42 "screw em'"

I stared at the glass window Infront of me. The glass held skinny black lines almost like a tic tac toe board. I watched through the hospital glass as jimmy struggled to stand on his own. His hands squeezed onto long silver handle bars as multiple woman moved his legs for him. I could see his face was on fire. He was working so hard while also being to frustrated at himself. I caught the heavy door as a nurse stepped out. I stepped in making sure the coast was clear of any barrel racing bimbos. Jimmy was sat down a bench to catch his heavy breath. "You're doing real good" I say with a very soft smile. He looked up with a good swipe of his brow. "Willie" he perked up "what... what are you doing here?" He was shocked. Almost in a hopeful way. "I came to see you. To see how you were doing... clearly you're doing well" I hugged around myself while adjusting my purse strap on my shoulder. "The best I possibly can. I mean I'm crippled. I can't fix that very fast" he chuckled nervously. I smiled down at the floor as he spoke. "I.. I also have just been.. thinking of you.. a lot.." I tucked my long blonde strand of hair behind my ear. "You have?.." he adjusted his limp legs as he was intrigued by my comments "...yeah.. I mean... I've thought about punching you in the face.. for.. for leading me on.. with no ending at all.. if that makes sense..." I rubbed my hand over my arm soothingly as I stood. "...I.. I know.. it wasn't supposed to be this way" he frowned. "But.. I also have thought about you.. being here.. alone... and I've thought about us.. and what we could've been.."

"Well.. I haven't been alone. I've been with Mia. She's here every day with me. She's helped me through a lot"

"Yeah but that could've been me too jimmy.. but you chose her over me"

"I wasn't thinking Willie. I was thinking wrongfully. And I'm glad I did. I would've never found her"

"You wouldn't have been distracted by her to make you fall in the first place!"

"You're not going to sit here and blame me for this are you!?"

"No! I'm not! I just-"

"You what Willie!? Are you trying to guilt trip me into wanting you over her!?"

"N.. no jimmy! I just-"

"You what what will?"

"I just want to know what's wrong with me! What does she have that I never did. What made you choose a girl you don't know over me! You left me in the dirt. In the god damn dust!" Jimmy thought for a moment. He sighed as he was much too ashamed of himself. "She showed up for me. She was here when I woke up. She was here from day one"

"So was I"

"No you weren't! You weren't here! Only your old man's money was here!"

"I was here! The first night! I sat here for hours waiting for the news about you! When I tried to visit you she pushed me out! Forced me to go! She Said you didn't want anything from me anymore" I gulped down my sorrows as I spoke. "And if you wanna talk about god damn money we can!" Jimmy scoffed while rolling his eyes "I will get you every dime back"

"I don't want your damn money jimmy! That's not the god damn point! I gave you everything. Everything I've ever owned! Thinking you loved me. Did you even love me jimmy?" This is the question I've been wanting to ask him for so long. It was honestly the whole reason I was there. I had too many questions for him before I could ever allow myself to move on. He looked down "I did.. but I love Mia" he said. I could almost hear my heart crack. I looked down as I quickly wiped my cheeks. "I'm sorry Willie" he said quietly. "...no you're not...I knew you were gonna end up like everyone else" I sighed. Jimmy bowed his head. I watched him with sad eyes. "I'm not like everyone else will.."

