31- The kiss

WHAT in the EARTH SHATTERING logic did I just do?! What I wanted to continue doing?!

I just kissed Xaden Riorson. Kissed. With my mouth..on his.. making out.. If he would've requested anything I would've gave it to him..

I shake my head, hitting it lightly with my hand. I hate myself. 

I hate myself..yea.. Because I hate him..  He's controlling, and an ass, a jerk, a smartass, cocky, arrogant, a great kisser-

NO!

" Dammit Freya.." I mumble to myself. In all the mistakes I made this one tops the damn..multi-teared cake.

What worse, I kissed the son of Fen Riorson who killed my brother. Killed, and I kissed him..and liked it. If I could, if Xaden didn't tell me to leave..I'd still be down there, I'd be wherever he was for the night. I'd be possibly waking up next to him..

I shiver at the thought, thinking about how I might kill Rhys myself.. I still have Andarna.. Maybe I'll piss him off so much he'll burn me.. Dying seems a better option then waking up tomorrow.

I need to tell someone.. I need to tell Hetta..

I walk a little faster, so lucky she right next door. I bang on it with such urgency before I remember Liam is also next door..

 I keep knocking, and knocking..Finally her door swings open looking a bit perturbed.. " Freya?" her eyes widen a bit. She looks around then looking back at me " What's wrong, where's Liam-"

I push her inside locking her door, " I did something really..really bad."

She stares for a few seconds before blinking again, " Are you..hurt.. Did you hurt someone? Again..where is Liam? He's supposed to be by you at all times!"

Maybe now I wish I did wake Liam... Actually no? With his looks and personality.. I might've been in his bed.. Even then, I think that would be better then kissing Xaden...

" He's in bed. Just..listen..please.."

She sighs, nodding. " You have my full attention."

I nod leaning back against the wall, " So I just woke up and I felt..strange like.. in a heat or something super, super weird.."

" Like heat..like hot..or heat like.."  She gives me a look that means exactly what I think. I nod, " Yes, like both, hot and hot.."

She furrows her brows before they straighten, " Wait.. Liam is in bed so.. you and Liam...."

" No! NO.. Not Liam."

" Then Who?!" She pushes her eyes becoming more and more widened as she's getting interested in the story.

" Hetta! Please just shut up so I can tell you!" I hiss. " Nothing good came out of this!"

She smirks, " Ok.. go on.."

" Like I said I had that feeling.. and it just seemed to come and go in waves, so I decided to take a walk.. so I went outside since it's so cold..then all of the sudden I smelled like this sweetness then Xaden's colonge-"

" WHAT!" She yells. YELLS. Before covering her mouth. " Xaden. XADEN?!?"

" Yes Xaden! It was our dragons, and I didn't know how to block Rhys because I couldn't channel but now I kinda can because he didn't block out literally anything.. But Xaden was teaching me and saying all these things then he kissed me.. Then Lightning striked which was so weird, aftr that he pulled away and told me to leave and..." I take a breath. " I don't know why I did that. I hate myself.. his dad killed Brennan..."

She seems to be absorbing all this nodding slowly, her eyes relaxing as if thinking. She looks back at me. " Right.. But that just could've been the bond right. Your dragons driving you both insane...maybe a pair..and you guys as a..pair made your feelings weird..."

" But I blocked it.. most of it." I sigh.

" Right. Most of it." She repeats, " Not all. Plus when this happens he never had you here."

My eyes narrow, " You know about the feelings with the bond?"

She nods, " Part of Xaden's little arrangement for me.. He'd come to me to help..."

I shake my head at their situation, whenever she talks about him there always seems to be a little distain in her voice. " I still don't understand you two.."

She shrugs, " It's to long and to complicated to even explain.. But I owe him everything..so.."

That's what Liam said too.

I shake my head, " So what should I do or even think or.. I don't even know what to do in this moment.."

She simply shrugs, " I guess move on..wait you said there was thunder?"

I pause studying her. " Yes? How did you not hear it?"

She seems to scan me, swallowing. " I'm a hard sleeper."

" Obviously. Now give me some advice!"

She laughs lightly, " I don't know.. He sent you away?"

I nod, " Like the asshole he is."

" But he kissed you first?"

I nod once more. " Yea, after telling me he's wanted to kiss me for awhile, that I'm divine, and just really making out.."

She snorts, " Yea, he's complicated. I've known him my whole life and I still can't seem to figure him out..." She seems to think once more, " I guess.. just wait? See what happens?"

" That seems like some crappy advice."

" Well, what do you want to do?" Hetta questions leaning a bit forward, " Make out with him again?"

I swallow..thats exactly what my body is almost screaming at me to do. She sighs, " He's an ass but he knows-"

" Yea I've gathered.." I mumble clutching my head in my hands. " I'm screwed."

" Probably."

" Most definitely..."

She looks over at the clock. " I'd just forget about it and try to sleep for a couple hours before class. We can deal with..this later."

I sigh. " Your right...your right. And tomorrow I just need to act like this didn't happen."

" Exactly." Hetta agrees,  " And here I thought this was something important that we knew wasn't going to happen.."

I nudge her, " I never planned to kiss him..."

She laughs, " Yea sure... Eyes don't like Freya. We all knew you two hated eachother so much you wanted eachother. We've all seen the looks, the lingering..the longing.."  She teases with a wide smile.

" Your a bitch.." I smirk.

She shrugs, " I might be but at least I didn't-"

I don't let her finish as I walk out of her door and back into mine.

The next mornig I woke up with the biggest ' one night stand' regret and I just kissed the guy... If I could stab last night Freya I so totally..would.

With my wild thinking not only was I laying in bed thinking od the events I also came to the subtle realization..Who the hell kisses someone then tells them to leave?! 

Xaden..that's who! That just topped his.. assholeness...

 Leaving me semi pissed.. I roll out of my bed, throwing on my black clothing leaving my hair down with a simple braid on the side of my bed to keep some of the hair out of my face. If someone decides to do something stupid today.. it's their own funeral.

As usual Liam knocks on the door, which I open. He sends me a huge grin, " Good Morning."

" Mairi." I sigh.

He scans me, " You should wear your hair down more often.." His smile grows. " You look wonderful."

This makes me crack a smile, " Has anyone told you, your insufferable."

" You have..many times. But I'm just stating facts." He hands me a paper, " Here, since we're both starting to channel.."

I open it seeing it's for Carr's signet class, I cock a brow at him, " Oh, now all of the sudden you can channel?"

He shrugs, " Yep..I heard you can to. When was Xaden in your room last night? He said you started channeling when he was here?"

 That's what he said huh...

 I just nod, " Yea... um.. I just felt super weird and I think with the whole weird bond thing he felt it to so he..checked on..me."

Liam doesn't looked convinced but nods anyways. " I see... Yea, mine his me like a ton of bricks as well, felt like I was getting  crushed over and over again. Luckily Xaden taught me as soon as I got here how to ground so I tried.. it took like 2 million times but it worked..somewhat. I've been practicing and its not to bad now."

So it even took liam multiple times too..

I smile faintly, " Good.. good."

He steps out of the doorway, " After you..."