chapter 10

While Harry’s in, Louis inspects everything. He opens the shutters, just to know how. The patio has a couple sunbathing chairs and steps down towards the ocean. Louis shuts the shutters again. He peeks in the little fridge and cupboards to find they’re fully stocked with fresh food. The sink is a little creaky but functional, and the stove is old-fashioned gas, the type that Louis would have to light to use. He hopes Harry’s better at cooking than he is. Louis’s burned an egg before.

Harry’s taking a long shower, so Louis fiddles about a little more. He takes off his ‘boyfriend’ hoodie and lays it over the back of the couch. He takes out his phone just long enough to text Lottie and tell her he’ll be incommunicado for the next day or so, and then he turns it off. It just seems appropriate.

Harry comes out then, towel around his waist. He scrapes his dripping hair back from his face as he looks around the cottage. His eyes land on Louis last, and he’s smiling by then. “Hi,” he says a little stupidly.

“Hey love. I’ll go quick.” Louis gets up and pulls his shirt off.

“You can use my stuff, in the shower.”

“Thanks, dearest.” Louis pecks Harry on the cheek as he passes him.

Harry stops him and kisses his lips. “I love you,” he says.

“Love you too, babe.”

“It’s so nice to be able to just say it.”

Louis smiles curiously. “I guess so.” That’s never been a problem for him before, so he hasn’t really thought about it. Harry’s happy, though, and that’s starting to be everything that matters. “See you in a minute, yeah?”

“Okay.”

Harry did leave him a lot of hot water; Louis can take a five-minute boiling shower and comes out feeling happy and clean. The towels are very soft. He pulls on boxers and puts the towel over his shoulder as he leaves. “It’s lovely,” Louis says.

Harry’s flopped on his stomach, feet up on his pillow as he texts. Louis drops a kiss in his hair on his way to his side. Harry smiles, glancing at Louis before looking back at the phone. “Bed’s soft,” Harry murmurs.

Louis lies down the right way in bed, glances over at Harry’s big feet. The bed is very soft, though, Harry’s right. “What size is this?” Louis asks. “It’s small.”

“Queen, I think. Zayn says hi.” Harry turns his phone off, too, and drops his head down onto his arms for a moment.

Louis can’t help himself; he reaches out and pats Harry’s little bum. It’s just so perky and cute. “You’ve got the most adorable bum in the entire world,” Louis decides aloud.

“I thought yours was glorious,” Harry says drowsily.

“It is. But yours is 

adorable

.”

“’Kay.” After a moment, Harry hauls himself up and trots his little naked ass around turning all of the lights off. Louis feels weird for looking at how Harry’s dick flops about as he clambers back into bed, but it’s kinda 

funny

. Harry catches him looking. “Y’like what you see?” he teases, lying down on his stomach again, but the right way this time.

“I do,” Louis agrees. “But you’re tired. I can wait until tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

“Can I, um. Could I give you a back massage?” Louis suggests. He doesn’t know why he’s nervous. Harry lights up.

“Yeah. You want to?”

“Sure.”

“Okay. What do I do?”

“Just stay there. I’m gonna sit over your ass, like – here, like this.” Louis throws a leg over Harry and settles over his naked bum. “Put your arms down by your sides, if you don’t mind, babe.” Harry complies happily, turning his head to one side and letting out a happy breath.

Louis uses the heel of his palms to press heavy circles into Harry’s back. Several things hit him; how broad Harry is, how tense he is, and how willing he is to completely relax for Louis. Louis loves him. It takes a little too long to massage the knots out of his back because Louis keeps leaning down and kissing his back.

“Sorry,” Louis eventually says.

“You’re welcome.”

“What? Are you almost asleep or something?” Harry doesn’t answer, so Louis says softly. “Bet you don’t even notice this.” He grinds his hips down a little.

“Louis,” Harry mumbles. “Are you humping your sleeping boyfriend?”

“Just a little.”

“Get off.”

“Sorry.” Louis gets off and lies down on his side of the bed. He turns off the last light, gets up and turns on the overhead fan so they don’t get too hot. Then he cuddles in with Harry under the sheets. Louis fits right next to him, settling his arm over the small of Harry’s back and scratching a little. Harry hums happily and turns his face towards Louis. “Love you, beautiful boy,” Louis says softly.

“Love you too, darling. More than 

ever

.” Harry kisses Louis’ cheek and turns away so Louis can snuggle up behind him. And yeah, maybe Louis’ arm gets a little tacky from how Harry gets sweaty in his sleep. It’s just maybe he doesn’t care, because this is a romantic trip his boyfriend took him on and he kind of likes knowing him down to the unconscious things.

Louis falls asleep pretty fast, feeling a bit like a prince, and wakes up no less flattered. Harry’s beautiful in the bed this morning, the sheets barely covering the curve of his bum, skin dappled with sunlight coming in through the shutters. He’s glowing. He’s gorgeous. Louis waits as long as he can – about three seconds – and then wakes him.

He starts slowly, by stroking up the curve of Harry’s spine, dragging his fingertip up the dip. Harry shivers a little and grunts. Louis stops tickling and instead runs his fingers through Harry’s disheveled hair. Harry likes that; he smiles a little and lets Louis continue, even going so far as to let him lift his head to pull out the hair trapped against the pillow. Louis combs it all out into semi-order.

“Wake up, love,” Louis finally says. He leans on his hand and stares at Harry’s beautiful face. “Up, little one,” he says after a moment. “C’mon. Sleeping is great, I’ll sleep with you whenever you like. But maybe not on this beautiful day by the sea, yeah?”

Harry inhales deeply through his nose and stretches a bit. He mumbles something that Louis doesn’t understand, clears his throat and repeats it. “Sleep with me?” he asks, opening his eyes and smiling at Louis.

Louis sighs. “Not like that, silly boy. Unless you’d like to. I mean…” It suddenly occurs to him. “Is that what this is? Is this a sex trip? Should I ready myself?”

Harry rolls onto his back, twisting up in the sheets and giggling like mad. “No,” he finally says. “I mean, if you want to do… something, or whatever. Sure. But I don’t have the stuff to have sex. And I didn’t want to yet. If that’s okay.”

