28; i still feel you

Just to clarify; Elias is a coward.

Elias is a coward and admits it without shame.

Whilst his best friend, his sister, battles to save her one true love and is threatened by a ancient vampire family, Elias can't even stay in the town he was born in. Not when every little thing reminds him of the fact she still hasn't contacted him yet, not when he's scared that every corner he turns will show Carlisle there- his face solemn and white with bad news.

See Elias doesn't even know if Carlisle (or anyone else in the family) is in town yet- Alice hadn't mentioned when he'd show up. Or long it would take for him to get to Forks. But Eli hadn't asked questions or tried thinking about it- he simply ran to the one place he knows vampires can't go; La Push.

"Seriously? Are you smoking?" Jace announces in displeased tone once walking out of his back door to see the human sat on the porch steps. The fresh morning air, only slightly tinted in wetness as it rains lightly around them, is covered by the smell of smoke.

Elias inhales the smoke, giving the book a confused look. "What?" He exhales, and Jace gives him a look back that states exactly what he's thinking about the situation.

Elias flicks the cigarette and feels his eyes roll as he states without care, "I dare lung cancer to form and kill me faster than the tumours do."

Jace winces as he sits next to Elias, his shirt clad shoulder brushing Eli's. There's something delicate and nervous in his dark eyes as he speaks, "Elias I know you're stressed about Bella but-"

"-Fuck sake," Elias hisses as he takes a drag from the cigarette only to realise it'd gone out. He fumbles with the lighter in his pocket, bringing it to his mouth to strike it to life when a copper skinned hands swipes it away from him, "Hey!"

"No, no smoking around me," Jace orders, shaking his head as Elias glares at him. "I didn't like it before your diagnosis and I definitely don't like it now."

Eli's face is a mask of poorly hidden fury. "Give me my lighter," he orders, throwing the cigarette away as he tries using both hands to grab the metal from Jace's hands.

Jace stretches up, arms longer than Eli', "You can have it back another day," he promises, teasing.

Eli's face doesn't waver. He stands up quickly, going to grab it again when Jace flicks his wrist and the lighter moves from one hand into another.

Eli's skin sparks and his expression flickers to something dangerous before he hides it. Jace's eyebrows furrow, especially as Eli takes the red packet out of his jacket pocket and offers them freely to the wolf, "No, Jace, give it to me. You can take my cigarettes."

Jace doesn't grab the cigarettes. "What's so special about the lighter?" He asks, understanding now that the look in Eli's eyes is almost... possessive.

Jace moves his hands to eye level to examine the silver zippo lighter. It's heavy in his hands, and the metal is thick and expensive feeling- when he feels something engraved under his fingertips, he flips the thing over until he can see the words delicately traced into the metal in a handwriting he's never seen before.

For my dangerous little spitfire - yours only, J

"Oh," Jace sighs, understanding now.

Elias shoves the cigarette packet into Jace's hands and takes the lighter back, his face shifting as he too looks at the writing. "It was a birthday gift," he explains quietly, because the weight of Jace's gaze asks a million questions before his mouth can.

Jace's white teeth sink to his lip as he looks at the human. He knows if Elias was in a mood to talk about the way his eyes fill with pain, he would without prompting. But Jace still can't help it and asks, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," is Eli's instant reply, a little too harsh. He follows it by a sorry expression as he shoves the lighter into his pocket- out of sight, out of mind. "Don't you have to be on patrol soon?"

It's Jace's turn to wince. "I get time off, since..." since the Cullens, or at least one of them, are back. Meaning they have less land to cover.

Fuck, so much for being distracted. Elias turns away from Jace as his heart conducts painfully- for a second it seems like the world stops spinning and all Elias can focus on is his problems.

Bella is gone- for the day, or forever?- his parents and Charlie are asking why she had to leave. They'll continue asking, especially if she doesn't come back. If that does happen, Carlisle will come and step in- his story will be better then anything Elias can think. But either way, it'll be a bad cover story because it's covering the fact Bella is dead, Edward is dead, Alice is dead. Part of Eli's family, gone in one sweep.

Jace's hand lands heavy on Eli's tense shoulder, pulling him away from where he'd been bent over, his head hanging between his bent knees as the panic overtook him.

