Sixteen

The three of us were silent as we ate our jangjangmyeon outside of the restaurant. I felt like choking on my food; every bite felt heavy and sick in my stomach. I kept eating anyway to push away the sad thoughts. He had died. Heart disease is what they said it was. It was heart failure and he died right after. I didn't want to think about it at all, but it seemed like all the excitement and happiness had been drained from me in that moment. It felt like everything had been taken from me.

"Slow down Soohyun! You're going to choke." Jangmin took my chopsticks from me and held up a bite for me; I pushed the dish away,

"I'm not hungry anymore."

"Yah, don't act like that." Jangmin took my shoulders and made me face him. He took his sleeve and gently wiped the tears that escaped my eyes.

"It's okay." His hand dropped from my face and found mine. I breathed in and tried to calm down the shock and sadness of the news. It took a lot of courage to pull myself together. Sometimes I felt like a broken pot; always having to pick up my shattered pieces and put myself together. Yet no matter how hard I tried, the fragile pieces would fall apart again.

"He lived a good life. I'm sure he's happy where he is now." Jangmin's words relaxed me and I held his hand tightly, smiling faintly at him reassuringly with a nod. He wasn't wrong; I should have known things would be different. Things can change so quickly.

"I'm sorry kids, maybe this was a bad idea." Uncle Dong said worriedly. He was sitting across the table from us, neglecting his food. I took a deep breath, regaining my composure.

"No, it's not your fault. I'm glad we came."

"Want to take the train to the arcade?" Jangmin asked suddenly.

"We can go a couple more places before we find a place to stay."

I hesitated for a moment before slowly answering, "Okay..."

The 3:00 train was late that day and it felt so nice to just sit in the sunshine at the bus stop and take in the sights and sounds and smells. Oh, how much I had missed it. My brother held tightly to my hand as we stepped aboard. It was a strange feeling, to be back on the same train. It felt like it had been more than only a year since I had looked out the wide windows and held the red handlebars. The city flashed past our view, the tall buildings and familiar sights. I was reliving it all, it was like I was returning to a chapter of my life, yet somehow I felt that I didn't belong there anymore. Judging by the expression on Jangmin's face, I'm sure he felt it all too. I glanced down at my phone, glimpsing another text from Eunwoo. For some reason I felt excited and a smile pulled at my lips at the thought of him.

I wonder what he's doing right now...

"Is it Eunwoo again?" My twin peered over my shoulder and I shot my head up and glared at him.

"Hey! Some privacy please?"

"Ooh, privacy? I see.." he smirked like an idiot and stepped back. I gaped at him and slapped his arm,

"Jangmin! Don't you dare be assuming anything!" Blush was already flushing my cheeks and coloring them red. He rolled his eyes, still half laughing and half dodging my attacks.

"Alright you two, quit fighting. This is our stop." Uncle Dong ruffled my hair with a smile and I let out an exaggerated sigh. These guys...

We ended up spending the rest of the day at the arcade and booking a room in a small motel. I didn't sleep well. The room smelled strange and unfamiliar, the sound of traffic and train whistles was no longer soothing. I missed the quiet warm room at my Uncle's house. Eventually I fell into a fitful sleep and awoke with my brother poking my cheek.

"Psst, wake up. Soohyun, we're going to the mall, remember?"

I grunted and rolled away from him. The mall could wait.

"WAKE UPPPP!" The covers were ripped off me and I forced my eyes open, glaring at Jangmin who was grinning at his success. He really had no patience.

Well, I'm awake now.

The mall had a few changes since the last time we'd visited. There had been added some new stores and restaurants. I didn't have much money on me but Uncle Dong turned out to be all enthusiastic about buying us stuff. As we strolled along the shops, I held the seal plush in my hands he had bought, stroking its soft fur. Today I had begun to feel a bit anxious. Or maybe more than anxious.

How could I say this?

I felt homesick.

Seoul didn't feel like home anymore; it felt like a faraway place in memory. I was strange to think I was missing the open fields and country air.

Jangmin was bouncing along the stores and wanting basically every pair of shoes on display. I smiled at his enthusiasm, happy he was enjoying himself. Fixing my attention somewhere else, I spotted a large crowd gathering around something or someone. In the background, I could hear the faint sound of piano music. Leaving Uncle Dong to help Jangmin to pick his shoes, I approached the crowd curiously. The music became clearer as I got closer, the beautiful merging of notes creating a soft melody. I strained to see past the crowd, standing on my tiptoes for a better view. Beyond the heads I glimpsed the dark hair of a young boy, his fingers dancing across the keys. Something about him reminded me about a certain someone. It took me a moment to realize who that someone was.

Of course, Cha Eunwoo; the pianist.

A memory flashed before my eyes of his arms around me, the feel of his warm breath on my ear as his hands led mine over the keys. A shiver went through my body and I halted the thoughts instantly,

What are you thinking Soohyun?!

