Chapter 11

The most change I've seen in myself from living in this house was my sleeping schedule.  Going to sleep around 6 am with everyone else and waking up at 2 in the afternoon became the norm for me.  Even though it was approaching the time, just as the sun was coming up, for me to sleep, that just wasn't happening.  I'd liked to say it's because I couldn't stop thinking about everything that went on, but really it was because my face was throbbing in pain.  To be honest, I was fucking exhausted and would probably sleep for a few days if I hadn't been punched in the face a dozen times.

    JJ finally came home, not wasting anytime barging through my door.  His face was full of concern and it only got worse when he got a look at my face. 

    "Kells, I'm so sorry."

    "Can you just come over here and hold me?"  A fresh wave of tears came over me in the middle of my sentence.  Of course it took him only a matter of milliseconds to basically sprint and dive into my bed.  He snaked his arm around my waist and pulled me as close as he could.  I shoved my head into JJ's chest and allowed myself to sob away any left over self pity I had within me. 

    His fingers brushed through my hair, only getting about a quarter of the way through before the knots stopped him.  "I should have been here, I could have prevented all of this."

    "No Jide, you have your own life.  Nothing anyone did could have changed what happened tonight.  I'm just glad you're here now."  It was true, my face even seemed to hurt less now that he was next to me.  Nothing has changed from the way I felt about him, he was still my knight in shining armor whenever I needed him.  Even if he wasn't always there.  No matter that, he dropped everything to come rescue me when I felt myself going under.  My best friend.  I was so lucky. 

    With JJ's arms around me I was at least able to get a couple hours of sleep so I wouldn't go insane.  In fact, it was the only way I slept since that night, with JJ close by me.  I barely left my room for days after everything, being serious when I didn't want anything to do with Simon.  Making videos became sort of an escape for me, I enjoyed making them and editing them, happy that it was time consuming.  JJ stayed close by me, he was the only one who was pissed at Simon too, even though I didn't want him to be.  That was his best friend and whatever happened between him and me shouldn't affect them.  When I tried to express that to my best friend he just shook his head and said that it was still fucked up.

    Today though, Josh and Vik decided amongst themselves that they were forcing me out of the house.  Even though Jide didn't want me anywhere out of his sight, he had things to do so agreed to stop breathing down my neck.  Going out gave me a little anxiety for the reason that my face wasn't healed and was nearly all black and blue.  People were going to stare already because of who I was with, and then they're going to see my face.  It was kind of the perfect test for me to keep my cool.

    All in all I was looking forward to going to the mall.  Being cooped up in my room all day was starting to make my head spin and with all the extra money I had saved, I wanted to buy some new clothes.  This was also the day that Josh wanted to introduce me to his girlfriend, Freya.  It was terrifying because there was a chance she could hate me because I live with her boyfriend, but I'd be really happy to have a female friend to talk to and get different advice. 

    It was mid afternoon on a Thursday so the mall wasn't packed.  There was still a lot people but not enough to where I noticed everyone's eyes on me.  I subconsciously looked at my reflection in passing mirrors to make sure my makeup was staying intact.  I couldn't wear as much as I liked because I read somewhere that it effected the healing process and the sooner my face was back to normal, the better. 

    "She wants to meet over by Nando's, grab a bite to eat and then you guys to do your thing and spend all of your money."  Josh said bumping into my shoulder as we weaved in and out of the people walking.  It was no surprise that a few kids came up to Josh and Vik and asked for pictures.  What shocked me nearly to death was when a young girl came up to me and asked for a picture.  I quickly said yes, not even thinking about me face, I was just so happy to have even the slightest impact on someone. 

    Eventually we made it to Nando's, it only took us a minute to find Freya sitting down in a booth.  She was beautiful.  Her hair was super blonde and went down a little past her shoulder.  She had the brightest blue eyes I've ever seen.  When they landed on Josh walking toward her they somehow got even brighter and her mouth spread open wide into a smile.  Talk about feeling insecure, the girl was like some kind of super model. 

