⫣29⫦ Make it Right

Uhhh, big spoiler alert for Heal Me upcoming!!! Skip this chapter if you're the kind of person strong enough not to peak to see what will happen...

But also... *squeak* JIKOOK ❤️❤️

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This is better then I could have ever hoped for.

At no point in my life had I ever expected to find myself in the midst of a raving crowd, drinking, smoking, surrounded by seven hot boys who seem to have only eyes for me as we dance and dance and dance.

I feel worshipped. Queen of the world. I share touches and hip swings with them all, but only Taehyung is allowed to come close enough to kiss me- to grind our bodies together like they are one.

And he does so a lot, shamefully so. Not giving a crap who saw. I might have felt uncomfortable doing this, but with BTS, nothing has ever felt wrong. Eventually though, a feeling starts to rise to the surface- the feeling of something missing. I cease my wild dancing for a moment and look around. I don't need long to find the reason for it. One is missing. I turn to Taehyung who has his hands around my hips and his body pressed close against my back, kissing and licking my neck to the beat of the music. "Where is JK?" I ask, for the first time using his nickname. He looks down at me through hooded eyes, like he is barely here, lost in our touches and the music. They clear as he shoots me a confused look and also starts searching for the missing member. "He left," we hear a voice say behind us, and even though it's shouted to be heard over the loud music, I hear the quiet disappointment in it. We turn to find Jimin, his eyes shadowed and an empty cup in his hand, like he just drowned it. "Why?" I ask over the music. Jimin only shakes his head, signalling that he either doesn't want to talk about it or doesn't know. I take a deep breath in and out, making a decision. "I'll find him." I already turn away from Taehyung, but he grabs my hand, turning me around again. "Maybe we should give him some space. I don't think he wants to talk to us about it." I consider his response, but then just like Jimin, I shake my head. "Maybe he can't talk to you guys about it because you are so close. But maybe he'll want to talk to me. This can't continue. Let me at least try." He looks at me long and thoughtful, and then nods his head. Because he wants this problem to be resolved as well. And because he will never stop me from trying anything. I gift him with a nod and a smile, promising that I will do my best and then push my way through the crowd. The entire garden of the mansion has been turned into one massive dance floor, a large pool filled with dancing, laughing people to the right and even an air castle build up on the left where people bounce up and down to the rhythm of the beat. In the middle thrones a large lectern, painted in bright colors and two DJ's on top, headphones around their necks and hands raised to the crowed, urging them to go even wilder. I look just in time to see a third making up his way to the top. One of the DJ's turns around and greets the boy with a hug and a handshake.

I make out the green hair and the wide grin on his face as Suga is pulled to one of the DJ desks. People in the crowed seem to go wild at the first change of music as Suga's hands skillfully create a beat that has them shouting, moving their bodies faster and crazier. I smile at the look of happiness on Suga's face.

I turn and continue towards the terrace and the open door leading into the house, hoping to be able to find JK in this massive, crowded place. But I don't even make it one step through the door, before another hand grabs mine and I turn to find Jimin breathing heavily, like he hurried after me and thought he lost me in the crowed. "Are you going to talk to JK about what happened last week at the party?" I look into his sombre, vulnerable eyes and the flicker of hope shining through. I nod my head in a yes. His shoulders drop and he looks at the floor and my heart aches from seeing his sad and lost expression as he searches for words. Then he looks up with a sigh. "I don't think it will do any good. Something happened between us along time ago and JK- he..." "I know," I interrupt his stammering and his eyes widen is surprise. "You know?" "Hwasa told me what happened with you two and X-EXO. I know what they made JK do to you." He looks lost for words for a moment, then his expression darkens. "Then you understand why JK believes like he can never be with me, no matter how he might feel. I tried to tell him that it wasn't his fault and that I have long forgiven him- he wasn't himself that day, I know that. But he is stubborn and won't listen, no matter how much I beg him." I stand there watching the pain in his eyes and then on an impulse, I pull him close and hug him. I feel his body tense for a second and then his hands come around my back and he hugs me back, his body relaxing against mine. I stroke his back in comforting circle and then quietly whisper in his ear. "I can't even begin to understand what it must have been like for the two of you to go through all that. But if there is one thing you guys taught me, it's that you have to stop being afraid of yourself and accept the things for what they are." I pull away and look into his eyes with a warm, gentle smile. He stares back and then nods, a hopeful look in his eyes and I desperately hope I won't disappoint him. "You might want to look for him upstairs somewhere. He likes to hide in quiet places somewhere high when all gets too much for him." And with that he gives me a little squeeze and turns back into the garden, being swallowed up by the dancing crowd in seconds. Letting out a deep breath, I turn and start looking for the lost boy.

