4 "I'll take care of you"

2010Willie 15Freshman

"alright. Now everyone have a beautiful and safe holiday! We will see you next year!" The teacher giggled to herself. I stood up, tossing my book bag over my shoulder. I stepped through the crowded halls. I went to a small school in the middle of nowhere. I seemed to be the only white girl in the entire school. Most of the students were native. I was teased ALOT. It came to a point where anything anyone said didn't mean a single thing to me. I've heard it all. I was mostly bullied because of the color of my skin and my stupid name. I was named after Willie Nelson. My father's favorite singer. Why he wouldn't just name his son William instead of his daughter was beyond me.

"Hey cracker"

"Awe hey little coloniser"

"You come into town on your little horse back? Where your spers at darlin"

I walked outside to the busses as I listened to their insults. "You ain't interested today? Huh Wilson?" They teased. "You got a dick down there Mr Willie?" Their hands yanked back my bag, causing me to stumble back. I snatched my bag form their grip. "Leave me alone!" I shouted as my bag was being hugged against the front of my body. Bystanders just walked past and allowed the bullying to happen. "Do you got lady parts willie? You look like a man, have the same name as a man but yet you have tits. Unless those are man boobs" he shouted as him and his friends laughed. They followed me between the buses as I was trying to get to my ride home. I wasn't allowed to take the bus because of my house being so far away from the school district. The only way I was allowed to attend a school was if I was driven there and back. My mother taught my siblings as they were homeschooled. My siblings didn't have much of school left when she died. My older siblings didn't have to adjust to a school life as much as Casey and I did. He gave up on Casey and i. It also seemed my father didn't care about me, he still made sure his reputation was intact. The buses were about 12 ft apart from each other. "Let's see if they are man or chick tits" a 6ft fat native boy spoke. I clenched my book bag as I began to walk faster. "Hey!! Wilson! Get over here!!" My arm was yanked back to them. They use the school buses as protection from anyone's eye witness. "Get off me!!" I yelled. My small body was slammed against the bus. One of the juniors large hands covered my mouth. I weighed 115 pounds. I was 5'2. I was very small and very weak compared to these 6ft juniors who were apart of the lacrosse team. They tossed my bag away from my body before ripping my shirt up off my chest. I struggled as their large hands held on to my small arms. My arms stayed pinned to the bus. "Enough!!" I cried out. "shut up!" My body was shoved to the cement. My head was pinned down to the pavement as my pants were torn down. I tightened my legs shut as their hands jammed between my legs. My wrists were held tightly as fingers grazed my innocent parts. I screamed before my mouth was shut by a hand. I squeezed my eyes shut as my small build was violated. I could see a Yellowstone branded truck across the street just waiting for me to come out of school. All I wanted was to reach that truck and go home. "what's going on over there!?" An adult voice shouted. I watched the adults feet charge against the sidewalk from underneath the bus. The high schoolers stood up adjusting themselves before backing away from me completely. My pants were torn down to my knees,my shirt and sports bra hung up against my chest and neck. "What the hell is going on!?" The teacher shouted as I adjusted my clothing quickly. I was shaking so bad I could hardly get a grip of the fabric to pull my shirt down. "Don't you have a bus to get on?" The woman sternly pointed at the boys. "Yes ma'am" they spoke nervously as they realized they were just caught. "Go on then" she spoke as she allowed them to leave. My knees were shaking as I stood up on my own. I pulled up my pants quickly before looking up at the teacher who I thought for sure was there to protect and defend me. "I understand that they are athletes, and that they are very attractive. But try to make yourself less available. Girls like you are called filthy names. As a faculty member i wont call you those names, but what i will do is report you for doing sexual acts on school property. You wouldn't like that would you?" My lip was quivering as I was holding back any tears I had. "White people love their spotless reputations. It would be a shame if that was tossed in the dirt...wouldn't it Willie?" I nodded my head. I just wanted to get out of there and go home. "Go on" she spoke. Without hesitation I ran to that Yellowstone labeled truck. I ran to it hugging my body. I got in slamming the door. "You alright?" Rip asked. I was shocked to hear his voice. "W...why a...are you picking m..me up? You hardly ever pick me up" I shook. His brows furrowed. " you asked me last night to be the one to pick you up. Will are you okay?" He began to raise suspicion. "I'm fine! What make you think something is wrong! God!" I scoffed as I looked out the window. "You're usually happy and bouncy and laughing with a smile on your face when I pick you up. What happened?" He questioned once more. I ignored him as cars began to honk behind us. He started to pull out. He glanced over at me with suspicion in his eyes. I looked back out of the truck window to see those junior boys laughing then trading a high five with each other as they watch me pull away. "who are they Willie" rip spoke under his breath. How did he see them? "Who?" I questioned. "Don't play stupid with me will I know everything"

"If you know everything then you should already know shouldn't you?"

"What happened?" He questioned once more.

