12. A simple day off

CARA

I was looking out the living room window over the beautiful New York City when a newly awake Kendall came up to me. She didn't look me in the eyes, she just walked over to me and hugged me. I smiled and hugged her back. That's the least I can do for her.

"How are you feeling?"

She didn't answer. And that's an answer enough to get me understand it wasn't good.

"Wanna eat breakfast?" I asked concerned.

She shook her head while we still hugged. 

"Not even a banana? For me?" I remembered how she said something similar to me for some days ago, when she wasn't heartbroken. 

She still shook her head.

"Not even for me?" I softly teased.

She didn't move this time.

"I'm taking that as a clear yes," I said and went to the kitchen and peeled the banana for her.

I gave it to her, and she took the smallest bites ever. This is gonna take a while. 

"Wanna talk about it?"

She shook her head. Her eyes were always glued to the floor. She is so broken. 

"Is it okay if I'm going out for a minute?" I wanted to smoke. I couldn't handle this. She was too sad and I didn't like to see her like this. "I'll be back soon, I promise."

She technically didn't answer, but she didn't shake her head so I just grabbed my jacket and went out.

Aahh.

The fresh morning air.

I really needed this. 

But after a while I had to go back, so I did. Kendall was still eating the banana and she was still staring at the floor. I don't think she slept anything. But she was always lying in my arms. 

"I'm back," I announced. But as usual, I didn't get an answer.

Okay this was beginning to be kind of annoying. She could at least say hi or something. 

I walked to her and crouched next to her.

"Please say something," I pleaded.

She looked at me.

"Did you smoke?" she suddenly asked.

"Y-yes..." I answered surprised that she asked that.

"I thought you had stopped," she said while she looked at me disappointed.

"N-no. I kind of have stopped, or, I'm down at only three cigarettes per day. But I think I can stop very soon..." I explained nervous.

"Oh. That's good."

Then it was silent. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to be there for Kendall, but I didn't just want to sit next to her and do nothing. So I went to the bathroom and called Mike.

"Oh my god, help me Mike!" I whisper yelled.

"What?" he asked. I think he just woke up.

"Kendall is heartbroken and she is living with me and I don't know what to do! She doesn't even talk to me! Barely! It's pretty boring..."

"Just calm down, it will be okay. Wait... Kendall? The girl you were in love with?"

"No! I am NOT in love with her! I'm just her friend!"

"Cara this is your chance to show her how you really feel," he said. Totally ignoring what I just said.

"I don't want her when she is desperate and sad! That's like taking advantage of her!"

"So you admit that you want her?" 

"Oh my god Mike!! Stop the teasing!! Okay yes! I am having feelings for her! Happy now!?"

"I knew it! Cara, it's alright. Just remember to always be nice to her, and I think everything will be okay."

"Okay."

I went out of the bathroom and went to Kendall again.

I thought about what Mike said, so I hugged her immediately when I got to her. 

"Thank you," she whispered and started to cry.

Oh god, Mike was right. It's just about being nice.

I comforted her while she made my T shirt wet. 

"Kendall I know it's hard, but I think it will feel better if you just talk to me."

"I know, I'm sorry. I just... I don't know. I'm not used to talk about my feelings with someone."

"It's okay. But now when you know that I am here for you, you maybe want to do something else than just stare at the floor?" I suggested.

She chuckled and nodded. The tears stopped streaming down, but she still sobbed. I can't believe my little sunshine is crying.

We decided to take a walk in the beautiful morning weather. We walked to Starbucks and sat there and just talked. Kendall's mood was changing fast. Before, she was crying. Now she was like crying of laughter. But we had a really great time. 

After Starbucks, we decided to go a music store. She wanted to hear me play the drums and the guitar after I told her I could play.

So I sat down at the drums and started to play a little. I have to say, I was a bit nervous because Kendall was here. I used to go here alone and play, but now I have like an audience with me. 

"Sing for me," she demanded.

"Um... okay..."

I started to play the drums and started to sing Kiss with Prince. 

'You don't have to be richTo be my girlYou don't have to be coolTo rule my worldAin't no particular sign I'm more compatible withI just want your extra time and your'

I looked at her.

'Kiss'.

Oh god. This was embarrassing... Someone please kill me. 

I can not explain in any words how much I wanted to just run out and hide under my couch for the rest of my life. Why did I sing to her!? I should've just said that I was a terrible singer, and that's it. But noooo, I had to tell her how I felt with a song. Holy shit. I hope she doesn't get that I sang it to her. Kill me. NOW!!

"Wow!!" she said and gave me a smile.

"What...?"

"You are an amazing singer!" she exclaimed.

"Thanks," I said and blushed. "I bet you can sing too."

Now she blushed. I laughed.

"C'mon! Sing something for me." 

"I don't want to."

"You have to."

"No."

"But I did! Then you have to too!"

"Fine," she chuckled.

I have no idea what she just sang to me. She could've might as well been screaming my name and I still wouldn't hear. I just got lost in her eyes. How can any living human have eyes like that? It's crazy how brown they are! And don't even get me started on how her smile is changing me every single second she is smiling. 

"You were amazing," I said when she stopped.

"Cara, I didn't even sing. I just tried to tell you that your phone was ringing, but you kind of spaced out," she laughed.

"Oh," I blushed and picked up my phone. "It's just a friend. I can call him later."

We walked out of the store and went home. At home, I made dinner. Or, well, I ordered Chinese food...

When the food arrived, we just sat and ate. Pretty much in silence, but sometimes we just talked a little.

"So, do you still think true caring is bullshit?" she asked with a smirk.

"Of course? I told you it can take years for me to change."

"I thought you cared about me..." I could tell that she was joking.

"Well I don't," I teased back.

She chuckled and slowly slapped my cheek. 

"But hey, are you alright?"

"No."

I don't know what to answer on that one.

"Will you ever be alright?" I asked awkward.

"Yeah, if you'll help me."

I smiled.

"Right now, I just want to be with you."

"And I don't have anyone except you," I answered. Sorry Mike, you were the last thing on my mind...

My feelings for Kendall always grew bigger and bigger, and it was pretty much unbearable.

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