22; (BRAND NEW CHAPTER) nothing but ashes

This is a brand new written chapter for this part of the story, with new lines and scenes and all. If you're not tracking the new editing of all my chapters, read anywhere from chapter 18 since new moon and eclipse will be the most changed thing from Spitfire.

Just to clarify: the nights are still the hardest part for Elias.

They used to be the best part of his life. They used to be spent full of laughter, talking, touches and everything in between with him. It was the time where vampires came alive in a world asleep and Elias thrived in it.

Now it was the worst part.

Now it's when the world settled and silenced for the humans and Elias doesn't have anything to fill his time; it's the part of his day where his mind gets louder with everything he's trying to push away.

His parents, his brother, the guilt, the feeling of abandoning them but still not being able to go back because that just leads to more pain. Every scorning emotion that came with the reason he was hurting in the first place, the reason he didn't want to think about no matter what.

But the thing is, Elias was getting good at making his days better. But some part of his life lacked in response- like the nights, like the straining relationship with his parents.

And Elias knew from past experiences, that if the good kept going, kept increasing, the bad was just around the corner. If you tip the scale too much, you'd come crashing down.

"Am I totally horrible person if I say that I don't like it when your dad makes you go home?" Bella questions, her teeth tugging against her lip in guilt.

Elias, gazing out the open truck window as they drive to La Push, a burning cigarette between his fingers, turns to look at her with a simple shake of his head. "No, not at all, I miss our sleepovers," he admits, "I sleep better when I'm not alone."

Bella hums, her expression thoughtful. "It's also nice having someone who feels like a hot blanket to keep me comfort all night."

The grey eyed boy brings the cigarette to his lips, feeling a smirk form as he threatens, "I'll charge you for my services."

The sides of her lips upturn, the sight lightening Eli's chest- he liked it when she was happy, it made him feel happy. "Don't laugh at me Bella, I will," he threatens.

She takes her eyes off the road to watch him take a drag of his cigarette, her tone matching his as she says, "I'll charge you rent for being at my place all the time."

Eli locks eyes with her, both of them holding onto their empty threats. "Fine," he says, angling the exhale of smoke out of the open window, "Call it even?"

"Even," she chuckles, her lips still spread into a smile as she watches the road again.

Elias joins her, the lightness in his chest making it easy to laugh, to not question why. It's easy like that when being around friends, but even easier around Bella.

"I like hearing your laugh," Bella murmurs, listening to his deep drawl like a musician listened to their favourite song.

Eli's laugh sobers up, not from the fact she calls upon it, but from how her eyes twist and darken. He knows when she's thinking too hard about something, or when something is bothering her.

Elias throws the cigarette out the window, "Swan, spit it out," he urges.

The invitation makes the words burst out of her like someone popping a overfilled balloon. "You're having fun, aren't you?" Bella exhales, worry etched into every word.

Elias sends her a confused look, "Yeah, of course," he huffs, bemused at her thought process. "I'd tell you if I wasn't enjoying our days with Jake," he promises. Which is true; no matter how hard things got, or how much he changed, he always tells Bella whatever he's going through. She's the one person who could know, who he trusted to know.

"What's wrong inside that complex head of you?" He questions lightly, since despite his reassurance, she still looks troubled.

She sighs, glancing at him again to read his expression- he looks fine, if not generally intrigued with whatever she's torn apart over. "It's just something Jake said yesterday," she shrugs.

Eli's curved brows draw together. "What did he say? I don't remember him saying anything about me," he utters. If it was something said by Jake, it was undoubtedly smart. The boy was a good observer to the parts Eli and Bella didn't know they were showing.

"It was when you were asleep because of your headache," She explains. Eli thinks back to the day prior with a grimace.

The pain had come from nowhere, practically knocked him off his feet and threatened to make him throw up. Bella had pulled him to lie down when spotting how he swayed from the severity of it and Jake had rushed to grab him some painkillers, a glass of water and a bucket- just incase.