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I walk in to three people having sex and four people passed out on beds. Two more are puking their guts out in toilets.

The halls are filled with people too, talking, drinking and making out, but they get less frequent the father up I go. It's almost quiet on the top level, only the muffled sound from the beats of the music outside reminds me of the party happening downstairs. I head straight to the last door, where no light shines from beneath the door frame and no one loiters outside. Carefully I open it to the reveal darkness behind. It's nothing more than a guest room with a high ceiling, a desk and a wardrobe. And on the double sized bed I can make out the distinct shape of someone large, sitting at the edge of the bed facing the massive window that overlooks not the garden but the row of trees and parked cars in front. He doesn't turn and doesn't show any sign he heard me enter. I stand there in silence looking at the shape of his body, his head in his hands and covering his ears.

His eyes are closed, but not in rest, more like he's squeezing them shut with all his might and his body is tense and strained like he's fighting off an invisible foe. But I know there's no one here and the only one he's fighting is himself. I take slow steps into his direction, but he still doesn't notice me. It's like he's trying his best to blend everything out and for a moment it feels wrong to be here- to see him struggle against the world outside and what it has done to him. But I can't stop myself. I can't leave him like this, so I come to stand at his side and put a hand on his shoulders. He jerks up like a scared cat, his eyes wide and frantic as he scrambles back in fear. A sharp pang of shame and pain fills me at seeing this strong, tall boy back away in fear and me being the reason for it. Only when his eyes adjust and he realizes who's standing before him, he relaxes, his shoulders dropping and he lets out a deep breath. "It's you," he only says as I take a seat next to him and turn my body to his. The only light in the room is from the Moon and The Stars and his features are thrown into deep shadows outlined by slivers of silver. "I noticed you were missing and decided to look for you," I say into the silence of the room. He scratches his head, ruffling his hair and sighs. "I just needed a moment. But we can go back now if you want. " He makes a move to stand but I stop him with a hand to his chest, pushing him back down on the bed. He doesn't look at me, his gaze downwards like he can't meet my eyes and hide what he truly feels. "Why don't you tell me why you were up here in the first place?" I try to sound casual, but there is too much worry in my voice. Jungkook shakes his head. "Nothing. I just needed a moment of silence and be able to- forget." "Forget Jimin?" He tenses, but still doesn't look back up.

"Forget everything," he responds in a low voice.

