3 "Casey's scars"

2007

I had freshly turned 12 all on my lonesome. beth moved out into the city after graduation, Jamie had slowly become a lawyer, Lee had his own home built and was living well while working for our father. I was very much alone in my own home and life. I didn't speak very much to anyone. All I did was go to school then come back home and hide away anyway I could. Every night I would come down for dinner with my father, Casey and sometimes Lee, that's if he felt like joining us, along with Jamie who was always kissing my dad's ass. My father sat at the head of the table as Jamie sat beside him as did Casey whom sat on the other side of him. My seat was all the way at the end of the very long table. I stayed quiet during supper. Most of the time I finished my dinner alone after everyone else had excused themselves.

"Expect extra plates being filled his weekend gator"

"Yes sir of course. Are we having visitors?"

My father sipped his wine then glanced up at the chef. "Beth is coming in town for a few weeks. Just for the holidays. You know the drill" my father waved casually. "Will do" gator nodded before taking the empty dishes from the table. My eyes were widened. My heart had sunk to my stomach. "Why is she coming?" I questioned with a panic. My father cocked his head with an irritated look. "It's a holiday Willie. Use your head once and a while" I glanced down at my plate in shame. That was a dumb question "We don't celebrate holidays anyways" I mumbled. "I wonder who's fault that might be" Jamie spoke with an eye roll. "It ain't her fault no one wanted to continue traditional holidays" Casey spoke defending me. Casey and I had become very close. He was the only one to actually showed any sort of care about me. "Once again. Who's fault is that?"

"Not wills" Casey spoke with a mouth full. "Enough. She's coming into town. end of conversation" my father interrupted. I had noticed for the past couple days Casey hasn't been himself. He's been down and quiet. It wasn't like him. "Can I be excused?" Casey begged. My father nodded as he stood up then sped off to his room. I perked my head up as he did so. "May I be excused daddy?" I questioned nicely. My father waved his hand in approval before I stood up to join Casey. I stepped into Casey's room. He was pacing the floor in a very anxious way. "You okay?" I questioned softly. "Uh...yeah willow I'm fine" he spoke. "What's going on Casey? I know something is wrong" I sat criss cross on his bed as I watched him move back and forth, back and forth across the room. "you can't tell anyone Willie. Not a soul!"

"I promise Casey. I don't talk to anyone anyways. What's wrong?" Casey rubbed his face then blurted "I knocked up Monica...I'm going to marry her" he spoke. My eyes widened once more. His expression relaxed as he was relieved to reveal his secret. "You... you are? You..you did?"

"You can't tell dad willow. I'm serious! You can't. I'm leaving tomorrow"

I frowned heavily. "You can't go.. you can't leave"

"I ain't raising a baby here willow. You know how Dad is" he spoke sadly. Our father wasn't the nicest to either Casey or I. He pushed Casey to be more like him, instead of allowing Casey to be like...Casey. ".....you have to tell him at some point"

"I know.. I know and I will... just don't speak about it okay?" Casey gently rubbed his thumb over the scares on my cheeks as he spoke. I nodded in agreement. "I promise I won't say a word. I don't break promises" I said sternly. Casey chuckled. "I know. And I know beth coming back is scary for you. But promise me you won't let her push you around" I looked down at my hands. "Willie. Promise me"

"I..I'll try to promise" Casey chuckled once more "don't try to promise willow. Do promise. Do"

"I-"

"Casey!? Get down here!" My father yelled. I looked up at him as he looked at me. "I think he knows" I gulped. Casey rubbed the back of his neck. "Fuck" Casey stood up then walked out. Slowly I followed behind him, hiding behind the wall. Casey stepped into the living room. "I just got off the phone with Mr long... do you have any idea what that was about?" My father slammed the phone down to the floor. The plastic phone shattered into pieces. Casey stood strong watching my father. "I do" "What the fuck is wrong with you!?" John yelled. Casey shook his head "nothing. Absolutely nothing"

"Have her abort it son" my father demanded. "No way" Casey scoffed. "That's my kid"

"Kids! don't have kids! Make her abort it!!"