"Are you having a seizure?" He asks in terror, looking into Eli's eyes- bright, aware, agonised.

"What?" Eli echoes back in the same tone, shrugging Jace's hand off, "No."

Jace's hand hovers over his shoulder carefully, ready to catch the boy incase he goes down. "Are you sure? Wait, can you even tell?"

Eli smacks the hand away. "Yes, I can tell. There's a sign," he tells, shoving his hands in his pockets- going for the cigarettes again before releasing Jace has them.

"An aura?" Jace asks, perking up. Eli gives him a curious look, and he sheepishly admits, "I googled shit when you told me what to do if you ever do have a seizure around me."

That's sweet, Elias wants to say, but it translates into a soft smile at his best friend.

"Not an aura, not really it's just..." Eli speaks after a moment of realising Jace is still waiting for a answer. Without meaning to, his hands come to rest in his lap, palms up. They're their normal temperature, but Elias is taking note of if it starts to change. "I get cold."

Jace's shock shows in his face and body. "But... you don't feel cold," he states slowly.

"I know," Eli huffs, clenching his hands into fists. Jace looks at him for answers again and Eli's shoulder stiffen. "I don't know, okay?" He corrects, the words tumbling out as he thinks, "It just, I get cold. It starts at my hands, and works it's way up and around my body and that's when the seizure starts. So when I start to feel the cold, I have a few seconds to warn people."

Jace runs a copper hand through his short ink hair, "Have you ever felt anything like it before?"

No, Elias goes to say, but it gets lodged into his throat like a shard of glass.

"You have?" Jace realises from his frozen expression.

Elias turns away from him. He doesn't feel ashamed and that's what makes him on edge- he knows the dance of talking about them with Jace is tricky."I can feel the Cullens," he admits in a whisper, ignoring the way Jace shudders. "Their touch, I mean. I don't know why, but I can feel how cold they are..."

Soft flashbacks of tentative touches against Eli's skin makes him shudder too- but out of happiness, not disgust, like Jace. He can't help it, just like he can't help the way his heart burns in his chest from the pain of the memories and the longing of wanting to feel it again. What he'd do to relive his memories with ignorance of the future.

"But you can't feel warm werewolf's are?" Jace asks slowly, and he reaches out to press the back of his hand against Eli's wrist. His skins rough and smooth at the same time, the copper colour drowns away Eli's tan and... that's it. There's no feeling to the touch- no warmth or coldness. Just skin on his.

Eli jerks away from Jace's touch and away from the way he's staring at Eli with hopeful eyes. "I don't choose what I feel," he snaps, because past the hopeful looks there's hurt that Jace can't connect to Eli in such a way they had.

Jace brings his hand back to his side, chewing his cheek. Elias is just about to turn away to look at the forest when he mutters, "Maybe you do."

"What?" Eli chokes out.

"You always say you don't do anything without wanting to," Jace shrugs, and there's no hostility in him, but Elias still feels the need to be defensive.

He exhales heavily, struggling with the idea that he'd been in control of who or what he can feel all this time. "If that was true," he starts, thinking about their conversation only a week before- the feeling of being alienated from everyone because he can't feel them, he can't touch them without fear of someone figuring out his secret. "I'd have stopped physically being warm years ago. You know that."

"I know," Jace repeats back in sympathy, "But I'm not saying it's a conscious choice," he explains, holding a hand up when Eli goes to open his mouth to disagree. "You said yourself, you knew something was wrong with your body way before the diagnosis. You were ignoring the sighs of throwing up, of headaches. Maybe when you had the seizure, you allowed yourself to feel cold so you couldn't ignore it anymore."

"And with them..." Jace draws out nervously, aware of the tricky subject too. "Maybe you just wanted to feel a connection with them, so you allowed yourself to."

You're wrong, Elias wants to say- because surely if that's the logic, he'd had allowed himself to connect to Bella in that way too. He loves her as much as he does the Cullens- surely, he'd have allowed himself to lower his defensive and feel her touch too.

But with Bella, it's different. They both started off as people who connected by their secrets and nothing more. Elias hadn't wanted her friendship at first because he thought of her as someone else he'd have to hide from. But, through heartbreak, through learning to love each other despite love leaving them, they'd connected to each other in ways Eli hadn't thought was possible.