Carefully I lay my hand on his shoulders again and turn him in my direction. He lets me guide him without protest, but I can still feel the coiled up muscles beneath my fingers. "Trying to forget won't make what happened any less true." He exhales, deep and heavy. "You don't know the things I want to forget." "You mean beating up Jimin?" His head snaps up and his mouth parts in question. I let out a little chuckle, even though nothing about this situation is funny. "You guys keep forgetting how curious I am." His eyes narrow in thought and then widen when he realizes something. "Hwasa told you, didn't she? As much as you are curious, she is talkative. Ah," he let's out exasperated. "She probably also told you I haven't slept with her, hasn't she?" I nod, hoping this wont get her into trouble. Silence descents again as Jungkook rubs his hands together and stares at them like they hold all the answers. I let him, waiting for him to be ready to speak. "So, if you know, then you must understand why I want to forget." I keep quiet, looking at him in the darkness. I see him ringing with himself and I know he wants to talk to someone- anyone but the boys who know him too well and who had a part in all of it. He visibly crumbles when he finally decides to let it all out. I listen with a heavy heart. "I told the others that I don't remember much, but I do. It's a haze and blurry but I keep remembering that night like it was yesterday. I keep hearing Jimin's cries of pain when I broke his ribs and see the way he struggled to get air. I see the way he looked at me in shock and pain, trying to talk to me- trying to get through to me, but I didn't listen. I keep feeling the pain in my own knuckles when I hit his face over and over again in a rage that made me see and understand nothing ese. All I knew was that Jimin is pain. That he came to hurt me again. And I was so, so sick of hurting. I just wanted it all to stop, and I... I just snapped.And the others...I can still hear the X-EXO members laughing and clapping as Jimin lay on the floor, twitching in pain. And then we just left him there. When I came back to my senses and realized what I had done- that I had hurt the one person who ever really cared about me.." He breaks off and a sob violently shakes his body. I see the tears streaming down his face and a pain so deep I could never begin to understand."It broke me. I realized I was the worst of all of X-EXO. I wasn't just someone who wasn't loved, I was someone who didn't deserve to be. And when BTS came for me and RM told me that Jimin was the one who begged them to get me out, I didn't believe him. How could he still care for me after what I had done? How could he not blame me? I didn't understand it and I still don't. I know... I know how he feels. But... I don't deserve it. Not after what I have done. I never will. And I can't unsee it. Can't look at him for too long and not see what I have done to the one person who always loved me." He buries his face in his hands and weeps, strong heavy sobs that break my heart into a million pieces. I hold him. I put my arms around him like I can somehow keep it all away from him, but know that I never could. I wish I could tell him it was all right, that it would be okay, but I promised to never lie to them and that's what it would be. I can't make this okay. I can't take his memories away or make the things undone. But I don't believe in hopeless cases any more. Not since I've met seven boys who have experienced nothing but pain and heartbreak in their lives and still came out smiling, enjoying life to the fullest. I let go of the embrace and go to kneel before him. A bit hesitantly, I raise my hands up to his and pry them away from his face. He opens his eyes, tears still running down his face and I go to wipe them away with as much gentleness as I can. Whatever he sees in my eyes makes him calm down, the shaking of his body receding to a tremble. My voice is raw with emotion I can't suppress after hearing his confession. "There is so much you deserved JK. You deserved a home and parents who loved you and to meet a person you can love without guilt or shame or anything holding you back. But you didn't. Instead you did the best you could to find anything to make up for it and there is no one who can blame you for that. I know you wont believe me when I tell you that what happened with Jimin wasn't your fault, and maybe to some extend it was. But you know what I think?"

He looks at me with big, expectant eyes, hanging on to every word I say.

"I think Jimin would take that beating any time again if it meant you could finally get what you deserved- a family that loves you for who you are and not what you can give them." The words coming out of my mouth surprise myself too as I realize what it also meant for me and my life. "And I think what you are doing now- blaming yourself and denying yourself the thing you want the most is hurting Jimin more than any physical pain. I know, as I'm sure you have too, that Jimin has forgiven you a long, long time ago if he ever blamed you at all.""It's not that," he chokes out, blinking away some tears, still with that haunted look in his eyes.

"I know he doesn't blame me. And I know I am hurting him by what I'm doing, but it's not that I don't want to, it's that I... I can't. I can't forget.I can't unsee it.I can't forgive myself. He won't let me... Suho... he's still in my head. Still haunting me."It hurts to see him like that and hear the utter hopelessness. I can't take it a second longer, leaning forward to put his head into my hands, forcing him to look at me. "Listen to me, JK, and listen to me well. You are so, so strong. I see it every time I look at you. And I know you feel like you have to fight these demons to defeat them. To prove them that you are stronger. But sometimes, to win against them, is not by fighting at all but by accepting them. Accept what you did. Accept what Jimin did too. When you kissed him that day, did you think of Suho? Did you hear his voice?"His mouth fell open, his expression changing- from pain to surprise, like it's nothing he ever considered trying. "See? You did not try to fight it then either. So the next time you look at Jimin and only see what you did to him- keep looking. Look! Don't fight it and push away. Allow yourself too see, and then accept. And even if it scares you, even if you hear that voice that tells you you don't deserve him, keep looking and make sure that you replace the memory of hitting him with memories of kissing him. Forget the sound of his screams of pain and replace them with those he'll do when you make love to him. And make sure he knows that you will never leave him again like you did that night."