"You told me you loved me.. then you left me like everyone else..I think this is goodbye jimmy.." frowned heavily then nodded in agreement. He wasn't happy to say goodbye. I could tell he was hesitant by the way he gripped my hand. He held it as if he needed to one last time "Jimmy?" Mia spoke behind me. I kept my eyes on jimmy, not showing her any of my attention at all.  ".. I just wanted to let you know that you're more than welcomed back at the ranch. You still have a home with us. We hope to see you back there soon" i was quick to change the subject. Jimmy nodded "yeah.. thanks Willie.." I turned to walk out, but Before I could Mia stopped me. "I hope this is the last time I see you here" she said with a suspicious tone of voice. I looked her up and down "this romance you have goin on with jimmy won't last too long. So keep your bags packed. You'll be heading out soon" I say. I felt the need to stand up for myself. Last thing I need her to know is that she got the best of me, or that she won the war over jimmy.. she didn't win a damn thing. Before she could snap back at me I was gone. I left that hospital faster than I got there. It was late at night when I finally arrived home. It was quiet outside other than the normal music and laughter coming from the glowing bunkhouse. The bunkhouse wasn't the only place glowing in the dark. I could see the light and door was left open at the barn. Never did anyone respect what went on in the barn but me. I shimmied my way inside to shut it down for the night. I glanced over at a figure whom was sat on a chair stroking his guitar for the horses. He sang soft and kind, mostly to himself than the animals. His gentle face turned to look at me as I walked up the dirty wood floor. His pale sad look turned into a large warm smile. I smiled back. "Well look who it is. Ain't it my blue eyed blondie" he chuckled. I stepped over to him to lean on the stall post that held Tates horse 'bird'. "Whatcha doin all by yourself?" I asked. "Just thinking...Wondering." He said as his laid his guitar on his lap. "What about?" I asked in full curiosity. "About you" he said. I laughed softly "what about me?" I kicked his ankle teasingly. "Wondering where you been if it ain't here with me?" He smirked. "Ahh. You're a little flirt I see!" I reached my hand into the stall behind me to stroke the wicked horses face. "I had some buisness to tend to" I sad still a bit saddened. "What kind of buisness? Murder?" He teased. I laughed "I wish! More like a break up"

