Chapter 10: Dazai, Kunikida, and The Boatload of Embarrassment

While the conversation was going on, Kunikida was still hiding under the bed. He had no intentions of coming out. No matter how annoying his coworkers might get while trying to find him, he was not removing himself from under the bed.

"Mr. Kunikida?" Atsushi asked.

"Man, Kunikida disappeared before confessing to Dazai. That coward," Yosano complained.

First of all, rude. And second, it's none of your business what I tell Dazai, Kunikida thought, annoyed. He wanted to tell her off, but he knew that if he did, everyone would find him, and that was the last thing he wanted.

"That didn't work?" Ranpo asked in disbelief.

Dazai smirked. "I think I have an idea."

"Oh no," Atsushi, Yosano, and Ranpo all uttered simultaneously.

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Kuuuunnnniiiiikkkkiiiiiiiiddaaaaaa...I haaaaaaave yoooouuurrrrrr prrreeeeeecccccciiiiiooooouuuusssss noooootttteeebbbboooookkkkkkk aaaaaaaaaaaand I'm gonnaaaaaa reeeeeaaaaaaddd iiiitttttt..." Dazai announced in a long, drawn-out annoying voice.

Nice try, partner of mine. But no you don't, for I have it right here- Kunikida started to think, until he realized that he didn't in fact have it. That darn Dazai...how'd he even get it? He peeked out from under the bed.

True to his word, Dazai began to open the notebook.

He'd better not read it... Kunikida thought.

Dazai peeked at the first page.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO, Kunikida thought frantically. He leaped out from under the bed and at what could be described as lightning speed, snatched his notebook away from Dazai.

"Well, it worked," Dazai announced triumphantly.

Kunikida glared at Dazai.

"Kuuuunnnniiiiikkkkiiiiiiiiddaaaaaa...please don't be mad at me. I was just trying to find you and I didn't know what else would work," Dazai begged.

"There are other ways, but of course you go the manipulation route. How typical of you," Kunikida replied.

"I wasn't actually going to read it!" Dazai claimed.

Kunikida clearly didn't believe Dazai. "Mhm."

"Ok...maybe I'm a tiny bit curious to find out all the mysterious things the great Kunikida writes in his notebook," Dazai admitted.

The great...? Kunikida thought for a brief moment before snapping out of it. "Well, that's too bad."

"Kuuuunnniiiiikkkkiiiiiiiiddaaaaaa..." Dazai complained.

"Daaaaaaaaazzzzzaaaaaaiiiiiii..." Kunikida replied.

"Yes?" Dazai asked.

"Like I said, you're not going to find out what I write. Not yet at least," Kunikida announced.

Dazai sighed in disappointment. "Oh well, I tried."

"It was a good try," Kunikida assured him.

Dazai smiled. "Thanks."

Thank goodness he didn't actually end up reading it, I might've actually ended up dying of embarrassment if he had, Kunikida thought.

Little does Kunikida-kun know that I still plan on reading that notebook, Dazai was thinking.

He'd better not try to sneak it away from me again, Kunikida thought.

I'm so going to sneak that notebook away again, Dazai thought. And he tried to do just that. He attempted to snatch up the notebook when Kunikida wasn't looking.

"Dazai, what did I just tell you?" Kunikida demanded.

Dazai hung his head. "To not read your notebook."

"And what did you do?" Kunikida questioned.

"Tried to read your notebook..."

Kunikida sighed. "I'm serious, Dazai. There's a reason I don't want you to read it."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry..." Dazai apologized.

"Yeah, you should be," Kunikida replied.

"You're mad at me again, aren't you?" Dazai asked.

"Maybe," Kunikida responded.

"Noooooooooooooooooooooo! My worst nightmare is coming true!" Dazai wailed.

"...That's your worst nightmare?" Kunikida asked.

"Yeah..." Dazai admitted.

"For the record, I said maybe, not yes," Kunikida pointed out.

"But it means there's a possibility of you being mad at me!" Dazai protested.

"To be fair, you did try to read my notebook after I specifically told you not to," Kunikida reasoned.

"And I said I was sorry," Dazai replied.

"You did, but how do I know you won't try and sneak it away from me again the next time I'm not looking?" Kunikida asked.

"I won't, I promise!" Dazai swore.

Kunikida gave Dazai a skeptical look again.

"Kuuuunnnniiiiikkkkiiiiiiiiddaaaaa..." Dazai whined.

"What?" Kunikida replied.

"You look like you don't believe me," Dazai announced.

"Well, you did try to read my notebook after promising you wouldn't," Kunikida reminded him.

"I guess I see your point..." Dazai admitted.

"Y'know Dazai, it serves you right that Kunikida doesn't believe you," Yosano spoke up.

"Hey man, you don't have to rub it in," Dazai sulked. "I'm just curious about what the mysterious Kunikida-kun writes about in that mysterious notebook of his."

He used that nickname again, Kunikida thought, almost becoming too distracted to respond. "If anything, you're the mysterious one, not me."