"I remember," Eli grumbles, still sour about how they both fawned over him like his mother. Mewling at him to shut up complaining about being looked after and telling him try sleep it off. "What about it?"

"We were just talking about you, worrying is the correct word, really. And Jake was asking if I could understand you at all. He said for him, it's hard to read you, to know what you're feeling or if you're okay. Sometimes he's thought you're angry or upset but then you've burst out laughing..." she swallows, the small quip of amusement from her best friends antics disappearing as she admits in a small voice, "it got me thinking if I really know what you're feeling, if you're okay."

-Flashes of liquid eyes, of golden hair tucked out the way of a beautiful face so he can marvel at the human in the passenger seat. The rising sun in the background, the music they both love quiet underneath the southern drawled boys words, "stop glaring at me Elias."

Elias was glaring-with soft grey eyes- and the other boys words made a sharp and mocking grin come out, too. "I know when you're trying to read me Goldilocks, and we both know it won't work, so why try?" He scolds playfully.

Jasper grins back, the one hand on Eli's knee squeezing softly. "I like trying to figure out what you're feeling," he pauses, contemplating. "I just want to check if you're okay," he admits, worry eating at him as he looks back at Elias. At the way he relaxes in the seat but his face showed how he was tired. They'd spent the night speeding and Elias neglected his sleep to spend more time with Jasper.

Elias rolls his eyes, his attitude bleeding out as he vowed in the softest of tones, "I'm always okay when I'm with you."

Eli sucks in a sharp breath, feeling like someone pierces his heart with a red hot dagger.

"Elias, are you ok-" Bella cuts herself off with a swear as Eli's chest heaves, as one hand came up to trace his neck scar- tell tale sign of him panicking.

"Come here," Bella orders, one hand reaching out until her fingers can curl around the material of his black short sleeved shirt. She gives it a tug, Elias follows her demand until he presses into her side as she drives.

"It's okay," he coughs, forcing the memory away as it broke through the surface without permission. Don't think about it, don't think about pain, don't think about what's causing your pain. "I'm okay," he repeats, willing the words to be true.

Bella switches from watching the road and watching him. She wants to apologise for bringing up whatever triggered the pain, but she knew he wouldn't want that. He'd want her to carry on, to move on talking like he would if she had a episode.

"I know spending time with Jake makes us feel better," she starts off slowly, waiting his reaction.

His grey eyes start losing their glaze as he focuses intently. "It does," he echos, voice stronger than what it was moments ago.

"And I honestly don't know what our days would be like if we weren't over there," she reveals, twisting her hand through his, forcing herself to carry on the topic despite the way she wants to pull off to the side of the road and pull him into her arms. As if she could squeeze enough and he wouldn't be able to hurt anymore.

"But, I'd give it up in a second if you didn't like coming over," she pledges,  smiling softly as Elias starts running his thumb over her knuckles, "if you wanted to do something else to make you more happy I'd drop everything to do it. I like being with Jake, but I don't know what I'd do without you. I need you."

I need you too, Eli's eyes scream as they water, and again, he finds himself thanking Bella in his head like he does every so often- for being a pillar of protection against everything that happened and everything that will undoubtedly come.

Bellas smile showed she understood his wordless devotion- they were good together like that.

"Don't tell Jake what you just said though," Elias sighs mockingly, and a slow show of amusement comes across his face, washing away the intense feelings inside the truck. "I think he's already viewing our closeness as a competition."

Bella rolls her eyes at him. "I've told him there's no comparison. Jakes just a friend, you're my brother."

Eli squeezes her hand softly. "And that's the reason you don't need to doubt yourself when concerning me," he spoke the truth with no hint of a doubt, "You know me better than I know myself most of the time. You'd know if something was wrong with me."

"More than the obvious, you mean?" She quizzes almost giddy.

I need to stop being so sarcastic around her, Eli realises fondly, she's picking it up too well. "Obviously," he scoffs back.