“I guess that’s fine,” Louis smiles at him.

Harry goes a little pouty. “Better be.”

“Aw, love.” Louis flops down on top of Harry, giggling at the way Harry groans and laughs. Louis fits his arms around as much of Harry as he can and kisses his cheek. “We’re both willing to wait, okay? And we’re both worried it won’t go well. I love you, Let’s just calm about that.”

“Okay.”

“So. You don’t want to have sex today.”

“Right.”

“Okay. No ifs, ands, or buts. Then we’re not having sex today.”

“Same for you,” Harry is careful to say, angel that he is.

Louis pokes him in the side. “Obviously. Now get up. I want food without burning the place down.”

“Make it yourself,” Harry sighs. He puts Louis’ pillow over his face.

“Not unless you want a house fire.”

Harry groans and displaces Louis from his spot on top of Harry. “What do you want?” he asks, stretching up tall. He can touch the ceiling beam and does, grinning at Louis a bit cheekily.

Louis glares. “I don’t care.”

“Alright. Don’t complain when you get shit.” Harry walks towards the kitchen, scratching his bare hip. Louis lounges in bed feeling very nice. After a moment, Harry calls back, “Omelet?”

“Sure, love, ta. Don’t burn your bits.”

“I won’t,” Harry says defensively.

“Are you sure? Have you done a significant amount of naked cooking in your life?” Louis says, feeling pleased with himself for how witty he is at this hour.

“More than you’d think,” Harry says, smile in his voice.

“I’m kind of horrified by that.”

“You could come help me,” Harry suggests. “I’m lonely.”

Louis sighs, rolls his eyes and gets up. “Alright, you little twat. Just a mo.” He opens all the windows and shutters so the cottage is full of light and breeze and happiness. Then he joins Harry at the tiny stove. He comes up behind him and pats his bum curiously. It’s rather bouncy. Harry tenses when Louis hits him a little too hard, so Louis rubs over the spot reassuringly.

“Is this becoming an obsession?” Harry asks, smiling at Louis over his shoulder.

“Maybe a little. ‘Scuze me for liking a nice ass.”

“This is really doing wonders for my self-esteem.” Harry bites his lip in concentration as he folds the omelet in half. “I hope you don’t mind like, peppers and scallions and cheese stuff.”

“Cheese stuff?” Louis frowns.

“Yeah.”

“I don’t think I feel comfortable eating something called ‘cheese stuff’.”

Harry spares Louis an exasperated look. “It’s cheese, Lou.”

“I 

know

, I know.”

Louis sits down on the couch and looks out over the sea, smells the saltwater and the beautiful breeze. And then Harry’s plopping down next to him with two plates and a couple forks. “Here.”

“Thanks, love.” Louis leans against Harry’s big warm side and puts his feet up on the arm of the couch. “You’re so fucking amazing,” he says softly.

Harry laughs. “Sure. Thanks.”

“You are, I mean it. I’m kind of in love with you, y’know.”

“Right… but you don’t just say it, do you,” Harry points out, soft and gentle. “So I don’t know what I’m supposed to do when you do. ‘Cause if you’re joking then you’ll make fun of me. And if you aren’t then I sound like a prick. I love you too. But I don’t know what to do with you most of the time.”

“You’ve been doing good,” Louis says after a moment. “Getting all cheeky and shit with me, I like that. And I like how you’ve been, like, confident. In me. That’s what I like. ‘Cause I do love you, and that’s not going to change, even though I love giving you shit.”

Harry’s quiet for a moment. “That’s really all it is?”

“Babe, that’s all it’ll ever be. If I ever serious fall out of love with you, which I won’t, then I’ll tell you the right way, I swear. But I won’t. You want a… a code word or something? For when I’m not taking the piss.”

Harry’s quiet for a while, so Louis looks over at him. Harry’s nodding seriously. “Turtle,” he says.

“What?”

“For our code word. Turtle.”

“Are you fucking kidding?”

“No. You won’t say it in real life, right? Turtle. Say turtle and say yes.”

“Fine. Fucking… turtle. Yes. I will say turtle before I say anything I really seriously mean to you. Except when I tell you I love you, I’m just fucking saying that and you can’t make me do otherwise.”

Harry kisses Louis’ cheek and almost drops his omelet in the process. “Okay.”

“I love you, by the way.”

“Thanks.”

“So. You’re really fucking amazing, and I meant that. Turtle. Or whatever. You’re super romantic and adorable and shameless and trusting. And I’m in love with all of those things. So I hope you know that me saying anything else is me just being a twat because you’re so cute when you’re flustered.”

Harry’s finished even though Louis is only halfway through; he puts his plate down on the floor and wraps his silly long arms around Louis’ waist. “Let’s be naked all the time,” Harry murmurs into Louis’ shoulder. “You’re so pretty. You’re golden. I didn’t know you were gold all over.”

“Lot of time to tan on the balcony whilst avoiding the twat face.”

“Oh.” Harry pulls Louis into his lap while Louis finishes eating. “Thanks,” Harry says. “For not… I mean, you could’ve used it as an excuse, y’know, to… but you’ve just been really… faithful? To me. And that’s more than I even, like, hoped. From… well, from my first boyfriend. ‘Specially one as beautiful as you.”

Louis doesn’t know what to say, so he stays silent. He finishes eating and then hugs Harry around the neck and kisses him. “Swimming?” he says.

“Okay.”

Harry lets Louis take his hand and follows him down to the water. Louis doesn’t get in the ocean. He sits on a rock at the edge and lets Harry dive and splash about like something between a fish and a child. After a while, Harry pulls Louis in; abruptly, so his mouth is full of salt water and his eyes burn a bit.

“Dick,” Louis says, surprised and a little proud. “What the hell, babe?”

“Swim with me.” Harry is unrepentant.

“What if I get swept away?”

“I won’t let you.”

After a moment of thought, Louis splashes Harry full in the face and lunges at him while he’s unaware to latch on around his neck. Harry happily holds on around Louis’ waist. “Don’t be scared,” he says.

“I’m not.”

“Can you feel the bottom?”

“Look, it’s up to your neck. I think it’s safe to say I won’t be able to touch the bottom. And I haven’t been in the ocean before.”

