49 "lug nuts"

Slowly my fingers pulled and rubbed his shirt that was glued to his sweaty body. I kissed him sweet and slow as His hands ran up and down my thighs. I sat on the wooden fence with him between my knees.m while I waited for my father.  He smooched my lips in such a loving way.. slow and steady. I was so focused on his loving all the time I had forgotten my past... everything that made up my past. Back then I hated the thought of men.. the thought of sex made me feel ill...But now I can't get enough of walker. All day out in the field my heart flutters when I see him. When He smiles at me from across the pasture I explode. The words that wake me up in the morning make me feel loved even they are spoken by him. Walker speaks to me like a real person. Like I am the only one in the room. I found myself falling even deeper in love. I loved him. His breath was soothing on my skin as he smooched my neck. Walkers beared ticked my skin between my jaw and shoulders. Happily I giggled at his prickly chin hairs. "What are your plans tonight?" He asked. "You know it's the same ol stuff" my arms dangled off his shoulders as I admired his peachy sun tanned cheeks. "Maybe we go up to the creek tonight. Ya know. To 'swim' a little bit" he winked as his fingers tucked into the waist band of My jeans. "I think that is a possibility. I'll meet you there when I get back from my dad's appointment"I smiled devilishly with my cheek against my shoulder. Walker grinned with a quick squeeze of my hips "your old man? What does he need from you?" He asked as he knew most of the situation with him. "He needs a ride to an eye doctor appointnent. So he asked me to take him. I think he may be starting to like me"

"Don't get your hopes up pretty girl.." he pushed my hair behind my shoulder "I don't wanna see you get hurt again" his strong hands and arms roped me by my waist to lift me off the tall fence post. "I know walk... I'm not.. I'm just.. ya know.." I bowed my head with sadness. He smiled soft with his hand lying along my cheek with his thumb rolling against my bottom lip "you just want his approval. I get it baby. I understand. Just be carful is all I'm saying. Okay?" He then smooched me again. Only this time with passion. My hands clenched his shirt one last time. "Wills! I ain't got all day!" My father shouted from his trucks passenger door. "Coming daddy!" I glanced back over at walker who watched me with severe love in his eyes. He grinned. "I'll meet you later okay?" I smiled. His cheeks were Rosie and sun kissed, his eyes held crows feet from squinting at the sun his whole life. "Alright. I'll see you" his eyes never left me as I walked. My cheeks just kept smiling back at him every time I glanced over my shoulder "I love you blondie" he shouted loud and proud. My pace began to decrease as my face glowed red. I stood still for a shocking moment" you do?" I questined. He laughed aloud as he lifted up a saddle from the fence line "of course I do. I wouldn't have said it if I didn't" his sunny eyes squinted at my goofy stature. I stuttered "I love you too! A lot! And I mean it! A lot!" I called back at him. He snickered at the ground with a shake of his head "go on pipsqueak before you make your old man late!" He waved me off like a fly on horse poo. I bit my lip in a smile as I climbed into the drivers seat of my father's very large diesel Cummins. My cheeks were on fire from blushing and smiling. I couldn't stop either. "What's up with you?" My father smirked. "Hm? Oh,. Nothin daddy... nothin.sorry" my hands gripped around the gear shift. I tried to frown but it wasn't working So I simply watched the road to distract myself...Even when I was driving I could not stop thinking of him. "That boy said he loved you didn't he?" My father gave me a smirk of suspicion. I giggled loudly like a school girl "yes he did!" I squealed. My father laughed aloud. "You look good in love wills. You really do" he shook his head in disbelief as he glanced out the window. I covered my wife lips with my hand. My stomach was full of butterfly's. So full that I could cry from all of the blushing. "Seems to me he's doing all the right things huh?" My father asked. I nodded "I think so.. that I know of. He hasn't hurt me.. in anyway. So far.. so good" I tried not to over speak as I usually do. The last thing I wanted to do was annoy my father. I glanced over at my father's lap where he clenched his fists over and over as if his fingers were killing him. "Papa was about your age when I noticed he was doing that same thing with his hands. The amount of reading I've done on arthritis because of it was nuts. I wanted to find the best cure for it. For him. I wanted to do Something. It broke my heart as a girl to see papa in pain when doing the most simple tasks... I remember him getting so frustrated because he couldn't open up a coffee can. i've done all the research in the world and found nothing to cure it. It just happens. Just like pimples on boys it's just happens. Or dementia it just happens. But the questioned is-"