So Elias didn't need to feel her skin, her temperature, now. He had no desire to- because they were connected in ways that didn't matter for temperature. She was his sister, nothing would change that, nothing could ever change it.

Elias swallows the feeling of glass in his throat and coals in his chest and thinks about the first time he'd realised he could feel Jaspers cold. He'd not been anticipating it, he'd not known he'd wanted it so badly- to reach out and feel him with such physical force that it chilled his skin and stole his breath. But in a way, he'd known in that moment as he reached out, he wanted something to connect them in a way that made it harder for him to ever pull away again.

He loved Jasper, even in that first touch, so he allowed himself to feel him.

And after that, as his skin brushed all different Cullens- he wanted to connect to them too, to allow himself to love them because he thought of them as family. He hadn't known it, but he wanted something to tie him to them in a way it didn't with anyone else.

Eli's hand comes up to his throat scar, remembering the feeling of James hand wrapping around his throat, the feel of marble nails cutting him and hurting him- but no coldness of his immortal touch. Elias hadn't wanted that touch, so he hadn't felt his coldness.

I choose who I want to feel, Elias accepts, and a jolt of pleasing fire goes through his veins before it turns to acid. Would I still feel Jaspers touch, if he were here today? 

"Jace?" He calls in a murmur, connecting his gaze to the wolves. He looks concerned and almost apologetic for figuring out Eli's problems, "Can I have my cigarettes back? I need to try stress smoke my worries away."

"You're a dick," Jace huffs, shoving him by the shoulder.

•••

Every day without Bella got worse for Elias. Especially when his parents denied him access to hide in La Push.

"Why are you staring at your phone so much?" David questions his son, eyes never lifting from the newspaper in his hands.

Elias throws the small device on the couch as if it's burnt him. "I'm not," he denies innocently. He'd been reading the text from Bella over and over again without realising.

If you don't hear from me in six days, Carlisle will get in touch with you. Don't stress too much Elle, it's not good for your health. I'll try my hardest to get back to you, I promise- Bella.

David places the paper down onto his lap the same time he lifts a eyebrow. "Do I have to threaten you with therapy and moving state just so I can get you to tell me the truth?"

Elias copies his expression. "Do I have to threaten to run away so you can leave me alone?"

A proud look breaks out on his dads face. "Fair point well made, I'll leave you to stress and worry," he laughs, picking the newspaper up and continuing his reading. "but beware, the next time you have a seizure I will tell your mom."

Elias left eye twitches in betrayal. He'd had the seizure when he'd come back from Jace's the other day- only a second after he'd come through the door. Lucky, since he had been driving a minute earlier- one of the reasons David wouldn't allow him down to La Push anymore. Eli's had agreed to the terms only in promise he wouldn't tell Cassandra of the seizure. "Traitor," he grumbles.

"Thank you," David mocks in a smile.

There's a ping of a notification. Elias snaps his head up in disbelief to where his phone is. 

Elias and David lunge for the phone sat between them on the couch. It's the older Sherwood who gets it first- Elias swearing at his dad, trying to grab it, but David stretches out of reach. Why is everyone's arms so fucking long?

"Ah! Lets see what you've been stressing about," David murmurs, and Eli has a password on his phone, so all David can do is read the notification on his Lock Screen, "Lets read this new text from Bella."

Elias jumps for it, panicking now at what it could reveal. David wiggles back on the couch, pushing Eli away with his sock clad foot in the middle of his chest. "She says-" his teasing grin falls as he reads it. Elias freezes, resisting the urge start hyperventilating.

"Well, what is it?" Eli demands, scanning his dads face.

"I'm really starting to think Bella Swan is a bad influence," his dad almost growls, darkness brewing in between his cloudy blue eyes as he looks at Elias, "I don't want you to do what she's telling you to."

"What the fuck?" Elias questions, snatching the phone from his dads limp hands and reading the screen.

I'm back home, or at the Cullens house at least. All of the family is. They're staying in Forks now. We all need to talk, can I pick you up? - Bella.

Elias reads it over three times, checking the words, as if the message is going to change. They're staying in Forks now. We need to talk.

"Elias, don't go," David's voice is hard, yet he's asking more than ordering.

