⫣54⫦ Don't Leave Me

Careful: Long and emotionally draining chapter ahead.

Taehyung POV

I hit the wall again and again until my knuckles start bleeding, the wall graced now with an indent of my fist.

Three days and I heard nothing of Lian. Three days of not seeing her, not knowing what was going on in that house while we could do nothing but wait for her to come back to us.

She turned off her phone and Yoongi located the tracker abandoned right in front of the camp. She didn't come to school either. And me?

I can't stop remember the way she looked so betrayed after we showed her the evidence- like she was disappointed in us.In my heart there is no doubt about Kwang-Sun's involvement. We aren't wrong about him!I saw it in his eyes when I came to their house- the monster sitting just across from me.And Lian... I thought she'd seen it too- felt it- was so convinced... And yet there was so much doubt clouding her sight the last time she stood in the bunker. Almost as if she was wondering if we lied to her again. Used her.

One day. Just one day.

One more day I will allow this to go on before storming that house and deny all reason and logic. I don't care if her father sees. I have to meet her- have to make sure she is all right.

"Tae! Are you in there?"

I don't turn to Namjoon's voice outside my trailer, just keep standing with my face to the wall.I can't keep the anger in my voice hidden however."What?"

"You should come outside. Lian is on her way!"

My feet are moving, my hand reaching for the door, ripping it open before Namjoon even finishes his sentence. I look at my leader with big eyes.

"Has she called you?"

Namjoon's face is half hidden under the umbrella as rains splashes around him. I don't care about getting wet, letting the rain soak my hair and clothes as I step out.

"No, but she turned her phone back on and Yoongi located it in a bus on her way here. You should-" He stops mid sentence as his gaze drops lower, to my handMy bloody hand.

Namjoon closes his eyes for a second, then sighs.

"I thought you stopped doing that to yourself." I don't know what to say. Yes- meeting Lian somewhat stopped my urges to hurt myself. She can ease my pain like nothing and no one else ever could. One look from her and my demons went silent. One touch and I forgot all the pain.One word from her lips and I forget all the horrible pictures branded in my head.

My injured hand balls into a fists as the water drips over the wound, turning the translucent liquid a pink-red before falling to the earth.

"Let me get dressed and I'll be in the bunker in five."

I don't let Namjoon answer before I already turn. It only takes me four minutes as I sprint out my trailer and towards the Black Swan, my heart racing. Finally Lian will be back, taking away the pain that has returned the moment she left.

The others have already assembled in the bunker.

I'd made quick work, carelessly and hastily wrapping my hand, but of course, my brothers notice anyway. Their faces are grim and worried, but thankfully none of them comment on it.

"She's here," Yoongi suddenly announces, calling up the surveillance video.

My heart skips a beat. It takes me by such surprise, I stand there gaping: how much I truly missed her. It takes my everything not to sprint out and meet her halfway, then take her to my trailer and make her rethink ever making me go crazy like that. To leave me, even for only a few days.

Oh, I will make her scream and beg and moan until she swears never to leave me again. I battle with the image of tying her up, just to be assured she can't run away again and then feast on her body all night long, making her come so many times that she won't be able to count.But I don't. I wait, like the others. There is beep, then a click and the door to the bunker opens. We all watch her descent. It's too....quiet.

And we all know the moment she looks at us, that something is wrong.

"Lian?" My voice is barely more than a whisper.

Lian shows no reaction, like she didn't even hear me, staring at nothing in front of her.

"Are you okay? You don't look good," Jimin comments, but her reaction is the same. No glittering mischief in her eyes, no ridiculous comment, not even one of her cheeky smiles.She just stands there, before us, quiet and still.

Eventually she moves and comes to stand in the middle of the room.She still hasn't said a word, her face expressionless.

This is a Lian I've never seen. If anything, there are always too many conflicting emotions written plainly on her beautiful face. Now, there is nothing. Like a blank piece of paper. My confusion is growing, bubbling up with ever growing fear.Something is wrong...

"What is that?" Namjoon asks into the silence that followed.

Lian's eyes skip down to her hands were she is holding a couple of folders, her knuckles white and her grip tight. But her voice is just like her expression: void of anything.

