Smg4 Fanfiction: Crystal Splezter - Mario does the chores

And I'm back! Sorry for the delay, I needed a day to think. Anyway, let's get back to the story!

...

Plot: Still recovering from the events of the island, the mood isn't helped when the gang has to do chores...

(May 18th - 2019)

A week after the events of the events of the island, things were starting to slowly go back to normal.

Well, as normal as things could be.

Mario had gone back to his favourite pastime, naked sunbathing with some spaghetti on a nearby table.

Mario: Ah, now that life is back to normal, I Finally get to have some Mario time!

He passed out on the lounger, but 5 minutes later, a shadow blocked his sunbathing.

Mario: Hey fatass, get out of the way, you're blocking Mario's super sunshine.

Poor choice of words, because it was actually Princess Peach.

Princess Peach: Mario, put your clothes back on! While you were off on that anime vacation, the castle got filthy!

Mario: Vacation? (Puts clothes on) Mario was out saving the world. Go get the others to do it.

Princess Peach: They are helping!

Over the ridge, Luigi was busy watering a Piranha plant. He turned and waved to Mario, when the plant chopped his head and thrashed him about.

Mario: Well...looks like you don't need Mario's help.

Peach slapped him.

Mario: Ugh, fine!

Princess Peach: Good. Now I'm going to go shopping. When I get back, this place better be spotless. Understand?

She walked away. Thinking he was safe, Mario struck a girly pose and imitated her.

Mario (Imitating): Oh boy, look at me! I'm princess B*tch!

Peach caught him and yelled at him, scaring him to finally do the chores.

He went into the castle and started with the Bob-omb painting room, finding Saiko sweeping the entire room. About a minute passed and not much happened.

Mario: Boring!

Saiko: Well, it would go faster if you helped me you fatass!

Mario agreed. He grabbed a broom, did one sweep, then randomly spawned a bed and passed out. Saiko hit him with her broom.

Saiko: Sweep properly, idiot!

Mario got angry, but had a lightbulb moment. Grabbing his brothers poltergeist,he tried to activate the vacuum option, but ended up releasing every ghost inside.

Saiko: Mario! You put it on the wrong setting!

Simply stating he saved the world, Mario left her to deal with the ghosts.

Saiko: Mario!!!

A ghost called her Thicc.

...

Mario then found Bob standing at the start of a staircase. Curious.

Mario: Hey Bob!

Bob: Holy Tits, don't scare me like that!

Mario: You hiding a dead body again?

Bob: No. Peach told me to clean the basement, but theirs monsters down there!

Mario: Pfft, you're such a baby!

Mario walked down the stairs as Bob drew his "Holy Boble".

Bob: The power of Bob compels you.

Following him, the two entered the empty basement. It seemed nothing was down their.

Mario: See, there's nothing to be scared of down here.

They heard a noise behind them, then again when they turned around.

Bob yelled as he saw the monster...but it was just a rabbit that got into the castle. When he saw, he burst into laughter.

Mario: That's a Monster?

Bob tried to re-enforce the fact that it was a terrifying monster, but Mario thought he was messing around.

Mario: Ugh! Mario got this.

Mario approached the rabbit humming, suddenly having a sack.

Mario: Please get in the bag, Mr Rabbit.

Things took a quick turn however, when the Rabbit drew a gun.

Bob: Oh my god, run!

They ran circles around the basement away from the crazed animal. They finally managed to lock behind the door as they ran out of the basement.

Bob: Crap, the basement still isn't clean.

Mario: Hmm, Leave it to me...

Luigi walked by, a band aid on his head from the plant incident.

Mario: Hey Luigi! Peach asked you to clean the basement.

Luigi: Oh! That sounds safe. Ok, thanks Mario!

Mario let him walk in without a care in the world.

Luigi (Behind door): Okay, cleaning the basement should be nice and easy. Oh hey, a rabbit! (Sound of gun loading) Uhh...what are you gonna do with that?

The sound of gunfire and screaming followed.

Mario: Welp, our work here is done!

Both walked away without a care in the world.

Upstairs, Desti was trying hard to mop the floor with only one arm. It didn't exactly work out, with water burning her hand.

Desti: Agh! Dammit!

She got mad and kicked the mop bucket...

Mario: Hey Desti, need some Help?

Which knocked off Mario's head as he entered the room.

Desti: Leave me alone Mario, I can do this myself!

Mario: Hehe, you look like Luigi dancing when he thinks I'm not watching.