    Freya stood up from where she was sitting so Josh could wrap his arms around her and pull her in for a kiss.  The love that was radiating off of them made me sick, but it was also too cute to look away.  Living with Josh for so long I never once saw that look in his eyes, it was obvious he was head over heels. 

    "Kelsey, this is Freya."  He stepped aside so we could assess each other.

    "It's good to finally meet you.  You caused quite an uproar with the boys, somehow bringing you up in every conversation."

    My face turned red.  "I hope that's not a bad thing, I've heard a lot about you too.  Figured you were going to be pretty, just didn't know you'd be stunning."  After I said that I wasn't sure if it was supposed to or it was just a thought that slipped out.

    Either way she gave me that award winning smile.  "The way that the boys described you, I knew you were going to be disturbingly gorgeous.  Especially Simon, he didn't miss a detail."  She laughed like it was nothing but it made my heart squeeze.  If only things could have worked out.  If I weren't so messed up and he didn't do what he did.  There just wasn't a chance.

    But I didn't come out today to worry about that.  Instead I was going to hopefully make Freya like me and blow all of my money.  And the boy who made my heart speed up whenever he was too close to me would not come to my mind once because he showed me who he really was.  It didn't matter that he was the one who came to me when I was upset or rent movies when everyone else went out and I didn't want to.  When it was good, it was great and when it was bad, he pushed me away more than I think I could have ever done to him.

    "So what's it like living with so many boys?"  Freya asked me, thankfully breaking me from my thoughts.

    "It's hectic, that's for sure.  There also some really great guys, you already knew that though.  They're some of the nicest people I've ever met," I smiled widely and bumped my arm into Vik's.

    Freya nodded her head in agreement.  "They're a handful though, aren't they?"

    "When they're around each other, they nearly drive me crazy.  On a normal day the only time they come out of their rooms is to eat, it's pretty boring."

    "It's okay, I've been out of town for awhile, I'm usually over there everyday, I'll keep you company," she winked.  So far, so good.  I seemed to be making a good impression.

    "That would be amazing."  The two of us did most of the talking while we ate while Josh and Vik sat back with content smiles.  You could see how happy they were for me, it just showed how much they actually cared.  It made me feel pretty lucky and also made me realize that whenever something bad happened, I didn't have to shut down.  There was always going to be something good in my life.  And you know what?  It felt really great that JJ wasn't the only person who cared anymore. 

    After we scarfed down our food it was time for my favorite part.  Nearly every store we walked into I bought something, including Forever 21, Charlotte Russe, Hollister, Nike, Vans.  Vik had to start holding my bags because of how excessive it was becoming.  Some people might think I have a problem, and they'd be right.  Clothes and makeup were my two most favorite things in the world.  Coming up with different looks was something I'd become really good at in my almost 19 years of living. 

    Speaking of almost 19, July 15th was coming up a lot faster than I was ready for.  In just two short weeks I'll be another year older and still no direction in my life.  I knew JJ was planning something outrageous because of how many birthdays we missed with each other.  The thought of that was terrifying.  For people who knew Jide, he was... A bit much. 

    There were no incidents today.  If people stared, I sure didn't notice because of how much of a good time I was having.  The ones who came up to Josh and Vik for pictures wanted me in them too because they recognized me.  It wasn't an excessive amount, they were famous movie stars or anything.  Just bunches of people here and there who enjoyed the videos that they made.  I wouldn't call them fans, I referred to them as people who appreciated other funny people. 

    Once we couldn't walk any further and my arms felt like they were going to fall off, we decided to go home.  True to her word, Freya was coming back  to the house with us.  Since she brought her car, she would have to follow us back. 

    "Why don't you come with me?"  She asked me as she put her bags, which was almost as much as mine, in her trunk.

    "Yeah, of course."

    We told the boys to drive safe before hopping in the car.  Truth be told, I was almost afraid that this was the part where she was going to change since we weren't in front of the boys anymore and tell me how much she hated me.  Luckily, that didn't happen. 

