Part 12: Cast out

When you train to become a warrior, you know that emotions have to be put aside sometimes, there are moments when you should never show any form of emotion, in fact thats most moments, but when he shouted those words in my face I could feel everything in my body turn to ash and then to water, which then flooded out of my eyes as I ran through the corridors.

I didn't know where I was headed but that was completely irrelevant, all I knew was what he had said to me and it hurt, it hurt like nothing before. I came to the main doors of the palace, wondering whether I would leave or not. I didn't answer myself I didn't have to, my arms flung up and pushed the large doors open, I looked around me and down a path was where we kept our horses, I grabbed my dark horse and rode it to the rainbow bridge.

Usually you would see Heimdal, but he was gone, the bridge was dull and the dome seemed empty, the perfect place to be alone. I got off the horse and entered the large dome, the interior was as it had always been, a port in the middle where Heimdal would enter his sword, turn it and send you on your way, but Loki had taken all of that.

I sat on a step and cried for a while, when I heard the sound of galloping hooves, I was worried that my horse had run off and that I would have to walk back, and believe me its a long walk and thats just the bridge, but when I went out to tend to her it was Loki I found on his own horse.

I turned away and walked back into the dome, wiping the tears from my eyes, hoping that he wouldn't notice I had cried because of him, the next thing I heard was his raised voice "you insufferable woman!"

To say the least I wasn't in the mood for his names and his games, I snapped my body around and glared at him "I'm insufferable?!" I shouted as I pointed to myself.

"You demand for everything you cannot have! It drives me insane!" he spat.

I scoffed "then you shouldn't have bed me!" he instantly looked away from me, to the floor by his side and then stifled to look at me.

He seemed to laugh though nothing was funny "you drive me crazy! So much so I conjure guards when I need an excuse to leave! That is how desperate I was to be away from you!" At first I was baffled at his pathetic way of avoiding me but then I wondered why, he noticed this in my face "I can't stop thinking about you, you're a distraction, and I can't have distractions"

Should I have been flattered? Should I have danced around squealing? That he couldn't stop thinking about me? Or should I be worried that he called me a distraction, one that he couldn't have? "wait what are you saying?" his eyes were laced with cunning plans and I became fearful for myself "Loki?!"

It became apparent I no-longer cared for a relationship with Loki, all we seemed to do was fight, in every conversation we would argue, we would make a terrible couple, I grew tired of his games and his trickery, I wanted more of myself than someone that Loki would bed whenever he wanted to and reject me every other day.

If Loki wanted to play games I wanted no part in it, games are for children and I was no-longer a child of Asgard, I was one of its warriors and I wasn't going to let any man walk all over me, no matter if he was king or not. His title meant nothing to me now, I viewed everyone in Asgard as equals even if we were not. As I continued to stare at him, his eyes shook and my body did the same "Loki?! What are you saying?!"

Loki looked at me then and his eyes were bloodshot, a single and lonesome tear had crept its way out of his green eyes, one of little despair "you must go"

"Go? From where? The palace? You would ask me to leave the only thing I know how to do because you want me? No. You will not drive me from my friends, my home..."

"The palace is your home so long as I allow it and my patience with you is wearing thin!" a single flicker of grief approached his eyes and then disappeared, replaced with coldness and wickedness.

I pushed my hair back "so you are ordering me to leave the palace?"

"No"

I smacked both of my hands to my side in frustration "then what do you want Loki? Because you aren't exactly making it obvious, you say one thing yet you clearly mean another!" my voice was cracking from the shouting but Loki wasn't done yet.

"I want you to leave and never return" he was a difficult person and he was being very vague which only added to my frustration.

"You just said 'no' to me leaving the palace" and he called me irritating.

He bit on his lip and his grip on his staff tightened "not the palace, Asgard"

I mimed the word 'what' and staggered backwards "why are you being so cruel? I have done nothing wrong"

"So long as you are in Asgard I can not concentrate! You are in every thought and it is tearing my mind to pieces! I would turn into my brother and become soft because of a woman" his words were like individual arrows, piercing major arteries, I could feel the warm blood trickling down my body, but when I looked none was there.

"You can't do this! It's not fair! You were in it as much as I was, I didn't wrongly seduce you and force you into bed with me" I felt tears in my eyes, I dreaded the thought of being away from Asgard, my home.

"Would you like to talk fair? I'll tell you something, something that will be the key for good living, know that there is no such thing as fair! In this life fair is having your books torn in your face and being used as a dummy for fighting, fair is being told all your life that you are born to be a king, then to have it ripped from you by your idiotic brother, fair is falling from this very bridge and experiencing a darkness even Odin would cower in, having your own brother ready to turn his back on you, fair is a myth, told to you as a child so that when life kicks you in the shin you'll get back up with the hope that fairness will get you your revenge"

"If you have lost faith and turned to a life of darkness, cowardice and loneliness, so be it, but I will not be the one who pays for your misdeeds" tears pricked from both of my eyes, almost in unison with Loki's second disgruntled tear.

My bottom lip quivered as I watched Loki walk to the port, he stood beside it and did nothing yet "for the good of Asgard you must leave"

I scoffed again and leant forward "for the good of Asgard?! Where are you living Loki? Because its not here, you'd say anything though wouldn't you? Just so you wouldn't have to feel some well deserved guilt"

I don't think my words even grazed him, his mind was made, I could tell by the set look in his eye. I have learnt in my years to always look for what torments people in their eyes, thats the one place that is a window to every emotion they try not to show, in Loki's there was never fear, remorse, pity or even love, but there was always mischief and agony, I could see that almost always.

"Loki please, don't do this" he lifted the staff and placed it in the port, just enough to get the bifrost running.

"How strange, to hear you begging, saying my name, knowing it will be the last time I ever hear it from you" he pushed the staff down and what looked like lightning ascended from it, touching every edge of the dome, then the outside layer of the dome began to spin.

Everyone I treasured was in Asgard, I was about to be forced to leave them, or him, Ake was really my only true friend. I imagined that he must have been able to see the bifrost spinning and the lights, he would have from his post, I wondered if he would come and save me, throwing Loki into the crashing water below us, and take me home. But he never could, he wouldn't be able to get here that fast, even if he could Loki was a master of magic and so he could never get passed him.

My thoughts drifted to where he was going to send me, Midgard would be a good choice because we look like them and I would fit in, but that would be some kindness to send me there. I wouldn't have to wonder much longer, the portal was in front of me, all Loki had to do was push in the staff a little more and I would be sent to only he knew where "Loki! Please!"

"Farewell" he pushed the staff down and I felt a pull at my back. I put a hand out and screamed as I was sucked into the portal, I could not see Loki anymore, just colours, I had no feeling in my legs and it felt like a great force was pulling me down, my chest tightened and my breaths shortened, it felt like I was having a heart attack and I just wanted it to be over. They say the first trip on the bifrost always feels like this, but the second trip is better, I suppose I would never get a chance to test that theory.

Suddenly the colours were gone and there was nothing but a cloud of dust around me, where was I? The dust cleared and around me was a forest, beneath me was grass, it was night here also and I thought it might have been Midgard, which only strengthened my question "where am I?"

(A/N ooh where could she be ;D I understand if you all hate me for doing this (banishing her) but here's some reassurance for you, the story isn't over )