Regaining trust

For one hour I was now sitting outside and thought about what I would do now. I still couldn't believe what and how it had happened, but it did.

How should I deal with this? Can I trust him again, even though it wasn't his fault???

How that sounds, it's not his fault... the bitch basically raped my fiancée. I didn't know how he would cope with that.

Ask him! And also if he's sure that he really had sex with her......Hell no, maybe that bitch didn't use a rubber, so she'll get pregnant.....

I got up and walked inside to get me something to drink, water, and then went into the living room, where he was sitting and staring at the turned off TV. "Marshall you got a minute?" I asked him and sat beside him."For you always!" He pointed out and turned his body to me, to show me his attention."I know that you don't remember what happened, but maybe you know if you actually had sex with her?!" My voice was shaking when I said the last words. He looked at me and reached out his hand, his palm up, like he was offering me to take his hand. It took me a few seconds and I layed my hand in his, squeezing his hand lightly."The police said no." He answered and took a deep breath.

The police?????? Huh????????

"Why did the police tell you that? How do they know?" I was dumbfounded."Well, to file a law suit, you have to report something like that to the police. They interviewed her and she admitted that we haven't.... you know...."

Breeeeeeeath Tina!!!!!!!!!!

"What will happen now? I mean with the law suit and police and so on?" I asked him, while he lightly caressed my hand, mostly moving his thumb over my engagement ring and staring down at it."I don't know," he exhaled loudly, "my lawyers are taking care off everything!""Good!" I said and for the first time in days I smiled softly at him."I love you Tina..." he whispered and looked at me, "I would never do that to you! I'm too scared to loose you!"

What should I say to that.....

"I love you too! I always will, no matter what you do. But I'm begging you to not hurt me anymore." My eyes got watery, remembering that I really had thought about committing suicide. "Marshall, I can't live without you, I really can't. So please....." I had to stop and tried to hold back the tears, but it was useless. His grip on my hand tightened and he pulled me closer to him."Beautiful don't cry" he kissed the top of my head, which now leaned on his chest and he held me close. "I won't do that to you, I won't hurt you Tina." I wrapped my arms around his torso and cryed my heart out.

Gosh, it fells so good to hold him....

He leaned his cheek on my temple and whispered softly in my ear."Please look at me" and I raised my head and looked into his eyes that I loved more than anything. He leaned his head slowly down, not breaking eye contact with me."Please let me kiss you! I miss you so much!!" He whispered again and I nodded once. He kissed me soft and slowly and immediately my body was on fire.

Hell.... I've missed you.....

Before we, well I to be honest, could go further, the doorbell rang.

I so going to kill everyone, who's in front off that fucking door now!!!!!!

Marshall stopped and released me, going outside to open up. Seconds later I heard my two best friends storming into the room, a basket in Kim's hand."Oh gosh Tina how are you?" Veronica asked me and hugged me tightly after I had gotten up."We heard what happened." Kim said, hugging me also and then holding up the basket," we brought you something!"

Cake? Alcohol???

"I'm good. Shocked, but good," I told them and looked at the damn basket, "what's in there?"Kim chuckled and put it on the ground to open it."We thought we might need this!" My eyes widened when I saw what was inside. A shovel and plastic bags....."What the fuck?" I asked, but I already knew what they were getting at. Marshall stepped to my side and looked into the basket, a shocked expression plastered on his face, when he saw what was in there."Listen, we've already planned it," Veronica started explaining seriously, "we'll get Marshall's lawyers to tell us the bitch's address, we'll go there, kill the hoe and then we need this," she pointed at the basket,"to hide the body. We'll have your back bestie!" The room was silent."Are you two outta your minds?" Marshall asked them in utter disbelief. "Don't plant ideas like that in her head. I don't want her to go to jail. I wanna keep her!"

Oh my...... he really believes we will do that!Though it's still an option......

"Zip it Marshall!" Kim scolded him. "We're only defending our friends, which you are too, here!" She smirked at him and pulled him in a sudden hug. "I'm sorry what happened, how are you?""I'm okay! I just want her fully back...." he nodded his head at me and sighed. I stared down at my ring and brushed over the huge diamond."Well, now that we and especially Tina knows what happened and we won't need that basket for you," Ronnie said and pointed at my fiancée,"I think she'll come to her senses. Just give her time."

They talk about me like I'm a mental case or not here....

"Y'all realize that I'm standing here, right?" I asked and looked from one to the other with a raised eyebrow."We know, sweetie." Kim said and rubbed my arm,"we just trying to help.""I know you do and you helped me so much more than you two can imagine. It's just...." in seconds I started crying, turned around and almost ran out the door and into the backyard. I had the feeling that I couldn't breath anymore in there. It was all too much. I had never thought, what I had to go through to be with the man I loved. I stood in the grass and looked up into the sky, asking God why it couldn't be easy for me just once, when I felt two arms sneak under my arms around my waist. I looked down and saw the oh so familiar tattoos and he stepped close behind me."Don't cry beautiful! I can't see you like this" he layed his head on my shoulder and spoke softly. "I love you more than anything! And from now on, I won't go anywhere without you. I've talked to Kim and Ronnie and they will take care of Josh, when we're gone." He kissed my cheek once and wrapped his arms a little tighter, while I had mine laying on his. "Turn around and kiss me, please Tina." He begged me and I took a deep breath and turned in his arms, placing my hands on his chest, but didn't kiss him."Knowing that this bitch had her hands all over you and the pic, where you're kissing her, almost kills me!" I told him and the damn tears were falling again. "You'll never know how much I love you Marshall Mathers!" Before I could say another word he kissed me, his arms holding me as close as possible to him. But even though I wanted this man more than anything and to feel him fully was the best thing in the world. Something told me to stop.I pushed lightly against his chest, breaking our kiss and leaned my forehead on his."I'm sorry....but I can't. I don't want to hurt you and I want to be the person I was before this shit happened. Give me a little time!" I stepped back, out off his arms and walked past him into the house again, crying silently to myself.