Bella takes the turn into Jakes house not long after, and they both noticed how both of the garage doors are pulled open and tire mark the floor, in and out. "Jake must have taken the Rabbit out for a drive," Eli thinks out loud.

"Probably," bella replies back curiously, pulling off near the side of the garage like she did everyday. The duo got out quickly, their footsteps signalling their presence as they rounded into the garage.

Like always, the two bikes are centre of the place, but the rabbit had been moved from its original spot too- its  closer to the bikes since the trunk is open. Jake and another copper skinned teen is pulling pieces of metal from it and putting it on a pile on the floor.

"Jace, hey," Bella calls in surprise, smiling at the older teen. Elias found himself matching it at as he looked at Jace's happy expression. It was only a week ago when he saw him last, but Eli swears he'd changed again- more filled out, his cheekbones more prominent.

"We were wondering when you was gonna show up," Jace snickers, dropping the equipment onto the sheets on the floor, "Jake was about to drive out and see if the truck had broken down or something."

Jake blushes, and muttered a sharp, "thanks dude." Jace only laughs again, grabbing a cylinder looking wheel off him.

"What is all this?" Elias asks, coming over to look through the pile, trying to see if he recognises anything.

"He's bringing parts, well we got them together but the opportunity arose because of him," Jake supplies, a bounce in his step as he squats down next to Eli and picks up a what Eli thinks is a motor of some sorts, "look, this is exactly what we needed. We can finish the bikes now."

"That's so cool," Bella beams, looking at the nineteen year old with appreciation. "How'd you pull that off Jace?"

"There's a guy who comes into the bakery everyday asking for a massive order, he's always bragging about stuff he finds. He works at the junk yard, and it got me thinking about some of the parts Jake said he couldn't find." He nods to the motor in Jakes hand, his grin wolffish. "So, I negotiated looking around his place for a free order for a week and he let Jake and I head in and grab whatever we wanted."

"Good thing too, this would have costed a lot if we brought it new," Jake praised, holding it like a parent would their firstborn. Eli supposed it was about the same to Jake.

"I hope that didn't cost you too much," Elias frowns, thinking of the little bakery the Cameron family owned. Could it take a weeks worth of orders off someone for free? "Let me pay for the guys stuff at least."

Jace waves him off, the muscles straining under his short sleeved shirt. "Nah, it's fine," he tuts, "all I want in return, when these are done, is to have a go," he nods towards the white and black bikes with excitement.

Bella speaks instantly. "Absolutely, that's fine."

"You can help Bella learn how to ride one. You used to go biking with Jared, right?" Eli checks, thinking back to the conversations they've had at his dinner table during Sunday breakfast. It was a while ago, when Eli used to actually join his family on their trips.

"Yeah, all the time," Jace nods, looking a little embarrassed of Eli's calling of his skills, especially since he rocks on the balls of his feet, "You don't mind, right?"

"Not at all," Bella and Elias say at the same time, making both of them look at each other. He nods, letting her speak on, "You should stay Jace, Eli and I aren't much help with mechanical stuff."

"Hey," Eli whines, offended. "I pass tools," he defends himself- much to Jakes and Jace's laughter. "And I know more about it than you."

Bellas dark eyes narrow, "Knowing doesn't equal to experience in driving," she bites back.

The huff that came out of Eli's mouth was mocking. "It might as well be," he mutters.

Jake smacks Eli's arm teasingly, "And that's the reason you've crashed, wait, how many times?" He looks at Bella for recollection, even though Elias only told him the story last week.

"Like every car he's ever gotten into," Bella supplies.

Jace makes a startled sound, so Eli looks up and says without any hint of guilt or doubt, "It's always been the cars fault."

"Ok," the Cameron boy decides, coming around to sit on one of the stool laying around the garage. "I'm definitely staying to hear these stories."

He stayed longer than that initial day. Soon enough, Jace was a another regular in Jakes garage, his presence both lighting up the atmosphere and bringing it back down whenever the four of them started teasing each other too much.