"I have to," Eli whispers, standing on shaky legs, hyper aware of his body, trying to catch the first signs of a seizure- the cold, the numbness. "It's important."

David stands too, his hand overlapping Eli's left wrist, over the medical bracelet. "You can choose not to go Elias, you can choose not to listen to whatever they want or even see Jasper again," he says, and anger is barely hidden under the surface.

Elias looks up at his dad, giving him a detached sort of smile, "I know," he whispers, swallowing the words but I want to go, "It's just talking dad, I'll be fine."

David drops his wrist like Elias has burnt him- Eli checks for a moment and no, he isn't burning. The betrayed expression, the distrust, plasters across David's features, telling Eli is a emotional kind of burn. Eli knows he's angry for choosing the Cullens over himself, but he can't focus on that, he can't even focus on the way his dad turns his back on Elias and walks away m.

All he can focus on is the fact after six months away... they're back. And Elias can't pull one emotion from the inferno inside of him other than a numb kind of shock.

It's not until he's texting Bella as he exits his house- stay there, I'm on my way to you- that the overwhelming presence of the situation clears up for him as he focuses intently on one good aspect- Bella is alive.

He repeats the statement over and over in his head as he drives. It's easy, since he knows the roads to the Cullen home like he does to the Sherwood home, so he just focuses on that.

The trip to the Cullens house feels short, shorter than any other times he's gone there. Each turn and every passing second makes Eli's heart ache and his skin want to burn. It's a struggle, after a while, to focus on the fact Bella is alive.

By the time the glass house comes- a beacon of light in the dark night- he feels more like a thin paper body filled with buzzing anxiety and that annoys the hell out of him because wheres the anger when he needs it?

He's just pulling up and taking the helmet off his head when the front door opens. His heart stills in his chest as he realises he has to face them now, but it's someone entirely different running out to him.

"Elias, what have I told you about driving? Do you want to hurt yourself?" Bella shouts at him in disapproval as she comes down the steps.

"Bella," Elias breathes out, the relief of seeing her so deep and huge Eli feels like he's drowning in it for a moment. He throws the helmet to the floor and speeds to her. She reaches to hug him the same moment he does, and Eli clings to her with vengeance. "You're okay," he mumbles into her lavender scented hair, shocked and awed and so grateful.

Bella pulls back from him, chocolate eyes glowing with life for the first time in months. "I promised you, didn't I?" She almost laughs.

Eli's head spins as he scans her over for damage- but she's completely fine. Better than fine. She's happy looking, truly and utterly happy. "You're okay," he repeats in a whisper.

Bella nods, and her eyes water for a moment as she takes in his happy expression. "I'm okay Elle," she soothes, picking his hand up and placing it over her chest so he can feel her heartbeat, "still breathing, as you would say."

He laughs a little, it sounds as broken as it is dark. It sobers up after a beat, to pulls back from her to ask, "But, what happened? How?"

"-It's... crazy," she winces, looking at him seriously, "and there's some parts you're not going to like."

Elias frowns, going to question her when the sound of the front door opens again. Carlisle Cullens face is stretched between serious and glum as he looks at them.

"Why don't you come inside Elias? So we can explain everything," he suggest softly, but Eli knows he can't refuse, he has to go in.

The intensity of the situation wraps around Eli's wind pipe, constricting it. He shakes his head back and forth quickly, looking at his best friend.

Bella quickly moves his hand that comes to scratch his throat scar. "Stop that, you're gonna hurt yourself," she scolds. Elias doesn't know if she means his nervous habit or because panicking can cause a seizure but he can't analyse it when she's suddenly grabbing his face.

"I'm right here," she assures slowly, brown eyes pouring into panicked grey ones. "Be strong Elias," she reminds him, pushing her fingers through his own.

"Be strong, strong, got it," he mumbles, nodding to convince himself. "How do you do that?"

She gives him a grin, "You rely on your sister," she tells. Elias finds himself matching it without permission.

Bella grabs his hand as they walk towards the glass house. Each step copies the thudding echo of his heart, and Eli feels his hand grip onto Bella to anchor himself from wanting to run away.

"I'm sorry for dragging you here at this time, but it really couldn't wait," Carlisle says, his voice soft and apologetic as they enter the home. His eyes shine gold and Elias finds it hard not to stare at him- to not memorise every curve of his fatherly face.

