⫣19⫦ Into the Monsters Belly

My pulse finally settles and I lean happily against the railing of the truck as the others take out our spoils: Vodka, Malibu, Bacardi and lots and lots of Soju.

I wonder how they've even been able to carry all that. J-Hope also proudly holds up the magazine with the busty brunette on the cover and I break out into the laughter I held in at the gas station. Cups are filled and some of the hard stuff mixed with the coke Jimin bought. We drink as we drive and smoke, the wind in our hair and the evening sun warming our faces.Even Jin is holding a bottle of Soju and hollers with us through the open back window. Suga pulls out a music box and turns the volume to maximum. We sing along to some of the songs and to others we just move our feet or make drum sounds on the floor of the trunk. Sometimes we scream so loud our voices crack.

We get some food from a drive-through and park at a run down playground that has been closed because of safety reasons. Jin joins us in the back, attacking his food like he is a starving man in a desert, eyeing his first meal.

Meanwhile, I stare down at the burger with furrowed eyes. I really can't remember the last time I ate fast food and look at it a bit sceptical.

My parents, especially my mother, despises any kind of establishment that offers preheated food and anything that comes in packed, ready made form. "You look like you think the burger is going to eat you instead of you it." , J-Hope says with a full mouth, already having devoured half his burger. "When's the last time you've eaten something without using cutlery or a plate?" Jimin immediately throws in and I decide to give him a nice view of my middle finger for that comment. He chuckles and eats his fries. I glance back down at the burger, it's scent making my mouth water. The first bite is like an explosion in my mouth when I finally set it to my lips and chew. "Ah, the unhealthy stuff always tastes best, doesn't it?" Jungkook says from my right, and I answer with a sigh of pleasure as I take another long bite. "This stuff is amazing." I squeak out excitedly and devour the thing before already grabbing for a second one and some fries.

And all the while, my mothers voice, reprimanding me for eating too fast and without manners grows more silent until it ceases to exist and I gobble down food like I have never truly eaten in my life. By the time we are done, the car looks like a mess and our hands are sticky and greasy, but none of us care as we head back on the road. J-Hope makes faces that send me into a fit of laughter and RM gets the brilliant idea to stand up on the car, forgetting about his cap.

We watch it fly away and then laugh in union at him for being so dumb when he is supposed to have the highest IQ out of all of us. He grins, not the least bit hurt, as though he only cared that we had a laugh, even if it's at his own expense. Suga gives us the performance of his life as he screams along to a ballad song and Jungkook tries to get the others to arm wrestle with him, even though everyone here knows he is going to win anyway.

Then Jimin and Taehyung get it into their heads to do a handstand battle against the drivers lodge.My heart nearly drops onto the floor, but they hold steady, laughing as they try to hold their balance, both their heads turning red and their veins standing out from the strain of staying upside down. We hoot for them as we speed through the streets.

Jimin falls first with a cute little cry, and Jungkook is there to catch him, holding on to him for too long to be casual, then letting go way too quick. If Jimin or the other's notice, they don't show it.

Taehyung comes back down too and even though J-Hope is there to catch him if need be, he makes it back to his feet on his own, smiling proudly.

Wherever we pass, people stop and stare at us, looking up from the side walk, out of their windows or from where they rest in their back yards. We make faces at them, scream even louder or just hold up our drinks in a mocking salute.Most shake their heads as if we are the shame of society. Like we are the runt of humanity and behave like crazy children. It makes me scream even louder at them- Because I know what it is like to be that person on the side walk with their disgusted and judging faces. I pity them all for not knowing what this feels like- that rush that flows through my body. A feeling that makes me want to hug the world and celebrated every moment that I get to live in it. Once, I was like them, looking at those people who laughed loud and open, who did not care about what others think of them as long as they were true to themselves. They are cowards and I am not. I am free.

****

I stare at the massive, old industrial building that looks like it's already falling in on itself. Some of the tall windows are broken and covered with tape and the grey, washed out façade is crumbling away, leaving behind deep dents and revealing the white stone behind. While we neared this neighborhood, I wondered what we were doing in the quiet and seemingly abandoned area. That's until I heard the music and peoples laughs and screams as we went on.

A massive amount of cars are parked in front, on a tapestry of grass that no doubt once made up a nice, large lawn of someone's back garden and people of all ages, shapes and sizes stand in groups, holding cups, cigarettes and are being loud.

From inside the building I can see all colours of the rainbow pulse like a heartbeat to the loud music droning from within.Like this whole thing is one living beast, waiting for me to face it with both nervousness and bravery in my heart. I can barley hold in my excitement- or my curiosity at what might expect me inside.