Desti gave him an annoyed look, before falling back and hitting her arm.

Desti: Agh! Fishcakes!

She got back up, fiddling with her cast.

Desti: I wish I could get out of this stupid cast, I can't even carry my stupid gun. Why am I even here helping you idiots clean up?

Mario: I don't know, plot convenience?

Desti: Let's just get this done with so I can get back to training for Splatfest...

Mario: Okay!

Mario drew his F.L.U.D.D and set it for MEGA SPRAY. Desti quickly kicked him in the face.

Desti: Not like that you idiot! God, you're more annoying then my teammates!

Mario: The girls who you continually made shoot at us?

Desti: No, it's just....! I always told them that pain makes us stronger, that's why we trained so hard. Now they're asking why I'm lazing about with all of you instead of training, and the broken arm excuse can only work as long as this cast is on.

Mario gave a sorrowful look.

Desti: I honestly don't know How Meggy did it all, especially with the kid to take care of.

Mario: You wanna know how?

Desti: Yes!

Mario: With grit, determination and a lot of hard work!

Desti: Heh, that actually sounds cool...

Mario: Yeah! So my advice, after your done here, get back to training and-

Desti: How about I start right now?

Mario: Wait, what-?

Before he could finish, she threw a row of Splatter-bombs in the air. The blast of Purple ink sent him backwards.

Desti: Thanks Mario!

Mario (Dazed): Your welcome...

Up in the fish tank room, Meggy was also try to clean while Crystal was wonderfully observing the fish in the tank.

Mario: Hey Meggy, need some help?

Meggy: No Red, I can do this myself.

She tried using the mop, but it was exhausting.

Mario: This would be so much easier if I had my old inkling form.

Mario didn't think that. Any situation he pictured with Meggy being an inkling and mopping ended with her hopping in the bucket and catching on fire.

Mario: Mario doesn't understand.

Meggy: It's...it's this human body. I'm not used to it. Crystal didn't have a problem getting used to it, but I feel like a whole different person!

She tried to stand on one foot, but she immediately fell on her back.

Mario: It's okay Meggy, being human has its advantages! Watch!

Mario leaped over Crystal and filled a bucket with water, standing over Meggy with a face like he was about to commit a murder.

"Mario, wait!"

Mario immediately splashed her and covered her clothes in water, throwing the bucket at a nearby wall.

Meggy: Mario, what are you thinking?! You know that...that...that doesn't...hurt?

Mario: No! Being human means you don't have to be afraid of Water anymore!

Meggy looked at her hands, a smile coming to her face as she tried to take in this new information.

Mario: Plus, it doesn't matter what's on the outside. What matters...is what's inside...

He put his hand on his chest...and drew two splattershot's.

Mario: These guns!

Dunking them in the bucket and filling them with water, he shot toad as he walked through the door and handed one to Meggy.

Meggy: I haven't used one of these since the incident...

Mario: Well, nows a good time to train!

Inspired, Crystal cheered from the side as Meggy started shooting the dirty walls with water. She tossed her weapon over her head to catch it, but it just hit her back in the head, toppling her to the ground.

Meggy: Heh, still a bit rusty...

Crystal ran over and hugged her.

Meggy: Sunshine, what's this for?

Crystal: To help you get back up again! Like you said you would!

Meggy smiled, getting back up.

Meggy: Your right sweetie. I'm gonna get back up and train for Splatfest!

Crystal: Yeah!

Mario: Woo! That's more like it!

Meggy: And I'm gonna do it by covering this entire room in ink!

Mario: Wait, come again?

Crystal put on a war helmet as Meggy loaded her Splattershot with orange juice, covering the entire room in orange as Mario ran out the door.

Meggy: Thanks Mario!

Mario: Jeez, she and Desti are really competitive...

Outside the castle, Boopkins was cleaning the windows and lifting the platform. Making it to the next window, Mario poked his head through it.

Mario: Hey Boopkins!!! 

Startled, Boopkins fell back and almost fell of the platform, barely hanging onto the side.

Boopkins: Ah! Mario! What are you doing?

Mario: Hey little Buddy, need some help?

Boopkins: Yes! Yes! I would like some help!

Mario hoisted him back up, making him land on his face.

Mario: So what you doing Boopkins?

Boopkins: I'm meant to wash the windows, but my hands are too stubby to use the platform.

Mario: Oh, let me help you with that!