"It's fine," Eli whispers as the door shuts behind them. They all pause downstairs, and Eli takes appreciation of them allowing him to take in the house again. He'd not been there in half a year, inside at least. It was only a few months back when he and Bella... "Um, sorry," Eli remembers, looking at the older man, "for the windows."

"It's fine Elias," Carlisle brushes off, and Elias is sure he's imagining the way his lips turn up like he wants to smile before he says, "Alice says there's something I can do to help you specifically, would you like to speak about that?"

Eli's brows pull together and he shifts on his feet in nerves. "No, let's hear what you have to say first," he insists.

Bella grips him harder, her voice sounding a whisper since his fast heartbeat still echoes in his ears. "It might be the best idea to talk to Carlisle alone before we go upstairs to talk to everyone."

Elias heart drops to his stomach. He has no desire to tell Carlisle anything of his medical status, even if Bella is pleading him with her eyes and even if the curious dread of what the hell is happening hangs over him like a threat.

"No, thank you," Elias repeats, sickly sweet in tone. Bellas eyes narrow in mockery back at him.

"Let's go," Carlisle coughs, and Eli doesn't flinch like he would with anyone else as his hand presses against his shoulder to leads them. The coldness of his touch is there, even over the damp plaid jacket, and his mind flashes back to, you feel who you want to feel, before he pushes it away.

"You're so stubborn," Bella mumbles as the trudge up the stairs.

Eli leans into her side with a smirk, "I know, it's one of the things we have in common," he whispers back. For a moment he's lost in his own humour, the way she rolls her eyes fondly and the way Carlisle cracks his own grin at the two of them.

The moments chased away when they enter the beautifully white living room and everyone is there, waiting, watching, as if they didn't ever leave. Eli's feet stop on their own accord as his burning heart seemingly shatters all over again and heals like there wasn't a injury in the first place.

"Elias," a soft melody voice calls his name as if it's a prayer, a god and an apology all at once.

That voice, it breaks the emotions building in his body down, it shreds them to dust. No, not dust- something more dangerous. Gun powder.

Elias looks up, heart lodged in his throat and his fire threatening to come to his skin. Jasper stands tall and beautiful and so striking that for a second Elias is sure he's died himself.

Jasper, the names repeated into the walls of his head, stitched into his soul and resting on his tongue without anything else to taint it. Elias, for a moment, can imagine what it'd be like to cross the room and go to him- to cling to him, breathe in his scent and relax in the presence of his soul, forever. Elias wouldn't ever let go again, he'd have no desire to.

But the image of it is distorted by the fear of Jasper pulling back and walking away- he's done it once after all. It broke Elias in a way he hadn't known was possibly. Jasper... you left me, Eli almost says, but as their eyes connect- as apprehensive grey meet sorrow and loving gold in a clash- it sparks the gunpowder inside Eli to life.

"I'll give you ten minutes to explain," he almost snarls as the anger consumes him in waves larger than any other emotion can form.

Jasper flinches backwards at the sound of his voice. Elias quickly averts his eyes, ignoring the way there's a apology on his lips, to scan the rest of the Cullens and their reactions, feeling the anger pile higher and higher, threatening to consume him. You all left me.

Edwards the one who speaks first. He's closest to him and Bella, and he's watching Bella watch Elias with sorrow. "How much do you know about the Volturi?"

Across the room, it's Jasper who answers without shame, "I told him everything."

Don't answer for me, Eli wants to snap, but doesn't dignify the blond with the reaction. He simply faces Edward, takes a moment to mentally repeat- since Edward can't fully read him, I'm glad you're alive by the way, before saying, "everything."

"So am I," Edward nods at the mental sentence, and his gaze flickers to Bella with appreciation before he settles back to business. "Aro, the leader of the Volturi, he has a gift similar to my own. But he can read every thought you've ever had with one touch. He read Alice and my own mind whilst we were there," he flinches, turning to the pixie like vampire, who looks just as guilty.

"Okay, and he let you three go," Eli grasps through his screaming mind, careful to look away from where Jasper is standing, where Eli can feel him staring. "What was the condition. There must have been a catch for his hospitality?"