    She turned her head to look at me quickly and I knew she was about to ask me some more serious questions.  "I'm sure you know that I know about pretty much everything that went on.  You don't need another person telling you how you should feel.  So lay it on me, why are you so afraid of being with someone?"  There was a 100% chance that Josh told her to do this, he thought I would open up to a girl better than to them.  While he was wrong, I appreciated the effort and also wanted her to like me and want to know me because she wanted to, not because her boyfriend asked.

    "My last and only relationship was, for lack of a better word, terrible.  I don't know, now I'm just afraid of letting anyone get close to me in that way.  JJ thinks that finding someone else will help, but it's not the being in love I'm afraid of.  It's the finding out a person I care about isn't who they say they are.  The more I care about someone, the more it could hurt me in the end."  Okay so maybe Josh was right, it was a lot easier to talk to Freya and I've only known her for half a day.  This was the first time I was ever able to open up to a girl, I couldn't believe this is what I've been missing out on.

    "Then you accidentally slipped and started caring about him, or them, and then what?"

    So she really did know everything.  These boys gossiped more than the people on bad soap operas did.  "I told Simon what I'm telling you, only, with not so many words.  He was always mad that I never told Harry, but Harry never wanted to know.  Finally Simon was fed up and then he changed.  Did the one thing that I was afraid of."

    "He's not really like that, you know?  You just drive him crazy."

    My eyebrows furrowed together in a frown.  "So it's my fault?"

    "If by your fault you mean being exactly your incredibly charming and beautiful self and making him infatuated with you, then yes.  Come on, I know how hot headed you are, how you jumped into a three on one fight in the middle of the night and held your ground?  You're pretty impulsive too, so be a little sympathetic to the guy who has never had feelings like this before.  I'm not saying to forgive either, if it were me, I would have taken my anger out on him and not those girls on the park.  What I am saying is, he's not a monster.  Never was, never will be."

    Freya was a few years older than me, but it seemed like she was wiser than some of the adults I've met.  It's hard to be able to hear the things you need to.  Staying the same was the easy part and often I found myself doing the same shit I used to back in my old town, what I wanted to be my old life.  It was being a better person that was the hard part.  So I had to start somewhere, and there was only one person I had in mind.

    We pulled up to the house.  I dropped my gaze down to my hands, "I'm really glad Josh made you talk to me."

    That earned me a weird look that I saw from the corner of my eye.  "No one made me talk to you.  I see us being really good friends, we can help each other out a lot."

    "How is that?"  I couldn't see how I'd ever be able to help her out, I'm a mess and she seemed like she had everything together. 

    "You don't care enough about what people think about you, and I care too much."  With that she grabbed some of my bags and got out of the car, leaving me to scramble after her.  In my mind, there wasn't a such thing about not giving a fuck about what people thought of me, but I knew that hanging out with Freya I was almost sure she was going to make me see differently.  For so long I was able to turn that side of me off, the side that listened to what people said about me because that was the only thing that got me through high school. 

    It looked like one of those nights where the boys weren't spending too much time working on their computers.  Thankfully no one was going near the liquor cabinet.  We could easily have fun without the liquid messing with our heads.  JJ, Vik, Josh, Freya, and I were all in the living room having a laugh.  There wasn't a Simon in sight, which didn't necessarily make me happy.  With the help of my newly found friend, I wanted to be in the same room with him without wanting to break his teeth. 

    "When we were younger, Kells and I used to climb this tree, yeah?  It had a ton of leaves so no one could see us by looking at it but we made a clearing where we could see the kids riding their bikes.  We would throw acorns at them because they never let them ride with us."  JJ was telling them about all of our misadventures together, making us tear up from laughter.  We sure got into a lot of trouble together

    Then a new voice entered the room. "you're such a weirdo," he said while giggling with that stupid giggle I admired so much.  At first we thought someone might have been with him but when he turned the corner we saw that he was on the phone.  He didn't take much notice to anyone in the room while he went on talking to whoever was on the other end.

    "Who are you on the phone with, mate?"  Vik asked, probably assume it was Cal or Ethan. 

