Chapter 10 - Anastasia

I wear my stethoscope around my neck and grab the small gift bag as I lock up my locker. I slip my white coat on as I exit the locker room and pull my hair out of the back. I feel the ends still wet from the rain and sigh. I hate Seattle.

I walk around the hospital's hallways and peak at the rooms around to check what's changed during the week that I was in New York. The truth is I didn't want to come back yet, but I couldn't just sit in a hotel room and spend all my time crying. I have to do something to get my mind off.

"Good morning!" I smile as I enter Daphne's room

"Ana! You're back!" she almost jumps in my arms.

Daphne is 10 years old. She suffers from Short Bowel Syndrome, which means she can't property absorb nutrition. I've known her since she was 2 years old. She's really been in and out of the hospital for the last 5 years, and had 15 surgeries over that period. We did a bowel lengthening procedure last year, which helped for a while but she recently had to go back to being fed through TPN.

"Yes, I am back. And I come with gifts" I show her the bag.

She gasps as she takes it. I help her back on her bed and walk closer to the other side where her parents are standing. I've known them from the first day that I've been treating Daphne, even as a resident, and we have a good relationship.

"Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Anderson" I greet them too now that Daphne is busy, "I am sorry for my short absence at times like these"

"It's all good. Dr. Dickson explained everything" Mr. Anderson informs me.

He did what?!

"We are sorry for your loss" Mrs. Anderson adds in a lower voice.

I clear my throat, "Thank you" I say and move on from the subject.

I start looking at her chart, taking note of the things that occured while I was away.

Daphne gasps again as she finally opens her gift and takes the beautiful Stitch snow globe I picked out for her. It's half blue and half pink with Stitch and Angel sitting on their respective sides inside the globe.

I smile more and continue to read through her chart. I am relieved that everything looks as good as it can be for the current situation. The medication and TPN are keeping her stable. But I'm not ready to discharge her yet.

"Where is your sparkly ring?" Daphne asks as I close the chart

"Daphne..." her mom gives her a look

"It's ok. I left my engagement ring in my locker because I have a couple of back to back surgeries" I answer to avoid more gossip

"Hm..." she hums, almost disappointed.

My pager goes off before I have a chance to question it. 911. "I'll be back a little later" I excuse myself before I leave.

My smile falls the second I exit the room and I already feel exhausted of faking being happy. But I can't be grumpy around the little ones. Being in the hospital is already bad enough for them, and stressful enough for their parents. I just want to make it a little better.

I get down to the emergencies and head to the nurses station. "What do you have for me?" I ask

"Welcome back, Dr. Morgan. We have a 12-year-old coming in who's been bitten by a stray dog. Paramedics said that half his face is torn off. Ambulance is 2 minutes out" the nurse explains as I put on a gown and gloves

"Alright. We'll probably need plastics so page Sloan to meet me in surgery, please" I request, "And Shepherd, just in case there is extensive nerve damage" I add

"Sure thing" she replies and I head towards the incoming trauma.

•••

"Where is Shepherd?" I ask the nurses again.

We're already one hour into the emergency surgery to repair damages to that pour boys face and Shepherd isn't here yet.

"Probably making out with Grey in some closet" Dr. Sloan answers from my left.

He's preparing the kid's nose, sitting above his head, while I'm taking care of his torn eye and cheek, standing on the left side.

"Of course..." I chuckle to match his sarcastic tone.

I look at the clock one more time, and then go back to work on the damaged eye. By some miracle, the nerves seem intact around that area -confirmed by the ophthalmologist- but I can't close up before neuro clears it too.

"This kid's nose is going to be as good as new. Maybe even better than it was before" Sloan claims

"That's good to hear" I reply.

"How's everything with you, Morgan?" he asks, keeping his eyes at the nose he's finishing up

"Fine. How come you ask?" I wonder

"Just curious"

"Matt told everyone about the reason of my absence, didn't he?" I assume

"Maybe..." he admits.

I sigh.

The door of the OR opens, but instead of Shepherd, Matt walks in. I take my hands off the table and roll my eyes.

"What do we have?" he asks as the nurses prepare him with a gown and gloves

"Bad timing, man" Sloan says

"I paged for Shepherd" I remind him

"Shepherd's craniotomy is having some complications" Matt informs us.

"Dr. Sloan, could you close up after Dr. Dickson checks for nerve damage?" I ask, "The rest of the face wounds should have as little scaring as possible, and minimal scaring your specialty" I explain, using it as an excuse to leave.

