Chapter 12

"Okay, Shannon Beveridge" I typed in Elizabeth's laptop before glancing at her beside me seeing her enjoying the corn nuts I just bought earlier. It turns out she loves them which is a good thing. We're seated on the carpet in the living room as her laptop rests on the coffee table. Trent and Jarnie went out to buy some supplies for dinner later, which is according to Elizabeth, it is mandatory for me to stay for. I can't really do anything about that.

"Go on" She nods and smiles before popping a corn nut into her mouth, so I hit enter. I'm quite nervous about this because the last time I've done this, my head decided to have a breakdown and that hurts so bad.

"Alright what do we have here." I mumbled seeing my face on the screen. There were a bunch of pictures with Elizabeth and others were photos of me at an event or something, I don't know. But one picture caught my eye and its the same picture that caught my attention when I was doing this with Scarlett. I clicked on it.

"Uh Elizabeth, what happened here?" I asked glancing at her. She looks at the screen and smiles staring at the picture, and the way she looked at it tells me something I couldn't quite put my finger on.

"That's the CFDAs, the twins got nominated for Accessory Designer of the Year and they invited us over to watch. That was quite a day and very special." She smiles sweetly and I love how her eyes glow as she tells it to me. Well, I really wish I could remember it. But seeing this picture is enough for me to know what I was feeling that day.

"Are we dating here already?" I asked and she stops quite in thought before nodding her head.

"More like a real couple already but haven't announced it publicly yet. So that is like our trailer if you know what I mean, like a spoiler." She giggles trying to explain it further and I join her in finding how adorable she is.

"So how did we announced it?"

"An interview with Jimmy Fallon." My eyes widen upon hearing that. I was in Jimmy Fallon, really. What the fuck, so the missing part of my life is literally the highlight of my career how unfortunate am I to fucking forget that.

"Can we watch it please" She giggles and nods her head leaning forward to search for the video. I wait impatiently as scenarios starts playing in my head on how that could've went and I've never been so excited for a video my entire life.

"There." She plays the video sitting back on her seat next to me and I can feel myself getting tensed with the amount of adrenaline rushing through my veins at the moment, in a good way by the way.

'Alright, we have two very very special guest for tonight, She's a producer and stars as Leigh in the show Sorry For Your Loss and we also have one of the directors of the show joining us for today, Give it up for Elizabeth Olsen and Shannon Beveridge'

As soon as we both got out, a smile form my face. Well, we really look good together, but my eyes are stuck on her. She's so hot. How did I manage to contain myself without staring at her beauty, damn that is a goddess. I didn't even realized my mouth is open until Elizabeth touches my chin pushing it upward giggling.

"You're welcome." She says making me giggle nervously and turn my eyes back to the screen again. Okay stop being a fan girl and just watch the fucking show like a normal person does. I sat back to my seat with my back resting on the couch and folded my arms against my chest.

So the interview started with us talking about Sorry For Your Loss. I still haven't watched that show and again, I fucking forgot about it. Maybe if we still have time later on I might watch it with Elizabeth if she wants too that is. Then I found out about me not being in charge of her scenes in it, which really was a bummer.

"So I wasn't your director?" I asked and she looks at me and shakes her head. "Was I any good of a director though?" I asked again and this time she nods vigorously making me smile at her cuteness.

I turn back to the screen and continue to watch. Its strange watching yourself from a period you really don't recognized. Its like my face on a different person, and I really don't recognize the person I'm watching right now. I'm all fidgety and nervous and its obvious. Now we're on the part with her sisters, the CFDAs, the one with my favorite picture of us on the red carpet. This was the one. Jimmy showed a picture of what it seems like me taking pictures of her and her sisters on the red carpet which ear a little giggle from the woman beside me catching my attention.

"You know you always bring a camera with you, everywhere we go even to red carpets and interviews. You always have them. That's why we have loads of photos back then." Then I remembered, I burned all the photos and films of us. Its sad that I've done that because those photos hold so much memories but I wasn't in control of myself.

"Have you still got some of the photos?" I asked seriously and she just looked at me then squint her eyes figuring out if I'm about to tease her with it or not. I would, but I'm not in the mood for that right now. When I got no answer I gave her a small smile and just turn my eyes to the screen again paying half attention to it. Maybe she doesn't have those photos anymore.

Next stop, Jimmy is now talking about a meet and greet and I know this story because Elizabeth and I went there yesterday and she told me about it. To be honest, I'm starting to feel sad about this, like knowing my life two years ago, which actually holds so much amazing memories. It's not that I'm not grateful for having a second chance but I just kind of wish, I still knew how it felt like being in that situation. Because as I watch myself on the video all nervous and uneasy, I can tell by the way I look at Elizabeth, I was happy. But anyway, I can't turn back time. I was fortunate enough to have a second chance in life. I could've died in that car crash.

"We have a clip and I believe this is what people are waiting for actually. Not to spoil anything anymore. Let's watch this."

