⫣52⫦ You Fall When You've Climbed Highest

Get your tissues ready... ____________________________________

Fifteen minutes until the drugs takes effect.

A quarter hour of doing small talk with a sex-trafficer and lord knows what else. The longer I talk with Seo-Joon, the more scared I grow. At least I had alcohol, otherwise I might have run away already. There is something broken and inhuman in his eyes whenever I make the mistake of looking directly into them. And he always stares back like I am the treasure he's been searching for all his life. I check my phone. The drug should work any second. It's time. "Baek Min-Sou, how about we go have a look inside the house? I've heard the mayor has one of the fanciest houses in Seoul." "Great idea, Lian, I've been curious myself." I smile and nod at everyone we pass, see my parents distracted in a conversation with- you guessed it, Hoseok and then enter the air-conditioned mansion. Timing really is everything, just like Namjoon told us. "What do you think?" I jump, Seo-Joon's voice too close to my ear, his breath hot and threatening on my skin. I shudder but laugh it of. "Think what?" There is mischief and glee in his expression, just the kind I love so much in Taehyung. But no matter what Tae did- no matter how dangerous or risky, he never had that thing in his eyes. Wrong. Seo-Joon is just wrong. "Come on Lian. Are you not curious? Let's snoop around a little."Hell yeah. "I think we shouldn't." "Oh don't be such a buzz kill. No one will say anything. And I'll make sure your father doesn't find out." Perfect. He is making it too easy for me. "Are you sure? I mean... it's not nice to snoop." "Come on. I'll show you how much fun it can be." He drags me up the stairs, a hand around my wrist. I detest the touch, but let him. On the last step before reaching the second floor, he stumbles, nearly bringing me down with him. "Woah, sorry. I don't know what happened." He straightens himself while I gloat. "No worries." We take only three steps before he stumbles again, this time having to lean against the wall. When I see his eyes, they are glazed over, like he is seeing things. "Something- I think-" He slurs out, blinking and shaking his head to get rid of the dizziness. "Are you all right? You don't look so good, Min-Sou." "I'm- I, you-" he stops as he sinks to the floor, his head spaced out looking at nothing in front of him. Finally I let that stupid, painful fake smile slip of my face, replacing it with a dark, glittering smirk. Then Hoseok is there, right by my side. I don't let him speak before I hug him, throwing my arms around him and squeezing tight. I feel his chuckles against my skin, so bright and full of energy. "I don't want to complain, princess, but we should really move this peace of shit out of the way before someone sees. " I draw away and look back at the half-passed out Seo-Joon. I kick him, hard enough to hopefully leave nasty blue spot. "Lian!" Hoseok chides, but then smiles too. "Always so violent!" I hear the humour in his voice and smirk. "You love it. Now, let's get him to an empty room." I already bent down to help him pick up the drugged man when he stops me with a hand on my arm. "I'll do it. You should get back down. Your father is looking for you, and when he doesn't find you, he might come upstairs. He seems... more worried than usual." "But-" "Go, Lian. I'll be fine. As soon as I find something, I'll let you know. Promise." I don't like it. I don't want to go back to the party. And I certainly don't want to leave Hoseok alone with that pervert, even if he was only a drooling mess right now. But the mission comes first today. "Fine. But if you don't immediately call me when you find something, prepare to get your ass kicked." He chuckles at my threat, then bends down to pick up a moaning Seo-Joon. I turn only because I have to, making my way down the steps again. Now I can only hope for the best.