Jin parks the car and the rest of us jump out of the trunk, hitting the unevenly cut grass with soft thuds.

With drinks in our hands we walk through the maze of cars towards the building while I can't help but stare at all the people around me. So many. Such differences and yet standing together as one. My world had existed of only school, training and the occasional dinners and visits to art galleries where the music was but a soft whisper of orchestra in the back and the conversations hushed and quiet, always standing straight and showing nothing but best manners. It's like I stepped into a completely different world.

There is so much to see that I don't even know what to concentrate on first. We pass a group of young girls, dressed in only their underwear. Neon colors are drawn all over their skin, some artfully drawn into tattoo designs, others only smears and flecks of paint. They are laughing at the group of boys across from them who are equally painted all over their shirtless bodies. In the middle between the two groups stands a single can and at their feet, cups filled with a dark liquid. One of the girls throws the ball, knocking over the can and both teams break out into wild screams, shouting and laughter. I watch as the girls lift their cups to their mouths and drink hungrily, like their life depends on it while the boys hurry for the can and righted it again, before storming back as though chased by the devil himself, still laughing though.

"A drinking game," Taehyung whispers in my ear like he has watched me watch them and saw the question written in my eyes. He's walking, as usual, close behind me. I'm slowly getting used to his constant shadow that I'm not even surprised to hear his voice. We draw closer to the building. There are a bunch of people smoking, and not just cigarettes by the smell of it. It's sweeter and I see the smoker's far away eyes and spaced out smiles. "Weed?" I ask Taehyung and he nods with a cheeky grin. "Curious about that too, aren't you? But not today. Today I want to you be able to take it all in." I almost protest, but another thing catches my attention. As we walk through the large door, hanging from it's hinges, I notice a couple to the right corner, half hidden in a little alcove. For a moment I think they are only embracing each other. But then I notice the look of pleasure on the boys face, leaning against the wall and the smirk of the girl as my eyes travel down and see her hand disappearing in the boys pants. She's rubbing him, and the boy moans in pleasure, eyes half closed and forming a round O with his lips. My cheeks heat furiously as I realized what I'm seeing. Taehyung's voice has dropped a few octaves as he whispers quietly: "Have your parents never taught you not to stare at other people having sex?"I look away quickly and try to get my heavy breathing under control. I hurry after the others, aware that Taehyung is following me with a low chuckle. The boys greet many of the party goers with a friendly nod, hand shakes and hugs. Clearly, they are a regular sight on parties such as these. My theory only gets proven right as many other eyes land on them, almost everyone turning their heads to see the seven boys make an entrance. There is admiration, curiosity and above all: fear in their eyes. It makes my step falter. I have felt too much and too fast when it came to BTS but never did I truly fear them. Feared, perhaps, what they were doing to my world, turning it upside down, but I never feared them as people.

The boys seem not to notice, or maybe they are too used to it to pay attention.More than once I also see those eyes turn to me in surprise, and groups immediately turn to each other, whispering in excited, hurried voices as we pass.

Having a new girl walking in with BTS clearly isn't something they are used to seeing. And for some reason, it makes me grin and walk a bit straighter, swinging my hips a little wider.I never knew I could enjoy so many prying eyes on me but I do. I remember the first day of school and the attention I received then. I didn't like it- because they hadn't been looking at the real me, but the person I so hard pretended to be, worrying they would see it was only pretence. Now they are looking at ME, no act, no pretty face to put on. A man with shoulder long hair and a goofy smile claps hands with RM and nods to the other boys with a bottle of beer in his hand, raised in greeting. "Glad you made it, guys. It's not a real party without you." RM laughs and gives him a friendly pat on the shoulder. "We might be the life of the party, but without you, no one would be throwing it in the first place, Heechul." The boys smiles and agrees with a simple nod. "Always glad to be of assistance." Then his attention lands on me, noticing me for the first time. He ranks his eyes up and down my body slowly, without any hurry, the way the others had too and I can't help but let out a little satisfied smile. Heechul grins and raises his eyebrows, caught between surprise and respect. "And who might this little devil be?" Before I can answer, Taehyung is by my side, a hand around my hips in a possessive gesture."She's with us," he only said darkly. Heechul ignores the threatening undertone and just purses his lips in a smile."I can see that. What's your name, lovely? I don't think I've ever seen you around." I shoot him a little smile. "I'm Lian. And I would be surprised if you've seen me before." "New to town?" Suga answers for me with one of those rare smiles that only reserves when he was with BTS- and me. "She's new to everything, but don't let that fool you. She's got fire." Heechul laughs, using his entire body to do so before nodding his head as if he can see what Suga means. "In that case, enjoy the party," he says in my direction and turns to leave.