"The truth."

"What truth?" Jin asks, and finally she looks up, locking eyes with the oldest.

Jin breathes in sharply at her gaze.

"I decided to do some digging on my own. I needed to know the truth, and here it is."

I am rigid, unable to move as I stares at this stranger, not sure if I am even breathing. Namjoon takes the lead again as no one seems to know what to do with her either. How to handle this Lian we don't know.

"And what exactly have you found out?"

"More than you have."

The words are clipped, the sentence short, and yet it shocks us all like a bolt of lighting. Hurt mirrors in all my brothers eyes, and my heart squeezes together painfully. It feels unreal. Something must have happened.But she doesn't let me ask as she takes the first folder and hold it up in our faces.

"I found the thing my father has over Park Jin-Young."

She drops the folder in Yoongi's lap who sits closest to her. He opens it and his eyes widen as he scans the page.

"Gambling?"

She nods.

"Illegal gambling from when they went to law school together. My father helped him avoid charges. I'm not saying his methods are the best and maybe he doesn't always play by the law, but neither do any of you, right?"

You. Not us.

There is still no emotion in her voice, speaking with a monotone, distant voice.

"And this," she hands Jungkook the next folder, at least thirty pages thick. "This is every acquaintance my father has made over the years with powerful, influential people. As you can see, there are a lot. The chances he also met or worked with the suspects on your list isn't surprising- it's coincidental at best."

Jungkook is so dumbfounded, he doesn't even bother opening it, staring at Lian wide eyed like he's never seen her before. Then she makes her way over to Namjoon and hands him the last folder.

"And this should answer your question about Park Seo-Joon."

She hasn't looked at me once- like I don't even exist. My fear grows, making my thoughts turn so very, very sluggish, my ears under pressure, like I am deep under water. Namjoon takes the folder and opens it. We all watch his eyes widen as he skips through the pages.

"Impossible," he murmurs.

Now... we have seen Namjoon struggle and pondering about how to solve yet another problem, but we have never seen him so at loss. So surprised.Namjoon always prepares for everything, not leaving out the smallest details, planning everything there was. So not matter what situation has come up in any of our cases, Namjoon already had a back-up plan. Always came prepared. He doesn't look prepared now.

"No. Not impossible. Just he truth," Lian only replies coldly.

"It can't be," Namjoon lets out, shaking his head. Never had we seen him waver like this: so uncertain of himself, so lost for words.

Lian snorts, then lets out a humourless chuckle, nothing of her usual fierce, stormy and emotional personality visible.

"I was just as surprised, RM. Who would have thought I had a half brother, and a criminal one at that?"

The reaction of the others is just as disbelieving as Namjoons while I feel as though I'm looking at all of this from the outside- distant, disbelieving, confused.

"Half brother?" Hoseok asks, his voice quiet and high-pitched.

Lian doesn't look at him, even as she answers. Looks nowhere but the floor in front of her. Something is wrong...This isn't Lian. This is nothing like the girl I fell in love with...

"My fathers first child. He dated Seo-Joon's mother before he went to law school. They were high school sweethearts. But shortly after graduation, she left him, vanished into thin air and broke his heart.It wasn't until he accidentally stumbled across Seo-Joon's case file in 2013 when he heard of her again. He put one and one together: Seo-Joon's age and the reason why his girlfriend left him so suddenly and never contacted him again. She'd been pregnant. On the second page you'll find the paternity test he made, proving Seo-Joon is his biological son. That's why he is still in contact with him. My father helped him to get clean, got him a new identity and a job at JYP, hoping to make up for the time Seo-Joon spend on his own. He only wanted to help his son who never had anyone looking out for him. You of all people should understand that, right?"

"His mother died?" Yoongi asks, his expression disbelieving.

"Yes," Lian answers with a snap, then sighs.

"It's why he spiralled into a criminal life. Isn't it understandable that my father wanted to help him, even though he couldn't risk letting anyone know because he feared a scandal that could ruin his career?"

She turns, her hands crossed in front of her, looking at none of us.She looks different as well. Her hair is tied together in a pony tail, wearing a pink raincoat, blue jeans and black, neat shoes. She looks the way she did before we met her.

