have to say. 

"What is our relationship?" 

I calm myself down a bit, not wanting to sound too emotional as I already feel like my feelings are at an all time high. 

"You're asking that again?" 

He smirked, memories of years prior flashing through both our minds. 

"I protect you. And you... you're my willing puppet. Smart, capable, and aware of what's going on—but still a puppet. You do what I say, when I say it. However impolite your manners are." 

I let out a raspy sigh, too done to even say anything for the first few seconds after he said that. I can't believe he said that to my face. Actually I can, this is Orochimaru we are talking about. 

"That sounds a little harsh, don't you think?" 

I rub the area just below my forehead in disbelief. This is getting out of hand. What even is this conversation? 

"Maybe. But it's the truth. I don't lie to you. You need me, and I know it. That's our relationship— plain and simple." 

I scoffed at his words. I don't need him, not at all. He's here because of his love for Uchiha's and power. He needs me more than I do him. 

"What if I prove you wrong? What if I just left? Right now. Walk out the door and never look back." 

I am going to leave him. I am going to leave right now. I can't deal with him anymore. 

"You could leave. I wouldn't stop you. But you won't last. You can't do it alone. You've never been able to. You crave connection, even if you deny it. You're always looking for someone else to fill the space of human connection." 

I paused at that. 

What? 

What is he even talking about? 

What is going on? Am I on a tv show without my knowledge? 

What is the crap he is spewing? I am fine on my own. I can go out there. I can do this on my own. 

Right? 

No, right. 

"I don't need anyone. I'll be fine on my own." 

I have been alone since day one, no one else is here to help me. It's me, myself and I. all alone in this damn world. 

"No, you won't. Oh, you'll tell yourself you can. You'll say you're fine. But deep down, you're terrified of being alone. You might find someone else, but it won't be the same. No one will ever trust you the way I do. You'll always be a stranger to them, and they to you." 

No, no he's wrong. He's got to be. 

I can find so many people. I have many people waiting for me. Many people who I care about, charish and trust. And they trust me too. 

"You don't know what you're talking about. I'm not as broken as you think I am." 

What does this man think of me? I have been through a lot, yes, but I've come up on top. 

I'm still breathing. I'm still living. 

I have a life worth living. I have a life worth living! 

I do! 

I do! 

So stop! 

"I know you better than anyone. Better than them. You can pretend, put on that mask, but I see it. The fear. The loneliness. The doubt you refuse to face. You think you want freedom, but you're scared of what it means. What if you leave, and there's nothing left for you?" 

No! 

He's wrong. 

He's so very wrong! 

"I'll be fine. I'll find a way." 

I'll be fine. I'll find a way. 

I'll be fine. I'll find a way. 

I'll be fine. I'll find a way. 

I'll be fine. I'll find a way.

I will be fine! 

There are many people I'll meet. 

 "You'll find someone, sure. Maybe even someone who pretends to understand you. But it won't last. They won't trust you. And you won't trust them. You'll always be looking for something I gave you, something no one else can." 

You're wrong. You don't know me. Not really. 

"I do. I know more than you realize. You say you're done with me, but deep inside, you know I'm the only one who truly gets you. No one else sees the truth of who you are. And if you leave, you'll never find that again." 

...

... 

...

...

What if I just... 

What if I killed you? What if I ended it right here, right now? 

"You think you could? You think that would fix anything? You could try. I'd love to see you try. But you won't. Because deep down, you know if you killed me, you'd be killing the part of yourself that you're still afraid to let go of. The part that needs me, that depends on me." 

You're wrong. I could end this anytime I wanted. 

"You say that, but you're lying to yourself. Because if you ended me, you'd only be left with yourself and that's the one thing you can't stand. You'll never be free of me. Not really. Not unless you face the truth." 

I still have others, the people from the leaf. 

"You left the leaf long ago, you betrayed them. You even came back and fought with them, they know you're with me. They know you're on their enemies' side." 

I was forced to leave, I was threatened. I am still threatened. 

"Doesn't matter. They don't care, all they see is the betrayal. Didn't you lose the trust of the Nara clan leader by your sob story?" 

They'll listen, they are good people. 

"No, they're ninjas that will fight for their little village until their dying breath. And that's why you need me. You have so many enemies. So many people are threatening you. You need my protection. You need me." 

No! 

No I don't! 

"Come on, Ishi. Now you're just in denial. Wake up, this isn't your little story where everything is all good. This is reality. I only took you in for your promising future. I don't babysit children." 

I looked at his expression. Actually looked at his expression this time. He looked absolutely disgusted by my display of pure emotions. 

Good reason to be... 

"I don't expect you to sympathise, not at all. I know you'll mock me to my face. But... You said you saw yourself in me, is that why you're so disturbed?" 

I was finally able to make a stable thought. 

I was speaking. 

My thoughts. 

"No, that is not the reason," his mocking smile or disguised expression were nowhere. His face reverted back to a neutral look. His expression looked like it hasn't moved in ages. Neither pleased nor annoyed. 

What was he thinking? 

Doesn't matter. 

"I will be leaving Orochimaru, and if I die out there. Then that means you're right. You get the last laugh." 

The world had dealt me cruel hands, and here I was, fighting against my own despair.

A/n I tried so many things to poetry her emotions as she is her own unreliable narrator, as well as ours. Her mental health hasn't been good for awhile. For years. She might not see it, but many around her can. Most who have seen her grow up too could see how she isn't doing well. It's just her who can't. I tried to make it so that even if there aren't "" she's still talking because in her mind she stopped. She's just thinking. But Orochimaru answers. Why is that? I did so much more but you guys can find it out. Enjoy~