"There was," Bella mutters, almost scared. Elias lets go of her hand, crossing his arms over his chest as he suddenly feels outnumbered in the small room.

"What is it?" Eli asks again.

"I showed him a vision of Bella. I promised she wouldn't be a liability of telling our true nature because she'd become one of us," Alice says slowly, ignoring the way Edward winces.

For a moment, the relief washes over Elias like the ocean. "And that was the truth?" He asks, and even he can tell his own voice is drowning in hope.

"But I put it to a vote," Bella tells him, looking around the room, "because the Volturi are going to come and check and it's not fair to drag them down with me if they don't want me."

Eli's head snaps up, heat surging to his hands and burning his skin. Did they said no? Did Bella go through all of that to save Edward and did they cast her with a death sentence?

"We've said yes, don't worry," Nathaniel assures at his expression. Elias looks at him momentarily, and the long haired Cullen flashes him a sorry expression. As if that'll change the way he left and hurt Elias.

"Good, that's..." Eli struggles to breathe in through his gratitude, through the suddenly relaxation of Bella will be okay when I'm gone. All Elias can seem to do is turn towards Carlisle and whisper, "thank you."

"It's no problem," Carlisle assures. Eli knows he means it.

"Okay, so what else? I don't really see what all this has to do with me," He says slowly, trying to be polite about it since he's talking to Carlisle.

Carlisle shakes his head, lips pressed in a fine line. "Aro saw you in Alice and Edwards mind, he knows about your involvement with us too."

"We're so sorry Elias," Esme apologises, her eyes watering with tears that can't fall, "Alice had to-"

"I had to promise them I'd turn you too," Alice cuts her off, her own voice only slightly stronger, "so they didn't send someone for you."

"The options completely up to you however," Emmett explains, his voice louder than expected, louder than Eli remembers. He gives Eli a childlike smile, Eli doesn't return it.

Rosalie makes a odd noise at the back of her throat, "You can become like us," she pauses, her disgust about the option clear, "or stay human for a while, but the Volturi will try and find you. They'd also come to us in search of looking for you."

The anger that was threatening to consume Elias only a moment ago simmers into a odd calm. He thinks about it clinically and without emotion- the Cullens had nothing to worry about for themselves or him since he was dying. But they hadn't known that since Eli hasn't told them... but Eli wasn't the only one in on the secret.

"You should have just told them Alice," Elias sighs, looking at her with disappointment, "it would've saved me coming all the way down here."

Alice's expression doesn't waver as she stares back at him. Eli knows then she'd been hoping- under all her other reasons- that if Eli saw Jasper again, if Jasper had even one moment alone with Eli's- Eli would change his mind and want to turn.

"Is that what you've been hiding?" Edward asks, brows furrowed. Elias realises she must have been doing her trick of concentrating on something random so Edward can't read her mind. "Something about Elias?"

"You asked me not to, remember," Alice reminds him, her gaze flickering to Jasper. You told me not to tell Jasper about you dying.

Eli feels his skin warm up. "I was talking about the other thing," he huffs through a clenched jaw, I mean the rules of me turning.

Alice nods to Bella, "And one of your requirements have been met," she says smugly, but it's a sort of smug that hides the way she's begging him with her eyes. Please, Elias, don't do this.

"And I'm glad it has," Elias declares truthfully, letting the appreciation seep into his tone. His hands turning into fists as he accidentally looks at Jasper and thinks about their conversation on Bellas backyard. I didn't want to be a second choice for someone who could have lived their life without me. "But my mind hasn't changed, Alice, dragging me all the way down here hasn't changed anything."

Bellas hand presses against his bicep to gain his attention. "Elle? What requirements? What are you two talking about?" She whispers. Elias looks into her brown eyes, trying to say he's sorry wordlessly, before turning back to Carlisle.

"There isn't a problem, and you don't need to turn me," Elias shakes his head, looking around the room freely, even looking at Jaspers shocked face.

"Don't you understand Elias? They'll kill you," Jasper almost growls, taking a step forward as if he wants to be closer to Elias but the glare Eli shoots stops the blond in his tracks.

"I don't understand what you mean Elias," Esmes says in the softest of voices.

