Part 11: "There is no us!"

I woke up in his bed, in Loki's bed, surrounded by his smell. I had a sudden recollection of why I was in his bed, a smile stretched to my eyes and I looked to my side, I was in Loki's bed that much I'd already established, but I was in it alone. My heart began to pound and every sense of abandonment that I had came flooding into my mind, tears began to well in my eyes and my stomach tightened.

How could he leave me? What had I done to deserve this? I sat up in panic and searched the entirety of the room, shuffling to the edge of the bed and standing on my two feet, gripping the sheet tight around me. There was a small door opposite the bed which lead to a mystery room, I grabbed the handle and swung the door open. Only to blush when I found Loki bathing, my mouth hung open as he looked around with a startled look, then as he saw me his face softened "sorry" I said quickly and slammed the door shut.

I leant against the door and that sick feeling I had went away, I squeezed my eyes shut because I had completely embarrassed myself "you're welcome to join me" I blushed and turned to look at the door, before yesterday I was bold and would have jumped in without checking the water level first, but now... I wasn't so much, I was blushing and getting knots in my stomach, that wasn't me. I heard him laughing to himself, I pursed my lips and crossed my arms. Turning to the door I pushed the door open and put my hands on my hips, which by the look on his face he hadn't expected me to do.

Pretend he's Ake or something I thought, I could mindlessly flirt with him, so why couldn't I do it with Loki only on a more... Serious level? I crossed my arms again and made my way to the bathing pool, which was wide and round, his elbows were rested aside the bathing pool stretching out his torso, he had bubbles surrounding him and to be honest if he wasn't already one I'd say he looked like a God "budge up then" I smirked as his eyes widened a little, I bit my lip and my eyes locked to his as I released the sheet, he smirked then and I sat in the warm water opposite him.

"gee my baths half the size of this" I said examining the pool.

He seemed to smile "use this whenever you like"

I smiled awkwardly and then a thought came to me "Are we... Am I your..."

"I don't know" his eyes averted mine "you have to understand things are complicated, because I'm the king"

"I should have known" I should have known, I should have, he was king of an entire realm, how could anything like this work? I didn't even know if I wanted this to work... Did I like Loki? What had he ever done for me? What did he ever do to show any kind of love for me? Even if I could give him time to show me love, it didn't seem like he wanted to.

"Known what?" his eyebrows furrowed .

I went to roll my eyes but decided not to as Loki had already pointed out that I did it a lot "you're king, you can't have relationships"

"I'm sorry Eerika" that flicker in his eyes dimmed and I felt saddened.

I pulled my head out of misery and smiled, I swivelled my legs and got on my hands and knees, crawling over to him I slid my hand on his shoulders and straddled him, I took my hand and ran it through his dark tresses "for now then, lets just have fun" He grinned and I leant down to touch my lips to his.

After a very 'steamy' bath we got dry and went for breakfast, I hoped Ake wouldn't notice Loki and I walking in together, I hadn't given him any reason to suspect us, we weren't holding hands or had our arms wrapped around each other, we just walked in, close I admit, but that wasn't a good enough reason. I sat down in my usual seat and Loki sat in his, Ake gave me a look, like he was examining me, then a guard came in and whispered something in Loki's ear. Loki got up and left with the guard leaving me alone with Ake and no back-up.

I went to eat some of my breakfast and could feel Ake's eyes burning into the side of my head, it didn't take long before I became fed up of his staring, I turned to him quickly "what?!" I shouted.

He held up his hands defensively as he always did when I shouted at him "oh nothing, nothing at all"

"See this fork? I'm going to give you to the count of three before I gauge it into your eye socket!" I held up a fork and waved it in his face "one, two, thr..."

"okay, okay I give" he turned his whole body around, swinging one leg over the bench.

Ake leant forward and stared at me harder this time, I began to blush "what?" I spoke softly this time.

"Aha! There it is! You never blush" he pointed widely at my face.

I smacked his hands away "so what?"

"So what? So what? You never blush thats what, plus... You my lovely are glowing" Glowing? Why couldn't I just turn that off I thought, Loki wouldn't want this all publicised.