"Jesus. Do you ever let anyone get a word in when you talk? You might as well just have a conversation with your self" my father scoffed with a stern laugh. I frowned as I of course embarrassed myself once again. I sealed my lips when watching the fields along the street as I drove. I didn't even realize I was yapping my mouth off again. The car was silent for a  moment. "Yeah. Arthritis sucks. When you work with your hands it comes even faster.." I didn't respond to daddy. I stayed quiet knowing it was for the best. "You remember papa well?" He asked. I again was very nervous to talk. "Yes.. I do. I Remember everything" I said. "I didn't think you spoke to him much" I glanced at my father as I could tell he didn't know me well. "Papa.. papa was there for me. He was the only one who..." I stopped myself from speaking once the topic of my mother was coming up. My father's brows rose in curiosity. "What is it?" He asked. "...nothing daddy. I'm sorry. I forgot what I was going to say" I stayed frowning as I watched the yellow lines in the road. "No you didn't. What was it?" I let out a long sigh "...papa was the only one who didn't blame me for mama..passing" I mumbled quietly as I was terrified to see or even feel anything to come form my dad. My father didn't speak right away. But what he did do was point out the windshield "pull over" he said.  I could see a young boy and his mother broken down on the side of the road. Slowly I yielded to the side of the road to meet the mother and child. The mother waved her hand "I'm so sorry if this is your property. My tire blew out and I didn't know what else to do" the woman was in distress. She seemed to be having a terrible day. "Don't apologize. Let's get you a new tire" my father held out his fist to the young boy. The young boy smiled when tapping his fist bump. "You ever change a tire?" My father asked. The boy giggled with a shake of his head "nope! Never!" "Well you're gonna learn today. That way you and mom can never ever be stranded again. Will. Get me my tire iron in the back of the truck would you?" 