Elias sighs- he'd been dreading this part- and digs into his pocket for his wallet, "You missed a lot of things when you left," the words are laced with heavy judgment and betrayal. He grabs a small medical card from one of the wallet slots and holds it out to Carlisle.

One second it's in his fingers and the next Carlisle is next to Esme, reading the medical card over with a distraught expression. Elias looks away from them, not being able to take their pain just as much as he couldn't take his human parents.

"If the Volturi want me, they'll have to get in line," there's something mocking and darkly humoured about him as he says, "Though I'm sure I'll be long gone before they get the chance to even check if I'm still human."

The realisation hits Jasper like a physics blow.

"No," he gasps in furious protest, looking like he's physically chocking, if its possible. Nate speeds over and wraps a arm around his lean torso, as if Jaspers going do something he isn't supposed to.

The urge to reach out and comfort Jasper is strong and Eli's fingers twitch at his side. He forces his hand into fists.

"So thanks for your concern, but I guess it's uncalled for. I'll be fine, you don't need to worry about me," Eli nods, ignoring the way the people in the room are looking at him in pity, in a want to help, and takes half a step back to leave.

Carlisles face is a mask of professionalism- he's turned from Carlisle into Dr.Cullen. "Elias, can we speak in private?" He asks, and it's a choice for Elias this time.

"No, thank you, I've got to go," he tells the shocked occupants of the room, then his eyes slide to Bella as he reveals, "I need to pack my bags."

Elias turns heel, still directly avoiding looking at everyone as he quickly leaves the room. He manages to get to the bottom floor before Bellas shock wears off and she's running after him, shouting his name.

Elias stops only steps from the front door.

"You promised me to not leave Forks, or me," Bella pants out in betrayal, spinning him round by his wrist. There's tears in her eyes, and it makes Eli's heart squeeze painfully.

"I did," Elias nods, feeling horrible for what he's about to do, "but do you remember the condition?"

That night is still so fresh that Bella does. It was when Rene came down, exactly a week after the Cullens left, demanding Bella came to stay with her because she was catatonic. Bella threw a fit, demanding she stay in Forks and telling them she wasn't going to budge.

It wasn't until her parents left her alone and her heart stopped tearing in her chest that she started listening to what they were saying about her- where they got the whole idea from in the first place. Elias' parents.

By the time Bella drove to the Sherwood's house an argument had already started between Elias and his parents. Bella pounded on the door, not even realising she was crying as Elias opened it and she threw herself at him. "Please don't leave too," she had begged.

Elias hasn't even thought it either as he leant into her and wrapped his arms around her. "I promise," he whispered in that horribly dead tone.

Bella had looked back at him in shock. "Really?"

"I promise to not leave you or Forks," he'd had winced, "...unless they come back," he added, because he was sure it wouldn't happen. That was his reason to stay then, a reason his parents couldn't force him away.

"Elias, you can't just leave now!" She stutters helplessly, gripping his wrists as if it will make him stay, "You have school, graduation-"

"-We both know my chances of actually making it to graduation are slim," he scoffs sourly, but his eyes are filled with sorrowful when they look at Bella.

The brunette shakes her head quickly. "Your parents won't let you leave, not now Carlisle's back! He's the best doctor in the state, they'll want you to see him." She's grasping onto straws now, and she knows it.

"Bella," he smiles sadly, "you knew this was coming. I'm sorry, but at least now I know you're gonna be okay," his eyes flicker to the roof, knowing that the family are listening. "I love you, and I don't want to put you through the misery of watching me die. You don't deserve that."

Bella shakes her head, ready to argue on, to lock him up if need be, but Elias is turning away from her to leave.

She tries going after him but Edwards arm wraps around her. "Let him go," he tells her, she looks up at him in betrayal. "We'll all find another way to make him stay," he soothes her, watching the Sherwood boy leave with his own determination.

Elias isn't surprised to see someone leaning against his motorcycle when he shuts the door of the Cullen home.

"Darlin-" Jasper tries to plead.

"-Get out of the way," Elias orders coldly, frozen on the steps, scared to go closer. Again, the urge to go to him is as strong as the fear of Jasper leaving again.

Jaspers expression withers into begging. "I'd like to talk, please Elias."

Eli's stance turns defensive. "And I'd like you to move," he brushes off.