"My father may not use the most ethical and orthodox methods to win his cases, I'm aware of that now. And maybe he's been overprotective and suffocated me by making me live with so much rules, but he isn't a monster!He's just a man who hoped to give his son a better life. I'm sure it would kill him to know Seo-Joon is involved in the prostitute cases."

All of this is wrong. None if it makes sense...

"You found out all this yourself?"

Namjoon's shock has passed and is replaced by his usual calculative and sharp expression. Lian turns to him. There is a small smile playing on her lips.It holds nothing warm.

"You thaught me well, RM."

"RM? Why do you call me that?"

"Isn't that who you are?"

Her voice has dropped a few degrees and I shudder, seeing my brother's react the same. This isn't Lian. This cold, rigid person can't be my Lian.

"It is. But I thought we were past that.""We were never past it. I just forgot for a while. That you are both Namjoon and RM.""Nah. You never forgot it. You accepted it. Why change your mind now? Why call me RM?"

Namjoon's voice is even until that last part. There, emotions flicker. The hurt he is no doubt feeling beneath the mask of the untouchable leader he wears. But Lian doesn't show any sympathy as her lips press together hard, her small hands turning into fists. They are shaking too as she spits:"Because that's who you are!You were the one who planned to involve me into all of this, weren't you?Scheming, planning, using me like a chess piece in your game.And then all seven of you lied to me, manipulated me, made me trust you, even made me forgive you.All because you convinced me my father was a monster- a cold-hearted, power-hungry scumbag. And I did hate him.I hated being home, talking to him, even looking at him. I lied to my parents for you over and over again. You turned me into a lying, ungrateful and despicable daughter. And I was miserable! You made me fucking miserable!"

Tears are running down Jungkook's face, the maknae barely holding it together. Yoongi's lips quiver as he tries to reign his emotions. Jin and Jimin look shaken, their faces pale and eyes huge and wide on the girl in their middle. Hoseok lets loose a sob and they see her flinch a little at the sound.

I don't do anything. I just stand there in confusion still. I doesn't make sense...That girl might look like Lian, smell like her too, but it isn't my Lian. I can feel it.

Namjoon is the only one keeping it together, listening to her accusations with an ever darkening expression.

"Why did you come here, Lian?"

The world is all wrong.Even Namjoon is unrecognizable, his voice stern and cold. We all know Namjoon's true character. Know that he is kind and loving, goofy and clumsy.

But he is RM too. A person who can break a person with only words. Who would do anything to protect the people he cares about, no matter the price. He would play with peoples hearts, use his cunningness and sharp mind to eradicate anyone or anything that threatened his family.He is RM now, not Namjoon. But it makes no sense, since he is staring so coldly at his own family.

Lian sighs, her hands clenching and unclenching at her sides, her breath uneven.

"I had fun. I really did. You made me feel alive and happy and reckless. But you are also the reason for so much pain in my life. I can't do this any more. I was so sure before- but now-"

"Now you have your father again. And your mother.Your real family."

She nods.

"Yes. I just want my life back. A normal life, even if it might be a little boring sometimes. But it's better than this."

"NO!" Jungkook cries and shoots forward. We all watch as the tear-streamed boy drops to his knees in front of her, hugging her closely. Even on his knees, he reaches up to her chest.

"You can't leave. Lian, please. You can't leave."

Sobs rock his large body as he holds on to her. Lian's body jerks, but her expression stays the same.She doesn't look down at him, or tries to sooth him. She doesn't do anything as Jungkook keeps begging- keeps crying. Until Jimin can't take it any more.

He comes forward and peels his boyfriend off her. Jungkook leans onto him like the small boy is all that's keeping him up. Hoseok, Jin and Yoongi look torn between chiding Lian for making our brother cry and also flinging themselves at her with tears, begging her not to go.

I don't get it.

Why do they think she's leaving? This is Lian. She is our family. She will never leave.She promised...

"We never forced you. We always gave you a choice, right from the beginning." Namjoon reminds her then.

Lian clicks her tongue, then lets out a long breath.

