11. Heartbroken sunshine

CARA

We sat and talked for hours as I said. It was amazing. I opened up a little for her, and she opened up a bit for me I guess. But I still don't know what she dreamed about. She said she dreamed about her past, and I don't know anything about her past. This is so frustrating.

When we were done talking about everything, we decided to go home to her place because I wanted to see her apartment too. She told me she lived with her boyfriend, and my heart broke but let's skip the detailed part about that... Anyway, I wanted to see how she lived.

We walked through an empty street in New York City, and at last, we were at the Jenner/Styles residence.

We walked into the big building and walked up to the 8th floor. It was a bit exhausting, but I'm used to it because I walk up to my apartment everyday.

She opened the door to her apartment, and the first thing we saw, were...

Harry freaking Styles almost naked and making out with a girl right in front of us.

"Harry..." Kendall gasped and put her hands on her mouth.

Harry opened her eyes, and quickly pushed the girl off of him so she fell on the floor.

"Kendall!? I thought you were with your friend!" he dumbly said.

Kendall didn't say anything. She just started to cry.

I got so mad at him for making Kendall cry.

"What is that kind of excuse!?" I shouted at his face from behind Kendall.

"Who are you?" he asked confused.

"Her friend!" I exclaimed.

"This is none of your business!" he yelled at me. "This is between Kendall and me!!"

"Whatever!! You hurt my friend, and I will never forgive you! This is in fact my business!! If Kendall is involved in it, so am I." I said strictly.

Harry seemed speechless. 

I hugged Kendall and tried to comfort her, but she just ran away from me. I ran after her down to the street, but I lost her. She was so fast. I ran everywhere and searched her, I called her but she didn't answer. 

I gave up in the end, and started to walk home. But then when I saw my building, I saw Kendall leaning against it. She was on the ground crying. I ran as fast as I could to her.

"Kendall, I'm here." I said and held her in my embrace. "I'm so so sorry."

I thought that it was too soon to say stuff like: "You deserved someone better." Because in fact, she was in love with him, and she really loved him. It breaks my heart every time I notice how real her love for him was. And it broke my heart that I understood all the time that he was bad for her, but I never said anything to her because I didn't want to break her heart or hurt her. 

What always bugs me is that I will never completely trust the person Kendall will date in the future, because I know it's not me. I don't know if they will hurt her, but I will know if it's me. And I would never ever hurt Kendall in my lifetime! I know it sounds weird, and I don't even get it myself, but I just don't want Kendall to get hurt. She is like my life now. I am even down to only three cigarette's per day thanks to her. She doesn't know it is thanks to her, but it is.

But hey, I don't love her. I'm just saying that I will never trust any of Kendall's future men, because I have no idea if they will hurt her when I'm not there. I'm not saying that I want to date Kendall. Hell no, are you out of your mind? Whatever. Really.

We slowly took the elevator up to my apartment, and then we slowly walked in. I led her to the couch and laid her down. She sobbed, but didn't really cry. I think she didn't want to cry when I was there.

I was sitting next to her on the floor and stroke her silky brown hair.

"He didn't mean to hurt you," I whispered. It was a bit weird that I defended him, but I didn't want Kendall to think he did this to make her feel this way. Because honestly, he didn't know that we would come home that minute. He at least tried to hide it. But still, I will never forgive him. And I still hate him, but the truth still remained: He didn't try to hurt her.

I walked away from Kendall for just some seconds. I had to think. What should I do? How long will she cry? Will she ever be okay? Can I help her? Am I just in her way right now? Should I call her family? Can I ask her for advise to help her?

I walked back and forth and had anxiety. 

"Cara," Kendall sobbed from the couch.

I immediately ran to her and crouched next to her.

"I'm here."

"Good," she just answered.

Was that it? Not something like: "I hate Harry, please avenge him for me." I think I have seen too many movies...

"Um... Kendall how do you feel?" I asked nervous.

"I feel like I want to die," she said with a cracked voice.

"That's not good..." 

"But don't worry Cara, this isn't the first time I have felt like this."

"Oh."

"Cara."

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

"Don't thank me. I didn't do anything."

"You did everything."

I didn't know what to say. She is heartbroken, but she still wants me to know that she is grateful? She is too kind.

"You should rest." I just said. 

And not soon after, she fell asleep.

I sighed and wondered what I should do. Should I call her family? I don't even know them... I just want to go back to Harry and kick him so hard. I can't do that, right? I don't want to kick Harry if Kendall loves him. That would be weird. But I still don't know if Kendall has let go of him, or if she still loves him as much as she did before. But right now, the most important thing is to get Kendall safe. Safe from all the pain.

I went out and bought frozen yogurt to me and Kendall. Then I went back home.

When I opened the door, Kendall was up.

"Hey there," I smiled. "Frozen yogurt?"

"Yes please."

I walked over to her and looked her into the eyes before I gave her the frozen yogurt. Her eyes stopped pushing out tears, but they were very red.

We sat down in the kitchen and ate in silence. Until Kendall spoke up.

"Sorry you had to see everything." Was she being serious?

"Why would you be sorry? If someone should be sorry, it should be Harry." I asked confused.

"I gave you a lot of responsibilities today," she answered. "And I shouldn't have given you everything. I could handle it myself."

"No you couldn't," I said. "You were too heartbroken, and too cold. I was too happy and too warm. I fill your empty holes perfectly."

She smiled to me.

"At least I have you. That is enough for now," she said and leaned her head on my shoulder.

"How do you feel?" I asked again.

"I feel like... shit."

"Do you still love him?"

"I do."

"Can you be able to stop loving him?"

"I don't know."

"Do you want to stop loving him?"

"Yes."

"We're already making progress," I joked.

She chuckled. 

"Right now, I don't want to see anyone except you."

I smiled. I was totally okay with that.

"Do you want to live here until you feel any better?" I asked.

"If you let me."

"Of course."

When we were done eating frozen yogurt, she grabbed her phone.

"Harry has called me 13 times within an hour," Kendall informed me. "He must be desperate. Should I call him back?"

"No. He must understand how much he hurt you. You can call him tomorrow, but even that is almost too soon." I told her.

"Okay. I have to call my sister." 

"You have a sister?" I asked surprised. I didn't know that.

"Yeah, her name is Kylie. She's 17."

"Oh. Okay, that's cool."

She smiled to me and called her.

"Hi sister. Are you doing okay?" she started. "That's good to hear. Are you still failing in school?"

Silence.

"Kylie! I told you to be at school everyday!!" she sighed. "Anyway, I have to tell you something."

She took a deep breath.

"Harry cheated on me, and I caught him." she held her tears. 

I could literally hear Kylie screaming on the other line. I was happy that Kylie supported her as much as I did. Or, I think that was what she did. By hating on Harry...

"I know I know Kylie! Stop yelling, I'm getting deaf!" Kendall said loud. "No that's not necessary. I'll live with my friend until the time is ready." Kendall seemed to assure her.

"I will. Take care you too, and please, don't go out tonight. For me. Goodbye."

She hung up and looked at me and sighed with a smile.

"Want to watch a movie?" she asked and smiled.

I looked at her and chuckled.

"Sure heartbroken sunshine."

We watched a movie, and she was always in my arms. I stroke her hair, and insecurely kissed her forehead constantly. But she deserved much more. I wish I could give her everything.

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