61 "where you been?"

A couple more months pass, and my body feels like it's carrying the weight of the whole damn sky.I'm huge now. There's no other word for it. My belly leads me everywhere I go, round and tight and stretching my shirts to their limit. Even the horses notice. Some of them sniff me different, softer somehow, like they know.Travis finds me midmorning."Hey mouse!!" He whistled to get my attention. My new nickname he's called me for months. He claims it's because I'm quiet and nimble but also smart. "I Need you to check the new stock," he says, jerking his thumb toward the south pasture. "They came in early."I nod, already grabbing my hat. "Who hauled 'em?""The sixes," he says. "Some ranch from down south." That should've been nothing. It wasn't.The dust is still settling when I reach the pasture. A line of unfamiliar horses stands near the fence, sides heaving, eyes wide from the haul. I do a slow scan, already slipping into work mode—counting legs, watching breathing, looking for sweat patterns that don't belong. Then I hear a voice."Well I'll be damned."I freeze. I know that voice the way you know a scar on your own skin. I turn slowly.Jimmy stands by the trailer, one boot up on the tire, hat pushed back just enough that I can see his face clearly. He looks older. Leaner. Harder around the eyes—but it's still him. Still the boy who once loved me like the world ended at my feet. But also the same boy who broke my heart and took every dime I had. For a second, neither of us says anything.Then his eyes drop. To my stomach. His face drains of color. "Willie," he breathes. "Jesus... you're—"

"Pregnant," I finish quietly. "Yeah."He straightens, stunned, like he might tip over if he doesn't lock his knees. "I— I didn't know. I mean... I didn't hear—"

"I know," I say gently. "It's been a while."A long while.We stand there, dust hanging between us, memories louder than the horses shifting behind me. "How are you?" he asks finally.I give a small smile. "Still alive."That earns me a breathy laugh, the kind that breaks a little in the middle. "Yeah. That sounds about right."We talk like strangers trying not to admit we know each other too well. Small things. Where he's been. Where I've been. He tells me this is where my father sent him after everything—said it was best. Said distance would fix what was broken. I don't comment on that.His eyes keep drifting back to my belly, not rude, just... aching. "You okay?" he asks quietly. "I mean—really."I nod. "I am now." That's the truth. Or close enough to one. "Better without that sister of yours huh?"

"That's the biggest upside to being here" I nodded. We both went quiet for a moment. Then he drops the part that makes my stomach twist for an entirely different reason."I'm stayin'," he says. "Travis hired me on. Long haul. Guess I'll be around for a while."A long while. I swallow."Oh," I say. "Okay."Inside, my heart is doing something reckless and stupid—beating too fast, remembering things it shouldn't. Jimmy was my first safe place before Fred. He saved me from that monster. He took me in his arms faster than I could ever appreciate. And sometimes, that's the hardest thing to outgrow, his memories. He looks at me like he wants to say more. Like he's holding a thousand questions behind his teeth. But he doesn't cross the line. Neither do I."Well," I say, turning back toward the horses, grounding myself in the work, "they look a little dehydrated. We'll need to keep an eye on the chestnut—left hind's favoring."Jimmy nods immediately, falling into step beside me like no time passed at all. "I'll get right on that." I glance at him, heart heavy and warm all at once. Some things don't fade.But that doesn't mean you get to reach for them again.As I walk away later, belly aching, mind louder than I'd like, one truth settles deep in my chest:Seeing Jimmy again is going to test parts of me I worked damn hard to survive.And I don't know yet whether that's a good thing or a dangerous one.Seeing Jimmy again doesn't leave me the way I wish it would.He's everywhere after that. Not in a pushy way. Not in my face. Just... there. Leaning on a fence when I come out of the barn. Passing me a bucket without asking. Calling out a quiet "mornin', Willie" like it's something fragile.The ranch feels smaller with him in it...

By now, I'm so pregnant I move slow no matter how much I hate it. My feet ache by noon, my back by breakfast. Emily keeps a close eye on me, fussing in that gentle way of hers."You're not indestructible," she reminds me as she guides me into a chair after I get dizzy checking a mare."Never said I was," I mutter, embarrassed.

Jimmy notices too. I can feel it. The way his body shifts when I bend down. The way his jaw tightens when someone tells me to "sit your ass down, Willie" like I'm made of glass.

One afternoon, we ended up alone at the far pasture. The horses are calm, heads down, tails flicking at flies. The sky is wide and blue, and for a moment it feels like we've stepped back into another lifetime.I sit on the tailgate of a truck following a loud groan "You look tired," he says quietly.

"I am tired," I answer. "But I'm okay."He nods, not fully convinced. "You shouldn't be doin' all this."I give him a look. "Don't start."He lifts his hands in surrender. "I won't. Just... worry comes natural, I guess." That makes something ache behind my ribs.We stand there a moment longer, silence stretching, comfortable and dangerous all at once."Mind if I ask.. who uh..who?" he asks, careful. Respectful. I hesitate.

"Who is the daddy? " I say

Jimmy swallows following a nod. I laugh at his awkwardness "...it's.. uh.. it's walker.." I say safely. Jimmy wasn't surprised. He nodded with understanding. "Does he know?"

"Yes."

"That any good?"

I shake my head. "...like you warned me.. a little miss someone..seemed to be much more important."He exhales slowly, like he's been holding that breath for months. "I'd have stayed," he says before he can stop himself. "If I'd known you needed me—"

"But you didnt," I cut in gently. "You hurt me almost as bad as he did back then..."

He nods again, eyes down. "Yeah. I know."But his hands curl into fists like he hates the answer anyway. "...she here with you?"I looked down at the grass below our feet. "Oh Mia? No.. nah she broke it off with me the moment I left. She didn't want to come. Worst part is she thought I had a choice to come here or not. And I didn't.."

"No you didn't.. you're branded.."

"Right.." he stayed quiet for a moment. "What are you doing here exactly will?" He asked. "...that's a story for another day" I stood up then dusted my self off. "I should head to bed.."

"Alright,.. goodnight wills"

"Night him" as I began to walk away I stopped "jimmy?"

"Yep?"

"...I would've followed you... here.. i would've followed you wherever you were taken to..."

Jimmy grins. "I know that as I fact Willie.. you don't have to reassure me. I know how you are. I know who you are too.. that's what makes you important"

I didn't respond to him. I gave him a soft smile before I left to be alone in my trailer, I press my palm to my belly while the baby rolls and stretches. I whisper soft things—promises, reassurances, half-sung lullabies my grandfather used to hum.I think about Jimmy. About the boy he was. About the man he's trying to be.And I remind myself of the truth I can't afford to forget: he hurt me.. left me in the dust,.. the same as everyone else.. but can't I just forgive and forget?