*****

My father hadn't let me out of his sight once after I returned. He also didn't ask for Seo-Joon, which is weird but lucky I guess. I'm in the car on our way back home, my mom chattering away how nice and exciting the party had been, my dad driving and listening to her.And me- I'm checking my phone like every two seconds.No messages yet. I feels like there are a thousand ants trapped under my skin, driving me crazy with every second I don't hear anything from Hoseok. We pull into our driveway. I get out the car. My phone rings. I nearly drop it as adrenaline rushes my body, my stomach fluttering like crazy. "Sorry, I got to take this. It's Momo." I don't wait for their answer as I storm into the house, up the stair, slam my door and pick up Hoseok's call."Tell me!" I scream into the phone, my voice breaking.This might be our final chance of bringing down my father. Soon, all of this could be over. Hoseok's voice is as loud as mine, maybe even more so. "We did it, Lian!" My legs give out and I drop on my bed, my hands shaking. "You have the evidence?" "Well, not yet." "What? But you just said you did it?" "Yeah, well-" Hoseok starts, but then there is a rustling sound, like someone snapped the phone from his ear. Namjoon's voice is all business, calm and concentrated as he usually is with mission like these. "Well, Hoseok found out Seo-Joon's hide out apartment and the maknae line immediately went over there to check it out. They are still there and managed to get Yoongi access to the computer they found. He stumbled onto some very hard-core encrypted files that is going to take some time cracking, but we are sure it has to be the hidden evidence. Yoongi says the protection is so tight, no one would bother if not to protect something big. " My heart is racing. It has to be the evidence. It has to. "Lian?" I freeze. "Shit, Namjoon I gotta go, it's my dad. I'll call you back as soon as I can."I hang up just a second before my father enters. My face is probably still red from the adrenaline and excitement and my legs still feel like jello. Still I smile as my perfectly dressed father opens the door and smiles back warmly. He is still wearing the dark grey suit from earlier, his black hair combed back and glistening with gel.

"Darling, do you have a minute for me? I want to talk to you." "Sure Dad, I always have time for you."But soon, you won't, because you'll be in prison.I tap on the empty space next to me on the bed. Slowly he closes the door. There are some folders clipped under his arm, but I can't read what they are saying.The man with the perfect mask takes a seat next to me, letting out a long, heavy breath. There is a long moment of silence that confuses me. "What's wrong?" He looks up at my soft tone, his eyes a little sad as he reaches out and shuffles my hair like he has done a thousand times.

"My little Lian. How fast you've grown up. It feels like yesterday when you smiled for the first time and took your first steps. Do you know what your first word was?"

I look down at me hands. I might be a good actress, but I could never hide the pain that curses through me at his words.

I wish there was only bad. I wish all my memories with him were only cold and distant, but that isn't true. There had been good. "It was 'dadda'" he breathes out, like it's his most treasured memory. I don't want to think about the good things. There have been, of course.Too many. But they still don't have the power to change my hatred for him. They only make it worse. The way he made me believe a lie. "You were such a sweet baby too, always smiling and laughing. Well," he chuckles, his smile real as he turns his head to me. "At least as long as you got what you wanted." "Why are you telling me this dad?" I can't quite keep the irritation from my voice. He isn't usually the sentimental type. He sighs. "I guess because I wish I could have that sweet, little Lian back." My heart stops and I find it hard to breath as his voice drops a few degrees. I laugh as I smack him playfully. "What are you talking about, dad? Are you saying I'm no longer sweet? Do you see this dress? Does it get any cuter?" But when he turns to meet my eyes, I know something is wrong. Something is really, really wrong as his cold expression land on me. "Let's drop the act, Lian. I've put up with it these last weeks. All your lying and pretending and sneaking around. You really think I didn't know you were hanging around with BTS?"My eyes widen as my heart skips a beat. No...Impossible... Impossible to hear those three letters from my father's mouth. I feel sick, my insides cold and numb. Impossible... "Dad, I- I really don't-" "Save it, daughter." He spits out the last word with so much loathing, I flinch. "I have to say, a part of me was actually intrigued at first. I never thought you had it in you. I really didn't. But you've surprised me. Your really have." I don't know what to say. For the first time, I can't find an excuse or justification, so I just sit there, listening to the words that ruin me. "You're probably wondering when I found out. That night you said you spend with a friend and came home drunk, smelling of smoke was the first time I grew suspicious. I called your school and asked about the math team. Guess what I found out? Not only is it a bunch of useless nerds, but they also never heard of any Lian. So of course, I had you followed. Let me tell you something darling."