    Simon glanced over at us, his eyes catching mine for a little longer than the rest before responding, "Trinity."  He walked out.  The entire room was silent and they all turned to look at me.  My head was quickly trying to find the reason why.

    "What's wrong?"  I eventually snapped because no one was saying anything and it made my anxiety nearly hit the ceiling.

    "Nothing, we just weren't sure how you were going to react to seeing Simon."  I saw right through JJ's lie.  As soon as it left his mouth I knew they were worried about me seeing Simon talk to a girl, but part of me being better was trying to understand that I can't have my cake and eat it too.  I couldn't drop Simon and then expect him to never talk to another girl ever.  He deserved to be happy because Freya was right.  Even good people make bad choices.  What he did was a lot more forgivable than Aaron. 

    When there still wasn't much talking I decided to speak up.  "When JJ was 10 he had the biggest crush on this girl, I completely forgot her name.  Anyway, one day he went up and told her that he liked her.  She laughed right in his face and told the whole school.  So for the rest of the year on the playground, I pushed her every single time I saw her.  All the way up until one of the teachers caught me and I got put in detention, again.  Then JJ threw a balled up paper at the teacher so he could get detention too." 

    At least that got everyone going again as they laughed at the story.  Josh and Freya shared some of their own, they've gotten into some trouble themselves, which was surprising and not at the same time.  The more I heard the speak to and about each other the more it made sense they were together.  It almost made me resentful that they fit so perfectly together when I felt like there was no one out there for me.  There could have been, but that was all over now. 

    It was late, or I guess early enough for everyone to start getting tired and head off into their bedroom.  As routine for the past few days, JJ came straight into my room, we were getting used to having each other around all the time again.  We turned the lights off and stared up at the ceiling, normally we would talk for as long as he could because he knew that I wasn't sleeping.  Something told me I wouldn't have a hard time doing that tonight.  I was far from happy, but I wasn't sad either.  Being content was enough for me, for now. 

    "Do you ever think how much easier it would be if we were together?"  I asked JJ out of nowhere.

    "All the time." 

    My brain only took a second to decide what I was going to do.  I sat up and turn to JJ who continued to lay down.  In a second flat I leaned over my pressed my lips sweetly to his.  Of course his lips were soft and warm, it was JJ.  But it was still me just kissing my best friend, no more, no less. 

    The confused look on his face when I pulled away made me smile.  "Just needed to make sure there still wasn't anything there."

    "Was there?"  He raised a cheeky eyebrow.

    "No.  What about for you?"

    "Not at all."  We looked at each other before bursting out into a fit of laughter.  This was just crazy.  Our friendship was crazy and I wouldn't ask for anything else.  "I still love you more than anyone in this world though.  You know that, right?"  He pushed me gently back into my spot so he could wrap his arm around me.

    "Yeah, I know.  I love you more than everything Jide." 

    "I know."

    We couldn't think of anything else to say after that.  It was such an intimate moment for us.  Telling each other how much we love each other is not something we do often, we don't have to because we already do.  That's why it meant so much and tonight solidified that we were going to be each other's first priority until we die.  It just happens when you meet someone as amazing as JJ, I couldn't wait until he fell in love.  That girl is going to be one lucky person. 

    Since I was in such a good mood I made up my mind that it was time to start my plan into becoming a better person.  I pulled out my phone because let's be honest, I was too afraid to confront the person face to face after all that happened, everything that was said.  I just couldn't.  I tapped vigorously on my screen to try and get my point across but also inviting him out to go eat when he was ready to we could get everything we need to say out.  It would the both of us feel better, I know it.  I really didn't want him out of my life, he was such an amazing person.  Even if we weren't going to ever be anything, which I know now whatever we were, it wasn't what I wanted or needed in a significant other.  As long as we could be friends, that would be all I asked for.

    "Who are you texting?"  JJ asked sleepily.

    "Harry."

Hi everyone here's another semi-boring chapter but it's okay because in like two chapters shit it about to go down. I hope you're all enjoying this story it really is a lot of fun to write and I would love it if you guys could comment and vote, it makes me want to write even more. Thank you!!