"That's the thing with you RM. Right from the start, you knew exactly what to say and how to phrase things in order to make me believe you. You let me in on your pasts, only to make me pity you. And then you lured me with drugs and alcohol and music, because you knew exactly that I've been craving it- that I felt trapped and lonely and so you swooped right into my life when I became useful to you. All to get to my farther! Oh, you might have actually started to like me, I don't doubt it, but you just couldn't help yourself could you? It's just what you do! Using people, making them think your choices are theirs! You fuck with people's heads and hearts like toys. But I'm done now. I'm done listening to you. I'm done sneaking around, lying and cheating and ruining my life. I'm done with all this crap. And I'm done with BTS."

She turns to leave. The others jump into action.

"NO, Lian you can't just go!" Yoongi shouts.

"You said we were family. Why are you suddenly leaving?" Hoseok chokes out through his tears.

"You love us, right? You told us..." Jin stammers with a quivery voice.

"Lian," Jimin breathes, still holding the sobbing Jungkook in his hands while his face is twisted in fear and hurt.

"Why are you doing this?"

Lian has stopped at the foot of the steps, her back to them, still and rigid as she listens to their begging.

"Let her go."

All heads snap to our leader.

"Namjoon?" I speak for the first time. Speak to the person who has talked me down from ending my own life- who has always been there when I felt my lowest and helped me up again. The person I and all the others turned to when we were lost and scared and hopeless.

From the moment Lian entered their bunker, nothing seemed real.Least of all this. Let her go. Let her go?

The words echo in my head like stone skipping along a cave wall. Lian wouldn't leave. She would tear the world into shreds and burn everything down before leaving. That's the kind of person she is. That's what made me fall in love with her. Her love came with no price, no demand for something in return, her loyalty towards us with a fierceness that has shaken us to our cores and healed us a little more and no matter how many times she went down, she would always get up and continue fighting- for us.

Because we're family. Because she knows she belongs with us.

Namjoon drops his head and shakes it, standing with a broad stance, hands crossed in front of his chest to show their bulk.

"BTS is about freedom of choice. If Lian wants to go, no one should stop her. But Lian," She doesn't turn- doesn't show any sign of registering Namjoon's words. "There is always a place for you here if you should change your mind. And I always protect my family. Not matter what. You understand?"

Another trembled shakes her body, her head dropping for a second. Then she takes a long, deep breath and straightens herself, rolling her shoulders back to stand tall- and it was the first Lian-thing she has done since entering.

Without turning back, she says: "I understand. Thank you Namjoon. But you won't be able to change my mind on this. This is your family, not mine. I made my decision."

She leaves.

She's actually leaving... Walking out...

Reality hits me like a wrecking ball, having me stumbled back, tripping over my feet and go down.

Yet I don't even register the pain of hitting the floor.

"No."

The other's look away from the door where Lian has walked out on us, their faces tear streamed and pained but as they catch sight of me, their eyes widen and fear shone out. I can't make myself care about it though. I only sees Lian leaving. Turning her back. Not looking at me once the entire time, like I meant nothing to her. Like I was nothing. Over and over again.

"NO!"

I'm up on my feet before someone can even reach out a hand to stop me, storming up the stairs. I hear Namjoon call my name, but I ignore it. I sprint out into the darkening evening, the heavy rain instantly soaking me as I runs towards the edge of the the camp. My heart is threatening to jump out of my chest- like it will literally rip out of me if I don't get to Lian in time. To stop her.

Lian can't leave meShe just can't!

There, in front of the little tunnel, is the distinctive shape of her, small and blurry in the rain, but it's her. Her name rips out of me, letting my desperation carry over to her and I see her freeze. Then I don't even wait for her to turn before I crash into her, turning her body and hugging her close.

Holding her... it sets it all loose in me, my sobs having me nearly choke on the rain, my tears unstoppable as I hold on to her tight. She is all that is keeping me together.

"You can't leave. You promised, remember? You promised!"

I hugs her closer, bending my head to rest it in my favourite place on her neck. Her body is warm against mine, her smell filling my nose like it has so often these past couple of weeks, and I could almost pretend this was a normal hug.

