25

after going downstairs to eat dinner, we came back up and i took a quick shower. after showering i blow dried my hair and got into bed with joão, he held me closer and stroked my hair until my phone started to vibrate. i looked at my phone and it was a call by my mother. i pressed accept immediately.

"mum! i miss you so much, how's it going with grandma?" i  said as i noticed how she had dark eyebags.

"i missed you too, sweetheart - but i have some bad news.. your grandma is getting even more sick, and the medication isn't working.." my mum explained.

my heart immediately dropped as joão held my hand tighter and started drawing circles with his thumb to comfort me.

"but she'll make it-" i said desperately.

"i don't think she will, sweetie." my mum said with her voice cracking, sounding like she was about to cry. "not this time."

seeing my mum crying was one of the worst feelings in the whole world. and i felt weak; absolutely weak. because there was nothing that i could do to stop my grandma dying. but i didn't cry.

 why? because she's not dead yet - she's alive. and my life motto was to always look at the positive side of any situation.

but i couldn't this time. the way that my mum was so serious made me believe that there was only a negative in this situation. and i had nothing else to do but accept it - my grandma will die and there's no other option. normally, in this situation i would ignore the negatives and think about the positives

but i did the opposite this time, and i cried. hot tears slid down my face as i put the phone down. immediately, joão pulled me into his lap and put my head against his chest.

"it's alright, el," he said softly and wiped my tears. he didn't mind that i was making his shirt kinda wet. and he tucked my hair behind my ears so it wouldn't get in my face

we stayed like that for a couple minutes, him comforting me as i cried in his arms. i seriously don't know what i'd do without this boy..

"thank you joão," i said quietly when i had stopped crying.

"anytime," he smiled warmly.

he placed his lips on mine softly, and i really wanted this moment to last forever but of course it couldn't.

when he pulled away we got in the covers and laid down. he brought me close to him and i took his hand in mine and played with his fingers before falling asleep.

-

kat's pov:

spending the day with eleanor and her bestfriend, rosia made me realise something.

why are they perfect?

and why am i not?

they had the life of luxury, and i had nothing. fucking nothing.

sure, i had a job that i liked but that was nothing what i wanted to do. painting and baking was sure to not get me anywhere in life, i was the provider for the family. it was all up to me, i was the responsibility for the whole family. living a poor lifestyle was never easy and i'm drowning in the guilt of my younger siblings having to go through this experience.

i rode on my bicycle as it started to rain. great. 

i took the long way home because i really did not want to go home and see my abusive father. he was a drunk who didn't care about shit, or the well being of his only children that he would go that far to actually hurt them. i looked at my bloody wrist and had memories of last night.

glass bottles being thrown, yelling from my dad and my sibling sobbing in horror. me having to step in and defend them, but always getting hurt.

my brother nix was only seven and my sister leyah was just five. they didn't deserve this horrible experience at such a young age, and they didn't even go to school. i tried my best to persuade my father but it seemed inevitable that he wouldn't ever allow them to leave the house. he was always drunk 24/7. the money that i earned would always be used for his alcohol and god i didn't know how we were gonna pay the rent next month, it was very expensive and i didn't even make that much

when i first saw the news that joão felix and eleanor silva started dating, i went to her instagram and god she was so pretty. 

i can't help but envy her.

she had everything that i don't have. she had a famous boyfriend (and a hot one), she had fame, she had a true bestfriend, and she had a real happy family.. she seemed confident. and everytime she talked i noticed every small detail that i wish i did. the way she smiled, the way she knew the right words for every sentence she says, the way she is so kindhearted, the way she was so fashionable

the way she was loved by joão.

i can't count the number of times i've gone to her instagram and looked at the picture of them kissing. maybe i was obsessed but i couldn't help it.

i arrived home and i really dreaded going in. we had a small house with two tiny bedrooms, which my dad slept in one so me and my siblings had to share a room with one bed. we had a living room with a cheap tv with the screen shattered from my dads temper tamptrums. the sofa was worn out and had dust all over it. the kitchen (if you could call it a kitchen) had one cuboard with bread and an almost finished jar of peanut butter. that was the only food we had in the house. when i got my next paycheck then i would be able to get some more.

luckily my dad was asleep on the sofa with an empty glass of alcohol placed in his hands so i quietly closed the door and tiptoed to my room. in the room were leyah and nix sleeping in the bed. i had no pajamas so i had to sleep in what i was wearing - i jumped into the bed with barely any blanket and tried my hardest to fall asleep.