"Breakup? Thought you said there wasn't anyone else?" His brow was cocked. "There isn't. I just thought there would be" I sighed as I sat down infornt of him on a bucket. "Yeah? What happened?" He leaned back in the old beaten wood chair. "He fell in love with someone else..." I looked down rubbing my hands along the fading bruises on my arms. "There's better woman out there. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Nor offended" I felt so low. I knew it was bound to happen. Everyone leaves me for any reason they could think of. It's how it works. They always leave. "Why do you say that? There ain't nothing wrong with you" he says. I shook my head "you'd be surprised" I laughed in a pitiful way. "I would be surprised . You're the most beautiful, gentle, sweet and loving woman I've ever met. Who was it that upset you?" He stared at me with honest eyes after he moved his guitar against the wall then leaned his elbows on his knees. He watched me With a serious face. I was shocked by his complements still. I was shocked by his loving heart. "Uh..." I was really taken aback "jimmy... you know.. tall jimmy.." "Yeah blondie. I know jimmy" he chuckled. "Well.. him.." I looked down trying not to show too much emotion. I was venerable at this time. Walker frowned at my sadness. "Just say fuck em' will. You need to learn to say fuck! Them!" His hand grasped my knee as he lovingly wiggled it around. "Say it baby. Fuck! Em!" He smiled wide. I shook my head with a grin as I looked up at him. "I wanna hear you say it. Fuck! Em!" He reached over wiping the tears from my scared up cheeks. "...fuck em" I whispered. Walker chuckled with his thumb and finger pinching my cheek "I couldn't fuckin hear you!" He swore. I wasn't a fan of swearing. I always thought it sounded Mean and vile. My father cursing at me as a child scared me to death so I never liked to talk that way. I myself never wanted to seem mean or scary.. or even rude... I shook my head again "I said it walk" I smiled. "Not loud enough. Man girl. You need to let loose. Say it again" he demanded"Screw em.." I looked down. Walker quickly pushed me up by my arms. "Come with me" he dragged me outside, up a hill that was behind the barn. He held my hand tightly then turned me around "look up at that damn sky and say it as loud as you can" he rubbed his hands over my shoulders warming me up, making me feel at ease. "There is no one here to judge you" he whispered sweetly to me. I took in a deep breath Then I hollered "fuck!! Them!!" I held out my hands as I was relieved. "Fuck them!! Fucking! Fuck!! Them!!" I laughed so loud after I shouted. I laughed from my belly as my body was shaking with glee. "Fuck! Them!" I laughed  as I turned to look at walker. Walker was watching me as if he was in love. His eyes were soft as his lip was curled into his teeth. "You tell em' baby" he spoke proudly. I was still laughing at myself when I leaned into him as he chuckled his sweet sounds. His hands held my cheeks below my ears with passion glowing behind his long dark lashes. I could get lost in them in a matter of seconds. He was beautiful. He was kind and gentle. I needed him "Fuck em" he snickered under his breath as his lips gazed close to mine... anxiously I bit the skin on my lower lip while watching his perfect peachy lips glistening in the moon. "....fuck it" I said back to him before slamming my lips and body against his. His hands ran along the thin sides of my body. Eagerly his kissing was rough, like he wanted more, like he needed more. I knew I wanted more but I wasn't sure if I could handle it. It's had been years since I even thought about this... I thought I was ready... I knew I really liked him. His hands were gentle with me, as if he wasn't sure if he should continue. His kisses ran down my neck, his lips began to suckle like I was a sweet summer time flower and he was the humming bird that collected the nectar. The suckling drove me wild. I've never felt more turned on in my life.. if I've ever even been turned on before. Walker pulled my shirt up and off as my arms held in the air. As my arms came down I hugged around him with bashfulness. Walkers hands shimmied down my jeans after watched my expression closely. "Look at me" he whispered. My lashes fluttered up at him as I was anxious for what came next "you're Perfect.. in every way...look at you" he spoke in my ear as he continued to kiss me.. As he smooched my skin some more I pulled his shirt off, tossing it behind us as if we were inside a bedroom, not in an open field. Walker kissed down my chest... then my rib cage.. then my stomach and hips... he sat on the ground as he slowly tugged at my panties. I was nervous. I stopped him quickly by kneeling down to his level. I looked him  in the eyes as he tucked my long blonde hair behind my ear and shoulder. "You okay?" He asked gently. I nodded "I'm okay" I say. Walker pulled my nude body against his half nude body. He laid back with me on top of him as he kissed me even rougher than before. On my thigh I could feel him hardening like a stone. His hands led down my back gripping the skin on my rear like a soft pillow. He then moved to lay me down on my back. He didn't break the passionate kissing as he did so. Gently, he pulled my panties down with ease. I wanted him more than ever now. My nervous knees held open with his body laying between them. His jeans were half way off of him as he continued to kiss my neck. I squeezed my hand along his strong muscular arms as i nervously I stared up at the sky as his hips shimmied against mine. He hid his face in my neck as he gently shoved his way into me. I was quick to gasp. It felt like a rip in my core. His hands lovingly caressed my thigh in a loving manner as my thin thighs trembled. "Tell me to stop baby" he whispered. I shook my head as I didn't want to ruin his moment. I didn't want to run him off. I wanted him more than anything.. I knew I just had to do anything in my power to keep him around. "Relax baby" he whispered as he kissed my neck and shoulder "you're too tense" he watched my eyes as they sinned in the moon. He could tell I was terrified. His hands held my face as his member stayed inside me. I could feel it throbbing, wanting to move, I was wet and willing but I myself was scared of the pain and length. He sat up, pulling my small