Boopkins: Oh, okay. Just pull those ropes and-

Mario pulled the robes and the platform they were on started to shake violently, making Boopkins lose his balance.

Boopkins: Put it back down! Put it back down!

Mario payed him no attention. Boopkins ended up in the same hanging position from earlier. At the same time, Mario screamed as a bucket landed on his head and blinded him.

Boopkins: Mario, help me! I can't get up!

Mario (Muffled): I can't get this bucket off.

Boopkins: Mario, just listen to my directions! Pull on the rope to your left!

Mario walked to the side, moving to grab the rope but grabbing his own arm instead.

Boopkins: Mario, that's your arm! Pull on the rope! The rope!

Mario (Muffled): Nipples? Okie dokie.

He did this for a minute, before getting annoyed.

Mario (Muffled): You got Mario really confused. I'm doing this my way!

Mario put a coin down on the floor. Nearby, Wario was instinctively attracted to the cash and leapt to the platform.

The impact sent Mario flying back to the ground, knocking the bucket off his head. He celebrated, but Boopkins was now only hanging on by one hand.

Mario: Hang on Boopkins! I'll get you down.

Boopkins: Thank you, please hurry!

Nearby, Smg4 walked out the castle door and saw Mario.

Smg4: Oh good, Mario. You can help me with Something.

Mario: But wait, I need to do something first-

Smg4: No excuses, let's go.

Smg4 dragged him away, unable to hear Boopkins screaming as he fell and hit the floor.

Nearby, Mario and Smg4 stood near a pile of trash bags.

Mario: Take out the trash? That's really all you have to do?

Mario grabbed a bag and kicked it into the trash bin successfully.

Smg4: Good job Mario!

Mario: That sure was easy.

Smg4: Now do that a thousand more times.

Mario looked over the side of the ravine, seeing what must have been over a thousand trash bags.

Mario: Why is there so much trash in here?

Smg4: Well...

Smg4 donned a tie, his background changing to a chart.

Smg4: The meme economy is really volatile nowadays. Memes go from fresh to dead in a matter of days. As a result, I've got to throw out old stock more frequently. Now get to work!!

Mario agreed. He jumped onto the garbage...and immediately fell asleep.

Smg4: Hey! Who said you could sleep?

Mario: But it's so nice and comfy here...

Smg4: Cmon! (Seductively) I'll buy you lunch!

That was all the inspiration Mario needed. He went into a frantic tossing fit, throwing garbage bags everywhere with only the occasional few landing in the actual bin.

Trash bins went threw the castle front window, took out the piranha plant and knocked Boopkins off his platform once again.

Smg4: S-stop!

Smg4 ran and punched Mario, getting him to stop.

Smg4: You know what...don't worry Mario, I'll do this.

Mario ran away excitedly, one less thing to do.

Inside the castle, Tari was washing the plates. She looked at the pristine glow, imagining Meggy's face for a minute, before she shook her head.

Mario came in, seeing the dishes was the only thing left to do.

Mario: Washing the Dishes? Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...

Tari: C'mon Mario! It's not that bad.

Mario whined.

Tari: Hm, why don't we play a game to make it more fun?

Mario: Yeah, a game!

Tari: Okay! Jump on drying the dishes. Let's see how many we can get in a minute.

Mario: Okay!

Mario: Ready...Go!

Tari washed the dish slowly, then Mario dried it by ground pounding it, then a repeat.

Mario: Faster! Faster!!! Faster!!!!!

Mario repeatedly yelled to move faster, stressing Tari as she moved her hands as fast as possible...

Till they actually caught fire!

Tari ran and flailed about in fear. Outside, Peach had come back and was knocked to the ground by Tari as she ran out the door, dropping her newly bought anime on the floor.

Tari thankfully managed to jump into the nearby lake and extinguish herself. Seeing Peach outside, Mario became worried.

Mario (Nervous): Hey, how are ya!?

Princess Peach: (Gets up) Mario! What are you doing?

Mario: I'm cleaning the castle, like you asked!

Peach walked into the castle to see utter mayhem.

Bob getting chased out the castle by a rabbit with a gun...

Memes scattered about the floor...

Saiko having to fend off a swarm of ghosts single-handedly...

And Meggy and Desti covering the entire castle in purple ink and orange juice. Suffice to say, Peach wasn't happy.

Princess Peach: Mario...

Mario: Your welcome!

Angered, Peach turned into a vicious monster and chased after Mario As he screamed in terror.

Just goes to show, just knowing Mario is a chore on its own...

To be continued...