He suddenly reaches out and grabs my chin.

I hiss at the pain when he snaps my head around so I am forced to look at him. I see nothing of the father I've grown up with.

Here he is. Kwang-Sun Cheol. The ruthless man who let defenceless women die to further his own end. "If you really wanna play around like that, make sure you always look over your shoulder." I'm shaking, my brain not able to make sense of anything. He knew since the first time I made my way over to the camp? He had known...All this time- and he played along? Impossible... Why?Why only say something now? "Imagine my surprise when I found out you went to that junkyard that belonged to a local gang. BTS. How pathetic.Or so I thought. My sweet Lian hanging around those wannabe gangster who are worth little more than the litter on the street. No manners, no ambition, no future. Filth, just like where they live." I snarl as his words overpower all logical thought, lead only by my hatred, anger and rage. "They are a thousand times better than you, you lying piece of shit."

My father has the audacity to look appalled by my outrage. "Now, there she is. Look what they made you become. You could have had it all, Lian. Couldn't you have been more like your mother?" Disappointment is mixed with his cold anger, but I don't hear it. I only feel the emotions rise up in me- the ones I had pushed down and down all these weeks. All of this feels unreal- like it's happening to someone else. "You are nothing but a monster. I know what you did. I know it all!And I am ashamed to call myself your daughter!"His expression doesn't change. Cold, disappointed and angry. "I know that you know. It makes me hate them even more- those boys of yours. They turned you against me. But they aren't what they seem, are they?" My eyes widen. No.He couldn't possibly know that too. Fear grips my heart so tight, I find it hard to breath. "Yes- Oh yes, I know exactly what they are. Did you ever wonder why the sudden move to Seoul? When have I ever done something so out of the blue?" Never. He is always calculative and plans ahead. My fear worsens even more. "I knew someone was investigating on their own volition, shadowing my clients, searching for evidence, hacking their phones.It wasn't the police, because I had taken care of those long before. They even dared to come to my house! I knew I had to do something. I had to come to Seoul myself and handle the problem. But I have to admit, they didn't make it easy. I might have never found out who those people were, until you lead me right to them." I shake my head. This couldn't be real. This had to be a nightmare. Or hell. My worst fear just came true. The fear that had woken me up in the middle of the night ever since I found out the truth about my father. That I might be BTS's undoing. That I could be the reason they got hurt. A tear runs down my cheeks and lands on my lap. My father laughs, cold and heartless. "Those boys are really something, Lian." He stands in front of me as if I needed to feel even smaller than I already do. I just want to wake up next to Taehyung, meeting the others at breakfast that Jin prepared, smoke some cigarettes with Yoongi while talking about life, then joke around with Hoseok and try to make Jimin and Jungkook blush when teasing them about their relationship. And I want to hear Namjoon's advice and counselling, leaning on him like a rock in stormy water. But all I have is this horror version of my father come to life in front of me, seeing and experiencing his true personality for the first time. He drops the first folder in my lap. Jin's name and picture stare at me.

It must be an old one, his face younger, rounder, his hair a soft brown. But in his eyes is nothing of the boy I met- only sadness staring back at me. "He's a lot like you. He could have had a nice life, a career and a beautiful wife. Now what does he have? Nothing but his good looks and skills in driving a car. Pathetic." Another folder drops into my lap, this time displaying Yoongi.

It's none other than his mug shot, probably from when he went to Juvie. I can barely stand to see him so grim and angry. I miss that boxy, cute cat smile.

"Now Suga I can't help but admire, able to hack even my phone?Impressive, I have to say. And yet he wastes all that skill on BTS. Tsk." Next is Hoseok.

