13 "I thought he loved me"

I struggled against his grip. I fought gasping for air. His knuckles pounded my skin like razor blades to the face. "You....cheating...whore""please!! Fred baby please!"

"You've lost every respect I've ever had for you!" I screamed out at him in agony "please!! Stop! Please!" It was as if I knew things were going to end badly. "If I can't fuckin have you willie. If I can't fucking have you...he can't either!" he mumbled under his breath as he pounded into my skull then slammed me against the ground over and over only to grasp his hands around my throat. He sat on my body as he stared deep into my blue eyes. All of my thoughts were staring into his soul. All of my life was being absorbed by his mind. I couldn't breathe. There was nothing left for me to do. This was it. The way I was going out was by this man's palms. My hands grasped a long his body, searching for something. I then thought.. my belt. Grab my belt. Swiftly I unbuttoned my belt buckle. I yanked it from off my belt. The buckle was gold with pointy curved wages on the ends of the design. I held the sharp ends between my fingers like a brass knuckle. Without hesitation my buckle slit his throat deeper than the permanent wounds he scraped upon my brain.  His eyes went wide as he gasped for mercy. The blood spewed from his throat like A break in a garden hose or a broken open dam.  His eyes were fearful. I was fearful. His large body collapsed on mine. I was terrified. I couldn't breath. I couldn't catch my breath. I continued gasping for my sanity. I shoved him off as I was covered in his blood. I was covered in my mistakes. I crawled away from him before I barfed instantly. I threw up what was left of my breakfast. Left or the Booz. I hunched over facing away from the body that abused me. I was hyperventilating so hard I thought I was going to die of an asthma attack before I could even attempt to get help. I stepped back staring at the man I had killed moments before. Stumbling backwards I snapped out of my trance. I ran quickly towards rips home. Stumbling and hyperventilating through the woods, I stumbled upon rips door. I pounded as hard and as loud as I possibly could. I couldn't breath. I couldn't yell, I couldn't speak, I couldn't even cry. Finally the door sung open. Rips face stood with horror. His eyes stared at me as if I was the dead person. His hands grasped my unrecognizable face. I was so scared that I was so scared of him. His hands grappled the hair on the back of my head. "Where is he" he spoke breathlessly. How did he know? How did he know who it was? I gasped for air as I continued my panic attack. "Breath baby. Please breathe. Where is his body baby? Huh? Can I see? walk me to it? You're okay honey" he tilted my head to hold on his forehead. I whimpered attempting to speak. But he shook his head. His eyes gazed up on the layers of my blood and Fred's blood soaked into my clothing and hair. "It's okay...listen to me. Go inside. Take a shower...relax. Get warm. Ill take care of this" rip stepped past me before moving me from the door way. I stared at him as my legs began to give out on me. "Get inside baby. Go!" He called out. "r...rip!" I shouted with tears bursting at the seams. He looked back at me as he stopped running. I stared at him with my young traumatize eyes. I didn't know what to say to him. For some reason rip knew exactly what I had to say. "Go on will. Go honey go!" He shouted from the darkness. With hesitation I stepped foot in the house. Scared and shaking I started for the stairs...but in my way stood the person I hated the most. The true person who wanted me dead. The blonde haired woman stood half naked in the middle of the room. Her eyes wide at the sight of my gore. She gulped at the scene. This was my chance. I still held that bloody buckle in my knuckles, i was ready to strike at any moment. She stood fearful as she saw the skin and blood dipping from my sharp weapon. Her back stood against the doorway wall. She knew it was her turn. She didn't say anything. She stayed frozen in time. I stepped over towards her as I stared dead in her eyes. Before I could make another violent attack, I tossed the buckle in the sink. Beth's shoulders eased as I became unarmed. She once again, didn't speak a word. She allowed me to pass through to the staircases. I had too much on my mind to fight and she knew that. She watched my every move with horror on her face. I scuffled through the house after drenching my body in soap and water. I was shivering so bad. My skin was on fire with the open wounds across my face and body. I had wounds so deep no matter what I did they bled. My face was so swollen that my eyes are starting to shut permanently. My brain was pounding against my skull. I'm sure I was concussed but I didn't care. At Rip's home I had my own dresser in one of the bedrooms. I slipped on some pajamas and one of rips old t-shirts. I limped my way down the stairs as Beth stared at me still frozen in fear. Her eyes looked up and down as she noticed my wardrobe change. She noticed I was comfortable taking a shower and getting dressed in his very home. I then flipped open an ottoman he had near the fireplace pulling out a pink fuzzy blanket. As if nothing happened tonight I sat down on his couch and curled up in a ball covering myself with the blanket. My swollen eyes stared at the fire. "So this is what you do?" She spoke. I didn't answer her I just stared at the fire. "Did you kill someone?" She asked. I still didn't answer her I stayed silent. "Who was it?"

"...."

"Are you gonna explain at all?"

"...."

"Have you been hooking up with rip?"

Angrily I kicked the coffee table in front of me. Beth nearly jumped five feet in the air. She stood with pale eyes and pale skin. "That's all you do!? You find reasons to hate me for no reason but your own!? I've come to this place since I was 10. I never go home when I don't have to. I avoid that place at all costs. I avoid you. I avoid everyone in that damn house. I used to come here everyday after school. Rip would make me super and we'd both pass out watching a movie. It's been my same routine since I was young. Next time you a wanna run your mouth Bethany...I suggest you take a god damn look at that buckle covered in human skin in that God damn sink!" I spoke with zero emotion in my voice. I felt numb from my fingertips to my toes. I held my knees as I stared into the fire just wishing I could jump in. Beth didn't speak another word. She grabbed her things then left out of the front door. She didn't look back. I believe she was embarrassed. I would be too. After some time I was still numb. My face had swollen completely by this time. I was scared to fall asleep. I was terrified of what could happen while I was out. I fought sleep. My eyes were so heavy I just wanted to pass out. I hardly moved as I heard the door open then shut. I listen as rip kicked off his boots then rushed slowly to my side. he didn't talk. He grabbed his janky sewing kit that sat on the coffee table Infront of me. He stayed completely silent as he took care of the open wounds on my face. I kept my eyes down from any contact from him.

"....I loved him" I whispered very quietly breaking the silence. Rip didn't respond. He just sighed very slightly. "...I..I loved him so much" I whimpered. "How long" "..." "...how long Willie?" Rip questioned as his fingers moved, looping my skin back together. "Years...many years" I held back horrible amounts of tears. "Not all of this was from today... right?" I shook my head. "He was..m..mean..he..he was bad" I whispered once more as I pulled my shirt up to reveal my bruising and other permanent scars. Rip shut his eyes as he shook his head before hanging it "Jesus Christ... Didn't I teach you anything?"

"I..I love.. him.."

"Loved. Willie loved. He's gone now. Long gone"

"D...did you bury him?"

"Now why the fuck would I waste my time shoveling a grave for some alcoholic woman beater huh!?"

I looked down with Shame and guilt. Rip sighed once again. "Will.. he was going to kill you" I gasped in the tears that rolled down my face. "I...I know.. I.. I know that" I sobbed. He watched with his brows frowning. He watched closely as I broke down. "Is my dad gonna kill me now!?" I cried as I held my knees against my chest. Rip shook his head. "No one needs to know. No one. Just you.. Lloyd and I... Keep this to yourself. If anyone asks about what happened to you, you don't say a word. Understand?"I nodded my head slowly. I've kept secrets for years. Why not just keep another one. Although I know this one will eat me from the inside out...