"Sure daddy" I was quick to open theTailgate of the truck. I climbed into the back to dig through the heavy silver toolbox bolted to the back rack of the truck. I dug through yellow ratchet straps and rusty old chains to finally find the tire iron. As I shut the tool box I glance up at a blue ford screeching their tires down the road to stop on a dime. I furrowed my brows as the windows rolled down on the rusted old truck. "Hey! Are you John Dutton?" The voice ask my father. I got a strange feeling in my gut at the sound of the man's voice. Easy and steady yet still very fast I grabbed a shotgun through the trucks back window. I Flicked the safety off. "I am. Who wants to know?" My father wiped his hands on a rag as he watched the truck closley. The voice spoke up "Here's a message" suddenly multiple shots rang out against my father. Rifles blasted one by one by one. "M my father's body fluttered in slow motion as he hit the ground. "Daddy!!" I screamed loudly as I began to shoot the shot gun through the back windows of the ford. One body fell out of the back of the ford to hit the ground as the rest of the assailants sped off faster than they arrived. While Still holding the gun, I ran to my father's side. I leapt off the truck to  assist my father's wounds. Daddy gasped for air. He stared up at me with his eyes as wide as the field we were beside. "It's.. it's okay! It's okay daddy! I'm gonna get you help!" My shaking hands ripped open my father's shirt to see he was shot at least 10 times. My father groaned and hacked as he couldn't believe what had happened to him. My teeth clenched around the shoulder seam of my shirt before I ripped it  down. Carefully I shoved peices of my shirt down into his bullet wounds. My father screamed, he hyperventilated at the gory sensation. "I'm so sorry daddy! I'm so sorry! I'm.. I'm gonna take care of you! Just.. just.. just stay with me daddy! Stay with me!" My fingers stuck deep in the bullet holes. The holes were everywhere. On his legs, arms, torso, chest, everywhere.  I took care of the most important ones first. My eyes gazed over to the tiny little boy who laid lifeless in the tall blood stained grass. The boy was holding silver and red lug nuts in his tiny hands. His mouth was dripping with gore as his eyes stared at the sun. I wanted to cry. I wanted to break down and cry but I didn't. I refused. My father needed me more than ever. I killed one parent.. I can't let this one die either. John gasped for air as his hands grasped around my wrist. He pulled me down to him. "...it... it... it wasn't... it.. it wasn't your.. your fault" he mumbled. His eyes were tearful. He looked so pale. I shook my distraught head "what.. what are you saying daddy?! Save your breath. Take keep breaths! I'm gonna take care of you!" I looked back at his truck to see all the tires were blown out along with the windshield. I figured I could take him... but I knew I was much too small to lift him. "Evelyn!" My father whimpered to me with a snap of my arm. I looked back down at him still keeping hard pressure on his wounds. "What?.. what..daddy?" He was starting to lose his mind. "It's.. not.. your.. f..fault" he repeated. "What's not my fault?!" I asked him again. "Evelyn..." his bloody fingers pointed at my face before stroking a long overgrown piece of my blonde hair leaving me with red highlights. "It was.. never.. your.. fault" he repeated as to smeared his blood down my pale cheek. I began to cry, but stopping myself to toughen up. "Stop talking like that daddy! I'm gonna get you some god damn help!!" That's when I hear another engine roaring towards me. I chose to let go of my father's wounds To grab hold of the shotgun again. I pointed it into the street where traffic would've came from. But that's when I fianally found my help. Rip. "Jesus fucking Christ!!" He shouted. It was also like I saw god. "Rip.. rip!! Help me get him in the truck! Please! Then.. then call viggo! Tell him to meet us in pasture three!" Rip laid my father's limp body in the bed of his truck. I climbed in with my father to keep him from bleeding out. I listened to his heart beat as rip drove as fast as he possibly could. "Stay with me daddy.. please daddy... I can't lose you.. please.." I counted his beats per minute. He was slowing down. I was losing him. At this point he was no longer conscious. I began chest compressions. I didn't think I was strong enough to be successful. "Come on!!" I shouted out loud as my hair blew like crazy in the speeding truck wind. "Come on daddy! Work with me here!!" I called out. The truck came to a complete stop. I stared above me as the helicopter lowered. "Come on peanut. Let's move! Let's move!" Rip lifted my father back up. Carefully but quickly he laid him in the helicopter. I followed. "Call Casey! Tell him to look for a baby blue rusted ford bronco! I didn't get the full license plate. It reads 7b12 something... But the windows are all shot out!" I shouted over the humming of the helicopter wings. Rip nodded as he stepped back "don't lose him Willie! Please!" Rip begged me. "I won't! Now go rip! Go!!" For twenty minutes straight I compressed my father's chest while squeezing oxygen into his lungs. He was dying and there wasn't a damn thing I could do. I wasn't going to give up on him. I wasn't going to. Not a chance. I continued. I continued until we landed on the hospitals mercy flight grounds. The paramedics ran out. They took my father faster than I could speak. I stepped off the helicopter with blood dripping from my hands to my elbows. I had blood drenched along my chest to my knees. I held my weak hands out defenselessly. "Please.." I cried out to the strangers whom were saving my father's last breath. "Please that's my father.. please.. please save him" my voice cracked. They didn't speak a word. They didn't even look in my direction. They took my father by stretcher deep into the hospital hallways. I followed them until the ER operating room door slammed on my face. I still held out my gory hands in the most lost and vulnerable way possible. I stared in the windows of the ER doors. I would pace the floors in front of those doors for hours. Back and fourth, back and fourth. Each step I took was another step closer to his possible death. I hugged myself for comfort with the sulk of my bowed head as I guarded those doors like a dog. I needed to know what was going on. I needed to know if my dad was dead. I needed answers. I was so uneasy. "Ma'am. You can't be here" a man spoke behind me. He repeated himself multiple times, each time I ignored him. Not intentionally. I was so zoned out, I was too Focused on pacing, too Focused on my father's state. "Ma'am!! I'm gonna have to ask you to leave!" The security guard shouted with his hand on my shoulders. "Please. Stop" I say as I smacked his hand slightly. "I've told you over and over. You can't look like this. You're scaring everyone" he repeated.  "Leave me alone!" I snapped. "I'm not gonna say it again!" Suddenly He grabbed my arms angrily, trying to put them behind my back. I squirmed "get off of me!! Get off!!" I truffled against his aggressive grip "I've asked you multiple times to leave!! You're scaring everyone around you!!" He screamed within my face with gritted teeth. He was angry as His hands gripped the back of my neck like a dog. I cowards like a puppy too. "Please I just want to see my dad!!" I yelled. "I don't give a shit what you want!" He shoved me angrily. I was so exhausted.  I didn't want to fight anymore. He shoved me once more like a rag doll making my small body smack into the wall. "Hey!! Hey! Hey!! She's 90lb a soaking wet!! You don't have to handle her like that!!" A familiar voice rang out" the security guard shoved me again towards the doors I came in. "Put your fuckin hands on her again! See what the fuck happens!"rip shoved the security guard far away from me. The guard stared at rip with anger "she can't be in here with blood on her like that! It's a bio hazard ! I'm just doing what I was hired to do!" He shouted again. "I'll take care of it! Back off! I'll get her cleaned up! Just leave her be!" Rip grabbed my arm not too rough as he walked me down the hall closer to the bathrooms. Rips hands quickly held my face "are you hurt? Are you okay?" He looked at my arms and waist. "I'm fine fine.." I said blankly. "...here peanut" rip handed me a shirt from over his shoulder. He must've remembered I ripped my sleeve off. I was quick to change my shirt to try and hide some blood. "Any news from the doc?" Rip asked as he hid me from anyone watching my change. I shook my head "no.. I.. I wish they would" I walked past rip to stand back front of the doors again. I hugged myself as I based the ground again. "Maybe you should go home honey. Get some rest?" He insisted. I didn't reply. I just stuck to my guns and waited. "John Dutton?" I voice asked the room. I lifted my sorrowful head. "Yes!" I say aloud. The doctor nodded his head "he's stable. As stable as we could get him. He's in a coma now. Medically induced. For now. I'm not sure how long he may have. It'll be awhile before you could see him. I suggest going home. Get some rest" he sympathized. I let out a long sigh as I was just oh so defeated. I glanced back at rip. "Let's get you home.."