Taehyung reaches for my hand and pulls me forward, further into the building. But for some reason, I crane my head once more to look at the boy who just talked to us.

Heechul, Namjoon has called him. I just can't shake some feeling I can't explain. And then, as if some instinct in me is spot on, I find the boy leaning against a corner, already in conversation with someone else. Yet his eyes are still on me, something I cannot name in his gaze. And when he sees me staring- he winks my way.

And although there is still a cheeky, easy-going smile on his face, a cold shudder runs down my spine at whatever it is I see sparkling in his eyes.

I quickly turn away.

Taehyung's hand doesn't leave my hips as we continue walking past people. It makes other gorge out their eyes even more and I can literally see the question written all over their faces: "Who is she?""Why is she with BTS?" "Why is Taehyung so close to her?" I decide to so the same as the rest of the boys and ignore them. I only turn my head when I hear a familiar female voice. "There you all are! Took you long enough!" To our right I see Hwasa stalk over.

She changed out of her dress and switched it to an even more scandalous outfit: Short leather skirt and a top that parts in the middle in the deepest, most revealing neckline I have ever seen. You can make out the shape of her breast through the white fabric, and I'm almost ninety percent sure she is not wearing a bra beneath.

I don't know what comes over me, but I wriggle out of Taehyung's hands and greet her by throwing myself into there waiting arms, enjoying the feeling of her soft body maybe just a little bit to much.She gives me one of her sensual, melodic laughs as she breaks away and looks into my eyes with a warm smile, like she too, is happy to see me. "Well, well, affectionate, aren't you? I like it." She bobs my nose and I giggle. "Ahem," someone clears his throat behind us and both of us turn our attention to the staring boys behind us. "You two seem way to close after only having met," RM lets us know. Hwasa laughs at all their uncomfortable faces and lays a hand over my shoulder like I belong to her now. "Jealous? What? You think because you met her first she is yours? Let's be honest here, this little princess is too much to handle for just you boys." I laugh at her joke. But then it dies when I see the seriousness on her face. Does she really think that? "We can handle her just fine, Hwasa." Taehyung's hands are on his hips and his look dark and focused on that place where Hwasa's hand still rests on my naked skin. "Oh, I'm sure you think that. But just give her a few weeks and you'll see that it's not you guys handling her, but the other way around. A few more weeks and who knows: you will all be walking behind her like good little boys with a princess turned queen at your front." BTS let out a collective chuckle like they don't believe her. Neither do I, so I laugh with them. Only Hwasa shoots me a smile that tells me she is absolutely sure about her statement. I'm about to open my mouth to tell her she's being ridiculous and as crazy as the rest of them when I see a young man make his way towards us.

My mouth snaps shut again. It's like watching a panther approach his prey, his movement fluid and a cunning grin on his lips. He has blond hair that falls into his face in wet strands, like he just had a bath, but I can tell it is styled so on purpose and much thought has gone into his choice of clothes. He wears make-up too, his puff lips turned into a soft gloss and his eyes darkened with eyeshadow. His cheekbones are fine and contoured and his left eyebrow has been cut in two places, giving him the aura of danger. I see it only from the corner of my eyes. The way Jungkook of all people suddenly turns completely stiff. And a second late I know why, as the boy heads directly for Jimin, standing in his usual place next to the youngest.

I swallow thickly, sensing the already rising tension and decreasing temperature. He's as tall as Jungkook and towers over Jimin now, a cheeky, secretive smile on his lips. "Hey Chimchim. You could have texted me that you were coming." I might have expected Jimin to step back and put some distance between them, but he only smiles up at the boy with a sensual smile and does the exact opposite, angling his head up to meet the other boy's glittering eyes. "And why would I have done that? We're not dating any more, Taemin, in case those news have somehow escaped your notice." "I'm well aware, but it doesn't mean I'm okay that you've dumped me. Again, I might add.You could have at least had the guts to tell me to my face instead of breaking up over text with me. AGAIN!" A look of hurt crosses Taemin's features, but Jimin still only shoots him a lopsided grin, like he knows exactly how much Taemin wants him back and can't wait to play a little.And while holding the boy's eyes, he sets his cup to his lips and takes a long, teasing sip, licking his lower lip before lowering his hand again. It's sexy and alluring and I see Teamin's eyes darken with want. Oh, Jimin knows exactly what he's doing and he loves it!