"There's a clip?" I glanced at Elizabeth who seems in deep thought and raised her brows on me when I called her attention again.

"Sorry, what was that?"

"I asked if there was a clip?" I smiled and turn my head back to the screen seeing a video of me and my mom in a park or something, wait I know this place. "Where is this?" I asked, she knows this place. I kept dreaming about it.

"That's in LA" Her voice is a whisper and it made me glanced at her. Her eyes were on the screen but there is something in them that's intriguing me.

'Okay to answer that'

My eyes snapped towards the screen upon hearing this and saw the video moving around until it was just me and her.

'I want you all to meet, no that's stupid you all know her. So this, is my beautiful girlfriend Elizabeth and yea. She's my girlfriend and that's my mom and they love each other and that's cool and I hope you enjoyed this video, probably the most revealing video I've ever done and if you watched my last video, I'm feeling a lot more better and its nice to have my ladies with me for that and thank you for all your messages and support really means a lot. So that's it.'

I paused it. I don't know why but when I glanced at Elizabeth. She is still staring at the screen now with sad eyes, and that made my chest felt heavy. I haven't seen her like this before, maybe in her movies but this is different. She's not acting. When she realized that I wasn't playing the video anymore she looked at me and switched moods giving me a soft chuckle but not meeting her eyes.

"Are you okay?" I asked slowly and in a whisper. She chuckles scrunching her nose and say.

"Yea, why wouldn't I be? I need to pee though, be back in a sec." She stands up and rushes towards the bathroom. Well, something tells me that was just an alibi and I suddenly felt worried about her. I try not to think about it and just wait for her to get back, but it took her awhile and when she got back, she had a box in her hand.

"You took awhile" I say and she smiles sitting down beside me. She placed a wooden box in between us and released a breath making me look up to her.

"You need to promise not to tease me about this okay. These are just things you left here in the house that I haven't got to 'dispose' " She says making air quotes with her hands. I smiled at her and nod. "No, you have to say it." She demands so I did.

"I promise."

"Okay then." She takes a deep breath and opened it. Pictures, a notebook and some films. My eyes lit up upon seeing these. Its like a treasure chest of memories. I started taking out the pictures. The first one was a picture of me and her in an event or something with my arms wrapped tightly around her.

"When was this?" I say showing her the picture.

"Oh that one." She smiles. "Ashley took that one its also from the CFDAs. They were looking at the pictures you took from the red carpet and she just snapped a photo."

"Smile!" I look up to Ashley seeing her snapping a photo so I smiled at her putting my arms around Elizabeth earning a giggle from her. Ashley then looks at the photo she just took and smiled sweetly.

Woah, what was that. I blinked a few times before looking up at Elizabeth. I think I just had a flashback.

"Shan you okay?" She asks and I must have a look of pure shock on my face for her to ask me that. I guess I need to tell her what I just saw.

"Did- uhm did Ashley say smile before taking the photo?" She frowns but then her eyes grew wide her hands making its way to my cheeks cupping my face in her hands and somehow the contact sends electricity throughout my whole body.

"You remember? Did you have a flashback?" She asks looking deep into my eyes. I nod my head and her smile grew until she realized that she's still holding my face. She immediately withdrew her hand and chuckles nervously her cheeks tinted pink again. Her cheeks always does that when she gets flustered and I find it so adorable.

"I'm sorry, I'm just happy for you."

"No, its cool. I was surprised I had a flashback." I say and she gives me a smile. A proper one this time. I go into picking up another picture and its a film one. Its a picture of her in a large sun hat wearing these sun glasses.

"That was during New York Pride along with these pictures." She showed me other film pictures of places that had the pride flag on them. She went with me to New York Pride?

"What happened in New York Pride?"

"Oh, we watched the parade then we went for lunch. Then you introduced me to Rose and Rosie and they're just too cute and very energetic. I haven't got around to keepin touch with them though after that but they're really fun." She met Rose and Rosie. Maybe there is a video about this.

"Did they vlog?" She nods her head and leans over facing the laptop to her and types in. For a person with no social media, I'm impressed on how she works on the computer and know where to look at.

"There." She turns the laptop to me and I watch as Rose and Rosie appears on the screen. "You didn't get to vlog because we were too busy talking about the places we went." She adds as I continue to watch, then it happened again.

"So where are you staying?" Rosie asks as we walked through the streets of New York going to the park.

"At our apartment, Jess and Peach are staying with us too, its more convenient that way. Where are you staying?"

"Oh we're staying in Four Seasons. Wait, if you two were in Love Loud yesterday, when did you arrived here?" I glanced at Elizabeth not remembering what time exactly did we arrived.

"Around six in the morning." She says and it made them smile.

"How the fuck are you two holding up with no fucking rest yet?" I shrugged and Elizabeth giggles. "Well that kiss yesterday. Highlight of the event, I'm sure of it. That was like a scene from a fucking movie."