Sloan looks between me and Matt for a moment before answering, sensing the awkwardness of the situation. "Sure" he finally says.

"Thank you" I step away from the table. "I owe you" I whisper to him as I leave the room.

I spent the rest of my day in a couple of scheduled surgeries and then I stay a few hours longer to help with emergencies. Once the traffic slows down, I stop by Daphne's room again.

I tell her mom to take a little break. She thanks me and steps away for a moment. I sit with Daphne and I suggest we play UNO to pass the time. And distract myself.

"Uno!" she exclaims as she stacks a plus 4 over another plus 4 I threw

"Ouch..." I fall back.

She giggles as I collect 8 new cards.

"I'm making them red" she says

I look through my cards. I don't have reds, I have another plus 4. But I don't want to stop her UNO. So I grab one more card from the stack. It's a red 3, so I play that.

"Yes! I win again!" she celebrates and I can't help but laugh as I watch her.

Pediatrics is so hard some days. But I love little moments like this one. They are all my babies, and they shouldn't be spending their days in the hospital. That's why I prepare gifts baskets for each child at Halloween with candy that fits each one's dietary restrictions, decorate their rooms during Christmas and make sure Santa visits all of them, plan an egg hunt each Easter -including every single of them despite their disabilities-, hand out cards on Valentine's day, and bringing them crafts in random times of the year.

Do I get paid for this type of overtime? No. But I love hearing their giggles and seeing their eyes light up. So I wouldn't trade it for the world.

"Are you tired, or are you up for a rematch?" I wonder

"I'll beat you again" Daphne states

"We'll see about that" I chuckle.

I give each of us 7 cards and put one down. But some knocks on the door before I can peak at my hand.

"Stas, a moment..." Matt says, but it's not a question

It takes all my willpower not to start cursing him out in front of Daphne. "I'll be right back. Don't peak at my cards!" I warn her as I head out. She nods, but I know she'll definitely look at them.

"What do you want?" I ask as soon as I shut her door

"To take you home. You're shift was over 3 hours ago"

"No, you can go home without me" I turn around

"What is that supposed to mean?" he asks

"It means that I'm not coming home. I'll take a nap in some on call room later"

"You are not on call"

"I am. I agreed to cover for Sloan"

"Stas, you spent last night at a hotel. This is the second night in a row you're not coming home. What's up with you?" he asks

"I just need some space to process some things, ok?" I reveal

"Things like what?"

"You're really asking me that? I just lost my mom, and you never asked me how I feel. And on top of that you announced it to everyone when I told you to keep on the down low"

"You didn't tell me to keep any secrets"

"I told you to not tell anyone about the reason of my absence. But you shared it with patients and coworkers. Is there someone you didn't tell?" I ask ironically

"I didn't know it was a secret!"

"I definitely told you it was not to share. But, typically, you didn't hear. Because you don't listen to me anymore! You don't care to listen--"

"I don't care!? I brought you breakfast--"

"Oh my God! Did you do all that by yourself? Wow..." I say ironically. "Caring means you come to me to my mom's funeral. Caring means you offer to stay with me and ask me at least how I'm doing. Caring means you put me first! And the days I spent alone in New York made me realize that being engaged to you lately feels a hell of a lot like I'm single again" I state

"Oh, did you realize that before or after you jumped in a bed with your friend Harvey Specter?"

"Excuse me?!"

"You go on and on about me not caring, but when I came to New York to be by your side, I found another man in your hospital room" he reminds me. "So, I'm sure you had a lot of caring before I showed up" he chuckles

"No!" I raise my voice, "You know I would never do that". I'm not like my dad.

"Do I? I don't know what you did alone in New York"

"I went to my mother's funeral" I remind him

"And you booked a hotel after that..." he mentions

"Oh, should I have spent the night on the street?" I wonder

"...with a king sized bed" he adds

"You are so fucking ridiculous" I scoff

"If you call me that again--"

"Don't you dare threaten me" I cut him off

"Why? Will Harvey Specter run here to defend your honor?" he mocks

"I don't need a man to defend me. I'm perfectly capable of that on my own" I state.

"Did you or did you not sleep with Specter?" he asks, and somehow he managed to turn the conversation around

"I didn't. But maybe I should have!" I answer enraged and walk away.

I really need to see my therapist. I take a deep breath, put a smile on and go back in Daphne's room. "Ready?" I ask as I sit on her bed and take my cards.