"Mhh, maybe I'll think about it one more time. But not if you're going to be all pushy." My mouth falls open as I watch the exchange. I can feel Hwasa tense next to me too. I know, that just like me, she isn't just paying attention to Jimin and Taemin's obvious flirting, but Jungkook next to them. If I had any doubts about his feeling for Jimin- they vanish when I see what is so plainly written on his features: Jealously and desperation, fear and anger battling in those large doe eyes of his.

His mouth is pressed into a thin line and his knuckles are turning white from balling them into fists at his sides. He shoots Taemin such a wrathful look, that I wonder how the boy doesn't notice. Well, I guess it's because he's clearly way too enthralled by Jimin's charm to notice. Can't blame him, really.

"Fine," Taemin lets out frustrated, dipping his eyes down to Jimin's lips one more time before backing off a step.

"But this isn't over Jimin. I'll get you back. You always come back to me."

Jimin only waves sweetly, like he's daring him to try and can't wait to play cat and mouse with Teamin. Somehow I cannot tell who would be who though. Jungkook's eyes don't lift from Taemin's back until he has disappeared in the crowd, and even then they stay rooted on the place he disappeared in.

"I'll get us some more drinks," he abruptly grounds out, and before anyone even gets the chance to say something to stop him, Jungkook already rushes away. That's why he doesn't see what we all see. Jimin's smile drops from his face like it was nothing but a mask he put on, staring after Jungkook who's still angrily pushing through the crowed- away from him. Sadness shines out of his usually sparkling eyes and I can swear a tremor is visible on his lower lip.He turns around when Jungkook has fully disappeared from their view. "Was that really necessary, Jimin?" J-Hope asks into the silence that has descended. Jimin doesn't even look up, his eyes concentrated on the cup in his hands as though he's searching for answers in there. "He'll get over it." he just answers quietly, a sadness that is so unlike him in his voice. The expression that crosses his face can only mean two things: Either he hopes Jungkook will do so quickly or he is afraid he actually might. His brows wrinkle in frustration, before he shakes his head, murmurs a "Nevermind" and drowns the entire cup. Without looking at anyone in particular, he throws the now empty cup on the floor and announces: "I'm gonna dance."

Then he swaggers away into the direction of the music. I watch at the worried and slumber expression of everyone around until there is a deep sigh from Taehyung. "This is not going to end well." "They'll figure it out." RM replies, sounding less sure than he no doubt intended to. Hwasa exhales deeply and then drops her arm from my shoulders and takes my hand into hers. "This is way too serious talk for Lian's first party. Jimin is right: let's go dance and drown our worries in blood, sweat and tears on the dance-floor. I'm sure JK will get it together and find us." She doesn't wait for a response as she already drags me after her in the direction Jimin has disappeared in. We draw closer to the place where the music is coming from. The place opens up into a large, high hall like that of a typical warehouse and my breath catches.

The entire room is blazing with lights, painted in neon paint which is glowing in the black light. If the building looked like a beast from the outside, I just landed myself in its belly. The music is so loud, every beat echoes in my heart and settles right into my soul. It's incredibly hot and a sort of mist lays over the entire hall, turning it into something almost fairy-tale like.

And then there are the bodies: everywhere I look, I see people moving. Some have their eyes closed, their bodies swaying to the rhythm of the beat as if they're in trance, lost in their own little world. Others bob their heads and feet violently like they want to break through the floor, sweat running down their gleaming bodies, their energy practically vibrating out of them. Everywhere people are pressed together, swinging back and forth like they are one, grinding, twirling, touching.

I see life everywhere I look. Vivid, burning life.

People laughing in ecstasy and euphoria, lost to the music or in someone else's body, dancing like there is no tomorrow.

I see Jimin's blond head in the crowd, already mingling with others and boy, he can move!

It really shouldn't be a surprise, considering that he even makes walking appear as though one, long practiced dance. Even in the height of whatever drugs they are on, people turn and watched Jimin. Both girls and boys are desperately trying to get closer to him and soon he is swallowed up my the mass of bodies, obscuring from our view. "You ready?" Hwasa askes and I realized she has been studying my face while I took it all in, probably watching the scene in front of me with a gaping mouth. Whatever she sees causes her smile in understanding and I don't feel the need to tell her I am beyond ready. "Then lets have some fun!", she only cheers loudly and freely and lead us into the crowd, right into the beating, vibrating heart of the monster.

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I gotta tell you guys, Jimin dancing has the power to melt my heart, set it on fire and then crush it into little pieces. No one can move as elegant as him.