And Elias forced himself to enjoy it, to not think about the little voice in the back of his head that kept persisting, the bad will come soon. It always does.

•••

The bad came in a way Elias wasn't expecting it.

He'd been waiting for the scale to tip ever since he got a tiny bit of happiness in his life again. He'd been expecting the worse. He waited for the day Bella and he went to Jakes garage, only to find that both boys couldn't be bothered being friends with the two teens full of emotional baggage.

He waited for the day his dad finally snapped and tore him away from Bellas house, kicking and complaining, and he was forced home to everything he was trying to forget. Or forced him to try and talk about everything.

Or maybe, he was waiting for the day the burning, gaping hole where his heart used to be, spread along him until there wasn't any of him left. No good parts of Elias, no bad parts- just a walking shell that couldn't cope or function. He imagined that one night, in the moments where he could finally rest without his mind buzzing with everything he tried forgetting, he'd open his eyes again to see he was nothing but ashes.

He never imagined it like this.

"Hey Bella!" Easton quips as Elias opens the door to the truck for him to get into. The nine year olds face is lit up in excitement when he sees the brunette and he half shuffles along the seats to give her a hug of greeting. Its after school for all of them, still light out, and one of the days Elias has designated to spending time with Easton away from the house.

"Hey East, you're in a great mood," Bella notices when he pulls away, her lips twitching as Elias pulls a seatbelt over the kids torso like a worried mother.

Easton jerks out a nod, curly fringe falling into his eyes. "Moms making broccoli pasta for dinner, so I'm glad we're leaving."

Elias shakes his head as he fastens the seatbelt. His mom is a great cook, but broccoli is a item of food she couldn't master. "Don't tell her that, you'll hurt her feelings," Eli warns, knowing his brothers tendency to speak his thoughts.

Easton purses his lips, giving Elias a shrug. "Dad said no one likes the pasta but she said she's got a new recipe this time and we'd like it. But it smelled horrible," his nose wrinkles at the memory.

"Still, don't tell her," Elias advises, smirking down at his brother. "Otherwise I won't buy you icecream."

Easton's blue eyes lit up and he turns his head to the girl driving the truck.  "Can we get ice cream?" He begs.

"Why do you ask her and not me?" Elias questions, offended. He's the oldest and the kids brother. And paying?

Easton gives him a look that says he's dumb for asking and the answer is obvious. "She's the driver, she's in charge, duh."

Bella let out a mocking, "ha ha," towards Elias, so in return the boy flips her off. He can do it- Easton is too busy looking at Bella, so he can't see.

"We're going to Jakes house, but I'm sure he has ice cream. If not I'll go buy some," the brunette explains to Easton, since he's still waiting for a answer to his question.

The kid has both of us wrapped around his finger, Eli thinks with irony.

The nine year old holds a thoughtful expression for a moment. "What do you do at Jakes house? You're there all the time. Elias normally gets bored of people after a while."

"Thanks Easton," Eli snorts, but didn't get noticed as Bella tells him in a hushed tone, "It's a secret."

Easton sits up straighter at that, looking back at his brother with wide eyes. "Can I know? I don't tell any secrets, Elias know that," he promises, the last part directed towards Bella.

Bella sends Eli a questionable look, unsure of the kids vow. "To be fair," Elias starts, thinking it over, "he doesn't tell any secrets. The kid knows enough information about me to get me arrested."

"I don't even want to know," Bella mutters, giving the two Sherwood boys a sigh as she starts the truck up.

"See!" Easton mentions to Elias with his hand in proof of his words. "Can I be let in on the secret?"

What could go wrong? "We're building motorcycles in Jakes garage," the grey eyed boy explains, and watches for his brothers reaction.

Easton's mouth falls open in amazement, before quickly shutting again as the shock came. "Oh, you're going to be in so much trouble if mom finds out," he oohed, old enough to understand how overprotective Cassandra is.

Bella makes a noise of concern from his words. Easton quickly corrects himself, "I won't tell her, obviously. I'm just saying..."