body against him still attached inside me. He held me close as his member slipped deeper inside. I moaned quietly into his ear. "Better?" He mumbled. It was.. I felt closer to him.. not pinned down and in pain. I felt loved in that moment. I nodded to him. His hips bucked gently as my body tensed up at each thrust. It was feeling good... too good. My hands held his shoulders as I moved slowly against him. My small but still perky chest grazed against his bare skin. I was turned on more than ever with His big meaty hands holding  The skin on my butt as we moved faster,  my hips swayed the deeper and deeper he went. He was long. Gorgeously long, my skinny legs were shaking at the feeling of his size. I gasped my own chest as I threw my head back moaning. His mouth latched onto my chest as he began to suckle. That was my favorite. I bucked my hips faster at the feeling of his tongue around my nipples. My wet chest was hardened by his love. "Walk" I moaned in his ear. "Oh walk!" I squealed as his thickness widened. He was rock solid. I thought he was going to tare me apart. "That's it baby... say my name" he grunted a deep sexy moan. He stared up at me with his satisfied mouth open. My hands held his bearded cheeks as I rang "oh... oh god.." I whimpered as I was enjoying every inch of him "oh fuck me walk... fuck me!" I whimpered even more. The sound of my squeaking voice drove him insane. He could feel my innocents leaving my body as I swore my words to him. His grip on my hips  got harder as his thrusting got tougher. "Look at me" he demanded. "Look at me baby" My moaning eyes locked in as my forehead leaned against his warm head. I was moaning so loud I couldn't handle the oozing feeling of my core. "Have me walker. Have me.. I'm yours... fuck me walk! Oh god! Oh yes! Yes!" I cried out. His mouth bit down on my shoulder after he moaned "I'm gonna cum" he groaned. He did. Deep inside me. The feeling was warm and rewarding. I moaned even louder at the feeling. He hugged me so tight I felt even more at home with him. I was so overwhelmed with emotion. I was so heart broken with jimmy... but so unbelievably in love with walker. At least I think I was. I was panting heavily trying to catch my breath. I laid my head down on his shoulder as he held me. I listened to his heavy breathing as it sounded like a song to me. Walker rubbed my back soothingly as I began to cry. I wasn't sad. I was happy. Unbelievably happy. "Blondie?.." he whispered as he turned my head to look at me. I quickly wiped my cheeks like nothing had happened. "What's a matter baby.. talk to me" he spoke gently with his thumbs wiping my eyes while holding my cheeks. "N..nothin.. I... I just.. I'm just.. just hoping you won't forget me Tomorrow morning... I.. I hope.. I.. I mean somthing to you by then" I gulped down my sob as I spoke to him. He shook his head as he still panted up a storm "you don't have to worry about me baby... I'm here... and as long as you are here I'm not going anywhere" he spoke so gently. I laid my head back down to listen to his heart beat as tears still ran down my face. "Talk to me" he said. He leaned back on the grass with my tiredly laying upon his chest. I didn't speak. I stayed quiet still listening to his thudding chest. I closed my eyes as I felt his rough finger tips grazing over my bruised up back... I felt safe.. so safe I told him my secret "When.. when I was 15.. I.. I got in a fight at school...some.. some girl I hardly knew.. she used to teased me for years.. the one time I finally stood up for myself...I got kicked out of school blah blah...you'd think being kicked out was the worst part... but no.. I was followed... I was followed home by some boys... boys who were a bit older than me... I knew them as seniors. lacrosse jocks and stuff.. they followed me for a reason... they knew I was weak. They knew I was alone... it was like they knew they would never get caught..." I stopped there. I didn't want to ruin his time with my nonsense. "What did they do baby" he said tiredly as he stroked my hair back. I turned my body to stare up at the stars. I took a deep breath as he asked me. The tears rolled down my skull like droplets of rain. "There.. was.. there was like four of them.. they were big guys.. they held me down like I was some kind of... I.. I don't know.. some kind of rag doll.." I stuttered. "It was so painful.. almost like razor blades.. I remember the mouthful of dirt I had in my mouth. They were so forceful. It happened so fast but it felt like it was so long at the same time... I remember crying for my daddy.. but he never came...god.. all I wanted was my daddy... They.. they really ruined me walk.." I stared at the sky as of it were a mirror. I was reflecting things I wish I never had to look back at again. I suddenly felt embarrassed by the way I was talking... so I quickly sat up to cover my face. "I'm so sorry.. I don't know what I was thinking.. shoving my problems down your throat" I wiped my eyes as I quietly sobbed. "I'm sorry walk.." I was quick to slip on my panties as I was upsetting myself. Walker grabbed my hand before I could say another word. "Come and lay down with me baby.. don't say another word" he pulled me into him by my arms. He held me against him in his arms like the last puzzle piece that had been missing under the couch for years. He made sure to kiss me deeply as my tears swamped my face. "Baby im just as broken as you. I can put that sweet, gentle heart back together. That is if you want me to" his beaten fingers pushed my distressed hairs sticking on my wet cheeks away as he spoke even more sweeter to me. I batted my eyes up to him...I could almost see his broken heart through his skin. "Out of this entire world there is no heart I'd rather fix than yours...There isnt another heart more deserving" my hands rubbed his bearded cheek again as I felt myself calm down. My eyes felt heavy, I felt safe again. "I'm the last one who deserves anything baby doll... for some reason god decided I deserved you... I don't think a single soul deserves you.. ain't no one.. I think you're too good for this world" he squeezed my body gently as he spoke his truth. "...maybe god knew you were the only one who could protect me" I whispered as I batted my eyes closed... I did believe that. I also believed I was deeply in love....