8 "in the back of a cop car"

2018Willie 23

The room was loud. So loud it could give anybody a headache. But it was a place that I found amusing. Live music was my thing. I admired voices that were filled with talent. Every weekend I would come to this bar and listen to any bands that were playing. My childhood was not the best childhood, the only way I could ever get through it was listening to music. I love the earthy sound of the guitar. I loved the girthy sound of the bass. I especially loved the sound of any sorts of voices. I was never raised to show how I feel to anyone, so I guess the only way to show how I feel is to write it down into a song. I'd write it down into a song that I will never sing to anybody or even attempts to sing myself. Hearing my own voice makes me cringe. Thinking that I'll ever sing on my own is ridiculous. So here I sit on the weekends listening and admiring. Recently I had found myself falling in love with one of my father's workers. He was tall and mean but most of the time gentle towards me at least. His voice was deep, it growled throughout the night. He was proud of his work but then again he wasn't proud of the job. I slowly began to realize that he was very self-centered, I would never find myself with any other man because he's the only human who made me feel good... Somewhat. I kept the relationship a secret. I knew Rip would have lost his mind. So behind closed doors I was in a relationship that I assumed I was madly obsessed with. Lately he wasn't allowing me to go to the bar by myself. I understand that a lot of men are pigs and could take advantage of me, but at the same time I could handle my own. When I'm out in public with him I'm not allowed to look at anybody else or speak to anybody else who may be the opposite sex. That's okay by me because I never really spoke to people anyways. I became a very quiet person. Ever since high school I learned to stick to myself. I sat at a table beside a pool table where my boyfriend was taking shots with some of his friends. I watched the band across the bar in awe. My eyes were glazed over in love with the voices and sounds. Drunkenly he stumbles over swearing and mumbling underneath his breath. "What are you doing?" He slurred his words so strongly, I could smell the boos on his breath. "Nothin" I spoke simply. "What are you looking at? That tight wearing jean fag up there on stage?" he burped as his body continuously slammed against the table. I held the table still as I looked at him swaying back and forth. I began to get dizzy watching him spin in circles. "N...no Fred. I'm just listening to the music" I spoke softly as I caught a glass of boos from falling on its side although most of it fell onto my lap. "Bullshit. I know women like you! you'd rather have some gay ol' country singer fuck your brains out just to get your fuckin name out there! While hard-working men like me work our asses off to make a living" his words didn't make sense to me. I furrowed my brows as I listened to his complaining. "Do I need to take you home?" I asked him sweetly. "Oh fuck you" he grumbled before slamming a bar stool to the floor. I jumped at his reaction. Without any words spoken he found his way to the door. Shoving and cussing people out as he went outside into the parking lot. I quickly paid his bar tab and ran outside. "What's with you!!" I shouted from behind him trying to catch up with his very large steps. "You're a whore" he spoke. "What did I do!?" I caught up to him as he jammed the key into the keyhole of my truck. "You eyeball every fuckin man in this god damn joint!!"

"I haven't done anything Fred!!" He then grabbed my shoulders slamming my back into the truck. "You lower your voice when you're talking to me! You're a whore" he spoke allowed. "Screw you Fred!" I spat. With his hand raised he smacked my cheek. As he did so I heard some mumbling from behind us from a crowd of friends that sat and watched from outside the bar. I stared up at him with fear in my eyes. "You don't fucking tallllkkk to me like that!!" He screamed in my face as his hand grabbed my cheeks like he was grabbing a fish off a hook. "Get off me!" I yelled as I shoved him away. "God you're so fucking lucky people are around! So fucking lucky!" He spat  on me like a was just some piece of trash. "I'm done with you. We're done!" My voice was shaking I was holding back tears. "Find your own  way home" I open the door to the truck that my father made me save up to buy when I was 16. I started the truck ready to leave him behind. "The fuck you say to me!? Huh!? The fuck you say little girl!?" I can hear him yelling from the outside of the truck. I rolled my eyes as I ignored his temper tantrum. That was until he punched the glass of the truck. His fist was thrown straight out of the window. I screamed in shocked because it scared the shit out of me. "ARE YOU SERIOUS!?" I yelled. the door was opened as his screaming continued. "Get out!" I kicked at him. He grabbed my body so hard before throwing me to the pavement. His fist was in rage mode as he slammed it across my body and arms repeatedly. "woah!! Woah! Man!! You can't hit a girl like that!!" A random pedestrian shouted as he confronted to help me. "Shut the fuck up skinny jeans!!!" Fred straddled me as his hands grabbed my throat. He pulled my upper body up and he yelled in my face quietly yet loudly. He spit on me as he spoke "if you ever EVER disrespect me like that again, I will end your fucking life! I will ruin you. I will destroy any self respect you have for yourself. You're worthless! . You need me. You need me  to think, to feel, to fucking survive!" With one more Swift shove of my upper body against the ground he stood up. "Find your own ride fucking home!" He sat down on the glass covered seat before speeding off in a drunken range. I laid on the ground trying to catch my breath that's been knocked out of me. How much more of this can I take... I covered my face with my hands as I tried to breathe but also sobbed very quietly within my palms. "You alright miss?" An innocent bystander asked as he stepped closely with his hand out. I groaned as I stood up painfully holding my gut. "I'm... I'm fine thanks"  I felt around my pockets for my phone but it was nowhere to be found. It had to be in that truck along with the rest of my belongings. I caught my breath as I looked around for my dignity. "Shoot" I mumbled under my breath. "Do you need help. Do you want me to call the cops?" The caring man asked. I shook my head. "No need for that. But do you have a phone I could barrow?" The man nodded as he pawned off his phone to me. I dialed the only number I had memorized. This wasn't the first time I was assaulted by Fred. It never came to this point but it was still brutal. But a piece of me loved him too much to say goodbye no matter how many times I tried. I'd always run back to him and he'd always run back to me. I always believe that he's going to change but he never has...he never will. At this point I believe that this is what love felt like. "Who's this?" The voice on the other end of the phone asked. "It's Willie. I'm at the bar and I need a ride home " my voice was shaking. I tried really hard to take control of my vocal cords but I knew he would instantly know something was wrong. "What's the matter? Are you drunk? How did you even get there to begin with?"