"Brother promise," Elias demands, holding up his fist, pinky stuck out.

Easton copies the action, uttering a happy, "Brother promise!"

"Bella, come on, you have to keep the secret too," Easton complains, turning around, holding up his hand for her to do it too. Elias tries to hide his shock- Easton holds the tradition to high standards, and he didn't even let their dad into the group.

Bella takes one hand off the wheel, awkwardly trying to copy his action. Easton let out a giggle, moving her fingers around for her. "Like this," he shows, sticking her pinky out and thumb in before doing it to himself, "Then you twist and vow brother promise and the secret can never be spoken out loud or you've betrayed your brother."

"Unless you know, it's telling it to each other," Elias adds, his voice as real and business like as Easton's- though the smile on his face gives away how funny the situation is to him.

"Okay, brother promise," Bella nods in seriousness to the kid, doing the pact. Easton grins, letting go of her hand, looking pleased with himself. "I'm in the gang now, does that mean I can know some secrets?"

The curly haired boy feels his grin become teasing. "Easton broke the kitchen window with a football at our old house and I had to blame it on one of our crackhead neighbours," he laughs out the revelation, especially as Bella's mouth fell open.

"It was a accident," the younger Sherwood complains, pouting. He had been so scared when running to Elias for help to tidy up.

Bella smiles softly at the kid, ruffling his curls like she saw all the members of his family do many times. "Don't worry I won't tell..." she pauses, side eyeing her best friend, "only if you tell me a secret about Elias."

Elias groans- nothing good can come from this. Especially with how Easton grins so wide Eli thinks the kid is about to cackle like some cartoon villain.

"He knows how to unlock a door without a key-" Easton starts.

"-It's called picking locks, kid," Eli corrects him, not wanting it to sound like he was a witch or something.

Easton waves half heartedly at him, "Yeah, that," he mumbles, carrying on his story, "We did it once so we could sneak into uncle my Benjis house and steal all his TV remotes without him realising. It was dark and we wore all black, like ninjas."

Bella shakes her head, giving the oldest Sherwood a disappointed- but not surprised- look. "Why?" Is all she can manage ask.

"I thought it'd be funny," Eli shrugs, not helping his innocence with the burst of laughter that shoots out his throat at the memory. "It was, he spent a week searching for them, he even made my dad come over and help look. He was convinced someone robbed his house but only for the remotes."

That makes Bella laugh.

They spend the rest of the twenty minute drive telling little secrets like that- by the time they're at Jakes they're all giggling. Easton is stationed between Eli and Bella, and his shyness returns as he spots Jake and Jace sat around the bikes, especially as Jakes face gives off his surprise at seeing the younger Sherwood.

"Jake, this is my brother Easton. He's your official helper for the day," Elias introduces, placing his hand on his brothers shoulder for comfort. Easton shuffles behind him a little, making Eli's chest squeeze in a motion to want to protect him.

"East, that's Jake," he nods to the long haired teen, and the short haired one next to him, "and you know Jace."

"Of course he knows who I am," Jace scoffs, pointing the wrench in his oiled hands at the younger Sherwood, "He helps me throw bacon at Jared at the dinner table when your family comes round for breakfast."

Elias looks down at his brother with rises brows.

"That was another secret," is all Easton says, smiling again.

Easton's shy nature doesn't last long, not around Jace and Jake. The latter, despite being the youngest of three, knew how to entertain the kid without boring him or tiring himself out. Easton got a kick out of listening to the mechanical nonsense falling out of Jakes mouth, nodding along like he understood. Then again, Elias wouldn't be surprised if he did, the kid had always been smarter then he let on.

Jace's approach to entertaining the nine year old is to plonk him on one of the finished motorcycle and push him around like it's a scooter. Bella snapped a photo of the ordeal, showing Elias with a giggle- he made her promise to never show anyone, ever. If that photo got out to his parents... he'd be killed, the very least.

