Chapter 8

A/N: Another flashback. Yay!!

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Saturday Morning.

Wayo had breakfast with his P'Pha just before the older guy left the uni to meet his father. He's now in his room lazing around since it's still a bit early before he gets ready to go out and buy food for his P'Beam.

Since he and Pha started dating he often wondered why his P'Beam doesn't go out on Saturday to even buy food. And sometimes Pha would even panic a bit when Beam don't open the door fast enough or answer his calls after several rings. He found it weird that his Pha and P'Kit worried about Beam so much. He knew Beam as the trio's craziest member since he knows them from high school. But that's only as far as he knows. He once asked Pha about it and Pha brushed it off and told him that he'd tell him next time. He didn't bother asking him again since it Pha said he'd tell him when the time is right.

After a few hours of reading manga, he took a bath and got ready to go to Beam's flat. Beam's flat wasn't that far from where he lives. Pha instructed him to just give the food to Beam and leave after.

"Ai'Yo!!" Ming greeted him as he entered the lobby. His eyes went to the bag of food Ming was carrying.

"Ai'Ming, what are you doing here? Wait. Is that also for P'Beam?"

Ming also noticed the bag of food he was carrying. "Yea. You brought food too?"

"Yes. P'Pha asked me a favor to send food to P'Beam."

"P'Kit did too .. Wow. Our boyfriends aren't organized."

"Tell me about it .. This is too much food. I got him food until dinner."

"I did too. P'Kit and P'Pha should communicate more often."

"Anyway, lets go up and give this to P'Beam."

They made their way to Beam's room at the third floor.

"Did P'Pha tell you about why they send food to P'Beam every weekend?"

"No. He said he'll tell me another time."

"That's also what P'Kit told me .. By the way, P'Kit said i can't leave until after P'Beam eats."

"Why?"

"I've no idea."

"Okay then. I'll stay with you."

They were now at Beam's door. And before he knocks he looked at Wayo and said ..

"P'Kit also said that i should break down the door if P'Beam doesn't open up within five minutes. I think he wants me to over react if P'Beam tests my patience."

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*Remember the time when Beam was drunk? This is what happened. *

" .. Save me .."

Forth was leaning to Beam when he froze at Beam's words. It took him a moment to calm his insides before he spoke. He thought Beam was awake.

Why do you need to be saved?

"Ai'Beam? Are you awake?"

Beam stirred a little. Then he opened his eyes. But Forth wasn't sure if he was really awake. Beam's eyes were staring right at his eyes since he was leaning close to him.

It was dark and the only light was from the moon which were seeping in the spaces of the curtains but Forth could see how Beam's eyes were sad and tired as if there was something inside him that's killing him.

He asked again. "Beam?"

"Why do people lie?" Beam spoke in a low voice.

Forth blinked a few times to take in what Beam said.

Is he sleeping? Why are his eyes open?! What lies?

He pondered if it was okay to respond to Beam since he didn't clearly understand him and wasn't even sure if the guy was awake but he still took the chance anyway. He was curious.

"My memories are lies you know." Forth now sat on the floor facing Beam since he was leaning at him for a while now his feet started to get numb.

"They lied to me. For a very long time they lied. That memory was a very big part of me and i found out they were lies and i was so fucking stupid to never notice. The stupid signs was in my under my fucking nose all along." Forth didn't interrupt Beam's storytelling because he was out of things to say. He didn't expect this to happen.

"But i didn't mean to kill her .. "

It seems every word Beam says surprises him.

"I never meant what i said that day .. I was just pissed and i don't want to see her but i never wanted her to die .. And i acted like it wasn't a big deal but it was actually breaking my heart."

Beam was tearing up. His breathing was short as if he was trying hard not to let the tears out but some escaped his eyes and ran down his temples. He was staring at the ceiling.

"Im a bad person. A monster."

Forth sat on the edge of the bed and leaned in to Beam again and kissed his forhead. He knows the guy might slap or hit him but he didn't care. He needs someone to save and fix him and he thought of himself being the right person for the job.

"I don't fully understand what happened to you to make think of yourself this way but please believe me when i say that you are not monster, not even close."

He stared fondly at Beam who was also staring at him.

"You are not a bad person," he continued. "i am not a bad person, your friends aren't bad persons, what we are - we're people, and sometimes people do stupid things but that doesn't necessarily mean you are bad. You get that?" He wasn't sure if it was wise to give lecture to a drunk person who is half asleep or probably isn't awake in the first place but he figured he still needs to say it.

Beam closed his eyes for a moment and nodded. Then he opened his eyes again and looked up to Forth who was still leaning in to him while his other hand was stroking Beam's hair. Forth's hand was trembling and he don't know why but perhaps it was the mixed emotions of pity of Beam's miserable suffering that he keeps in himself or probably his urge to kiss him to let him know someone is there for him.

"Your hands are like my heart. Some days all they do is tremble." Beam gave him a faint smile.

Forth wanted the conversation to last longer but he can't force Beam to tell him everything in one go and besides, he was drunk and needs rest and its already past midnight.

"Hmmn .. You better sleep now. Everything will be okay, na?" He was still stroking his hair. "Close your eyes."

"Are you not going to kiss me?"

His hands stopped stroking mid air and stared at him dumfounded.

"What?"

Beam grabbed him by his nape and made him lean to him and ..

"I said kiss me. Stupid."

Both of Beam's arms are now around Forth's neck. He blinked rapidly about what's happening but then he got carried away and kissed him still. He was now sure that Beam was not awake the whole time he was talking. And besides, he also thought about kissing him earlier.

The searing kiss was getting deeper and hotter and he was afraid he might not control himself if he don't pull off now, so he stopped and rested his head on Beam's forhead. He needed to calm his insides and the other thing below his belt that might have lost control if they didn't pull apart. They were both out of breath but he realized the guy was now asleep as he hasn't opened his eyes but he still managed to mumble something.

"hmm you're warm i like it." Beam still has his hands wrapped around Forths neck and he gripped tighter making Forth lay on top of him. Forth managed to roll over to his side and Beam was snuggling to him. He figured there was no way he was going home now. He was staring at the ceiling and stroking Beam's hair while he thought about what Beam was talking about awhile ago.

What happened to you to make you think of yourself this way?Who were you before this?What were those memories?Why were they lies?

Beam's words kept resounding in his head and it hurts more to think that he's been unhappy for a long time now. Its hurts him to think that the Beam he knew since freshmen wasn't the Beam he was when he was alone.

You deserve to be happy. No matter what you think you did you deserve to be happy.

He knew what he was going to do now. But how?

Things will be different in the morning. He thought before he drifted to sleep embracing the fragile guy with a shattered heart taking his refuge onto his warm embrace.

Perhaps it was luck that Beam didn't remember anything when he woke up that morning. It was also a good move that Forth woke up first and carefully removed himself from Beam's grip and pretended to be still asleep when Beam woke up. All he has to do now is pretend like nothing happened the night before for the time being.

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A/N: Thank you for the reads and votes 😊

I hope this chapter wasn't boring. 😷

The story of Beam's past will be revealed after several chapters so please be patient. 😇😇 Thank you!