62 "its a..."

Late fall settles in quiet.

The kind of quiet that makes the ranch feel hollow, like everyone's breath is being held somewhere else. Most folks are off for the holiday. Trucks gone. Lights dark. Just me, the horses, and a sky stretched thin and gray.I tell myself I'm only stopping by for a minute.The ultrasound machine sits where it always does—meant for mares, not stubborn women who don't want to see a doctor of any sort. I close the door, my hands shaking with nerves and excitement all tangled together."Okay," I whisper to my belly. "Just a peek."The screen flickers. Static. Then shape. Movement. My breath catches.There you are. I smile so hard it hurts.But then.. suddenly I feel Pain.Sharp. Sudden. Like something tearing straight through me.I gasp, my hands flying to the edge of the table as liquid rushes down my legs, warm and unstoppable. For half a second, my mind refuses to catch up.No. No, no, no. It's too early. My knees buckle. I barely manage to grab my jacket before I'm limping outside, breath coming in short, panicked bursts. The world feels tilted, unreal. There's no one to call. No doctor. No help coming. So I do the only thing I can. I get myself home. Every step back to my trailer feels like fire ripping through my spine. I curse. I cry. I beg my body to slow down, to give me time. But It doesn't. By the time I collapse onto the floor of my itty-bitty trailer, I'm already in it. Fully. Completely. Pain so big it steals the air from my lungs. I yank my pants off as squirm as I could. I scream into a towel. I claw at the floor. I talk to her—plead with her—to stay with me. "Please," I sob. "Please, holy shit!!." Time blur together. I don't know how long it took. I just know I'm shaking, drenched in sweat, muscles screaming in protest. I'm small. Too small for this. I feel weak, dizzy, like I might disappear if I let myself rest too long. But then... A cry. Tiny. Perfect. Alive. A baby.I break down completely, pulling the baby to my chest with hands that won't stop trembling. The baby is tiny and warm and real, the face scrunched like the baby is already mad at the world."Hi," I whisper through tears. "Hi, Patsy."The name falls out of me like it's always belonged to her. Patsy. A name Walker and I once joked about for Tate's unborn horse if it was to be a girl, long before everything fell apart. It feels right now. Strong. Gentle. Mine.I wrap her up the best I can, skin to skin, holding her close to keep her warm. I'm dizzy. So dizzy. But I don't let go. I feed her the way instinct tells me to, whispering stories I don't even remember learning. Hours pass like that. Just us. Breathing. Surviving I don't leave the floor. I can't. I'm much to weak to move...Then— a knock. Soft. Careful knock. I was startled, fear rushing in before I even think. My voice barely works when I answer. "Yeah?" The door opens.Jimmy.He's holding a paper bag, steam curling out the top. "Hey, Willie. I—" He stops dead.His face drains of color as his eyes land on me, on the floor, on the tiny bundle in my arms."Oh my God," he breathes. "Willie..."I can't stop crying now. "She came early." I sobbed. He drops the bag on the counter and crosses the room in two strides, dropping to his knees like he's afraid I'll disappear if he doesn't anchor me to the world. "You did this alone?" he asks, horrified.I nod. "N...b..no one was a..around.. i.. I don't have a phone" He swears under his breath, hands hovering, unsure where to touch. "Jesus... you're incredible." I laugh aloud at him tiredly. He helps without taking over. Brings warm blankets. water. Makes sure I drink, even when my hands are too weak to hold the cup. He talks to Patsy like she's the most important thing he's ever seen. "Well, hey there," he murmurs, eyes soft. "You picked one hell of an entrance." I watch him hold her, careful and reverent as I slowly stand up. He stares at her like he knows this moment matters. Like he knows she matters.When he gives her back, he stays close. Grounds me. Keeps watch while my body slowly remembers how to exist again. He helped me lay on my bed, slowly lifting my legs. He then lays a blanket across my body. "You're not alone," he says quietly, like it's a promise and not just comfort. "Not tonight. Not anymore." I lean back against the wall, Patsy tucked safe against my chest, exhaustion washing over me in waves.For the first time since I left home— I believed someone. I believed him. "What the hell do I do now?" I laughed softly. Jimmy smiled "should I call somone? Emily maybe?"I shrugged "I think it's okay... just let them know in the morning I won't be into work" I laughed softly. " yeah. I think they'll understand a great amount" he teased. I watched as jimmy shifted on the edge of the bed. "Please don't go anywhere... I... I don't want to be alone... I'm scared" I confessed. "Oh I won't go anywhere Willie. Not until you tell me too.."

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