Chapter 31 - Arrow On The Doorpost

A pair of warm and strong arms are wrapped around me tightly, encasing me in their warmth. I stir awake as my eyes flutter open and I look towards the wall of the cellblock. I feel a warm breath on my neck and the sound of soft soothing breathing reaches my ears. I turn my head to the side and my face is less than an inch away from his.

I reach one of my arms up and run the knuckles of my fingers down the side of his face. He stirs under my touch and nestles in closer to my hand, a small moan rumbling from within his throat. His eyelids flutter open and they look around for a moment before taking in my face.

"Morning." I whisper.

He pulls me tighter against him and buries his head in my neck, "Morning." He whispers, his lips against my skin.

He places soft and gentle kisses to the skin of my neck and I close my eyes at his touch, my fingers winding into his hair. It's very rare that he's ever this affectionate to me and I relish in his touch while it lasts. His lips move up from my neck until they reach my lips, causing butterflies to erupt in my stomach. He shifts until he is leaning on his elbows above me, my fingers gripping into his hair.

He keeps most of his weight off of me but his body still presses into mine. This kiss doesn't become too heated before he pulls back and looks down into my eyes. I look up him, his hair running into between my fingers and I think about today and all my fear and anxiety comes to mind.

"I don't want you to go today." I whisper.

He gives me a long look before he speaks, "You know that I have too."

"Can't I at least go with you?" I ask.

"I don't want you anywhere near this guy Bree. The things he has done, I'll kill him before I even let him be anywhere near you." He says fiercely.

A smile plays on my lips as I look up at him, "Besides," He says, "You have to stay here and make sure Merle doesn't get into trouble."

I roll my eyes and look up at the ceiling, "Your brother... He's become a bit of a problem hasn't he?"

"Things don't change do they?" He mutters and I chuckle.

I look back at him and look into his beautiful blues and I nod my head, "Be safe."

His eyes gaze over my face before he leans down and places a kiss on my lips, short and sweet. He pulls back and looks me in the eye, "I promise."

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We all stand in the cafeteria area of the cellblock, sorting through the vast amount of guns from the haul yesterday. Rick, Carl and Michonne went on a run to Rick's hometown in search of more ammunition and guns to help us with our defence against the Governor. I'm not exactly sure of what happened but Rick briefly explained that he found someone that saved him in the early days, that that is where the guns came from.

I load up the clips with bullets as Glenn speaks to the young boy, "Carl, you stash these in the loading dock. Alright?"

Glenn hands another box of ammo to Beth, "Beth, put out more up on the catwalk. If anyone gets pinned down we need to make sure they've got plenty of ammo. I'll go work on the cage outside." He says, grabbing a fun and the blowtorch equipment.

"What we should be doing is loading some of this fire power in a truck and paying a visit to the Governor." Merle says from his room in the small infirmary, "We know where he is right now."

"You suggesting we just go in and kill him?" Glenn asks.

"Yeah, I am." Merle says.

"We told a Rick and Daryl that we'd stay put." Michonne states.

"I've changed my mind sweetheart." He answers, "Being on the side line with my brother out there... Ain't sitting right with me." He says and I can't agree with him more, having Daryl out there so unprotected leaves a knot in my stomach.

"The three of them are right in the middle of it. They'd have no idea we're coming. They could get taken hostage or killed. A thousand things could go wrong." Glenn says.

"And they will." Merle says.

"My Dad can take care of himself." Carl says confidently.

"Sorry son, out your Dad's head could be on a pike real soon." Merle says.

I see a shift in Carl's body language as he goes to stash away the bullets and I turn and look over at Merle as Maggie voices my thoughts, "Don't say that to him."

Merle makes a gesture of apology before Glenn speaks, "It's not the right move, not now. Can't take the risk of putting them in the crossfire. That's my decesion, it's final."

He looks at us before turning and making his way out to the cage. Merle looks on angrily and frustrated and I completely understand where he is coming from. I'm sick to my stomach at the idea of Daryl being out there with only Hershel and Rick covering his back. That he is so close to a man that I genuinely hate with every fibre of my being. But I trust Daryl and I know that the plan Merle has will only put him in more danger. So instead I continue to help out sorting the guns and ammunition while I anxiously await for my man to come home.

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Judith lays on the bed and I smile widely down at her as I change her diaper. I undo the onesie and I talk to her, "Here we go baby girl."

I move the onesie out of the way and proceed to change the dirty diaper and change her into a new one as I'm putting on the new one I hear a commotion going on downstairs from towards the cafeteria area, "If Michonne can do it, why can't you?" I hear Maggie yell.

"Cause it's my brother that's why!" Merle yells back, "What's the matter with y'all?!"

I quickly begin to finish changing her and as I pick her up into my arms I hear the sounds of fighting from downstairs, "Shit!"

I rush down the stairs and hear the sound of a gunshot and I look over to see Beth in the doorway with a gun pointed towards the ceiling. She looks exhausted and worn down, like the rest of us.

