Seventeen

I stared at him in complete shock.

My crush was confessing to me, right before my eyes, yet I couldn't say a thing. He liked me? For how long? His eyes were still on me, my stomach felt fluttery and my cheeks were red. I didn't know what to think, I was speechless and the only thing I could hear was my furious heartbeat.

"Soohyun." I turned my gaze and saw Eunwoo standing on the patio. There was an emotion in his eyes that I couldn't read. How long had he been standing there? I turned back to Minhyuk,

"I..."

"Don't worry about it, you can head home. I'll clean up the rest." He smiled at me, a smile that masked everything showing in his shaking eyes. I was silent for a moment, watching him as he turned away. Why couldn't I answer him? So many times I had imagined confessing to him, seeing the smile on his face and holding his hand, feeling the warmth of his hug. But now that it actually happened, I couldn't find the courage to do anything I had imagined. I was just surprised and scared and a blushing mess. Beyond that, why did I feel worried? I kept wondering if it was the right choice to accept his feelings.

But, I had a crush on him first, didn't I?

Why did I feel so hesitant?

"Come on, it's time for bed," Eunwoo's hand tugged at my arm and I turned back to him,

"Ah.. yes..."

"Goodbye Rocky." He waved briefly at Minhyuk who waved back. I avoided his eyes, still feeling awkward. This was my fault anyway, my fault for messing it up and making it all uncomfortable.

I kept my eyes trained on my shoes as Eunwoo and I walked home together. My heart was still racing. It had all felt like a dream, and I was angry at myself for not responding.

What if he thinks I hate him? I wished I could somehow tell him that I liked him back.

Still, the thought of Rocky liking me made me giddy and I couldn't keep my heart from accelerating past it's normal speed.

"Did you enjoy Seoul? I was worried that you  would decide to move back because you missed it so much." I turned my attention back to Eunwoo who looked over at me with a smile. I could tell he was trying to cheer me up. I managed a small smile of my own, more of a nostalgic smile.

"Actually, it feels like I don't belong there anymore."

"Really?"

I nodded slightly and kicked a stone with my foot, staring at the ground distractedly. I heard Eunwoo laugh quietly,

"Soohyun, shouldn't you be super happy right now?" His words made me look up,

"Huh? What do you mean?" Did I look upset to him? Maybe he thought bringing up Seoul had bothered me.

"Your crush likes you. Aren't you happy?" My eyes widened when he spoke and I stopped in my tracks. He had overheard.I looked away awkwardly; trying to think of what to say. Was I happy? Yes, I was. But there was also another feeling, or maybe several. I felt anxious, and worried.

Why does Rocky like me?

How do I tell him I like him too?

Why do I feel so hesitant?

These questions were repeating themselves in my head. I was scared of hurting him, like Eunwoo had done to Minji. I was scared of losing him.

"It's okay. I can help you tell him." Eunwoo's voice was tender and kind, but there was another emotion beyond it that I couldn't place. I tried to meet his eyes but he was looking away. Is he going to cry?

"You will?" I felt my stomach buzz with excitement. Eunwoo looked back at me and hesitated very briefly before nodding firmly,

"Yes. I'll help you."

—————-

It was all still bothering me when I lay in bed awake late into the night. I stared at the ceiling, replaying the scene in my mind over and over. It still felt unreal. My heart was fluttering at those words.

"I think I like you."

I fell asleep with the happy thought of my crush liking me. For once I felt like I could take on anything no matter what the next day threw at me.

I woke up early the next morning. I brushed my teeth, ate a big breakfast, and called Baeksoon.

"Meet me at the bus stop, I have some news." I tried to keep the excitement from my voice as I threw my books into my bag and swung it over my shoulder. Baeksoon laughed across the line,

"Someone woke up on the right side of the bed."

"Meet you soon. And make sure to wait for me." I hung up and turned to drag Jangmin from the house. He was a mess in his rumpled shirt and half combed hair.

"For goodness sake Soohyun; what has gotten into you?" He struggled after me, nearly tripping on the steps out the door and making my uncle smile from the doorway.

I was more than happy to see Eunwoo waiting at the bus stop as well as Baeksoon. I ran up to both of them and wrapped them in hugs.