“Aw.” Harry kisses Louis’ cheek and holds him so he’s pretty much sitting on Harry’s hip. “Stay right here, it’s okay.”

“I’m not fucking 

scared

, Harry, I like swimming. Love it. But this is just all very… there’s like a strong tide, and.” Harry gets swept a little off his feet and Louis falls silent in abrupt panic. Harry just lets himself drift a bit before settling back on his feet. “It’s okay,” he says. “You just have to relax a bit. You aren’t going to sink, saltwater holds you up.”

“I’m shit at treading water, though.”

“Look, just…” Harry moves back towards shore a few feet. He puts Louis down right in front of him; Louis can touch the ground here. Harry doesn’t let go of him, thankfully. He just stands right there with him and runs his hands down Louis’ sides reassuringly. “You’re okay,” he promises. “It’s okay.” He and Louis sway a few inches to one side but stay on their feet. “You just have to go with it, y’know?”

“If you say so.” Louis looks up at the sky. “Is it gonna storm tonight?”

“Yeah,” Harry nods. “Not bad. But some rain.”

“You mind if I get some sun before that?”

“Sure, I’ll come with you.” Harry picks Louis up with an arm around his waist and kisses him on the way back to shore. “You’re gorgeous,” he murmurs.

“You’re so brave,” Louis teases.

“Make out with me.”

Harry lifts Louis up, bridal-style, and kisses him as he carries him up the stairs. “I love you,” he says. “I hope… I mean, I hope you didn’t want to have sex. I don’t want to… disappoint you, or. Like, I could see why you – or anybody – would think this was like a… 

romantic

 type getaway. And I hope you’re not upset about this.”

“I’m not. I think this is proper romantic.”

“And I’d still. Well. I’d like to learn how to give a blowjob. Would that be alright?” Harry asks, blushing.

“Sure. I’d love that. Just let me wash my dick off; I promise you aren’t going to want a mouthful of saltwater residue,” Louis smiles, poking at Harry’s dimple. “I mean, if you want to do it now. Or if you want later, I don’t care.”

“Let’s tan first,” Harry decides.

“Y’know,” Louis says as Harry’s setting him down on a chair. “I think you’re the only little darling that considers – well, two things. That’s excited to learn how to give a blowjob and who’s using that as a rainy day activity.”

Harry smiles at him as they adjust their chairs to lie flat; Louis on his stomach, Harry on his back. “Well, I don’t want to do it wrong,” Harry says.

“Right, but… I dunno. It’s all in your attitude, I guess. You’ve got a really cute one.”

“Like my bum?”

“Like your bum.”

They stop talking for a while. Louis closes his eyes and lets the sun beat down. He sleeps for about twenty minutes then wakes up enough to flip over and toast his back. He tends to sleep in short bursts like that as he tans, so he doesn’t burn. He thinks to check on Harry after a little more than an hour; Harry’s out like a light and already turning a little pink. Louis reaches out and nudges his arm. “Flip, babe,” he says sleepily. “You’ll burn.”

“Thanks,” Harry sighs and turns over most of the way. He puts his arms under his head, and Louis thinks to himself that’s foolish; Harry will end up with an uneven tan. But he drifts back mostly to sleep before he tells him.

He wakes up for good when he feels rain on his back. Louis immediately hits Harry’s arm. “Wake up, babe, rain,” he says, mouth all cottony and gross. He struggles to his feet and then falls down. One of his legs is asleep, damn it.

Harry stretches and yawns and stands without trouble. “Okay, babe,” he says contentedly and helps Louis to his feet again. “How about you go wash off, then, so I can suck you off,” he says calmly.

That wakes Louis up for good. “Okay,” he pretends to be reluctant. “If you insist.” Harry pushes him towards the bathroom, not harsh but insistent, and Louis laughs. “I’m going!”

He’s thorough, but doesn’t use an excess of soap. He doesn’t want Harry’s first experience to be bad. Louis feels responsible. And not in a bad way; in a way that makes him want to be better. He thinks he needs that push sometimes. He’s kinder like this, and he likes it.

Louis takes charge once he’s out of the bathroom. “Alright. So how do you feel about kneeling? You have bad knees? Or will you be alright.”

“I should be fine?” Harry says, unsure.

“Well, here. Come here.” Louis sits on the edge of the bed and puts a pillow on the ground in front of him. “Kneel on that, babe.” Harry obeys, folding his long legs up easily, resting his hands on Louis’ knees. Before anything else, Louis leans down and kisses him, holding Harry’s face in his hands. “You sure?” he asks. “You don’t have to.”

“Yeah, I’m sure. It felt really good. I want you to feel really good.” Harry pulls at Louis’ boxers. Louis shifts his weight so Harry can pull them off.

“Okay. Well. Don’t let your teeth anywhere near my dick. Pull off whenever you’re feeling overwhelmed. And I’ll tell you when I’m near, so you can decide if you want me to come in your mouth or anything.”

Harry thinks for a second. “I think that’d be okay,” he decides.

“Then just pull off a little, so you don’t choke, okay?”

Another moment. “That’d be kinda hot, though,” Harry says a little thoughtfully. “To choke a little bit.”

Louis just stares at him. “Are you serious?”

Harry blushes, abruptly embarrassed. “Um, yeah? I dunno.”

“I mean, don’t stop,” Louis says after a second. “What’s really hot is that you just 

say

 shit like that, you don’t edit… I dunno. You don’t edit yourself to seem like something you aren’t.” He rakes his fingers through Harry’s hair and pulls him up for another quick kiss. “You’re right, though. It would be more than kinda hot. If you want it, I’d love it.”

Harry’s smile has been growing while Louis talks. “You’re hot too,” he says. “You’re just okay with everything. And you don’t 

really

 make fun of me.”

“Stop being sweet, you’re making it really hard to be… well, hard,” Louis says awkwardly. “Just stop it, start out by wanking me off a bit, okay?”

“Okay.” Harry reaches for Louis.

“Wait, um. Suck on your fingers or something. Otherwise it stings more than I’d like,” Louis says, and now he feels a little embarrassed.