"Glowing?" I gave him that 'you're nuts' look, but by now in our friendship he knew me and could see right through me.

He smiled wickedly and then swung himself back around, picking up his fork and then started eating his breakfast, I slowly did the same and waited for him to ask something "so" I let out a sigh, I knew it wouldn't take long "who is he?"

"No-one" I said irritatedly.

"You can tell me you know, I'm not going to run and tell the whole realm" How was it that he knew me so well? He knew exactly what I was thinking, what my fears of telling him were. In my life I had never let anyone know me this well, because if someone knew me then they had insight into my life and my weaknesses, my thoughts, my hopes and dreams, not even Cathleen knew me that well. It sounds stupid I know it does but thats the one thing I never wanted, for people to know too much about me. I sighed deeply and his eyes widened "you didn't! with..." Sometimes I wonder if Ake should have been born a woman and gotten a job in the washrooms.

I smacked his shoulder with little force "shh! how did you know?" I whispered.

"Well you walked in together, doesn't take a genius to figure out the rest" He looked astounded, shocked even. Then he mimed the word 'wow' and I had a frightened knot in my stomach.

I took hold of his upper arm and turned him to face me "listen Ake! You can't tell anyone, I'm serious!" His smile dropped a little when he saw the frightened look in my eyes.

Ake's face became one of reassurance and I once again knew that I could trust in him "don't worry, your secret is safe with me"

"And you can't let on to Loki that you know, do you understand?" He nodded and I smiled with the greatest gratification I could muster "thank you Ake" He nodded again and we began to eat in silence.

Had I done the right thing in telling him? Would Loki get angry with me? He'd probably be more than angry, but technically he couldn't be angry, because I never actually told Ake anything, he just figured it out. I wondered if I should avoid Loki, but it seemed I didn't have to, over the next couple of days, every time I needed to speak with Loki he would be miraculously engaged or nowhere to be found.

Which I found curious because before we made love Loki was never busy, in fact his day was so uneventful I once saw him make copies of himself to fight with, of course he didn't know I was watching but thats not the point is it? The point is he was never busy and now all of a sudden he was always preoccupied? Something didn't seem right and I was determined to find out what.

If I couldn't talk to him when he was 'busy' I would have to find a way of getting him alone, my only thought was 'he's got to sleep right?' So while he was 'away' I snuck into his chambers and took a book from one of his shelves, I then sat down and began to read. I didn't have to wait for Loki for long, he came in and took off his boots and then he turned and saw me lounging on his bed.

Most people jump when someone unexpected is in their chambers but he didn't even flinch, he just huffed and turned away "there's not many people who can sneak up on me"

"Well I wouldn't have to sneak up on you if you weren't ignoring me" I got up from his bed and walked over to him.

"You don't understand, I'm king I can't be frolicking around with you whenever you talk to me" he took off his helmet and placed it on a table beside him.

He brushed past me and I folded my arms and turned to face him "I'm not asking for marriage or ten children, I'm just asking for you to be civil with me, for you not to ignore me, people will wonder, people always wonder and they're not stupid, goodness knows he wasn't" I was referring to Ake and immediately realised what I had said, and after grilling Ake about not telling anyone or letting on to Loki that he knew, and then bam! I go and do just that.

At first I didn't think he noticed what I had said but Loki's mind was sharp and caught on seconds after I had said it "he who?"

I could tell by his tone that he was trying to keep his cool but I was wondering how long that would last until I told him who 'he' was "Ake... I didn't tell him I swear he just kind of put all the pieces together, he won't say anything"

"What pieces?" his tone began to rise and anger danced in his eyes.

I uncrossed my arms and walked closer to him "hey! Don't you get angry at me I'm not the one who wants to keep us a secret!"

"Us? There is no us!" It felt like he had stabbed me in the heart and gauged it out of my chest. Tears pricked at my eyes and there was no flicker of remorse in his eyes, I couldn't bare for him to see me this way, so I turned toward the door and ran for it, how could he say that? I know exactly how, he had no feelings, no contrite. Why did I trust him? What reason had I ever had to trust him.