"I love you. Please, Lian. Don't leave me."

Without Lian, my world will crumble again. I can feel it-She filled a void in me which had driven me to do such reckless, irrational things at the cost of my own life. If that hole returns- I can't say what I will do. I only know with Lian gone, it will be bigger. More consuming.

"Please," I beg again.

And I will keep begging until my lips bleed and my voice is nothing but a hoarse croak, if only it will make her stay. She hasn't hugged me back, her body rigid and still in my embrace, her hands stiff and balled at her sides, so I pull away and put my hands around her face, making her look at me."Lian?"

And as she finally, finally looks at me, the horror settles in deep. It's like she's not even there, not even seeing me. She looks empty, like someone had blown out her inner light and now it's only the shell of the girl I loved.

"Let me go, Taehyung," she says. Her voice is just as monotone as before, quiet and yet I hear every word over the thundering rain likes she is screaming in my ear. I shake my head violently, making droplets of water splash around me and causing thick, wet strands to stick to my skin.

"No. No, I can't. I'll never let you go."

"But you have to. Just turn back and go to the others. Please. I really don't want to do this."

A flash of emotion crosses her features, but in the growing darkness, I'm not able to discern it fast enough.

"No. No I can't." I repeat- it's all I can do.

It's like watching a screen go blank as she closes her eyes and opens them a second later.

"All right. You want to know why I can't stay?It's not just that you all used me and made me think my father is a horrible, inhuman person. Tell me Tae, what future do I have if I stay?"

I look at her in confusion, not understanding what she means. She'll be happy and free and with us! She can be who she is. We will never judge her, never hold her back from being who she truly is. And since when does she care about the future?

"Maybe we'll have fun for a few more years, drinking, partying, smoking while playing vigilantes behind everyone's back. But then what? What future do I have here? Will I end up an emotional mess who needs alcohol to get through the day? Or drugs to cope with the pain? Or maybe I'll get lung cancer first? Oh, oh, or how about going to prison? Or maybe I'll just die on one of those reckless adventures! That's all that is waiting for me if I stay. The seven of you were forced into this kind of life, but I have a choice. I can have a future and safety."

The words just don't make sense- not out of her mouth. It goes against everything I know about her. Everything I know she is.

"No. You don't mean that. I know you don't. You want this life. I know you!"

She chuckles, her body shaking with it, the sound sending cold and hot shivers down my body. I already feel sick and unsteady, like the floor is water, threatening to sweep me away and drown me.

"Do we ever really know a person, Taehyung?"

She emphasizes my name weirdly, like there is a second meaning to it.I grow so very, very still. No....She couldn't...

"Or should I call you V?"

The box keeping all that pain in cracks wide open and I choke as it rises to the surface. No. Of all things, not this...

"How- why."

I don't get out more, a hand over my heart as if able to keep the pain inside. It doesn't work.

It has never worked. I have never been able to fight it when it comes, and Lian has summoned it with a single, dooming letter. Breathing becomes hard as I fight against the wave of agony.

"I told you. I did some research. I know what happened back then. I know what you did and I know what you're running from."

I don't know when I have ended up on my knees, starring at my hands. Red. They are red again, blood running down and soaking the earth around me.And against my best efforts, I can't stop it. It comes and consumes me. It comes and threatens to break me again.

I'm walking up the flight of stairs. It's almost midnight and I can feel my own face draw into a grim mask as I count the money, not even looking where I'm stepping. I've ascended these stairs so often at night, I know them by heart.

I sigh when I finish counting. Still not enough. But soon.

Just a couple more jobs, a few rounds in the fighting pits and running a view errands for some powerful people and I'll have enough money saved to finally do what I have been planning for months- years. To buy my mothers freedom and make us move far away from this hellhole.We can start fresh. We can finally have a life free of him! Free of my farther.

I heard you should honour your parents for giving you life- that I should be thankful for them to be born.

But how could I ever be thankful to that pig who raped my mother when she was only seventeen, shoved her into this fucked up life which had her sell her body to a different man every night? How could I thank him for giving me life, when he used me as leverage to keep her bound to him?