"I didn't know they were still filming me and I'm so desperate for comfort and only she could give me that." A series of aww's from the two of them chorused as Elizabeth squeezes me tighter.

"Well, I'm really really proud of you honey."

"Shan, hey you alright?" Okay, flashbacks are coming in and so far I'm having a slight headache already. I let out a breath and turn to Elizabeth who's looking at me with so much worry in her eyes.

"Another one?" She asks and I slowly nod my head. "What is it then?"

"It was uhm- We were walking in New York and Rosie was asking about our flight then this clip of a kiss?" She sighs and nods. So it did happen. A kiss, on a clip, well I have to see that.

"Can I see the clip?" Her brows quirked and a small smile form on her lips making me confuse

"Why do you want to see the clip. It was like a 15 second clip of us kissing on screen." She giggles. I shrugged as a smile form on my face. I don't really know why but I would really like to se that clip. I look away and took this into my own hands. I suddenly hear her giggling beside me as I typed in Shannon Beveridge but then I remembered I don't know the event where that took place so I asked her.

"Where was that again?"

"Seriously?" She chuckles and I was getting impatient so I held her by the shoulders pulling her closer to me and force her to look at me maybe a little aggressive than I thought.

"Love Loud." She smiles looking into my eyes then down to my lips which did something to my heart. So I immediately let her go and typed in Shannon Beveridge at Love Loud 2019. Results came and the first headline was.

Caught on screen: Shannon Beveridge races to kiss girlfriend Elizabeth Olsen after speech.

I clicked on it and there it was the clip.

"Shannon, are you really going to-" I placed my hand on her mouth shutting her up and played the clip.

"Someone special said to me, that its so much better to have one person know you and love you for who you really are than have thousands of people love you and never really know you. " I see her sweet smile as I hear cheers coming from the crowd making me chuckle. " Thank you." I waved as cheers grew louder and hearing them just sends relief all over my body hitting me like a tidal wave. As soon as I got off stage I immediately ran to Elizabeth and give her a kiss but pulled away immediately when the crowd roars and realized the camera had captured that.

"Oh God" She whispers burying her head on my chest as I let out a chuckle taking her in my arms.

I winced as I closed my eyes pain shooting to my head. Then I felt her hands on my cheek again turning my face to her.

"Hey, are you okay?" Her voice laced with pure concern like she was about to cry or something. I found myself leaning into her hand on my cheek as the other one travels to my forehead, then I slowly opened my eyes meeting those jade eyes.

"Are you okay?" She repeats but this time she was already serious. Her brows knitted with concern, her eyes were wide and her breathing is heavy. So I gave her a nod to reassure her.

"I'm fine, just a headache." I smiled squeezing her hand on my cheeks. As she realized this she quickly withdrew her hand again and I suddenly miss the warm contact. She takes the laptop and turns it off before glancing back up to me.

"Let's just work on the box okay." She quickly says. She's nervous, I can feel it. But why? Its just me and were friends aren't we? She closes the laptop and returns it to the coffee table before turning to me. I shrug and turn to my side completely facing her.

"Alright, what's next." She smiles and looks at me. I was so unsure of what to feel right now because there was some kind of tension I'm starting to feel between us. She has this translucent barrier in front of her which makes it so confusing and intriguing on what she's really feeling at this moment.  I let out a soft sigh and smiled at her trying to just put the thought into the back of my head, maybe I'm just imagining things, now that my mind decides to open up for new memories.

I pulled out the notebook. It has a brown hard leather cover with slightly wrinkled pages. It looks a bit old but it's still in one piece.

"That's your journal" She whispers as I opened the pages seeing paragraphs with my handwriting in it. I think this is a new one because I can't remember having these as a journal before. "Don't worry, I never opened it or read anything in it. I just saw it in my room while I was cleaning up so I placed it with the others."  I glanced at her and she smiles not meeting her eyes and something tells me that this isn't just a journal. So I flip a page and read the first paragraph of it.

April 21, 2019Her eyes, her lips, her chestnut hair, her laugh, her raspy voice, just her. I can't stop thinking about her. Last night was something. I don't know if I should be over the moon because we had some kind of moment last night or should I be worried because I just made everything more complicated than it already is. She's engaged. That is that. We can't be more than just friends and that's how it is. I really need to stop thinking about her or even hanging out with her I guess, but I don't know exactly how to do that. She's amazing and so kind and I can't just not to talk to her but at the same time I know I shouldn't let these feelings grow bigger because I think I might be falling for her even more. This is so wrong.

I suddenly felt heavy in my chest as I realized something. She was engaged, then I remembered the article. The one about Robbie getting arrested. Did I fucking homewreck their engagement. God this is so wrong. I closed the notebook and put it in the box closing it and putting it on the side. I need to hear it from her, about her and Robbie.

"Shan what are you-"

"Tell me about Robbie" I said moving closer to her looking straight into her eyes. I need to know if I'm the reason one of them called off the engagement.

"What?" She whispers quite taken aback by what I just said.

"Tell me why aren't you married to him."