Another tear slips free.

"Well, isn't he the best example of 'don't do drugs?'" The degrading and condescending voice almost manages me to snap out of my shocked state and gorge out his eyes. "Ah, this one is interesting." Namjoon stares at me, next to him a boy with the same eyes, both of them smiling brightly at the camera. A time long passed. A time, no doubt, where his brother was still alive. "He calls himself RM, right? He reminds me so much of myself when I was younger. Such a bright, sharp mind. So much potential!He could have had a really promising career in politics. Shame that brother of his killed himself and clouded his judgment, or I might have been able to teach him some things. Just more potential wasted. But what a fun game we played. I was so truly impressed how far he got. How intelligent and brilliant- and how ruthless too. Until he met you of course. Ah...if only you had known that while you were on their side all this time, planning my downfall, you are one of my greatest triumphs in this game between me and Namjoon. Who knows. If not for his useless sentimental, he might have even stood a chance. " My heart aches with every word, yet I am unable to stop it. Then there is Jimin in my lab. The picture recently taken, his hair like a halo around him, his eyes barley visible because he was laughing so brightly. "To be honest, he might be he only one who made a better choice by joining BTS. I've met his father once, you know. He's a big fish in Busan- a crime lord right out of a comic book. Well, at least for his father I held some respect for what he built himself. I wonder if Jimin keeps in touch with him." My breath catches. He doesn't. Jimin wouldn't even talk about him. "I heard he is dating this one." I don't want to look down. And yet I do. A choking sound escapes me.His picture is definitely not recent.

Jungkook must be about eleven or twelve, his face pale, his eyes big and sad, his body tiny and frail. He looks like a ghost. There but not there- invisible.Alone in a big, cold world. "He's trying so hard, but for what? He would have never been anything anyway. His parent's didn't want him, the orphanage didn't want him, and that other gang didn't want him in the end either. How long will it take BTS until they abandon him too?"

I snap. It's like the pressure in my ear popping, and suddenly everything is just too much. "Shut up! Shut the fuck up! You don't know anything!" My scream is filled with such anger, despair and fear, it hardly sounds like me at all. He only smiles at my outburst. I wish he would scream or slap me or do anything else but stand there smiling coldly. "Oh, I think I know a lot more about them than you think. Especially about that little boyfriend of yours." He drops the last folder. I grow still once more, like someone pulled a switch again as I slowly lower my head and stare and Taehyung. I stare and stare and suddenly realize something. I never told him I loved him. Not once had I said those words to him. I should have. I love him- more than I love myself. "I get what's so interesting about him- what made you so intrigued and allowed your head to be messed with. He's reckless, brave and secretive. He's a mystery, and looks.. well, like that. What girl would not be drawn to him? And what a brilliant actor! Perfect, really. I even had my doubts about him for a second when he pretended to be Lee Jae-Min. But do you know that brining him to our house was your greatest mistake off all?" I'm shaking so violently now, that the folders fall to the floor. My father bends down to pick up Taehyung's again. He opens it and chuckles to himself. "Ah, I just knew he looked familiar. I just couldn't put my finger on it. That's until I remembered a case I had looked over some years ago. Such a coincidence. I hardly believed it myself."

He puts the folder back in my lap, the pages open, but I refuse to look. I promised Tae he would never have to tell me about his past. This feels like betraying him. "Look." I don't, keeping my eyes on my father. "LOOK!" He never raised his voice like that before. He's also never gotten physical. Until now, as he grabs my hair- the same one he playfully ruffled a few minutes ago, and pushes my head down. I look. My world stops as I see the pictures. See the truth about the boy I love. Understand, finally, why he was never able to talk about his past. Finally realizing the pain and despair in his eyes. "Tell me, Lian," my father snorts, like he is enjoying himself as my heart cripples. "If you call me a monster, what would you call a fifteen year old boy who killed his own parents?"

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