Harry just agrees again. “Okay, sure.” He licks his hand and tries again. He’s gentle at first, just gently pulling his fingers over Louis’ hardening length. “How long do I do this?” he asks softly. Louis would laugh if it didn’t feel so good.

“Just a little longer.” Louis opens his legs up, then, and pulls Harry a little closer. “Go ahead whenever you’re ready, darling. You can… well, you don’t have to suck first. Like, you can lick, or kiss, or-“

“To tease you?”

“Yeah,” Louis nods. “If you want.”

“I don’t want.”

“Okay.”

Harry takes Louis halfway in right off the bat. He doesn’t have a lot of finesse, but Louis can feel his excitement and that’s almost better. Louis tries to keep his head about him, to answer any questions Harry might have, but as Harry keeps going, that’s increasingly impossible. Harry’s already improving, he thinks, and he’s sinking down further.

“Tongue,” Louis manages.

Harry pulls off to ask. “Where?”

“Everywhere. The tip.”

Harry goes back down and takes him back in his mouth. He swirls his tongue over the tip a bit awkwardly, then goes so far down Louis can feel the back of Harry’s throat. Harry manages it for a moment, then has to back off to cough and swallow.

Louis strokes through his hair. “You’re doing fantastic,” he says.

“Kinda slow,” Harry wrinkles his nose. His voice is already rough.

“It’s okay, I don’t mind. Kinda nice.”

Harry seems kind of personally offended, though. He goes down far enough to gag again, and stays there. Harry pries one hand off of Louis’ legs to hold Louis’ hand harder over Harry’s head. Louis gets the message. He holds Harry down a little, fucking into his mouth as gently as he can. Harry closes his eyes and lets it happen. Louis would stop if Harry looked a little less comfortable and content, but Harry’s loving this, so Louis keeps going.

He barely remembers to warn Harry. “I’m gonna come,” he says.

Harry nods, he thinks, and pulls back as Louis’ hand in his hair clenches into a fist and he comes. Harry swallows it, goes to move back but Louis stops him. “Keep going some,” he says a little unclearly. Harry just obediently sucks on his tip as long as Louis wants, though the aftershocks.

Louis takes a deep breath and finally lets go of Harry’s hair. “Good,” he says. “Very good. Um. Good, yeah.” Harry’s still kneeling between his legs, looking up at him happily. “God, you’re fantastic. Come here.”

Harry almost tackles him with a hug, kissing all over Louis’ cheek. “

I love you

,” he says sternly. “I love you a lot. Was it okay?”

“Yeah,” Louis nods, smirking a bit. “Just okay.”

Harry grins and kisses him some more. “I’d like to do that again,” he says, voice gravely. “Maybe a lot, if you wouldn’t mind.”

Louis snorts. “I think I wouldn’t mind too much.”

“Can we cuddle now? Would that be okay?”

“I’m just a little useless this soon after sex. You’re gonna have to move me,” Louis says loftily.

So Harry kisses him and lifts him up and puts him on the couch. It’s wide enough for him to lie Louis down against the back and cuddle down next to him. Louis turns a bit, into Harry’s chest and kisses him, lips a little misaligned. The rain on the roof makes him feel like they’re sealed in a bubble.

He and Harry just lie together for hours, dozing sometimes, kissing sometimes, and having quiet little conversations that end in Harry almost being knocked off the couch from a tickle fight or Louis pushing him.

At one point, Louis is kneeling on top of Harry’s stomach and trying to pull his hair, but Harry has both of his hands and is holding them away. To distract him, Louis grinds his hips down over Harry’s chest and then pulls his arms free to crouch down and nearly smother Harry with how close he’s holding him. Louis wraps one arm around the back of Harry’s neck and tugs on his hair while Harry laughs so hard he can’t breathe.

“Did you 

really

 just rub your balls on my chest to pull my hair?” Harry finally wheezes, still giggling. “Oh my God. I wish I could 

tweet

 that. Jesus Christ. What is wrong with you? What’s wrong with 

me

, why do I like you?”

“

Just

 like me?” Louis asks, still holding him close.

“I guess kinda more,” Harry pretends to sigh and accidentally laughs.

“Damn straight.” Louis pulls back just a little, just enough to look Harry in the eyes and smile at him. “I love you. And that’s definitely not the last time my balls will touch your chest.”

“God,” Harry groans. “Ew, God no.”

He wants to hide his face, so Louis holds him back against his chest and pets his hair. “There, there,” he says comfortingly. “They’re not that bad once you get to know them.”

Harry laughs again, and struggles out of Louis’ grip to kiss him. “I love you.”

“Love you too, babe.” Louis gets off Harry to lie next to him again, snuggling in just a bit. Then he realizes abruptly, “Wait, I’m hungry.”

“Okay.”

“I want something to eat.”

“Cool.”

“Harry,” Louis whines, dramatically crossing his arms.

“Look, don’t you cook?” Harry says, frustrated. “How about you cook me something. I’m very comfortable.”

“How comfortable will you be if I knee you in the balls?” Louis mumbles.

Harry shields himself and glares. “I’m allowed to 

suggest

 things,” he says sternly. “So can’t you cook for me? It’d be really romantic. I’d like it a lot.”

Louis is annoyed that tactic is actually working on him. He fights it. “I’m terrible at cooking, Harry, and that is a fact that you should know about me by now. Do you not believe me? Do I have to lose a fingertip first? 

Again

, I might add.”

“As long as I don’t find it in my food.”

It’s clearly important to Harry, so Louis gives in. “Alright, alright, fine. But you’ve gotta tell me what the fuck I’m making. I don’t want to kill you with some raw meat or something.” He tries and fails to roll over Harry off the couch. Harry has to help lift him over.

“You could make like… burgers? I think we have burger stuff.”

“And what stuff would that be?” Louis asks patiently.

“Burger stuff.”

Louis glares and Harry laughs, getting up. “I’ll help,” he says reassuringly.

“I’m putting pants on,” Louis says. “I’m not getting a burnt dick.”

Harry giggles. “Okay.”