My mother told me to wait- told me that when I finally turned eighteen, we could finally leave.

I would be old enough to make my own choices and go with her, but if she left before that, my farther would make sure I didn't get to see her again- and threatened to make my life very, very unpleasant.

There aren't just female whores in his enterprise after all.

I tried to wait- to do as she told me, but I just can't.

I don't care what others think about me or plan to do to me, but there is this all-consuming, blinding rage in me when somebody talks trash about my mother or dictates her life. They don't fucking know! They have no idea how tough she had it, how strong she was, fighting for the little things she has, and also how sweet and loving she can be, even after the world treated her like vermin and left her to rot on the streets.

I hear the crash just as I reach the last set of stairs.

There is a high pitched scream, and then nothing. The world stops for a second, nothing moving, not even time itself.

And then I start running.I run like my life depends on it, even dropping the money. It flatters all the way down to the floor but I don't spare it a second glance as I make it to the floor of mine and my mother's apartment. The first horror grips me when I see the door wide ajar. I stumbled forward and inside.

It's small, old and falling apart in most places. But this has been my home since I can remember. My mother taught me how to read in this place. Told me stories on that old, leather sofa in the corner, drew with me on the molding wooden table, made me dinner while humming in the tiny, rusty kitchen, like this is all she ever wished for. Like our life was without burden- perfect. She hung up pictures of the two of us over the years, from all our day trips and adventures. Not that we had the time, money or permission to go anywhere far.

But we're smiling in every one of them.

There: three year old me with a massive grin at our adventure to the ice-cream shop around the block, holding not one, not two, but a scone with three scoops in my tiny hand.

And there, hanging to its left, is a picture of my mother with sparkling eyes, raising me in the air in the wash-salon, having dressed me as superman with one of her red dresses serving as the cape.

I used to love looking at them- the small moments of happiness of my life.

They lay on the floor now, their frames bend and the glass broken, our smiles distorted and twisted. And there is my mother, lying in the shards, face down, her eyes wide open. Those warm, sparkling eyes, white and still, looking at nothing, her left arm bend in a wrong way, broken, twisted. Her flowery dress is ripped and revealing the cuts and bruises beneath. Her black long hair is dishevelled and dirty and there is a red, oozing gash on the back of her head, the blood pooling around her face, coloring her mouth a dark shade of red.

Dead.I have grown up in a shitty enough neighbourhood to know what death looks like and yet I cannot believe it.

I stumble back with a scream, my hand in front of my mouth before my body works by itself, stumbling forward, the cracking of the broken glass under my feet before I kneel next to her, not caring about the glass that cuts through my jeans.

I only see her. Her dead eyes.

"M-mom? Mom... talk to me... look at me, please."She doesn't move. She keeps lying there, the blood growing around her, staining my clothes, but I still reach out and shake her. I know she is dead- I've seen death, and yet I keep screaming at her in desperation like I can somehow turn back time- make it undone. "MOM! I said look at me! You can't leave me! Fucking talk to me!"But no matter how I shake her, she stays silent.I only hear it then. The breathing. The other presence in the room. A man standing in the corner, staring wide eyed too, but alive. He's holding something- a baseball bat. My bat. The one my mother gave him for my twelfth birthday, saving up for it for more than a month. There is blood on it too. His suit and trousers are torn as well, like my mother put up a fight and pieces of his hair are missing. He looks in shock, staring down at her like he couldn't believe what he had done while I cannot believe it.

Not him. Not my own farther.

I knew he was an asshole and a ruthless pimp... but somewhere deep, deep down, he had still cared about me...Or so I had always wanted to believe.

"She- she wanted to run away. That bitch saved money to leave me," he murmurs when he finally rips his eyes away from my dead mother, his face pale.

And only now do I notice the duffel bag in his hand- the one I kept hidden, even from my mother. Months of hard work, sleepless nights and aching bones had gone into those savings.Mine.Not my mothers who didn't even know about it. My own decision to not do as she told me. To try and get us out earlier.

The world turns dark. I see nothing else but darkness as rage fills me, stronger than anything, having me tremble.

