chapter 5

Day 57: Surprise!

I’m on the tour bus with the lads! After our pool party, a couple of them argued that I should get the extra bunk on their bus, so here I am. Already I’ve learned a few important things. Liam tried to orchestrate a singalong, but Zayn and Aiden threw things at him. Hairy STILL won’t wear clothes like a normal person. And Niall is currently cuddling with a bag of chips like it’s his (non-existent) girlfriend.

Harry giggles from his seat next to Louis. “That’s good.”

“Wasn’t asking for your input, dick face.”

Harry just snuggles closer, cheek against Louis’ shoulder. “You say funny things,” he says in satisfaction. “Except you’re wrong. Just me asked for you.”

“You think I don’t know that? I hope it makes sense, though, why I didn’t write that,” Louis says, a little grimly because he doesn’t want to argue. “This is pushing it, even,” he adds.

“I know. Thank you,” Harry says, getting a little sing-song. Then he pouts again. “But I feel like I should get credit. It wasn’t easy to talk them into it.”

“Aw, shut it.” Louis ruffles Harry’s hair to cover how flattered that makes him feel. “Weirdo. You’re gonna make me want to thank you or something, and I’m in the habit of not thanking people more naked than me.”

“I’m not wearing a vest,” Harry complains. “That’s not naked.”

“He gets a lot more naked,” Niall pipes up darkly from the other couch opposite them. “I’ve seen it all. And I mean all.”

“Oh, I’m jealous,” Louis says dryly.

Harry blushes. Zayn snorts from his place on the floor in front of Louis. “Oh?” he says with just a hint of an edge.

“I’ll kick your head,” Louis warns.

“I’ll hire the Harlem Globetrotters to kick your ass.”

“Twat.” Louis really likes Zayn.

Zayn giggles. “I’ll ask to cuddle you next time,” he says. “Maybe then I won’t be kicked off my couch. Maybe then we’d get to snuggle.”

“Oh, right, and that’s the climax your life as been culminating towards,” Louis teases. “Trust me, ask Harry; I’m not that great to cuddle with.”

“He’ll call you a dick face,” Harry supplies.

Louis glares. “Quiet, you.”

“You said to ask me. And you did, you just called me that!”

“Well, go cuddle with Zayn, then, if you’re so sensitive.”

Harry snuggles into Louis more and closes his eyes. “Nah.”

Louis at Harry and sighs. “You’re hopeless,” he informs him. Harry doesn’t say anything and just nuzzles closer.

“So are you two, like, together or something?” Niall asks, rolling his eyes.

Harry tenses but Louis stays calm. “I dunno, are you together with the twat face? I’m just asking because of all the ass-kissing I’m seeing.”

“Hey,” Niall frowns. “Too harsh, man.”

Louis is unapologetic. “I’m just saying. You’ve all got your best mates on the bus. I’m just trying to give this one a little of the same. Don’t be an ass about it.”

“What are you talking about? Harry’s one of my best mates,” Niall claims.

“Might try fucking acting like it.”

“You’ve been here two months, the fuck do you know?”

“I know that Aiden’s a dick to him and you don’t do a damn thing. You join in. So. That’s all I know,” Louis shrugs. He feels Harry’s fingers on the inside of his wrist. Harry links his fingers in with Louis’ and hides his face in Louis’ shoulder.

“I don’t… Harry, is…” Niall’s a bit stunned. “Really?” he finally asks.

“A little,” Harry mumbles.

“I’m just kidding.”

“I know. But. Aiden isn’t always. So. I don’t know...”

“You can joke back,” Niall says, bewildered.

“I know. But it’s just kinda piling on.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. Except can you please… maybe not with the gay jokes?” Harry says in a tiny voice. “Please? It’s not funny anymore.” Louis squeezes tighter over Harry’s hand in support.

“Sure, sorry, yeah,” Niall agrees immediately. “Jesus. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’m just. It wouldn’t be awful, would it? Like. What if I am?”

Louis gives Harry an alarmed look. He didn’t think the kid was going to choose today to come out. His decision, though, so Louis just holds his hand tighter.

Niall looks a bit shocked. “Are you? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it, ‘course it’s not awful. But I didn’t know… like actually are you? Or are you taking a piss. I feel bad either way.”