"They didn't fucking hurt me!! Can you leave me alone!" Rip stomped on his breaks. He looked at me with anger in his eyes. "I didn't ask if they hurt you. I asked who they were" he turned to me with a dead serious face. I refuse to look at his face. Tears began to well from my eyes. "I..I just wanna go home..o..okay? I just...I..I just wanna go to my room" i stared down at the floor. He sighed before rolling the tries again.

When we finally got home he didn't ask any other questions. I stepped away from the truck with my head hung. "this isn't over Willie" rip spoke as I stepped up the porch steps. I ignored him. I was terrified. I just wanted to go to my room and hide away. "What did you do?" Beth's voice rung from the front porch. I jumped at the sound of her voice. "N... nothing" I spoke with a shaky voice. "You clearly did something to make rip upset" she stepped towards me. As she did so I kept my head down. She scared me so bad. "I didn't do nothing" i whispered again. Her finger tips smacked my chin up to look at her. I shook in fear as she stared me in the eyes. She stepped closer. I could smell the usual booze on he breath. "Answer me. What did you do to upset him!" She demanded an answer from me. She was wasted. I didn't speak I just flinched at her swaying drunk movements. "beth leave her alone. It ain't your problem. I ain't upset" rip spoke from off the porch. "Shut up rip! She's my fucking sister I'll do what I please. Go do cowboy shit" she waved his hand for him to leave. I watched rip from the Corner of my eye. I begged him in my mind. please don't leave. Please don't leave me alone with her. He sighed before walking back to his duties. My head was pounding as she backed me into the corner of the front porch. She giggled at my fear. "why are you so scared" she Snickered. Her fingers stroked a lock of my hair. "you got the same colored hair as my mama" she spoke. "Noticed how I said My mama" my heart was pounding so fast I felt like I was going to hit the ground. "Did somebody touch you Willie?"

"H...huh?"

"I've been touched a time or two myself. You look like you were freshly violated" she laughed. My face went red. "Who?" She questioned. "Rip?" I shook my head frantically. "N..no! N..no some...some older boys at school.. they....they held me...d..down" " Okay shut up I didn't ask for details. So what are you gonna do about it?" I stared at her a bit puzzled. "N.. nothing?"

"Native boys?" I nodded. "Go figure" she shook her head with a sigh. "You might as well carry around a knife. Them boys get away with everything" I didn't respond. I just stared at her with fear she was going to hurt me again. "Now that that happened to you, your life will never be the same. You'll probably cry yourself to sleep every single night look at yourself and wonder why me. You're probably going to hate yourself more than anything in this entire world. Best part? Those boys will keep going and going. Doing and doing. Ain't nothin you can do about it" she spoke to me with an evil smile on her lips. I shoved past her then ran upstairs. I began to cry very hard to myself as a sense of panic filled my veins. I've never felt like this before. I felt so sick. Like I was going to vomit. I refuse to go back to school. I refuse. I will continue to refuse.

Thanksgiving

It had been a week since my incident took place. I haven't eaten in a long time and I couldn't sleep either. This was another holiday that I had yet to see Casey. Casey promised to returned back for me. But he never did. I sat in the living room starring into the fireplace. We all sat around waiting for some kind of guests my father had invited. It was quiet. Some would say it was awkward, but it was normal for all of us to say nothing at all. "Ssssooo Willie got felt up" beth said in an excited voice. My brothers gave a face of disgust as they looked over at me. My father looked up from a paper with his brow cocked. My eyes winded as I looked up. "No! It's...it's not true! She's lying!" My father sat up to stare me down. "Multiple boys at once too" beth laughed demonically in her glass of wine. "How old do you think you are!?" My father yelled. He never cared about me before. Why the hell is he caring now. My father stood up then stood Infront of the chair I was cowering in. I stared up at him in horror. "I didn't daddy! I...I...I mean I didn't want to! They...they made me! I tried my best daddy...I'm sorry!"

"What do you mean they made you? You can't make someone whore around!" My father yelled once more. John mumbled under his breath as he aggressively grabbed my arm as the front door bell rung. "Get up. Get up! I don't need these important people seeing your face. If I have to look at you more than I have to I'm gonna lose it. Go out the back door and don't come back until I say. you understand me!?" He shoved me walking to the backdoor. "What...wait... daddy please listen to me-"

"Enough Willie!" My father whisperer angrily. "Where do I go?" I whimpered as my body was shoved out the door. "Figure it out will! You ain't retarded!" He then slammed the door on me. I hugged myself as the freeze cold wind blew. Full of shame I sat on the back porch. I stared off into the feilds where the snow began to fall. I had nothing to keep me warm but the tears falling from my eyes. I could hear them laughing on the inside. They were enjoying themselves as adults do. My father gave up on me. I was much too young for him. I get that now... I understand it now. He was tired of raising children. He just needed dall of his offspring to be adults. I was just so far behind "Willie? What are you doing in the cold?" Ryan called out as he was retreating back from his duties. He was bundled up with his hands jammed into his pockets. I held my arms around my body as I glanced up at him. "I...I'm not allowed inside" I shivered. Ryan's eyes saddened. "Wanna come have dinner with us? Suppers almost done" he spoke sweetly as he smiled. I looked back at the locked back door. "O..okay...s..sure!" I followed Ryan inside before the wind shut the door closed. With eyes glancing up at me Ryan spoke "I hope none of y'all makes mind one more guest!"

