Chapter 15

*Payton's POV*I stared up at the ceiling in my room, puffy-eyed and exhausted.

I couldn't sleep at all through the night.

The tears stopped falling, as I've assumed I've run dry, and I just laid there, on my bed the whole night thinking.

Why the fuck did I still want to forgive him after what he'd done?!

I wanted to forget him, and never see him again though.

My insides were split, and I was breaking apart as the sides of me started to break apart too.

I checked my phone, which I turned off the night before.

11 missed calls34 texts

All from Brooklyn. I didn't bother checking any of them.

Matt told me last night that Brooklyn thought I was making out with Trevor last night, and that's the only part he saw.

And that's why he kissed her.

That still gave him no excuse to go and do what he did, even if he did think I cheated on him. He didn't even give me benefit of the doubt, and completely threw away the trust I thought we had had with each other.

I sighed, deciding not to think about any of this anymore, and doing what I always do when I need to block the world out.

Football.

I grabbed my bag and got dressed, grabbed my car keys and left the house.

I got to the turf field and started kicking the ball into the net repeatedly. I missed every time. What was wrong with me?

I want to be here, but my concentration wasn't.

I kept on trying for 2 hours before the frustration got to me. I hadn't made it in once. I couldn't stop myself from punching the metal goalpost.

"Fuck," I muttered, watching my busted knuckles bleed in front of my eyes.

"Are you okay?" A voice behind me asked.

"No I'm not fucking okay." I snapped, turning around to see Brooklyn.

"What're you doing here Brooklyn? If you're here to talk to me then save it, I don't wanna talk." I say coldly.

"I'm here for the same reason you are..." he pauses, and I don't dare look into his eyes. "Look, I know you don't want to hear this but you need to know how sorry I am. I didn't mean any of what happened.. I thought that you were kissing that guy on purpose, and that broke me. I've never felt love before and I sure as hell didn't know how to handle heartbreak. I'm so, so sorry and I don't expect you to ever forgive me, but I can't live with myself knowing that you don't know that."

I just sat on the ground, looking down blankly. You know what scares the shit out of me? I can't help but want to forgive the person and still love them after what he did to me.

"I don't hate you.. I'm just disappointed you turned into everything you said you'd never be. It hurts like hell to know that you didn't even give me benefit of the doubt, and actually thought that I would do something like that. I won't ever forget how that felt. I should of listened to Sean when he told me to stay away from you. I should of never met you Brooklyn. Please leave me alone." Still holding my bleeding hand, he walks away.

*Brooklyn's POV*I should of never met you.

Those words hit me hard and I leave not knowing how to make things better. Maybe one day she'll forgive me and move on with her life, but I know that I'll never forgive myself for what I did to the love of my life.

I go home, because just seeing her in such a sad state is enough for me to break down.

*Payton's POV*I line up about 5 footballs and kick them into the goal. I miss every damn time. What has this boy done to you?

I see someone in my rear vision coming up to me, and I continue to receive the balls, line them up, and keep kicking them with a lot of anger.

"What're you doing Payton?" I hear Sean's voice behind me. I turn around and see the guys there too, but turn back around to keep kicking.

"I've been here for 5 hours Sean. And I haven't made it into the goal once. I'm just so fucking pissed at myself for letting this get to me so much, I can't even do what I could when I was 5 years old in little league." I say, continuing to over-kick each ball that either skews too far left or right.

"5 hours?! You're gonna overwork yourself, Pay."

"I'm fine. The longer I'm here, the longer I don't think about it," I say kicking the ball too far up above the center goal. I yell in frustration and continue kicking horribly.

"Well you're obviously thinking about something.. because it's affecting your game. C'mon, do you want me to take you home?" He asks me. I shake my head no and go retrieve the balls.

"Pay, you need to go home.. you've been here for too long and you're not benefiting from this at all. Do you want something to eat? Taco Bell?" Matt asks hopeful.

Oh I wish I could eat. That might help a little. But I know I can't. Tears start slipping out of my eyes uncontrollably as I kick one ball after the next.

"Did I say something?" Matt asks, looking sorry. I go up to hug him.

"No, I just.." I say, then whisper the next part. "I haven't been eating again... I've fallen into old habits, and can't bring myself to eat.. I don't know why." I cry into his shoulder. No one else heard, so they all look confused, but worried.

"Payton don't do this to yourself, you'll get through it.. I know you will." Matt said quietly, looking like like he was about to cry as well, which made me cry even harder. Matt looked at Sean and whispered something into his ear, and he just looks at me in disbelief.

"Payton.." Sean says, pulling me into a tight hug. I let myself go, and tears keep slipping down my face, as I close my eyes, hoping that this is all a nightmare or something.

"Please don't tell anyone.. The guys can know but no one else. Not even mom and dad.... I can't handle a pity party right now. You guys don't have to stay with me, I'm gonna be here a while it keeps me distracted.. and honestly I'm kind of a downer to be around right now." I say, continuing to kick balls. I start making them in, but I still kick them with anger.

"No, we're staying and that's not even a question." Kaden says. They all take about 15 footballs out of their carrier bags and start playing.

"Thanks for being here," I tell Kaden and manage my best smile.

"I'll always be here. Count on it," he smiles back. Everyone goes off doing their own thing, but Kaden stays by me and shoots into the goal.

"Can I ask... how long has.. it been back for?" He asks carefully, like he might step on a trip wire of my emotions.

"About a month now.. Everything was fine but one day it just started again, and just spiraled out of my control from there," I sighed.

"We'll get through it together, you know. You did once before, so you know what you're dealing with," he reassured me.

"Hope so." I mumble and keep kicking the balls that are lined up in front of me.