“I, um. I think I’m bi? I like both,” Harry says in almost a whisper.

Zayn, who’s remained silent so far, reaches up to pat Harry’s knee. “Good for you,” he says. Harry blushes and smiles.

“Yeah, um. Cool. Y’think I’m fit?” Niall asks with a lopsided smile.

Harry giggles a little. “I guess. But not like that.”

“Alright, cool,” Niall smiles. “I won’t tell anybody or something. But yeah, I’ll stop with the jokes, sorry. I love you, mate, alright?”

“Alright.” Harry’s smiling like an idiot again. Louis pulls his hand free and ruffles Harry’s hair.

“You gonna go cuddle with Niall now?” Louis asks.

Harry smiles up at him. “No.”

“Dick face.”

“That doesn’t even make any sense,” Harry says contentedly.

Louis kind of swells up with affection again, so his chest feels like it’s about to explode. He shuts his laptop and pulls Harry’s head down into his lap. “Just shut up,” he sighs. “Dork.”

“Thought I was a dick face.”

Louis lightly slaps Harry’s head. “None of that,” he says sternly, weaving his hand deep in Harry’s curls. “Or I’ll tell the internet about those terrible puns you seem so fond of.”

“They aren’t terrible,” Harry complains quietly. “They’re good. They’re punny.”

Niall groans and Zayn snorts. “That’s bad,” he says.

“No,” Harry pouts and flops onto his stomach, face-planting into Louis’ thigh. “Unfair,” he says, voice muffled.

“If you’re just going to whine, then I’m getting a new cuddle partner.”

“No,” Harry sighs and turns back over the way he was, facing away from Louis but cuddled into him. ”But nobody else would put up with you,” Harry points out after a moment.

“How dare you.” Louis pushes Harry off his lap for good then, and pulls his legs back so Harry can’t come back. They need to stop cuddling, really. Louis went on a single date with him; cuddling was not a part of that deal. Louis can’t take accusations of bias. He can’t handle that.

Harry tries to lean back on Louis’ shoulder, but Louis shrugs that off, too. He pretends not to see the hurt look Harry gives him. He then pretends not to feel a warm twist in his stomach when Harry gives up and just lies down next to him, head brushing Louis’ thigh but not touching him.

After maybe a minute, Louis’ phone buzzes with a text. It’s from Harry, of course. are you mad?

no babe just ur pushing it is all

could I take you on another date?

when

tonight? or idk im leaving after the concerts here to go home so the next few nights would be ok. its just I’ll be tired nights after concerts. Louis doesn’t answer after he reads it; he needs a second to think. Harry’s very worried; he texts again. nobody has to see us idc just could we please

take a deep breath kid lemme think about it

sorry

When Louis doesn’t answer for a while again, Harry sighs very deeply and turns his face into the couch, nose smudged into the upholstery. Louis isn’t going to give in to emotional manipulation, but he doesn’t see the harm of a second date. It’s not like there’s anyone else looking to take him on cute romantic trips. He likes being a little pampered; what’s wrong with that?

ok lets go

Harry starts grinning. tonight?

tonight. do u have a plan?

kinda am I allowed to?

of course babe

ok then I do :)

ok when and where

when we get there, I’ll have a car for us

guess I’ll stick by you then. Louis puts his hand over Harry’s hair and scratches a little. Then he thinks to add, nothing guaranteed @ end of night. even if u pay

i don’t need that

ok just so we’re clear

we are xx

Louis doesn’t comment on the virtual kisses Harry sends him. He pats the side of his head and slides his hand down to rub over Harry’s shoulder. “Proud of you, by the way,” he whispers.

“Why?” Harry asks, craning his head up to look at Louis.

“You came out, darling, that’s fantastic. Very brave. Somebody knows now, y’know? How does that feel?”

Harry grins, crinkles near his eyes. “Good. But… well, my mum knew. Sister.”

“Doesn’t matter. Completely different. I’m proud.”

“Well. Thanks.” Harry cuddles a little closer, rubbing his hair against Louis’ leg like he’s a kitten. If Louis hadn’t agreed to a date before, he would now.

Aiden comes in a little later, and Liam, to discuss the schedule for tomorrow. Aiden sits very near to Louis and tries to look over his shoulder at his computer screen. Louis shuts his computer and hugs it close to him. “Get up,” he nudges Harry. “Not enough room, we’re squished down here.”