Jungkook has gone completely quiet at my words, like his world just stopped for a moments, his eyes wide and I see different emotions crossing his face. Wonder, confusion, realization and then, to my greatest surprise: hope.He lets out a shuddering breath and looks down at me like I've just given him the answer to a question he's been searching all his life. "I need to find Jimin." He suddenly lets out in a breath and jumps up, knocking me back. I land hard on my ass. "Shit...sorry," Jungkook apologizes, bending down to help me up, but I smack his hands away with a smile. "I'm fine. But if you don't immediately get out there and Make It Right, I'm seriously going to spank your ass." He chuckles, but his eyes are already far away, as if he's already with Jimin.

"Go!" I shout at him, and he scurries into action so fast that I've barley made it back on my feet before the door already closes shut behind him. Standing, I finally realize what I accomplished and a loud, incredulous laugh escapes through my lips.

Then my ever nagging curiosity finally makes my body jump into action too. But I know I'll never be fast enough to make it down in time to see what Jungkook has planned. So instead I walk out into the corridor and enter the room across. I saw it from the outside when I'd looked up at the beautiful house and don't slow down as I walk to the double glass door. There is a balcony overlooking the party going on below on which I now step and look down over the ceiling. It's not easy finding the boys in all that mess. At first I can only make out Suga, still behind the DJ desk, pouring his heart into the beat and feasting on the energy of the crowd around him. Then, I finally make out a boy covered in spray paint. J-Hope is currently moving his arms in waves while spinning at the same time, making it seem like he has no bones at all.

Next to him, Jin and RM are facing each other and pulling a battle of what looks like: make the weirdest dance moves you know. I grin, unable to decide which one of them is winning since they both look utterly ridiculous.

And then there is Taehyung and my eyes narrow. There is a pretty blonde dancing close to him, shooting him hungry eyes as she tries to dance closer to him, not being sly at all. Sensing her approach, Taehyung turns and smiles sweetly down at her. It makes my blood freeze and my hands tremble. He leans down to her and I hold my breath as jealousy blurs my vision. But he only whispers something into her ear and the girl backs away a step. I can't make out her exact features since she stands with her face turned away from me, but when she turns and walks away, I see the traces of fear in her eyes. I smile. I know that other peoples fear shouldn't give me any sense of glee, but hers does.He is mine, everything inside me screams. And then I look to Taehyung's right and my stomach drops. Jimin is next to him, and he's not alone. There is another boy in front of him with two drinks in his hands, one of which he's currently offering to him. I recognize him immediately as Taemin. I watch as Jimin looks up at him for a few moments until he finally reaches for the offered cup. And then Jungkook is there. I haven't noticed his approach, didn't seem him in the raving crowd, but one moment Taemin is handing Jimin the drink, and in the next, he's lying on the floor, holding his stomach.

The drink has spilled all over him and he looks up wide-eyed at his attacker. Jungkook shouts something at him that I can't make out over the noise, but I know it's something huge as all of the boys dance moves cease and their mouths drop open, looking at their youngest member incredulously. Jungkook's chest heaves in anger as he still stares down at the fallen boy and Taemin stares back in confusion. But all of a sudden Jungkook's head snaps around like someone has called his name and he turns to face Jimin directly behind him. He is looking up at Jungkook with the most shocked expression of all, like whatever he heard come over Jungkook's lips has taken his breath away. Jungkook stares back at him for a long, long time and then I see the same look on his face I saw a moment ago- like he just found the solution to all his problems and it's standing right in front of him. Jimin opens his mouth to say something, but doesn't get far as Jungkook closes the space between them with one long step and pulls him up for a kiss. I throw my hands up in the air and let out a loud, happy scream of utter relieve and self-satisfaction.Jimin seems utterly caught of guard for a moment, hands flaying around Jungkook's tall body, like he has no idea what to do.

Until Jungkook tilts his head and kisses him deeper. I can practically hear the sigh that escapes Jimin before he melts into Jungkook's embrace, his hands coming around the youngers neck, rising to his tip-toes to kiss him back. "Fucking finally," a loud voice booms out of the speakers, echoing my own thoughts and I turn to see Suga at the DJ desk, a mike in his hands and his eyes directed at the two boys interlocked in a deep kiss. They don't hear him. I don't think they hear anyone, lost in the world that consists only of the two of them.

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