"Wow, I don't think I've seen anyone so excited to be going back to school after the weekend." Baeksoon shook her head at me and Jangmin glared while trying to fix his mangled hair. I smiled at both of them but when my eyes met Eunwoo's I felt my stomach drop. Bags hung under his eyes and he looked sick. Plus, he wasn't wearing that genuine beautiful smile of his. Instead, a sad smile replaced it.

What had happened?

"Hey, tell me what happened." Baeksoon clung to my arm as we made our way through the school to class. I smiled to myself, not knowing how to tell her. I scanned the halls for Rocky, hoping to see him walk towards me with that smile of his and those eyes.

"Soohyunnnn tell me~!" Baeksoon tugged on my arm impatiently. I grinned at her,

"I can't tell you now. I have to go do something, I'll tell you when I get back; okay?" I pulled away from her grasp and hurried down the hall.

"Hey seriously?! You made me wait at the bus stop for nothing?" She yelled after me and I felt a little bad but nothing was going to dampen my mood. I stopped in the bathroom and stood in front of the mirrors, pulling the object out of my pocket. The silver pennant shone in the palm of my hand. It was a music note attached to a chain with a piece of paper attached. On it was written,

Dear Rocky,

I think I like you too,

-Soohyun

I felt my stomach churn nervously just looking at it. I remembered Eunwoo's words the night before, when he'd put the necklace into my hands.

"If he makes you happy, then I want you to be happy." He had avoided my eyes, but the act itself gave my heart and mind a fluttery feeling. Eunwoo was such a selfless friend.

"Soohyun!" I turned suddenly to see Minji. Quickly I put the necklace back into my pocket; smiling at the girl. Her face shone with her smile, making her look about as happy as I felt.

"How was your weekend? Oppa said you guys hung out last night."

I smiled awkwardly,

"Yeah.. why weren't you there?"

"Oh! I was visiting my Dad. I don't see him very often." She paused, a hesitant look in her eyes, "Did... Rocky mention anything last night?"

"Huh?" I found myself speechless as I remembered Rocky's words. Had she known?

"Ah.. I guess he did." She looked away with a small shrug,

"Don't mind it, he likes to tease girls like you a lot." She smiled an obvious fake smile before turning and walking into one of the stalls. I stared after her. Why did she sound so spiteful of me? What did she mean by teasing? Surely Rocky's confession was sincere.. I felt doubt start pushing away the earlier happiness. What if he was just joking? I clutched the necklace in my palm.

No, he must've been serious.

I was less confident after the first class ended, spotting Rocky in the hall. Was I going to take the chance? I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself.

"Hey." Jangmin's voice made me glance over. Beside him was Eunwoo and Sanha.

"You okay? You seemed a little less enthusiastic as you were this morning." He smiled in an attempt to cheer me up. I smiled back,

"I'm okay." Looking up; I met Eunwoo's eyes. He was eyeing me cautiously, still making me nervous. What had made him so edgy all the sudden?

I looked away, seeing Rocky heading towards the roof. This was perfect. I clasped the necklace, my heartbeat speeding up. This was my chance.

"I'll catch up to you guys later." I gave them a glance and ran, following Rocky's familiar dark hair. The halls were empty as he turned the corner to the roof. Class was starting soon. I slowed down, trying to calm my beating heart and think clearly. It'll be okay. It'll be okay.

I glanced down at the necklace in my hand, cleared my throat and found the courage,

"Hey Roc-" I stopped mid- sentence at what I saw.

Both of them were standing in the middle of the hall.

Minji was on her tiptoes, arms around Rocky's neck as her lips pressed against his. I dropped my hand, my fingers clenching around the necklace.

I should've known. I should've known.

Neither of them noticed me as I stood in shock, feeling hot tears begin to slip down my cheeks.

I ran. I ran away, feelings overwhelming me. All this time, I had been fooling myself.

She was right. Rocky didn't care, he hadn't been serious. Of course, of course he didn't care about me. Why would he? Now that I thought about it, I was the stupid one this entire time to even think I had a chance. He had played me.

I hated myself for believing anything.

And now I hated him. I broke into the bathroom and crumpled on the floor, dropping my head in my hands. Tears streamed down my face and the necklace slipped from my fingers and dropped to the ground. I was upset. Shocked, disappointed, but mostly angry.

I choked on a sob and whispered between my trembling lips,

"I hate you."

"I hate you Park Minhyuk."