Obligingly, Harry sits up, scooting to the end of the couch that makes a little L-shape. He uses the other part of the L to stretch his legs out on, and Louis uses the free space to move away from Aiden. He leans his back against Harry’s shoulder and stretches his feet out towards Aiden. He glares a little, out from behind his reopened computer screen. Harry shifts a little, trying to slot them together better, but Louis stops him.

“Tonight,” he says. “Not now. We aren’t… aren’t.”

Harry doesn’t make it an argument. He stays the way they are. Louis works on his post and tries not to think about how strong and warm Harry feels behind him. HARRY, Louis types on the screen at one point. CLEAR YOUR THROAT WHEN YOU READ THIS. Almost immediately, Harry clears his throat. Is it really necessary that he tell you guys all this shit, or do he and Mr. Morals just like feeling superior?

Harry coughs to cover a giggle. “Probably the latter,” he says in a low voice.

I’m finding it even more difficult to not be overtly negative towards him in every interaction. Good Lord. Is Liam as bad as him?

“No,” Harry says immediately. “Not even a little.”

So I won’t kill him.

“Please don’t.”

I’m looking forward to our date, but I want to be clear; we aren’t dating. We aren’t seeing each other. We’re going on a couple dates. K?

Harry’s quiet for a while. “Okay,” he finally says. “I know. I’m sorry.”

It’s okay babe <3 just… boundaries.

“Yeah.”

“Stop talking to yourself,” Aiden snaps at Harry. “Weirdo.” And Louis is a little vindicated to see how Niall gives the twat a bit of a look. Seems he’s finally catching on to the hidden cruelty.

“’Scuse you, he’s talking to me,” Louis says sharply. “We’re having a wonderful thrilling conversation and you’re not invited.”

“Watch the hostility,” Aiden narrows his eyes. “Being here is a privilege.”

“Jesus Christ.” Niall rolls his eyes, but the room falls silent after that. Louis clenches his jaw, keeps his mouth shut, and finishes his post.

The tour bus was pretty tame today, lots of footie watching and general faffing about. Sorry, no strippers or porn as one of you suggested. I am going out with a couple people tonight, so I’ll try to stay mostly coherent and not forget the insane drunk antics they get up to. Tomorrow, while I’m languishing back stage, I’ll write it all up for you darlings. In the meantime, love from me, Zaynie, Hairy, Niall, and the other two. (See, I’m learning!)

308 days till Bye5. Hoping to get their names down by then.

Day 62: Happy

I’ve been enjoying myself these past few days. I guess it’s probably time to tell you, I met someone special on tour. I assure you, you don’t know him – he’s more the quiet type. We’ve gone on a few dates and spent some time together. I decided to tell you now because I think I-

The likelihood of this post ever seeing the light of day is decreasing with every word. It’s all true. He’s been enjoying these past few days, the dates Harry’s been taking him on and the way he’s been treated.

The first night, Harry snuck him off to a beautiful little bistro. Apparently he knows the owner; it’s the go-to spot for the band to take people in this area when they want to be alone. They held hands on the table and talked about what they were like as kids. Louis was sharing a room with Zayn that night, so Harry left him at the room with a clandestine kiss. No word of it escaped.

The second night, Harry declined going out with the rest of the lads to sit with Louis in bed again and watch the telly for about five hours until they fell asleep leaning against each other, hands linked. Zayn was asleep in the other bed when they woke up, but he didn’t say a word.

The third night, Louis roomed with Liam and Harry with Aiden. Harry showered in Louis’ room and dozed on Louis’ bed for hours, trying to avoid spending time with Aiden. Liam is apparently a stickler for the rules and kept asking Harry when he’d leave. Eventually, Louis told Harry to leave – gently as he could, but Harry was still a little betrayed. He hugged and kissed Louis in the hall, shaking a bit. In the morning, Louis cuddled him to make up for it.

The fourth night, Harry was exhausted from three straight nights of concerts. He claimed he still wanted to spend time with Louis but fell asleep almost instantly, draped over Louis’ lap. Louis combed his fingers through Harry’s hair for hours, just for the small unconscious smile on the kid’s face. He didn’t even mind when Harry woke him up at five in the morning after less than four hours of sleep to say goodbye. He kissed Harry and made him promise to call when he was safe at home.