Harry helps him learn how to make a homemade burger. They cook them in a pan on the stove, pile them high with melted cheese and tomato and lettuce. They eat them tangled up together on the couch, where Harry finishes quick and pulls Louis’ pants off as he eats. He sucks Louis off again, much better the second time and almost takes him in all the way.

After he comes and can think again, Louis is disapproving. “You aren’t going to be able to sing, darling, don’t do that.”

“I don’t want to sing,” Harry pouts. “I don’t care about singing. I want to make you happy. Can’t I just make you happy?”

“Sure, as soon as I’m rich and can pay you.”

“I don’t need to be paid anymore.”

“You’ll take that back in thirty years.”

Harry doesn’t agree. He cuddles under Louis’ arm and nuzzles into his side. “I want to make you happy,” he says again.

“Why?” Louis asks curiously.

“Because your smile is so pretty. And you’re not happy a lot.”

“Most people aren’t.”

“You’re not most people to me. You’re…”

“What?” Louis prompts after a long silence.

“Mine.” Harry shrugs. “I guess.”

Louis considers this for a moment, then kisses Harry’s cheek. “Adorable.”

They just cuddle for a while. Louis’ hand finds its way to Harry’s hip and pets in circles. He’s just happy here, completely happy. Maybe getting only Harry right in his life is okay, if it feels like this.

Finally, Harry speaks up. “Why do you only talk to your one sister?” Louis feels like the air has been knocked out of him, and Harry continues “I mean from what you said, it wasn’t… they didn’t do anything wrong, right?”

“I…”

“I’m not judging you, I just… I was wondering.”

It’s a fair question, as much as Louis hates it. “Yeah, I… I mean.” He doesn’t know what he means.

“Did they do something you didn’t say?”

“Well. Um. Not… I guess… they call Mark’s new wife mum,” Louis blurts, blushing with embarrassment. “That’s pretty much it, I guess. And I don’t talk to them ‘cause it hurts. That’s all.”

“It hurts,” Harry repeats.

“Yeah. ‘Cause they’ve got a mum and dad and I don’t have… well, anything.”

“You have me.”

Louis combs through Harry’s hair. “I do. But it’s different. I mean. Well. Mark’s great, he’s… he’s been a great dad to them. I can… just… fine. I know that, I can admit it. But he abandoned us.”

“That’s crazy. I can’t believe someone would do that.”

“Yeah. I didn’t think he would, either, I thought… well. He tried to say it was really hard for him, and that that’s why he left. Like that makes it okay.”

“It doesn’t, though.”

“No. And then he got remarried a year after she died, and I thought… I thought I’d be sick. He just… I didn’t…” Louis shakes his head. “I couldn’t. I don’t think I’ve ever talked to her, and I don’t want that to change. And I can’t tell the girls that I hate their fun new mum. I can’t break their hearts. So. Lottie understands, so I can talk to her. But that’s all I can do.”

“Don’t they 

want

 to talk to you?”

“Yeah. Just… yeah.” Louis has to clear his throat. “I don’t have anything for them. Not even an explanation. Maybe when they’re a little older.”

“I hope you talk to them again. My big sister is who I go to when things go wrong. Yours would probably like their brother for the same,” Harry says without any bite.

“You have a sister?”

“Yeah, she’s six years older than me. Infinitely cooler, pretty much.”

“Have you talked to her about me?”

Harry chuckles a little. “All the time, at first. But I didn’t tell her your name, so she couldn’t make any trouble.”

“Not worried about that, tell me what you said. Tell me what 

she

 said.”

“No! Those were secret things.”

Louis snorts. “What, as in Styles family romance secrets?”

“Yes,” Harry says with dignity.

“The 

iPhone

? Did she come up with that?”

“No, but she approved it.”

“I like her already.”

“Good, because she’s my other best friend. It’s important you get along. She’s better at taking sarcasm than me, so I think you’ll be okay.”

Louis kisses Harry’s hair. “She sounds lovely.”

“She is.” Harry hesitates. “But 

will

 you talk to them?”

“I don’t fucking know, Harry, maybe. Okay? I can commit to maybe. That’s it. This shit has been building for two years, it’s not gonna go away just because you love me and think you can fix it.”

Harry goes very quiet for a while. Louis is beginning to panic about fucking up, but then Harry says softly, “I don’t think I can fix it. I want you to, but I understand if it won’t work. I just want you to be happy.”

Of course. Why did Louis waste any time doubting him? He kisses Harry’s cheek again. “Sorry,” he says. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. You want to know the truth?” Harry asks in a moment of bravery.

“Yeah.”

“I’m just happy you’ll cuddle now. ‘Cause you’re not very touchy most of the time, with anybody. Right?”

“Yeah…”

“I mean, not even me in the beginning.”

“Mmhmm.”

“Why is that?”

Louis saw this question coming, but he’s still somehow unprepared. “I dunno. I’m just not comfortable with that, unless I know you really well. But otherwise, I… yeah, I just don’t like it. It’s nothing personal. I know Zayn was upset about it, but it’s really not-“

“So you think you know me really well?” Harry asks.

“Well…” Louis hesitates. He’s trapped himself, though. He goes evasive. “I came away with you for a day trip. What do you think?”

“I don’t know. What do 

you

 think?”

Louis can’t say it right away; he stays quiet for a long time. Harry stays close to him and waits. Finally, Louis says, “Fucking… turtle. I guess so. I trust you, at least. So. That’s… okay?”

“I trust you too,” Harry smiles. “A lot. I want to tell you everything.”

Louis kisses Harry’s forehead. “Let’s go to bed.” Harry tries to sweep him up but Louis slips away. “No, I can walk, love.”

They just leave the bedside lamp on. Harry’s eyes sparkle green in the dim light, but before Louis can tell him, Harry speaks. “You’ve got eyes all sparkly like the water we were in today,” he says.

“You’re beautiful.” Louis kisses Harry on the tip of his nose. “I almost like to tell you stuff, when you react like this.”

“Like what?”

“Like however you’re doing it now. Extra sweet and understanding.”

“I’m just reacting normally,” Harry laughs. “Tell me more.”

Louis turns onto his back and snuggles against Harry’s chest, looking up at the ceiling beams. “About what?”

“Anything. I don’t care. I like knowing things about you.”

“Why’s that?”

