Loving you is killing me

2 days had gone by, since Marshall was home again. Veronica and Kim had stayed the first night with me, to make sure, that he wouldn't have the chance to come near me and honestly we were way too drunk, that they could leave. The next day I, once again, had a horrible hangover and the only thing I was doing, was getting up, showering, morning routine, put on some shorts and a tanktop and said goodbye to my friends. At 3 pm I had decided that it was way to warm, so I'd put on a bikini, grabbed my phone and iPad and went outside to take a sunbathe. His face was priceless when I'd walked past him, to go outside. He didn't talk to me and was only, always, sitting somewhere close to where I had been. I had called Laney and asked her if she wanted to fly out to Germany, to visit my family together with my son. She was happy and told me that she would do everything to help me. I called my family for the first time and told my Mom that Alaina and Josh would come over, so I could sort myself out, without my son seeing his mother. It broke my heart a little bit more, when I heard my mom crying on the phone because of what he's putting me through and I had to give her my word, that I wouldn't hurt myself and won't be self- destructive. I didn't drink this day, I needed to be sober when he was around me. The next morning I woke up from a movement on my bed and my eyes shot open immediately.

I swear to god, if he's touching me, I'll loose my shit!!!!!

"You awake?" He asked me, sitting at the end of the bed and looking at me."Now I am" I groaned. "What do you want?""Can you please get up and get dressed? We need to go out." He told me softly, staring down on his hands."Why should I go out with you? To look even more dumb in public, for still staying with you?" I huffed once and shook my head in disbelief."Tina, you wanted me to fix this and that's what I'm trying to do. It would be nice if you would come with me.""For what? To hold your hand and support you when you show the world, that your stupid fiancé is still with you? Hell nah..." I was sitting up now and leaning my back against the headboard of the bed."Paul has made an appointment for a radio interview, so I could tell what happened. I don't want you to look stupid, I just want you with me." He brushed his hand over his facr and looked at me with very sad eyes.

You will never understand how much I love you, asshole!!

"When?" I asked him and crawled out off the sheets, to go into the bathroom."In 1 1/2 hours. 30 minutes drive!" He told me and I nodded."I'll be downstairs in a hour" I told him without looking at him again, before I closed the bathroom door and locked it.

1 hour later, I walked down the stairs, wearing beige colored shorts, olive green shirt, heel sandals and had my handbag with me, who was packed with tissues, my phone, wallet and cigarettes. To top it off, I put on a baseball cap and my ray ban sunglasses. He stopped dead in his tracks, when he walked into the foyer. "You look great." He said with a sad smile on his face."I know!" Was all I said back, even though I really thought I look like shit. But I'd done my best, with the help of make-up, to not look like a broken shadow of myself."Bodyguards and Dave are outside to bring us over. You good to go?" He said softly and walked towards me, but before he could reach my side, I had walked to the door and opened it, walking out to the car, where Sam stood and held the door open for me to get in."Hey Tina..." he whispered and I stopped in front off him."You were with him that night, right?" He looked down at his feet and nodded."Don't you ever talk to me again, Sam!" I told him lightly angry and got into the car. When Marshall had gotten in beside me, Dave brought us to the radio station. We stepped out and before we walked through the door, Marshall took my hand in his and my eyes got watery from his touch.

Don't cry Tina! You can't cry here!

We were greeted by a dude who would be interviewing Marshall and damn he was hyped to have Eminem and his girl here. To be honest, I wanted to slap him....Paul was also here and engulfed me in a big bear hug, which lastet longer than normal. He had made sure to talk to the radio freak, what Marshall wanted to talk about."Come on man, let's start" he told Marshall and turned to me and Paul, "your lady and Paul can sit in the lounge till we are finished""She'll come with me!" Marshall told him and stepped at my side to hold my hand again. Honestly I didn't care where I was sitting, I just wanted to know what he had to say.The freak looked a little dumbfounded, but walked in front off us into the studio. After I had gotten my own headphones and mic in front, he counted down and then started babbling, hyped as fuck. I zoned out, only looking at Marshall and playing with my engagement ring on my finger. And then it got interesting.

Freak: Em, you brought someone very special to you with ya today? Wanna tell us who?

Marshall: yeah, my fiancé, Tina, is with me!