"Not at all!! Come on in miss nelson!" Lloyds voice sang with joy. I walked in still hugging myself and shivering. "Go on by the fire sweetheart. Get comfy" Ryan smiled. Shyly I sat on the couch. I tucked my hands underneath my arms for extra warmth. "Will? Watcha doing here peanut" rip spoke as he stepped over from his bunk. He held his hands on his hips in a fathering demeanor. "Should...should I go back outside?" I frowned even more than I already was. Rip shook his head as he reached down to feel my freezing cold fingers. "No baby. You stay here" he clunked his boots over to his bunk before grabbing a blanket to drape over my shoulders. "What's going on?" He asked as he sat beside me. "Daddy kicked me out...said...he..he didn't want the political people to see the scars on my face...s..said he was t..too mad at me to function..so..he..he told me to wait outside" my teeth chartered between my words. Rip face softened. "You don't look too good. You okay?" He felt my cheeks. They were cold as ice. "Ive missed some sleep the past couple days"

"How much sleep is some sleep?" Rip questioned like a father. ".... Just week " I whispered sadly. Rip sighed as he rubbed his face. "I...I'm sorry" I pleaded. "Don't apologize Willie. You hungry?" I nodded. "Alright. Stay put" rip stepped away. As he did so I curled up in a nice warm ball as I watch the television above the fire place. They were watching a rodeo that was making me fall asleep. I believe I felt so safe in that room that I felt enjoyment for sleep. When I tried to sleep in my own room, I found myself jerking awake to a nightmare that haunted my dreams. I was so scared someone would come in my room to hurt me.... I was so safe and sound on this beaten up, man smelling couch. I passed out. I opened my eyes slightly after noticing I fell asleep. I woke up on a bed with a blanket over me. I wasn't bothered one bit. I shut my eyes again then slowly allowed my body to sink deep in relaxation. I suddenly was jerked awake from the sound of a degrading voice. "Who's in your bed? Huh? Who is that? You said you were taking me out tomorrow night! What is this!?" My hair was grabbed. A large handful cupped in her hands as she yanked my body off of the bed. Beth's fists swung as her rings gouged my face. "What the fuck is wrong with you!!" Rip yelled as he shoved her away from me. I held my bloody nose as I looked up at them with tearful eyes. "Oh!" Beth panted "oh it's just her. God I thought it was some chick you were fuckin" beth laughed with her words slurring. "You need to go!"

"Why! I just got here!"

"Beth you just hurt Willie!"

"Oh she's fine! What I did was nothing compared to what those boys did at school!" She laughed loudly, taunting me with her voice. Rip looked back at me. "Go beth" he demanded. "Go"

"Go? What for!? I'm here for the damn party!" She laughed as she walked herself to the boys card table. She sat down with a bottle of jack, watching me from the corner of the room. I watched her with my small heart pounding. She scared me so bad. Rip gently helped me up before walking me into the bathroom to clean the blood off my face. "You alright baby?" He spoke gently. I nodded my head. "Looks like you're gonna live to see another day will... You just have a tiny bit of a crooked nose" he smiled to lighten the mood as he cleaned up my nose. I was frowning. I kept my head down as he sat me on the bathroom sink. "Great....just another reason to be called ugly" I whispered. "I don't wanna hear that come out of your mouth again, you understand me?" He snapped a bit. I gulped. "I...I'm sorry... I.. I won't say it again" rips hand stroked my cheek. "You ain't ugly. Not one bit"I kept my head hung as I played with a toothbrush left on the counter. "Rip..."

"Hm?" He had his head down as he dug through hthe medical kit. "Them boys...them boys who laughed at me?... They hurt me real bad rip.." Rips eyes glazed over as he looked up at me. "What did they do?" He asked with passion in his thoughts. "They...they pinned me down...they...they wanted to make sure I was a girl... I was touched in places.." I whispered very quietly. Rips jaw was clenched. The whites in his eyes were red. "I appreciate you telling me that baby girl... I do... I really do"

"Please don't do nothing! Please! They'll just keep making fun of me!" I sniffled against my sleeve. "I won't. But I will have to tell you father Willie" Rip mentioned. "He... already knows" I said sadly. "He does? What did he do what do he say?" Rip asked. I shook my head. "He called me...a...a whore... I.. I ain't n...no whore rip..I..I'm not" Rips face softened with empathy. "No you're not baby. You're not. Not one bit. I promise you that. Don't you ever listen to them. Understand me? You're perfect the way you are. Nothing will change that. If you have a problem you come to me. If life is kicking your ass you come to me. I will be what your father is struggling to be. got it?"

"Yeah rip... I got it"