And now it’s six in the morning and he can’t fall back asleep. He can’t stop thinking about Harry and how beautiful he is. Not physically, but as a person. He’s beautiful. Louis wants to always be around him, and he’s starting to get sad when he isn’t.

He kind of feels like something snaps in him. He texts him. Hey

Harry texts back almost instantly. hey? :)

can u talk?

sure you ok?

Louis calls him instead of answering. “Hey,” he says when he hears Harry pick up, not giving the other any time to answer.

“Hi,” Harry says, smile in his voice. “You doing alright?”

“Um, yeah, I just.” Louis hurries into the bathroom and shuts the door. “I have something important to say.”

“Okay.”

“I, um. I really care about you. And I know we don’t know each other very well, and that anything either of us do with each other would have to be a secret. But I kind of want to do more than just go on dates. It’s like, nobody else would be able to be in public with you. And I honestly don’t know who I’d date before you. Even though it’s really, really stupid and just might lose me my job.”

“I could take care of you.”

Louis sighs at his phone. “That’s really all you’ve got to say?”

“I could, and I’d love to. I want what you want, whatever it is.”

“I want to date you, but I’ve got no fucking clue if it would work. We couldn’t tell literally anybody, y’know,” Louis says, trying not to sound as scared as he is. “We probably couldn’t act much different.”

“No, but still. I’d be… I’d love it. Really. Even just the title change or whatever,” Harry says with a little laugh. “You really like me that much?”

“Yeah, really, dorkwad. What did I tell you about ‘really’? That’s not a yes, though, is that a yes?” Louis asks, faltering for just a second. “I’d like a yes.”

“Well, you’ve got one.” Harry hesitates. “I’d love to kiss you.”

“You can, whenever we see each other next, okay? I care about you, and I want to be around you all the time. Or whatever. So have fun at home. Can’t wait till you’re back, alright? Kisses.”

Louis can practically hear Harry’s dumb smile in the following pause. “Kisses,” Harry finally repeats. “I’m really really so excited. Thank you. Can’t wait till I see you again. I hope I can kiss you right then.”

“Alright, babe.”

“Why, though? Why did you call me and tell me?”

“Because I spent four days with you, and they were the best four days of this year. Not ‘cause you spent money or anything, or all the access or whatever. I just like having you around,” Louis shrugs.

“Me too.”

“I would certainly hope so,” Louis teases. “I don’t make a habit of making an idiot out of myself.”

“You don’t have a lot of habits,” Harry observes.

“Another habit,” Louis says dryly. “Also part of my charm.”

Harry laughs, bless him. “Well. It works. I’ll be back in three days.”

“I’ll survive. I’ve got Zayn.”

“Okay. I’m really glad you called.”

“So am I, love.”

“’Kay. Bye.”

“Bye.”

Louis hangs up. He’s almost floating with joy. When he goes back to bed, he can’t sleep for an entirely different reason. He’s pretty sure he even falls asleep with a stupid smile on his face.

Liam wakes him up. “What time is it?” Louis mumbles.

“Eight fifteen.”

“Fuck you.” Louis turns his head back into the pillow.

“You have to get up,” Liam says hesitantly. “Management wants to talk to you.”

“What? Why?”

“I dunno. You’ll have to ask them.”

“Are they outside the door?”

“No…”

“Then I’m sleeping another five minutes.”

“I really don’t think you should.”

Louis groans and hauls himself out of bed. “Fine,” he snaps. “But I’m getting a cup of fucking coffee.”

They meet in one of the hotel’s conference rooms. The sign says “ballroom” which makes Louis both giggle and frown at the pretension. There’s a long conference table. Louis sits in the middle on one side. He tilts back in his chair and texts Harry. mtg w/ ur management? idk y

Harry texts back quickly. if you need help tell me xx

k. ugh, Louis adds when he sees who’s in the door next. twatface just came in.

He’s asked to put his phone away then, and he does with a frown. “So what is this about?” Louis asks of anyone who will listen. There’s half a dozen people on the other side of the table and Aiden sitting next to him. He has no idea why he’s here.

Five minutes later, he wishes he never found out.