F.: Fiancé???? Wow!!! Congrats man and to the lady too for sure. When did that happen?

M.: A few weeks ago.

F.: wow.... puuuuhhh! Man that makes it even harder to ask my next question!

M.: shoot, I can imagine what's coming...

F.: A'right man, here it comes... you were seen with "Miss Universe" a few days ago in New York, being a hell lot intimate with her. Wanna tell us about it?

Yeah.... Marshall..... let's hear it!!!!!!

I looked at him and he looked at me with a very apologetic look.

M.: man, I made a huge mistake, even going to that party. I don't know what had really happened, the next morning. But all I can say right now is, that I filed a law suit against the chick.

Huh????? A law suit??? For what? She raped you or what??? You're too damn much....

F.: wow... but man, a law suit? Why?

M.: yeah... look, the last thing I remember is talking to her and she offering to get me something to drink, she got back and from then  on everything is gone. Next thing I know, I'm in my hotel room and the chick naked beside me in my bed, talking on my phone with my fiancé....

F.: daaaaamn....

The freak is as shocked as I am..... why the fuck didn't he tell me that????

F.: so sounds like she drugged you or what.... damn, some chicks these days! Tina, what do you think of all that?

Me: she needs Jesus!

The studio erupted in laughter.

F.: right lady, she definitely does! But how was it, calling your man and some chick answering?

Me: I'm not gonna lie, i was furious and actually wanted to ripp her into tiny little pieces.

The freak laughed.

F.: I can imagine. And what now? I mean, it must have been a shock for you to hear, that the chick's even drug him now, to get into his pants. You gon lock him up now or what?

I didn't want to admit, that I just had heard what really had happened, so I took Marshall's hand in mine and squeezed it lightly. Doing what I do best, supporting my love...

Me: I would never lock him up. He is who he is and I knew it wouldn't be easy to be with "Eminem", but even though the stunt she pulled, had taken crazy to a whole other level. I won't keep him from doing what he loves, which is his music. And locking him up, would mean he had to stop. To answer your 'what now' question, we will continue our life's and we'll get through this law suit and I'll support him with everything that he got coming up. I won't let anybody get between me and him.

Marshall squeezed my hand tightly and looked at me with the most loving look I had ever seen on his face.

F.: wow lady! You deserve some standing ovations how you handle all that! Man you got a great woman there...

M.: believe me I know that! That's why I would've never cheated on her in a sober state. I love her to much for doing this to her.

F.: yeah... well all I can say is, good luck for you two and your marriage. And definitely I hope this beeeeeeep will get what she deserves, man! So, Em let's talk about music a bit.....

And I zoned out again....After the interview was finished, we said "goodbye" to the freak and Marshall grabbed my hand again, leading me out to the car.The drive went in dead silence. I didn't want to talk to him, with other people around, so I waited till we arrived at home.When the front door closed behind me, I kicked off my shoes and pulled my cap and sunglasses down and walked into the living room to sit down. I sat, leaning my elbows on my knees and ruffling my hair, when he walked in and sat beside me. Not saying a word."Why didn't you tell me what happened?" I asked and started my interrogation."First, I actually didn't know what had happened myself. Second I had to wait for the blood tests to come back, so I would have proof for the law suit and third you told me you didn't want me here!" He answered quietly, his body turned to me."I wanna see the blood tests, I'll sent them to my sister, you know she's working at a doctors office. She can explain it to me!""Okay, I let Paul send them over!""Does it affect you being sober?""No. I called my sponsor after I knew for sure what had happened. He said, I had taken it unintentionally, so he thinks I won't relapse.""It's nice that your sponsor thinks that, but do you feel the need to take anything?""You know, that feeling comes and goes and I'm not gonna lie to you Tina, I thought about it New York, but more to relief the stress than just because I want to!""So you didn't?" I asked him to be 100% sure."I didn't. I'm a huge asshole, but I won't put the ones I love through that again!""Okay!" I said and got up, walking towards the doors, to go out on the veranda."Tina, wait...." he got up, but stood at the place and I turned around. "What about us now? I can't take this situation. Not touching or kissing you. Hell not even talking to you. You're around me, but still I miss you. I want my fiancé back..." my eyes fell to the ground and the damn tears were back. I brushed them off and looked up at him again.

God, I love you!!!!!

"Give me time Marshall. I need to process all off that."