“I dunno. I’ve always liked inside jokes. And I like looking at you and knowing things nobody else knows when they look at you. I don’t know. I’d just like to know you inside and out.”

“Don’t say that. Don’t just say that. That’s terrifying, I don’t want that.”

“Why not?”

“Because the more you know me, the more things you’re gonna find to hate about me. That’s how it goes, that’s just how it is.” Louis shrugs.

“I’ll be annoyed with you, I won’t hate you. I mean, you’re annoyed with me right back. But that doesn’t mean I won’t love you.”

“Okay. Well. What should I try to tell you about?”

“Something you don’t want anybody else to know,” Harry says after a moment. “We aren’t going to get to be alone like this very much.”

“God. Alright. Um. I don’t know. I kind of told you everything. All the worst.”

“Well, how’d you get the job writing?”

“I was pissed, so I started a blog where I basically tore people apart. Got pretty popular. Greg – my old boss – saw it, liked it, and paid me fifty bucks a post to write about who he wanted and link to his website. And then there was you. I kinda publically hated you guys. I’m sure he thought this would be fun.”

“Isn’t it?”

Louis giggles and kisses the back of Harry’s hand, clasping both of his around Harry’s. “Fun as in I destroy you guys in a particularly stylish fashion,” he clarifies. “So that hasn’t gone according to schedule. I look like such a weak-minded slag. Not helping public opinion of gay people, that’s for sure.”

“Is that your job, too?”

“It’s every one of our jobs. If a straight guy sleeps around, then he’s awesome, he’s… impressive. But if I do it – and if they write about it – then it’s just another twinky boy seducing everyone he sees and getting whatever he wants. So. That’s in the back of my mind, too. It’s just not going very well for me. I hope nobody sees me for the rest of forever. I want to be invisible.”

“I don’t think you will be,” Harry says softly. “Not anymore. You’ve been dating Aiden for two weeks. There are pictures of the boyfriend jumper. They’re gonna be on you for details.” He pauses thoughtfully. “That post you made about me certainly didn’t help.”

“Whatever are you talking about?”

“About the boy who you love. That was about me, wasn’t it?”

“Maybe a little.”

Harry laughs and kisses Louis’ hair. “I wish I had a fake awful boyfriend to pretend I was talking about.”

“Well, you could just say you met someone.”

“I did,” Harry agrees. “You. Most beautiful boy in the universe.”

“Right. Well stick to gender-neutral pronouns and be vague. I want to hear you compliment me. To the 

world

.”

“You’re kind of demanding.”

“I’m not being serious,” Louis says hastily.

“I know.”

Louis settles in further. “Good.” He brings Harry’s hand back to his lips and kisses a few times. Harry’s got a large, lovely hand, strong and angular. It’s very much the hand of a man – or a soon-to-be one. Louis feels a little bit safer. “You meant it,” he says. “Right? When you said you’d want to take care of me in any way you could.”

“Of course, yeah. Do you need something?”

“No, I’m just. I’m trying to think how I’m going to survive this. And I’m starting to see maybe it’ll be with you. If you’ll have me.”

“Yeah-“

“I don’t want to be a burden, though. I don’t want to just… I don’t know. Be a boy toy? And have you pay for me because I have sex with you. I don’t want to rely on you that much. I like being independent. So.”

“We could figure it out.”

“I’m not spending their money. I’ll take the stuff from covering you. I can’t use the dating money.”

“So what do you think you’re going to do with it?”

“Donate it. Cervical cancer prevention. What my mum had.” Louis keeps his voice steady. “Plus, she was a nurse, so. Y’know. She’d like that.”

“Can I ask something that might sound horrible?”

“… I guess? Go ahead,” Louis says uneasily.

“Why didn’t she catch it? If she was a nurse, wouldn’t she find it?”

Louis has to take a second to breathe. In that second, Harry’s already apologizing. “I’m sorry, that wasn’t a nice question.”

“No, it… makes sense, I guess. Yeah, um. She thought she was sick a lot. And tired, she thought, from working more than fifty hours a week. And then she’d get home and take care of the five of us-“

“Five?”

“Yeah, I’ve got four little sisters, total. So she thought she was just run down. By the time she thought it might be something else, she… it was too late. She had six months left, I think.”

“I’m sorry.” Harry kisses Louis’ hair again. “That must’ve been terrible.”

“It was, yeah,” Louis can admit after a moment. He doesn’t know if he’s said it out loud before. “It was… it just blindsided me.”

Harry uses his free hand to ruffle his hair a little. His hand tightens on Louis’. He doesn’t try to say anything.

To his surprise, Louis finds he has more to say. He stays soft. “I guess at one point, I felt like it was my fault, cliché as that is. ‘Cause I let her get tired, y’know, I was a little… a little shit of a kid. I could’ve probably made it easier on her. And then I didn’t catch that something was really wrong? I let her run herself ragged and deal with the consequences.”

“But you know it’s not really like that, right?”

“I mean. In my head. But not… well, I still feel shit about it sometimes. I hate it, ‘cause it’s stupid, but. Yeah. I guess. So if 

you

 die, then I’ll be wrecked,” Louis teases a little bit.

Harry knows he’s not joking. “I’m younger than you,” he says reassuringly. “You’re totally gonna die first.”

Louis laughs a little and opens up one of Harry’s hands to kiss the center of his palm. “You’re fantastic,” he says. “Turtle. You are. Thank you for this. I don’t know if I could otherwise let you… or…”

“Let me in?”

“Yeah,” Louis says after a second. “I guess, yeah.”

“I know. I needed time to wear you down.”

“So you 

did

 have a secret ulterior motive. How dare you, Harry? How dare you,” Louis says very comfortably. “I’m furious.”

Harry smiles. “I love you.”

“I love you too. When do we have to leave?”

“Tomorrow around eleven in the morning, I think? Two last concerts, Rome and Athens, a charity set in London, and then I’m off for a week while they set up the American tour.”

“Do you have surprise planned for that chunk of time?” Louis inquires.

“No. Should I get something planned?”

“Um, no. I can go home for a while. See some old mates.”

“I thought you said you didn’t have any left.”

“I thought you knew by now when to shut the hell up.”

