⫣21⫦ A Past so Dark and Terrible

Oh yes... oh yes, it's happening.

We get another Taehyung POV!

Wish I could say it's gonna be all rainbows and unicorns, but you know my stories...

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Taehyung POV

It's already turning light as I drive into the Junkyard- my home. Our home.

Usually, I am overcome by a sense of relieve and gratitude every time I drive through the massive, metal gates, but not today. I have been driving all night, trying to get the fearful expression of Lian out of my head, but I just can't shake it. Her widened eyes when she saw what was inside me- what I couldn't hide in time.

The trembling lips she had pressed into a thin line while she took another step away from me, so much fear in her eyes. I feel like loosing her when I just found her.

At one point during the night, I simply parked the car and got out in the middle of nowhere and screamed at the sky.

It didn't help. I still feel like a plaster has been ripped from a recently healing wound, bleeding again. And then there are those damning words Hwasa had spoken...The way the memories surfaced unwillingly and unstoppable at the mere mentioning of getting Lian hurt or even killed, reminding me of the way I met the boys. When I was at my lowest, ready to end it all.

No more pain. No more guilt.

And before I was able to push all of my despair and pain back into the box where it belongs, Lian came over and made him look up. And she saw what lays under that bad boy she met and believed me to be. Nothing but a broken boy who cannot escape his past, no matter how far I run or how well I hide. I sigh and stare at the junkyard before me. It looks like one and nothing more. A large, rusty fence surrounds the entire perimeter, high enough to block everything behind it from sight, save for some rusty old cars stocked even higher as they decay in the heat and sun. Only through the bars of the black gate can you catch a glimpse of the inside.

And what people saw was nothing more than junk.

A large row of stacked, crushed cars lines up parallel to the gate and the wall, obscuring the view to the back. The lowest cars are already covered in weed, growing out of the skeletons of the old cars, nature taking back what was taken from it. The cars on the very top are even higher than the wall itself and having long turned a rusty, fickle brown.The grass is all but yellow and some patches covered with nothing but dirt, where oil or other substances made the earth barren. I'm pretty sure that no one will ever expect anything else to lay behind. The only thing they might wonder about, was the way the gate opened automatically, sliding open now by a mere click on my phone. But I highly doubt the simple fact of an automatic gate will make anyone suspect of the truth this high fence and run down appearance hides. I make my way inside, driving over the uneven terrain to the far left side, out of view of the gate where a little parking area is cleared. Now... this is certainly something people would have questions about. Twenty or more cars are neatly parked there, coming in all shapes and sizes- and definitely not junk, gleaming fresh and modern in the rising sun. The several SUV's, Minivans and Convertibles might not attract too much attention- neither would the Pick-Up trucks or even the little Caravan. But the bright red Porsche, the yellow Ferrari and the newest model of a Tesla in the same color as Jin's hair are most definitely not something that should be found in a place like this.

I get out of the car and slam the door shut, trying to leave all of my penned up feelings from last night behind.

Passing the Porsche, I once again can't help myself but to gently give it a stroke. A lot of these cars are bought with J-Hope's money, but not all.

Not the Porsche, and my grin cannot be helped when I remember all the fun we had while getting it. It involved a break in, a wild car chase and maybe a little blackmail- some of my favorite things. I leave the Porsche behind and walk towards the massive wall of rotting cars. No one who does not know could ever see it, it's that well hidden. It's just a bleached out old car plane, hanging down down from one of the cars, large rips and wholes a sign of its long years in usage or simple neglection. The only sign that it might be more than what it is, is the rusty number's plate which hangs crookedly above it, but instead of numbers, it reads a sentence: You never walk alone.

I stop again to read those word and a warm feeling spreads in my chest, chasing away some of the shadows and past demons from last night's events. Not matter what, I will never be alone again- not while I have BTS. But now is not the time to drown in sentimentality, so I reach out to the old plane and throw it to the side, knowing what lays behind: a little tunnel, milled through the cars and something green and bright at the end of it. It's just large enough to walk through with a straight posture. It always feels like stepping into another world, as different as night and day. The sudden light at the end of the tunnel always causes me to splint my eyes, yet when it all comes into view, I am, as so often, filled with utter proudness. There is a wide open space with trees, bright flowers and healthy, green grass, and in the center rowed up in a half circle stand seven large containers. All are in a different color- all of them with different meanings and importance to each member. Windows and doors have been cut into them and my hands still remember the exhausting work, but so worth it. We all put our blood, sweat and tears into building this place. To make it a home and our save haven.Here, we can be ourselves, where we don't have to pretend or act.