It's anger, hate, pain, despair which lead me- controls me. I am not myself. I am only this creature made of rage and hate. I let out a scream that has my father stumbled back, but I don't give him time to run. He doesn't get to run away when he killed my mother for thinking she was trying to. I pick up the closest glass bottle and jump to my feet, storming for him.

I'm only fifteen, but I've been taller than my father for almost two years now, and the hard labor has made me stronger- so did the fighting pits, where most of the money was from.

I don't hesitate now, before I smacks the bottle over his head where it breaks with a clatter.

He yells in pain, but I don't stop. I can't. I am nothing but rage.

He took her from me! He took the one thing in my life that was good and decent!

So I ram the broken bottle head into his stomach, deep and hard. He grunts, his eyes flying wide. I do it again, pulling back to lounge again. There is nothing but this all consuming rage as I stab him again and again, blood spraying on my clothes, my face, my hair, soaking my hands.

He goes down then- this man who was my farther but had taken my mother from me. The only person I ever loved and the only one who ever loved me in return.

It had been me and her against the world ever since I can remember.

The rage screams even louder in my ear, tuning everything out- reason, logic, reality. There is just the pain trashing inside me. My eyes skip to my mother on the floor, but only a choking sound comes out of my mouth.

I have nothing now. My mother was all I had. And now even she is gone.I'm alone. Now, I am all alone in this fucked up world.

The thought suddenly snaps me back, like a lever has been pulled an I stare down at my farther, blood covering his white shirt.My farther, who had hit me only because he could. Who raped my mother time and time again. Who used my mother's love for me to keep her a slave under his thumb. But my farther nonetheless. His eyes, like my mothers, staring at nothing- no one. Dead.Shock hits my body, my mind realizing what I'm seeing. What I have done. Me. The son of a murderer, now stepping into my fathers footsteps. I drop the bloody bottle head and let out a high-pitched sound of utter despair. What have I done?

I just killed someone. I killed my own farther. I just became a murderer.And by saving that money without telling my mother, I was the reason for her death too. I let out a wail, then a pained scream before looking down at my hands. Red. My fathers blood. What have I done? I... how could I... what was I going to do now?But the choice is taken from me at the distant sound of sirens. Someone must have overheard the screams earlier and called the police.

I don't think.

I don't kneel next to my mother one last time, but run for the duffle bag, clutching it out of dead fingers. And then I run.

I only glance down at my mother one last time as I turn to the door. "I'm sorry, mom," I cry, the sirens growing louder. I can't stay. I have seen what happens to people like me accused of murder. And since I'm guilty... I run. I don't look back. I don't stop running. But I know, there will never be a place far enough away to let me forget- or forgive.

I kneel on the wet ground like I had kneeled before my mother's body. Lost. Pained. My heart breaking for the second time in my life.

Breathing becomes harder with each moment those pictures of my past flash before me. My mother's dead eyes, her head split open and the way it felt to stab my farther in all that rage- how good it had felt to let it out, how horrible when I realized what I had done.

"Please, Lian... please don't leave."

Lian doesn't look down at me, her eyes staring past me, her body still rigid and unmoving.

"Go back, Taehyung. Go to the others and let me go. You'll see... In a few weeks, you'll forget about me and it will all be like it used to be. It's better this way."

"No. It won't. Please, please."

My tears mix with the rain until I cannot tell what is what, my voice hoarse and broken.

"I can't loose you too. Please."

She doesn't show any sign of registering my words. She just stands there in the rain, ignoring me as I kneels in front of her. Like I am no one to her.

Then she just turns. Like I never meant anything to her. Like she truly doesn't care at all.

"You'll be fine. You have a family. But I'm not part of it. Go back, Tae."

I sit there in the cold, watching her enter the tunnel, not looking back, not stopping.

I wish I could stand and go after her, turn her and hold her tight, but my body won't listen. Like all strength has been sucked out of it by her words- the way she just left me like that. I can't even shout her name as waves of pain crash into me, right for that recently healed heart, stabbed once more. Broken ,once more.

In the darkness, her shadow becomes more and more indistinguishable until she vanishes completely, becoming one with the night and the rain.

She left.

She isn't coming back.

I start screaming.

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