....

Rip drove about an hour to get me home. It was late. Maybe 2am. My body ached. My head mourned. All I wanted to do was curl up and cry. I was to worried for my father. I would forever take the blame for him. As we pulled up to the ranch we could see four swinging bodies hanging from the Yellowstone ranch sign. My eyes widened at the sight. "What the fuck?" Rip was taken aback. I could tell he instantly felt rage. Rip stomped on the gas. He sped so fast down that driveway I didn't even have time to speak.  I stumbled out of the truck even faster than the truck. I ran so fast in the gravel my feet were kicking up dust. "Walker!!" I shouted. "Walker!!" I pleaded to god he was okay. "Walker!!" I cried even louder. From afar I could see men lined up against the perimeter of the property line. That's when I see him dropping his shot gun to his shoulder to run down hill to me "will!?" He called back. The sense of relief filled my veins as I saw his sweet tender face. "Oh walk!" I cried out of joy but with plenty of sorrow. He scooped me up, wrapping his long loving arms around me whiling picking me up from the ground. I wrapped my arms so tightly around his neck as I was so scared he was long gone moments before. His hand held the back of my head as he pleaded for my mercy "...oh baby.. baby where have you been? I thought I'd never see you again.." he held me so tight for so long. I never wanted him to let go. I didn't responded to him right away. I just broke down into tears. "Baby?.." he pulled away from me to take a look at my face. He then looked sick as he saw all of the blood stained along my face, arms, hands and pants. He was quick to pull up my shirt. "Where are you hit? Where are you hit baby?! Are you hit!?" He panicked as whe searched my body. I shook my head as I cried even harder "no! No! My daddy! My daddy was hit! They took him out! I tried to stop them. Jesus Christ I tried! I did everything I could! If he dies it's all my fault! I should've been there! I should've took those bullets for him! I should've! I didn't! Why? It's all my fault-"

"Willie!" He held my cheeks with a long shake of his head "you've seen too much baby.. you.. you need to rest.." he pulled my head against his chest as he laid his lips on my sobbing skull. "I love you baby... this isn't your fault.. it'll never be your fault... it's over.. the only thing left to do is wait baby. We just have to wait.. he will pull through.. you'll see. He will pull through.."