In the middle of the half circle are three more containers, placed in a U-Form and covered with a canopy. Beneath lays a terrace with sofa's, loungers, a fire place in the middle and a large table to make it comfortable and homey.While everyone has their own trailers, this is our shared space. Only one real building exists here, positioned at the far end, backed up by another row of stacked cars. An office building, small but well kept, having been there even before we made this place our home when this was still only a junkyard. "Well, look what the cat finally dragged in," someone shouts and my head whips back to the terrace to RM, sitting on one of the armchairs in slouched position. I can make out Suga, J-Hope and Jin next to him. The three of them open their eyes, as if they have been half asleep a moment before. Suga gives me a long look, then nods his head and goes back to looking dead on the sofa, covering his face with a cap to hide from the light. I sigh, knowing what they must be thinking and make my way over to them. The fact that they sit outside with the same clothes from the night before can only mean one thing: they have been up all night, waiting for me. The still worried expression of RM, J-Hope and Jin only confirms my suspicion, shame and regret rushing my system. I drop myself into one of the loungers I claimed as my own a long time ago. "You missed a great party last night." Jin says with a little, playful push to my shoulders, but his voice sounds strained and forced. I let out a snort. "Oh, you mean Jungkook running away from Jimin after they kissed and then both of them getting so fucking wasted that you literally had to carry them home?", I simply asks sarcastically with a raised eyebrow. J-Hope sits up a little straighter and shoots him a confused look. "How do you-" he starts, but then stops mid sentence as a sudden thought appeared to him, causing the boy to let out a loud groan, throwing his hands in the air. "I should have taken Jimin's phone away, shouldn't I? He really drunk dials you every time!" I chuckle and nod my head in confirmation. Yes- Jimin called and told me everything in a slurry voice until he just suddenly stopped talking and I knew he must have finally passed out. I can only hope the two of them will figure it out fast or this thing between them could seriously mess them up.

I can't blame Lian though for what she has done though. This kiss was bound to happen soon anyway. There is just no way Jungkook could have kept it at bay for much longer, and we all knew it- had seen it so often flash in the youngest's eyes- the want, the longing he so desperately tries to hide and deny himself. "So you talked to Jimin, but wouldn't even text or call us to tell you where you were?" There is an accusatory undertone in RM's voice and I lower my head as shame hits me again. I know I should have called- should have at least let them known I was okay. I know they worry. I also know they have good reason to.

But truth be told, I wasn't okay, which is why I turned off my phone after listening to Jimin's mumbling confession, not wanting them to hear my no doubt broken voice. "Why Tae? You just told us you would bring Lian home and then we didn't hear from you all night. What happened?", Jin asks and shoots me one of his looks that spoke of both worry and reproach. I sigh once more, deep and heavy, holding my head since a headache has started pounding through it the moment I parked the car. I have kept my past to myself.

Even after everything they have done for me, I cannot bring myself to tell them. Not because I don't trust them, but I simply do not even want to think about it. And I fear for how they will see me after they know what I've done.

Perhaps by keeping it a secret, I can pretend it never happened. But other than that, I have kept no secrets from them, so in a grave voice, I tell them: "She was afraid of me." The words wake Suga from his dead state as he shoots up and looks at me, the cap falling abandoned to the floor. "What? Why?" I study their faces one more time and then let the words spill free. "Hwasa may have gotten under my skin again- and I lost control for a second. I didn't do anything-" I add quickly at their worried expressions. "Well... you all know how I get when I'm reminded of something from my past." There is no need for me to explain. They've all seen it. Seen my eyes that day on the bridge when it flared the brightest- most potent. And even if they don't know the why, they all see the pain and the loss when it swallows everything I am, like a void opening up in front of me which won't let me go, haunting me even after all those years.

At first, they had asked me. Then, when I kept refusing to tell them, they stopped and simply accepted my silence.

Perhaps it was for the simple reason that they did not want to see the grief and pain in my eyes every time they approached the topic. And now Lian knew too. "She saw it and then wanted me to drive her home. So yeah, she was afraid of me and I hate it." There is a long silence before RM lets out a long, heavy breath. "Taehyung," he says and when he doesn't continue, I raise my head to look at him. There is a complicated expression on his face as he leans forward and puts a hand on his shoulders. "I don't think she was scared OF you, Tae. I think she might have been scared FOR you. And before you say you don't want her pity, it's not. It's worry. Because just like us, I think she cares about you. Enough to be afraid to loose you." Honesty, and nothing but that- that's what RM is all about. "But-" he continues and leans back in his chair, his face sinking."If she cares so much already, I think we all know what that means." Another long silence follows as we all realize what he means. J-Hope is the first to break it, his voice small and frail, his eyes lowered to hide his feelings. "You think we should take the next step?" They all look back at RM whose face is drawn together in concentration. I know that look- we all do: RM is planning again, scheming with that brilliant brain of his. "What are you thinking Namjoon?", Suga asks and RM gets some focus back into his eyes.He scratches his head, and then turns his attention to J-Hope. His voice is one that we all knew: not our friend and brother, but our brilliant leader. "Hoseok, wake up the two drunkards and then meet us in the Black Swan. We've got some things to discuss." And with that he already gets up and stalks away from us, directly towards the office building at the far back. We watch him go until there is a loud groan from J-Hope, sinking further into his lounger like he wishes he can disappear. "Why do I always have to be the one to wake everyone up?" Jin gives him a little shove but doesn't manage a full smile as he says: "Who wouldn't want to be woken up by a ray of sunshine like you?" J-Hope ignores the comment, wailing instead: "Last time I had to wake Jungkook, he wanted to throw a pillow, but accidently grabbed the alarm clock instead. I could have lost my head! And Jimin just ignores you until you literally have to drag him outside. And then he's mad at you for the rest of the day! And a mad Jimin is nothing anyone needs or wants." Finally, Jin, Suga and I manage a little laugh and turn around to follow RM, leaving J-Hope behind.

But not before Suga turns and shoots the boy a wicked smile. "Just be glad it's not me you have to wake." They see J-Hope pale at the mere thought of waking a sleeping Yoongi and he quickly turns to wake the other two.

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Ohh, look how cute a sleepy Yoongi is...

If anyone wakes him, they gotta deal with me!! And it's not gonna be nice...