Harry obediently falls silent for all of about a minute. “You could come home with me for a couple days. London. Zayn lives nearby.”

“Yeah? You think that’d be wise?”

“Probably not. I could go home? And see my mum. There’s never any paps there, and you could come? And meet her too.”

“Already meeting the parents,” Louis says absently, trying to think of a way to turn this down or a reason why he’d want to. “Well. Sure. I’ll do that.”

“I’d like to meet your sister, if you’d like,” Harry prompts.

“Lottie?” Harry nods. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“Will she scream and stuff?” Harry says sympathetically.

“No. Quite the opposite, actually. She’s a lot like me, except she’s not in love with you. Also, I owe her a present.”

“So get her one and we can go. I’m not in love with her either, so she won’t bother me.”

“I guarantee she will,” Louis shakes his head.

Harry sighs. “I’m saying I don’t mind, though. Really. Get her a really pretty dress and let’s go.”

“Where am I going to find a really pretty dress?”

“Um, hello? Milan?”

“Right.” Louis feels like an idiot. “Okay. Are we going back there?”

“No…”

Louis laughs. “Idiot.”

“Sorry.” Harry squeezes his hand. “What should we get her, then?”

“We? Since when is there a 

we

,” Louis teases a bit, to cover how his heart has jumped in his chest.

Harry pulls Louis closer. “Since we got a code word.”

“Next you’ll be wanting a safe word.”

“Can we have one?”

Louis is a bit stunned. “Um, sure.”

“You pick it. I picked turtle.”

“Alright. Well. Um. No, you pick. I’m terrible about these things.” Louis turns sideways and cuddles into Harry’s chest, throwing one leg over Harry’s and resting his cheek over Harry’s heart.

“Well. It can’t make us giggle.”

“Okay.”

“And it can’t be a normal word. And it should probably be short.” Harry thinks for a while. “It could be a letter.”

“Go crazy.”

Harry thinks some more. “J,” he finally says, very pleased. “It’s easy to-“

Louis bursts into tears.

Harry panics. He sits up and sits Louis up too, kissing his hair and rubbing his back. “No, it’s okay, not J,” he says quickly. “I’m sorry. What’s wrong? Why was that bad?”

Louis shakes his head and holds his arms out without thinking. Harry accepts him into his arms easily, cradling him against his chest and kissing the side of his head a lot. Louis just cries for about ten minutes, holding tight to him and feeling a lot like a stupid little kid.

“I’m sorry,” Harry says softly when Louis has quieted. “I’m really sorry.”

“No, it’s okay,” Louis says. “Not your fault.” He 

wipes

 his face off, wipes at Harry’s shoulder so he doesn’t have to look him in the eye. “That’s my mum’s name,” he mumbles. “Johanna. But everyone called her Jay.”

“Oh my God, I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay, I’m an idiot. I don’t even know why I cried, I’m just… overwhelmed. Again. I guess.”

Harry kisses Louis’ hair. “Okay. Can I help?”

“I don’t know.”

“I’ll make you biscuits,” Harry suggests after a moment. “Chocolate chip. We have the stuff.”

“Thank you, darling. No.”

“I’ll pick Lottie a present out for you, so you don’t have to worry about that. How does that sound? I’ll make it lovely. And you can pay for it,” Harry assures.

“She likes Little Mix,” Louis says, still a little sniffly.

“Perfect. Don’t worry. I’ll get her the perfect thing.”

It’s a big promise, but Louis actually trusts him, he discovers when he thinks about it. So he doesn’t worry about it anymore. “Okay,” he nods. “Thank you.”

“Does that help?”

“Yes. Thanks.”

“Sure, Lou, of course. I love you. I’m sorry. Red. Like a stop sign.”

“What?”

Harry keeps rubbing in a slow circle over Louis’ back. “Our safe word.”

“Oh. Okay.” Louis finds it endearing how thoughtful Harry is. “Thanks again.”

“Welcome.” Harry keeps holding him close. “Don’t be scared,” he says softly. “I love you. When you’re overwhelmed, I’ll help you.”

“If I’ll let you,” Louis screws up his mouth. “I’m good at not letting you.”

“I’m even better at making you let me.”

He has a point; Louis smiles and cuddles into the smooth curve of Harry’s neck. “Okay,” he murmurs happily.

“Let me text her for you. Can I do that?” Harry asks, kissing Louis’ temple. “Dictate it to me, tell me what to say.”

“She should be asleep.”

“She’ll get it when she wakes up and love you for it.”

Louis sighs. “Go on, then.”

Harry reaches around him to get his phone and turn it on. “What should I say?”

“Ummm… okay. Ready?”

“Yeah.”

“’Have a present for you at last. When are you free in the next week or so?’” Louis waits what he thinks is an appropriate amount of time. “Got it?”

“Yeah.”

“Use a lot of abbreviations and stuff.”

“Can I add ‘this is Harry’ at the end? ‘Cause I don’t want to lie.”

Louis rolls his eyes. “Sure. Go ahead.”

“Okay. Done.”

“I love you.” Louis kisses him and stays close. “I love you so much. Thank you.”

“Of course, babe. Not even hard. Do you feel better? Even a little?”

“I feel a lot better. Thank you. What do you want to do before we sleep tonight? Your pick, really. Something else off your wish list, babe. Anything.”

“Can I… um. I’d… could I…” Harry’s warm and blushy.

“Ask me, baby, anything.”

“What’s fingering like? Can you… I mean I know we said no sex, but.”

Louis leans back to kiss Harry on the lips. “Sure, of course. You ever done anything like that before?”

“No,” Harry shakes his head. “I’d always feel weird about doing it on my own.”

“Yep, it’s way more awesome with somebody else,” Louis smiles a little. “Lucky for you, I keep lube in the bag I brought.” He decides not to mention that he has condoms, too; he doesn’t want Harry to feel pressured. He just pulls out the little bottle and fusses with the lid.

Harry’s adorably shy all of a sudden. He hunches a little smaller, folding his arms and legs together. “What, um. What do I do?” he asks softly. “Do I stay sitting?”