"How can you say that when you're constantly writing in that notebook but never let anyone see it?" Dazai asked.

"I have my reasons," Kunikida replied.

"And what reasons might those be?" Dazai wanted to know.

"None of your business," Kunikida declared.

"Dang, I'll just have to guess then," Dazai said.

Great. Now he's probably going to figure it out, Kunikida thought.

"Maybe you don't want anyone to become bored by reading through all your endless plans?" Dazai guessed.

"Hey! I'll have you know my plans aren't boring!" Kunikida replied defensively.

"Ok, ok, I'm sorry. Hmm...maybe you finally found your ideal woman and you can't stop writing about her?" Dazai suggested.

That was closer to the truth than Kunikida would have liked for it to be, and his expression gave it away.

"Aha! I knew it! There was hope for you after all," Dazai announced.

"What's that supposed to mean?!" Kunikida demanded.

"Oh...nothing," Dazai replied innocently.

"You were implying that you didn't think I'd ever end up with someone, weren't you?" Kunikida asked.

"What? I would never do such a thing," Dazai claimed.

"Well, it sure did sound that way," Kunikida declared.

"Nah, I was just genuinely congratulating you for finding your ideal woman, that couldn't have been an easy task," Dazai insisted.

"You don't even know if that's the case or not," Kunikida pointed out.

"But you're so easy to read, so that's gotta be the case," Dazai protested.

If I'm so "easy to read", then what makes you think I've been writing about an ideal woman? Kunikida thought.

"Kunikida?" Dazai asked.

Kunikida snapped out of his thoughts. "Yeah?"

"I get that you're smitten while thinking of your ideal woman, but dang, you're really just ignoring me," Dazai said.

"First of all, I did not find my ideal woman. And second, my apologies. I was just wondering something," Kunikida responded.

"Oh? And what might that be?" Dazai questioned.

"Nothing. Never mind," Kunikida replied.

"Hey man, I just wanna read all the things you have to say about the ideal woman you 'didn't' find," Dazai announced.

"Again, I seriously didn't find one," Kunikida repeated.

"But what girl wouldn't want you-?" Dazai began to ask, then he realized what he was saying as he looked at Kunikida.

Kunikida gazed back at Dazai and felt his heart skip a beat.

"Uhhhh, I mean...well, you probably get that a lot!" Dazai hastily added.

"I don't actually, and even if I did..." Kunikida began, but hesitated.

Dazai looked at Kunikida, curious as to what else he'd say.

"Even if that was something I heard regularly, it's different coming from you," Kunikida admitted.

"Well y'know, you deserve to hear it cause you're great," Dazai complimented.

Now Kunikida was wondering if he'd get tachycardia just from talking to Dazai, and his face said it all.

"Get a room, you two," Yosano spoke up.

It was safe to say that Kunikida and Dazai had once again become human tomatoes.

"You're starting to sound like Chuuya," they said in unison. They then glanced at each other in shock.

Yosano started cracking up.

"THIS ISN'T FUNNY!" Dazai and Kunikida yelled.

Of course, that only made Yosano laugh even more.

Dazai and Kunikida's eyes met, but that only made them more of a blushing mess.

"Dr. Yosano, leave them alone," Atsushi spoke up.

"Atsushi, you're so boring..." Yosano complained.

"Atsushi, you're a lifesaver!" Dazai cheered.

Kunikida, meanwhile, was temporarily rendered speechless.

"Atsushi's right. You really don't need to tease them so relentlessly," Ranpo added.

"Ugh, y'all are no fun," Yosano sulked.

"I never claimed to be, and I know I'm not. You can ask anyone," Kunikida announced.

"Awww Kunikida, don't say that! Of course you're fun!" Dazai assured him.

"Dazai, I used to teach algebra. What's fun about that?" Kunikida asked.

"Well I mean yeah, everyone knows math is the worst. But I wasn't your student, so I don't really have a say in that," Dazai responded.

"Maybe, but you have had to hear me constantly tell you to stop being lazy," Kunikida pointed out.

"That's true," Dazai agreed.

"See? I'm the most boring person to ever walk this earth," Kunikida insisted.

"Nah," Dazai argued.

"Well, if you say so," Kunikida replied, giving in.

"I do." Dazai grinned.

"Best couple ever," Yosano remarked.

"Ok, that's it. That. Is. It. I can't handle this harassment anymore," Kunikida declared.

"I don't think I'm ever coming back to work. Kunikida, if I'm not here tomorrow, I'm probably dead," Dazai added.

"Don't you dare!" Kunikida scolded.

"Don't worry, I just meant I was probably going to die of embarrassment," Dazai assured him.

"Oh. Well of course, I still don't want you to die. But I can't completely argue that sentiment cause I'm starting to feel the same way," Kunikida agreed.

"You'd probably say that either way, Dazai," Ranpo remarked.

"Probably," Dazai agreed.

"Awww look, they're even leaving together!" Yosano commented.

I'm going to literally die of embarrassment... Dazai and Kunikida thought in sync as they left.