"I came with a friend. My friend ditched me for some guy. No I ain't drunk, just tired" I spoke softly. His voice sighed. I can hear another feminine voice behind the phone. I hear him grunt as if he stood up and then he said "alright. I'll be right there"

"Who are you with"

"Huh? Nobody"

My heart sunk. "What is she doing back here?" I questioned as a sense of panic filled my veins. "I don't know what you're talking about Willie but I'll be right there" he hung up the phone. Angrily I clenched my jaw after handing the phone back to the innocent bystander. I haven't seen her in almost a year. Knowing that I was returning home to that monster was making me shake like a leaf. Just when I thought I finally got rid of her for good, if not for good for a very long time, she returned. I'm questioning what she wants from Daddy now. After about 2 hours of waiting a Yellowstone diesel truck finally pulled up. I got into the passenger seat and then slammed the door. "What took you so long? You too busy getting gross things done from that hooker?" I questioned as I was getting angry. "Jesus Christ Willie! Watch your mouth huh?" Rip Scoffed as we drove away. "Why is she here? Why is she back? What does she need from my dad? Why are you still messing with her?"

"Hold on! Hold on! Stop it now. Who the hell are you talking about?"

"You know who I'm talking about Rip!! That woman! That evil witch!"

" I don't know what you mean"

"Why are you waisting your time with her! that jerk is just gonna chew you up and spit you out like she always does!"

"Why do you care so much Willie!? Huh!? Why do you care so much about my personal life!!"I jumped a bit as he raised his voice at me. I looked out the window staying quiet so I didn't cause him any more anger. He sighed as he realized he scared me a bit. "What I do in my own time is my business not yours"

"But what I do is your business?  I can't do anything without you asking me a million questions a damn day. I'm 23 years old I'm not 16 anymore"

"Fair point" he spoke gentle towards me. "Don't get her pregnant. It'll be your worst mistake"

"Fuck sakes Willie"

"I'm just saying. She gets around."

"What did we just talk about?"

I watched out the window as multiple lights flashed. Multiple police and ambulances surrounded a vehicle that was slammed into a telephone pole. The car was in shambles, crashed into pieces. It was my truck. It was mine. "That's my truck! Pull over. That's my damn truck!" I leaped out the passenger door as I ran past the caution tape. "Hey! Hey you can't be in there!!" sheriff Donnie spoke. "It's my truck!" I yelled as I looked into the passenger seat not seeing anybody or anything except my belongings that were now destroyed. "This is your truck?" Donnie spoke with curiosity. "Yeah... What happened?"

"You tell me miss Dutton. This was a hit and run"

"A hit-and-run? So no one got hurt?"

"Shall I check you for injuries?" The sheriff asked. I was confused at first when he asked that but then I realized he was blaming me. "I wasn't driving. this isn't my doing" The officers quickly walked over grasping their hands on my wrists. "Hey!! Stop! I didn't do this!" "This is your vehicle you're the only one near the scene" "You can't do that to her Donnie!" Rip shouted. The officers lift up my shirt and sleeves to show severe bruising. "Can you tell us where this is from?" The sheriff was interrogating me. I couldn't tell him what happened. I stood a bit speechless every question they asked I answered with a stutter. They put cuffs on my wrist with no evidence except bruising that I caused this accident. "I didn't do this this wasn't me" The officers surrounded me. "Did you lie to me?" Rip called out. I shook my head frantically "I didn't lie to you I would never lie to you!!" But I did lie to him. Just not about this scenario. "I'm not even drunk you can test me I'm not drunk!"

"There isn't a need to test you I can smell the booze on you as we speak" the officer pushed me towards the vehicle. My heart was pounding so bad I couldn't catch my breath. "I wasn't drinking I swear I wasn't drinking!! My truck was stolen I didn't do this!"

"Then how come you didn't make a stolen car report"

"Well I'm just finding out now that it's fuckin stolen! Let me go!" I began to freak out. My heart was pounding a over and over so fast I felt like it was going to explode from my chest. I struggled against them trying to break free. I was a very small woman so they didn't have a hard time shoving me in the vehicle and locking me away. I could see Rip with flashing red white and blue siren lights against his face as he stared at me with disappointment. I messed p up. This is where lying gets me. The only time I ever lie this is where I end up. Where is Fred? Where did Fred go? Why isn't he in the car? Did he die? Is he dead? Is he injured? Am I going to prison for a DUI? What have I done. Test me! Someone test me!