Jasper stills completely, a man on a mission. "I can't, not until I've had the chance to speak to you properly," he shakes his head, blone strands of hair brushing his tight jaw.

Eli's heart splutters in his chest and for a moment all he can focus on is not screaming at the blond and the audacity he has. "Tough shït," he snaps, and without permission, his feet walk closer to Jasper, "don't you think I wanted to talk to you once? In the last six months?"

"As much as I wanted to talk to you," Jasper whispers, and when he sighs, Eli is close enough to smell the sweet scent of his breathe, of his skin. It makes him a little high.

"Do you remember the conversation we had, that first night in the car?" Elias asks, eyes squeezing shut as the boys words tear him apart at the seams.

"I remember everything Elias," Jasper declares into the night air, his voice is closer now. He must have stepped forward. He sounds as agonised as Eli feels.

"We take the path that we think leads to the best destination. No matter the destruction left in our wake, or the people we leave hurting," Eli quotes.

Elias remembers the free feeling as he sat in that car, the absolute stillness the outside world was, as if time had stopped as he and Jasper spoke to each other.

He remembers the shock of talking so openly, then the amazing realisation that hey, maybe this boy, this gorgeous boy who's listening and understands the way my soul leaks through my mouth, maybe he gets me. And I get him too. 

Then Jasper broke his soul.

"You left me, without a goodbye, without an explanation. You knew how much that was going to hurt me, but you did it anyway," Elias seethes, hands curling into fists, he doesn't mean to open his eyes, but they're open as he glares at Jasper.

Jasper, who's pain still shines on his features like his skin shines in the sun. "I was tinting your vision Elias, you know it. I had to let you see how you still had options."

"I didn't want options Jasper!" Elias screams, the words bubbling up and out, but they aren't as harsh as he wants them to be, they're broken. "I wanted you, forever, because I thought you loved me."

Jasper steps up into Eli's space, his black shirt clad chest pressing into Eli's chest the same moment he brings one of his hands up to Eli's throat. The softness of his touch makes Eli shiver as he traces over the scar there, as if remembering the injury himself, before his palm- strong and solid and capable of shredding buildings to the ground without effort- spreads over to cradle Eli's jaw and cheek.

And the cold- it radiates from Jaspers skin and into Eli's bones like a life form.

I still feel you.

"I do love you," Jaspers vows, the intensity of his eyes making Elias unable to move, "These months without you have been killing me, they've been the worst of my whole life. But I had to not think of myself and instead give you a chance to be human, to live without me because I was killing you. I didn't want to hurt you anymore."

His words do the opposite effect of his soothing and honest tone- they do the opposite from healing the wounds left from Jasper leaving. Elias steps back from Jasper, making his hand fall to his side, and Eli forces his expression to flatten out into a numb mask.

"It's too late Jasper...You left me, you left without even saying goodbye. That's cold," he scoffs, because it seems like it's the only thing he can do to stop him from screaming or crying or burning or all of them.

Jaspers shoulders stiffen. "You don't feel the cold," he mutters weakly.

Elias shakes his head. "I felt that."

Elias steps around the blond to go to his bike, ignoring how wrong it feels to his very bones to be the ones leaving Jasper this time.

"Please Elias, you don't have to leave yet," Jasper is one step behind him, stilling only when Elias swings his leg over the dirt bike.

"Isn't this what you wanted, me to live and die as a human? To have options?" He quotes incredulously, aware he's been slightly ridiculous as the anger overtakes him. He sticks the keys into the ignition before connecting his watering eyes to the blondes pained ones, "or is it now that you have to watch me die, you want to change your mind?"

He smiles, but it's soulless. "It doesn't work like that. Not anymore." The bike starts to life.

Jaspers face hardens. "I won't give up. I'll show you I love you, that I still want you," he promises, and he's hell bent on it.

Elias shoves the black helmet on his head, looking away from the blond as he mutters, "I don't think you have enough time Jasper."

Ahhhh it's so angsty. You like? Don't worry, he's gonna be angry for a while- or at least not allow Jasper in as easy. Also, yes, the lighter is what Jasper gifted him for his birthday- cute right? How did you like the explanation of why Elias can feel vampire temperatures? Does it make sense?

Don't be a silent reader!