Chapter 12

'I had been mistaken in thinking that i could see clearly into my own heart.'

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The familiar sound of an engine filled their ears indicating the arrival of the person they were talking about.

Forth got off his motorbike and smiled at him the moment their eyes met. That smile always made him weak in the knees.

"Ai'Pha, Ai'Kit. " He nodded with the two as he approached them and they did the same.

He sat next to Beam who was looking down contemplating about something.

"Beam? Are you alright?" He craned his neck lower so he can see his eyes.

"Hmmn."

"Do you guys want to have dinner with us tonight? —with your boyfriends of course."

"Sounds like a good —

"Forth i think we need to talk!" Beam cut off Pha's words. "Privately." He added.

Forth looked curiously at Beam while Pha and Kit shared a hopeful look.

This might be Forth's lucky day. Pha thought hiding a smirk.

Kit was forcing himself not to smile afraid that Forth might notice.

"Uhh — Okay Beam. Let's just have dinner with them some other time. Right guys?"

"Right."

"So let's go." Beam mumbled while he tugged the hem of Forth's shirt.

Forth find this gesture adorable. He smiled widely at the guys they left behind while bidding goodbyes.

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Beam didn't say another word when they were at a food stall. Forth was patiently waiting for him to talk but it seems Beam was not talking any sooner.

"Beam? What is it that you wanted to talk about?" He asked while they were eating.

"Uhh .. Let's just finish eating first." Forth grew more curious upon seeing nervousness in Beam's cute face.

*Fifteen minutes later*

"So, you ready to talk now?" Forth asked camly not letting a hint of curiosity affect his speaking.

They were still at the food stall.

Beam closed his eyes and breathed out a sigh. Forth tilted his neck with knitted eyebrows because he was damn curious now and he can't hide it.

"Is there something wrong Beam?"

Whatever Beam was supposed to tell him, it was clearly eating out his sanity. There is a small panic rising in Forth.

"......"

"Beam? Is there something i need to know?"

He breathed out a sigh again.

"I can't do it here." Said Beam.

"Huh?"

"Let's go some place else." Beam was standing up and getting ready to leave.

"Beam is everything ok —

"Yes! Let's just go!" Beam snapped.

He stood up and followed Beam outside.

"What is happening Beam? I'm getting worried already." He asked as they were already outside.

"I don't know. I can't — i can't think properly. I want to go home now. I'm sorry." Beam said trying to suppress the tears that are bound to roll down his cheeks.

Forth was in between curiosity and worry about how Beam was behaving. He was getting unpredictable.

Unpredictability is common for people with depression. Depression doesn't strike at 3am. No. It can strike you at anytime, even when you are having a romantic date with your partner or laughing your heart out with your friends and you'll just feel that emptiness crawl up your skin and everything in your world would black out and your thoughts will be like tangled wires. And in this case, Beam was having it. Forth needs to get him home or he might get impulsive and do something stupid that he might regret later on.

Beam was having a hard time deciding what to do or what to say that it makes him weak and vulnerable. He kept pacing.

"I'm taking you home okay?" He hugged Beam tightly first. He was damn worried now. Whatever Beam was going to tell him could wait.

When they were at Beam's room, he helped Beam inside. He isn't planning on leaving him alone in a state like this.

He sat on the couch and watched Beam who was laying down on his bed stare at the ceiling for a while. Seeing Beam this vulnerable always makes his heart hurt, and this isn't the first time. His head was booming with so many unanswered questions which he can't ask yet.

Beam looked at him then slowly got up. Seems like he made up his mind.

"Forth."

"Beam, do you need anything?" Worry was evident in his voice.

"No. Uh — About what i was going to tell you earlier —

"Beam you don't have to force yourself, i can wait until you're —

"No! I have to say this now or it will be too late."

"Okay then, what is it?"

He stood up and Forth also stood up. Beam walked up to Forth. They were facing each other now. Forth was waiting for him to speak while Beam looked like he was arguing with himself in his mind again.

"Don't move." He then grabbed Forth's nape and pulled him in for a kiss.

This left Forth frozen in his feet rapidly blinking his eyes as if testing whether it's a dream. But it's not. Beam was kissing him and he's not even drunk. This is definitely not a dream.

It took him a moment before he could kiss him back. He placed his hand in Beam's waist.

It was beginning to be a hot make out session and as much as he wanted it to go on he needs to hear what Beam was supposed to say before his mind leaves him and lose control. So he pulled apart from the kiss and rested his forehead to Beam's forehead who had his eyes closed and was panting.

While his heart was racing, Beam's mind was in so much blurr. He acted on impulse. He wasn't supposed to kiss him. He just made everything harder than it already is.

"Care to explain?" Asked Forth who was looking directly to Beam's closed eyes.

"Shit!" He breathed out. "I'm sorry i kissed you." He was still not opening his eyes.

"No Beam don't apologize, look at me. Please."

"No, i can't." Beam stepped back and moved away from him which made him more unsure of what's really happening.

"What? Why?"

"I didn't know why i kissed you but i — i  wasn't supposed to — but i did anyway and i don't— dammit! —I'm sorry —

"Beam you don't have to apo —

"No! I have to! Because i can't — we can't — this — this is not — * closed his eyes and sighed heavily*

i can't accept your feelings Forth."

His breathing hitched as he was dumfounded. This was not the type of confession he was expecting.

"Beam wha — this is not — what are you —

He couldn't find the right words to say.

"What I'm saying is." Beam cut him off turning his back to him. Beam didn't dare to look at him now. He can't see his face while he break his heart.

"let's not see each other again Forth."

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A/N: This was supposed to be on Chapter 11 but since i squeezed in a scene it took longer but I'm so glad i did. I need to make you expect first before i break your heart. 😊 😄😉 Although it was pretty obvious because i dropped some hints.

I have no idea if this chap is boring or not since i had a hard time writing this cause my mind ran out of words to express how i wanted it to go.

Thank you for reading! 😇

#SorryNotSorry ✌