I snapped out of it with a harsh shake of my head. Why did I keep thinking of him? I needed to stop having those thoughts.

Eunwoo likes someone else and so do I.

I had to keep telling myself this.

"Soohyun hurry up!" Jangmin was pulling at my arm impatiently. I turned away from the crowd and the lingering piano music to follow my twin.

The train ride back was quieter. All of us were tired and I ready to go home.

Home.

It was strange to think that Seoul was no longer considered home to me. It felt a little upsetting, that I was giving it up so quickly, but I also felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Time had passed, and what had happened, happened.

It had been a short trip. Only a day and a morning. By Sunday afternoon we were back home, exhausted and completely tired of traveling.

I got a phone call from Baeksoon the moment I jumped from my Uncle's truck onto solid ground. I answered it happily,

"What's up?"

"I'm having a campfire hangout at my place. Are you home yet?" She sounded excited, worried, and happy at the same time.

"Uh, yeah! We'll be there in a moment!"

——————

As soon as both me and Jangmin stepped past Baeksoon's doorstep I was engulfed in a hug, or more like several.

"I missed you!!" Baeksoon said over-dramatically, embracing me tightly. I hugged her back then pulled away from her with a laugh, peering about the room for the one face I had been missing the most.

"Hey Soohyun!" He waved at me, his face lighting up with that beautiful smile of his. My heart began to race again and I felt angry at it.

"How'd it go?" He pulled me into a gentle hug and I melted in his arms. These sudden feelings were overwhelming.

"It went well." I stepped back and dropped my eyes, refusing to look up in fear my heart would reply.

"Hey guys!" Sanha came bouncing into the room with a marshmallow balanced on the edge of a stick.

"Hurry up, Minhyuk got the fire started!" He was literally bouncing on his toes in excitement. I grinned at him, thinking to myself.

Minhyuk is here?

Outside Baeksoon had set up snacks on the table and strung lights over the porch beams. MJ was leaning over the fire and blowing on it, the bright flames leaping up in response. Rocky was sitting in a lawn chair with his hands clasped across his knees, staring at the fire. He looked anxious. Moonbin was sitting in another chair, roasting a vegetable kebab and staring at it like a predator staring down its prey.

"You're back!" MJ jumped up suddenly when he saw us and crushed Jangmin in a hug. I held back a laugh, secretly happy that I wasn't the one in my twin's situation.

"Here Soohyun." I looked up to see Eunwoo holding out a kebab stick strung with vegetables and beef.

"Eat a lot, I'm sure your ride was long."

I smiled at him, not knowing how to respond.

"Rock paper scissors, the two losers get to clean up!" Sanha yelled, holding out his fist. I felt my competitive spirit return,

"I'm in!" I put my fist in the circle.

"Me too!" MJ joined, and even Moonbin left his food to join.

"Rock paper scissors!" Our hands came down together. Four hands were scissors, four were rock. Eunwoo, Moonbin, Jangmin and MJ cheered at their victory, all four of them looking overjoyed to be out of the job. I felt a little upset as it was down to me, Baeksoon, Minhyuk, and Sanha.

"Rock, paper, scissors!"

Everyone erupted into noise as the Baeksoon cheered in relief and stepped away. Again, I gritted my teeth and faced off the two guys. This was my last chance.

"Rock, paper, scissors!"

Everyone once again broke into laughter as the two losers were revealed. Me,

And Park Minhyuk.

—————

It was dark outside and way past my bedtime when Rocky and I began to clean up. I pouted to myself about it, angry at my terrible luck. The fire was still gleaming, making the atmosphere a little less dull. Eunwoo had gone into the house with the others, saying he'd be out in a moment to help. I'd told him it was fine, but in all honesty; I was wishing he'd come back already . Leaning down, I lifted the cooler full of drinks, half walking half stumbling to the house.

"Whoa, that's heavy, let me hold it." Minhyuk took the box from my arms, avoiding my eyes again. I watched him curiously. What had he wanted to talk about? And why was he acting so weird? Had something happened?

He set the cooler down, turned around, and continued cleaning up. I shook my head with a sigh and walked over to help him.

"Soohyun." Suddenly he spoke. His voice made me turn and meet his eyes. He was looking at me with that serious stare, the one that made me hold my breath.

"There's something I need to tell you, that I've been wanting to tell you." The confidence in his eyes suddenly disappeared and he looked away, a conflicted expression on his face. I studied him,

"What is it? Is something wrong?"

"No." He turned back to meet my eyes.

"Soohyun, I don't want you to answer, or say anything . Just.. listen." He stepped closer till he was looking down into my eyes. I felt my cheeks heat up at the closeness of his body. What was he talking about?

"Soohyun." He paused, my name resonating on his lips as his eyes wavered.

"I think I like you."