In the end they stayed longer then expected, since they were so close to finishing the bikes. Jake had to order both Bella and Elias away, promising that by tomorrow- if Jace stayed to help- he'd have finished them. It was a good job too, since as soon as Elias, Bella and Easton got into the truck for the drive home, the youngest Sherwood was snoring, his head balanced on Eli's shoulder. By the time they were outside the Sherwood house, he was drooling.

"Give me a minute to get him into bed and I'll be back out," Elias whispers to Bella as he gets out the truck, Easton's lanky body half thrown over his shoulder- the kid is heavy in weight and in sleep. He didn't even twitch when Eli was wrestling to get him out.

Elias, like he has the times he'd been home in the last few months, keeps his eyes on where he places his feet as he goes in. It's easier, if he doesn't see, he can push out the memories of him, of them together.

Eli says hello to his parents since they're awake and sat on the couch, answering the quick questions about where he's been and if Easton had eaten. Other than that, he pretends not to notice the desperation in his moms voice- the silent plea of look up, look around, stop pushing everything and everyone out. You can't go on like this forever.

Watch me, Eli thinks to himself as he goes up the stairs and to Easton's bedroom.

"Elle?" Easton whines as Elias is placing him in his bed, trying not to jolt the kid around too much. He looked tired.

"Yeah it's me, we're back at home now, you can sleep," the curly haired boy whispers, trying to hush him back to sleep as he takes the boys shoes off.

Easton's lips smack together, "Elle?" He asks again, this time not a question of his presence and more just a question.

"Yes?" Eli whispers back, pausing where he's pulling the cover over his body. He sounded sad.

Easton sighs deeply, his eyes still closed. "What happened to happy Elias?" He murmurs, confused.

Eli's voice comes out a whisper again, but not as he's trying to be quiet, more because the burning pain in his heart starts spreading over him. "What are you talking about East?"

"Mom says you're sad now because something happened with Jasper, and that you need time before you can get rid of sad Elias and come back home again," his bottom lip pushes out as he grows upset, even if he is mostly asleep, he understands how upset the situation is making him. "But you seemed happy with your friends, so when is happy Elias coming back home? Or has Jasper left with him?"

There it was... the scale tipped- no, crashed down from good to agonisingly bad. Suddenly- like he'd been anticipating but could grasp at how much it would hurt- Elias felt his heart explode in pain; pain that laced every vein and inch of his skin until there was nowhere to run or hide to get away from it.

There was no thoughts to push back, nothing to distract him, nothing to stop himself from finally thinking, reliving, the best and worst part of his life.

Jasper. Jasper and every happy memory, every touch that thrilled Elias, every laugh until his stomach ached and every plan of the future that made his heart burst in hope, hope of the promised immortal life together. A family waiting for him, who loved him despite his flaws, who wanted him apart of their life.

Jasper, who Elias ached for like a choking man ached for breath, was gone.

Elias stumbled back from his brothers bed, trying to run, his chest heaving and body burning on the inside, a burn he couldn't control. Easton didn't wait for a reply, already asleep again, and Eli is glad he doesn't have to remember him like this- broken, distraught, in pain. Helpless.

Theres no turning back now. The wound had been torn open, fatality, threatening to take Eli's life. Or so it felt like- as everything came back, as Elias allowed himself to mourn and feel for the first time in months- he couldn't possibly imagine how he'd ever heal again.

How can you heal from a wound you never wish you had?

Elias doesn't know he's sobbing until he's back in the truck, as Bella wraps her arms around him and his face presses into the curve of her neck: the tears that can't settle on his too warm skin start falling out and rolling down hers, instead.

Elias doesn't know what to do, he doesn't know where to start or how to feel as if the burning won't leave him in ashes....so he continues crying. He cries, gripping Bella like his life depends on it, until he feels as if he's made of tears more than he's made of fire.

Hey this new! I needed a new chapter, and I couldn't add it to the previous or next one, since it was a turning point for Elias to face the fact Jasper is officially gone and he needs to sort everything out. It's been a long time coming, but it's here.

Love yall :)

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