“If you want. This is all about you, kiddo. You can lie down on your back or on your stomach or sit. It’s up to you.” Louis laces his hand in with Harry’s; it’s kind of funny how it goes, first him stressed, then Harry. “And I’m sorry, I have to ask, but are you like, clean? Down there.”

“Um. Yeah. I kind of… prepared? I think I’m okay.”

“Alright. If I were going to get down there with anything else, I’d… y’know, I’d have to check. I don’t put these lips just anywhere,” Louis says, with a kiss on Harry’s cheek.

Harry’s shocked. “You’d do that? Do other people do that?”

“Sure,” Louis smiles. “Yeah. I mean, not a 

lot

, because you tend to want to know somebody really well before you put your lips on their ass. But yeah, that’s something we could do later too.”

“And it feels…good?”

“Very good. Like a blowjob, but different. So. How would you like to do this thing?” He can tell Harry’s scared, so Louis kisses him some. “Hey. If you don’t really want to-“

“No, I do.” He’s still scared, so Louis kneels over Harry’s legs and kisses him a lot, combing his fingers through Harry’s hair and trailing them down his impossibly long sides.

“You overwhelmed now?” Louis asks.

“A little.”

“Lie down. It’ll be easiest.” Louis helps Harry down with a hand under the back of his neck, guiding him back against the pillows. Harry’s kind of clinging to him, one big hand around Louis’ arm and the other linked with Louis’ fingers. Louis kisses him some more. “Just relax, babe,” Louis tells him. “Relax and take several deep breaths, or it won’t feel good at all.”

Harry nods and obeys, closing his eyes to concentrate. It’s the cutest thing he’s ever done. Louis kisses each of his eyelids. Then, he starts just petting all the pieces of Harry he likes best. His tiny waist, his skinny hips and toned stomach. And the rest of him, because there’s really nothing about Harry he doesn’t like.

“What am I supposed to hold on to? How do I not look really stupid?” Harry whispers softly.

“Guarantee you won’t, babe.”

“But what if I do? I’m not very… graceful, or.”

“Look, Harry, here’s the facts. You could yodel when you come or something. I’d just find it really hot, okay? Really attractive. Everything is during sex with you. I find you unequivocally fit, for some reason I don’t really understand. Turtle that, alright? I don’t think I’ve ever liked someone’s body more than yours.”

Louis definitely calculated that to make Harry go relaxed and happy, and it works. He pats Harry’s chest and moves down between his legs, nudging them a little further apart. “Give me a pillow, babe,” he says, and slips the offered pillow under Harry’s hips. “This’ll make it easier on you.”

Harry’s flushed pink in nervousness from being so exposed. “Okay.”

“You’re beautiful, baby. Really just beautiful. Don’t worry,” Louis promises. He pets reassuringly over Harry’s skinny thigh, eases it more to the side. “I’m not gonna hurt you, I swear I won’t, even if it doesn’t feel like that now.”

“I know you won’t,” Harry says in a soft voice.

“Okay. Then stop trying to shut your legs, darling. Now’s not the time for modesty, alright. Open up for me, love, let me see. I can take care of you too, I love you.” Harry relaxes, lets Louis scoot a little closer between his splayed legs. “There we go. You look really good, just gorgeous.”

Harry giggles a little, chewing on his knuckle in anxious excitement. “Okay.”

“Alright.” Louis drips lube on his fingers, spreads it out over a couple for now. “Okay. You ready?”

Harry makes a small sound. Slowly, Louis starts tracing his fingers between Harry’s legs, just slow, back and forth so Harry can get used to the feeling. With his other hand, Louis holds on to Harry’s leg, just so he knows he’s here. “How’s this?” he asks.

Harry’s frowning a bit. “A little weird.”

“Okay.” With a little extra lube, Louis starts to edge one finger in. Almost immediately, Harry stiffens and winds his hands in the sheets. “No no no, it’s okay,” Louis says quickly. “It’s alright, relax. I’m right here, relax. I swear it’ll feel fantastic if you just breathe.”

“It’s not… 

bad

,” Harry decides. “Just… weird.”

“Yeah, I know. Oh, here.” Louis lets go of Harry’s leg to get his hand around Harry’s cock. “I swear, it’ll feel just as good as this,” he says, slowly wanking Harry off as he pushes deeper inside. He just leaves it there when he’s in to the knuckle, letting Harry get used to the feeling. “Still okay?”

“Yeah…” Harry’s unsure, so Louis twists his finger around and bends it a little, until Harry gasps and stiffens. Louis prods the same place again, and Harry moans a little, legs falling even more open.

“Y’like that?” Louis says, teasing. Harry nods. “Yeah? Just wait till I’ve got three in there, alright? You won’t know what to do with yourself.”

Harry laughs, a little breathless, and the smile never really goes away. Even as he’s coming, he looks radiant and content. Louis wipes his hand off on the pillow, pulls it out from underneath and wipes Harry’s stomach with it too. Then he lies next to Harry on his stomach, head on his arms. “What you smiling about, baby boy?” he asks, kissing Harry’s sweaty shoulder.

“That’s just… that was amazing. And I got to do it with 

you

.” Harry grins over at Louis. “And I fucking love you.”

Louis smiles back. “Fucking love you right back, darling.”

“Can I suck you off, to-“

“Don’t even think about it.” Louis throws his arm across Harry’s chest when it seems like he’ll try to get up. “No,” Louis repeats sternly. “We’re going to sleep now.”

“But my pillow.”

“Yeah, that’s unusable. Guess we’ll just have to share.” Louis snuggles in next to Harry, turns Harry’s head to the side, and kisses the nape of his neck. “You know how hot you looked?”

“No,” Harry says shyly.

“Good. Because you’d get altogether too full of yourself.”

Harry cuddles back against Louis’ chest, letting himself be held. “I love you,” he says again. “I love being naked by you. Can we do this later?”

“If we’re alone like this later.”

“I love you.”

“You’ve said that. And I love you back, I’m sorry, that’s what I meant. I love you back, and I’m glad it was with you too.”

“You’re really patient when you want to be.”

Louis doesn’t know what to say; he screws up his mouth and kisses Harry’s back. “Sleep,” he says. “You’ll thank me later.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

“Dork.”