"No!! She's carrying my child!! I'm marrying her! I'm staying with her if you like it or not! You don't control my life anymore. I'm not 10. I'm 17! You can control Lee, Jamie or even Willie all you fucking want! But I'm marrying her and I'm having that kid!!" Casey stood his ground. He didn't give into my father's torment. I could see the fear in Casey's posture. My father tossed his whiskey glass into the fire then grabbed my brother by the back of his neck. "Fuck off me man!" Casey punched my father's arm away from him. My father grabbed him again but this time shoving him to the ground with a fist to his head. Casey fell back onto the fire pit. "Are you fucking crazy!? Are you fucking insane!?" My father's foot held down on Casey's chest holding him against the ground. Angrily my father tossed a rod into the fire. "You belong here. On this ranch. You can't leave here Casey. I need you here! You're all I have left! You're the last person I have to run this place when I'm gone!" My father yelled. Casey's hands shoved against his ankle, trying to release himself. My father held up the hot red brand in front of Casey's chest. "you're fucking nuts!! You've gone nuts!!" Casey struggled. "You belong to me casey. You don't belong to anyone else. This should make you learn your lesson!" John rammed that hot brand into Casey's chest through his white T-shirt. Casey screamed louder than I have ever heard someone scream in pain. I watched as his white T-shirt turned brown in a burning flame. "Stop!! Daddy stop!!" I ran for my father, shoving him and knocking him to the ground causing the brand to burn the hardwood floor. "Fucker!!" My father yelled before grabbing me by my shirt "Go Casey go!!" Casey stood up with his shaking hand holding the hole in his chest. "You mother fucker!" My father yelled before grabbing my arm then shoving me to the floor as he stood up. "Casey!!" I called out before struggling to get up as I ran after him. I ran to his old beaten up Ford he slammed the door to. He turned that truck on quicker than he ran out the door. "Casey please! Don't go!"

"I'm sorry willie!" He began to pull out. I followed this truck as fast as the truck was moving. "Please Casey!! D..don't leave me here" I cried. "I'm sorry will. I have to go"

"Don't go! Casey please!" I grasped his door handle trying to open the passenger door. "Move Willie!" "Casey don't leave me here!"

"Willie move!! I need to go! Move!!"

"Casey!!" I pleaded loudly.

"I'll come back for you Willie! I promise! Please! Move!"

Casey's tires screeched against the gravel kicking wet rocks and mud up to my face. I kneeled on the ground in defeat as I watched my last hope speed away. He was all I had left to care and defend me. He was a victim just as much as I was. Fortunately he was able to escape for the rest of his life. I stormed inside. As I did so I slipped on the wet hardwood floor. "What is wrong with you!?" I yelled in my father's face as he sat on the recliner staring up at me. "who the fuck you talking to like that little girl?" I could smell the booze on his breath. "You!! You son of a bitch!! Why do you have to run off everybody!? Why do you have to make everyone go away!? Huh!? you drunk bastard!?" I was so furious. I've never risen my voice at anyone before. My father grappled my wrists as he pushed me back against the wall. As my back slammed against the wall, picture frames shattered to the floor. "It ain't me Willie. It's you. Don't you think for a minute anyone dying or going away is my fault. That's all on you! You did this to this family. Not me!" He ended his sentence with another powerful shove against the wall before stumbling back, then falling into the coffee table. No matter how bad I was treated I still cared deeply. I gulped down my tears and I helped my waisted father up off the ground. "Come...come on daddy...let's get you to bed..."

"Fuck that! And fuck you! You're a killer. Cold blooded killer!" My father mumbled as he allowed me to help him to his bedroom. He continued to mumbled under his breath. I laid him down before slipping his boots off. As his head hit the pillow he passed out. I've never seen him so drunk, so upset. I pulled up a chair beside his bed to watch him while he slept. I stayed up all night to make sure he was in well enough shape. I slowly batted my eyes closed as I watched my daddy sleep. Slowly my eyes shut as I fell into a deep slumber myself.

"Fuck" my father spoke. I perked up quickly as sunshine shined bright into the bedroom. I didn't mean to fall asleep. My fathr sat up on his bed rubbing his eyes. "You alright daddy?" I asked as I sat up myself. "Willie what the hell you doin in here! Get out!" He raised his voice. "I'm sorry daddy. I...I was just worried about you" I stood up as I watched him with his irritated eyes. "Don't do that" he mumbled as he walked with sore legs to the bathroom. "Okay sir...I won't... I'll get you ... Some.. She coffee"