"Let me go!" Merle mutters angrily, shrugging out of their grasp, "Let me go!" He yells.

I turn to Beth, "Do you mind taking her for minute?"

She nods and I hand Judith over before I turn to Merle, "Can I talk to you for a minute?" I ask through gritted teeth.

He looks at me before he gets up angrily and I stalk past the others towards the cage, Merle following along behind me. Once the door closes behind us, I turn around and face him angrily, "What the hell are you doing?"

"What do you think I was doing? I was gonna go rescue my brother." He says, just a angry.

"He doesn't need you to rescue him. He told us to stay here and wait for them to get back. So why do you feel the need to go and possibly ruin this chance?" I say.

"The really question is is why aren't you coming with me right now? I know that you can't be feeling okay about this." He says.

"Of course I'm not feeling okay about this? I hate the idea of him being out there." I state.

"Then why aren't we going? You and me can go right now and take them out, this can all finally be done with." He says.

I shake my head in disbelief, "You have no idea how much I want to be there by his side and protect him. I love him. More than anything, and having him out there by himself is tearing me apart. But we all made a promise to stay here and protect this place while they go out and try to figure this thing out. Now I trust Daryl, and if he tells me to wait here then that's what I'm going to do. And you know what? You are two. So quit being such a jackass and just listen for once."

He glares at me as I walk away and back into the cellblock, hoping that I've been able to knock some sense into him. I scoff at the thought, this is Merle Dixon I'm talking about, he'll always end up doing what he wants.

I make my way back inside and I walk back over to Beth, "Thanks for looking after her."

She smiles and looks down at the baby, "That's fine, she's perfect."

I look down at the little girl and smile, "Yeah, she is."

I reach out for the little girl and Beth reaches over and places her in my arms. I smile down at the little girl and I shift her into a more comfortable position, "Hey there sweetheart."

"Do you ever want kids?" Beth asks suddenly.

I look up at her with wide eyes, surprised by her question. She takes in my expression and her face falters, "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

I shake my head and gather my thoughts, "No, it's fine. I just, uh, didn't expect that question is all."

She nods her head and stares at me for a moment before repeating the question, "Well, do you?"

"Do you?" I ask.

She contemplates the question for a moment before answering, "Not right now. But maybe in the future, when things have settled down and I found the right guy then maybe?"

I nod my head and she repeats her question for the third time, "Do you?"

I look down at Judith in my arms and my mind runs at a million miles an hour. Whenever I ever thought about having kids in the past, a shudder ran through me. I love children and to have my own some day would have been amazing. However the world went to hell and my daily routine went from doing meaningless chores to fighting for my life.

Even before the world collapsed I was nervous about having children. I mean as it is, I'm past my prime age to have a child. But the main thing is that I never grew up with a stable parental figure. I don't know what's it's like to have a good parent, let alone be one. I always thought that being a mother would be amazing, but I'm not sure if I have it in me.

I shift my weight onto my other foot before I speak, "I'm not sure." I say quickly, not wanting to dump all these thoughts on the young girls plate, "It's not something I've really considered."

"But if you could, would you?" She presses.

I stand there awkwardly when I hear footsteps coming from above and I look up to see Carol there, bringing down some guns to add to the pile. I take this chance to break away from Beth and this awkward conversation. I look down at the little girl and can't help but think of her brother. Seeing these two let's me know that it is possible to bring children into this world. But is that something I would want to do for myself? And Daryl...

I shake the thoughts away and instead focus on getting through the day until I can finally know what is the fate of my unbalanced future.

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I hear the sound of the motorbike pulling up into the courtyard and I wait for them to make their way inside to find out what happened. There has been a tension all day, coming from the confrontation with Merle as well as wondering what happened with the Governor. The door opens and I look up to see Glenn, Maggie and Hershel walk in first. Closely behind them is Rick, Carl and Carol with Daryl coming in last.

I check him over and see that he is fine and I left out a breath that I didn't know I'd been holding all day. His eyes lock with mine and he gives me a nod, which I return.

"Everyone in the cellblock." Rick instructs.

I notice his agitation and I know that something has gone wrong, that we aren't going to end up with the deal we were hoping. We all make our way inside and I stand beside Daryl, waiting to hear the news. Rick walks forward to the cell where we have packed away the rest of the guns and pulls out a rifle, Dale's rifle to be exact. Old memories come back of the man and I feel a flutter of grieve wave over me.

Rick tucks the gun under his arm and looks around at us all, "So I met this Governor. I sat with him for quite a while."

"Just the two of you?" Merle asks.

Rick nods and Merle begins to walk away, "Should have gone when we had the chance bro."

I shake my head and turn back to face Rick who looks down at the ground. He takes a breath before looking up at us, "He wants the prison. He wants us gone. Dead, he wants us dead. For what we did to Woodbury."

"We're going to war."