Chapter 9: The Lecture

Dazai had just awoken from being unconscious as the result of an attempted drowning, and he saw Kunikida...holding his hand? Was that intentional? Was Kunikida aware of what he was currently doing? "Kunikida...?"

(A/N: yes, it's intentional, Dazai, you oblivious being)

Dazai was cut off when Kunikida threw his arms around him.

I feel like I should be concerned. Does Kunikida have amnesia again? Dazai wondered. He considered actually voicing the question but decided against it in the end. He didn't want to ruin the moment.

After a good ten minutes, Kunikida still hadn't let go. Truth is, he never wanted to. He was now even more worried that the next time he let Dazai out of his sight, the mischief-maker would try to die again. It was exactly that sort of thing (and everything about Dazai, if Kunikida was being honest) that made him never want to leave Dazai's side. He felt that he owed it to Dazai as his partner to protect him in any way he could.

Dazai was even more confused by Kunikida's behavior at this point, albeit glad. It really was nice to have Kunikida not be mad at him. But then there was the worry that Yosano might walk in and see them. She'd never let either of them live this down. For now, though, they appeared to be in the clear.

"Kunikida...what happened?" Dazai asked.

Kunikida finally let go of Dazai and looked him right in the eye. His expression was serious but also somewhat unreadable, in other words, the one he usually possessed.

"Kunikida...?" Dazai repeated, beginning to feel intimidated by Kunikida's silence.

Kunikida did have a very good reason for his lack of responses though, for he was internally struggling with whether or not to give Dazai a lecture. Part of him was against the idea of doing so, but then again, he wanted nothing more than to lay into Dazai about his broken promise. He was right back to feeling conflicted. Dazai had once again ruined Kunikida's perfect schedule, but even more importantly, he had tried to die again, much to Kunikida's dismay.

"Kunikida, you're starting to scare me...please say something," Dazai begged.

But Kunikida said nothing, for he was still hesitating to give the lecture but also felt like it was necessary.

"Kunikida, please..." Dazai pleaded.

Kunikida sighed. "Fine. Let's just say I noticed you were missing from work again so I go looking for you only to find out you were trying to drown yourself AGAIN."

"Ohh yeah, that," Dazai remembered.

Kunikida gazed at him solemnly, wondering how he could just think of something like that so casually.

Dazai stared back at Kunikida. "Everything ok?"

"No, it isn't. You're a traitor! A dirty, lying, rotten traitor, Osamu Dazai!" Yosano announced before Kunikida could reply.

Well, I personally wouldn't have put it that way, but ok, Kunikida thought.

"Oh hi, doc! Uh...how?" Dazai wanted to know.

"Oh, wouldn't you like to know, king of laziness?" Yosano replied.

"Actually yeah, I would," Dazai said.

Kunikida still hadn't stopped staring at Dazai, not saying a word.

"Well if you're so curious, why don't you ask your boyfriend?" Yosano suggested.

"Yosano!" Dazai and Kunikida exclaimed in unison, morphing into human tomatoes again.

Yosano smirked, well aware of what she had just done. "Welp, bye." She then left.

"She...she did it again!" Dazai uttered in disbelief.

"That she did..." Kunikida agreed, finding it hard to look at Dazai and speak coherently. So naturally he did the sensible thing and looked anywhere but at Dazai.

"Honestly, why is she so hung up on that?" Dazai wondered.

"No clue," Kunikida answered.

"I'm gonna die of embarrassment..." Dazai whined.

"Too soon, Dazai...way too soon..." Kunikida muttered.

"Right. Sorry," Dazai apologized.

"It's all good..." Kunikida assured him.

"So...erm, you were saying?" Dazai asked, not looking at Kunikida.

"I wasn't saying anything," Kunikida replied, still turning his gaze elsewhere.

"Any clue why Yosano called me a traitor just now?" Dazai questioned.

"I might have an idea," Kunikida answered.

"Do tell," Dazai requested.

"I guess you don't remember how you promised to stop trying to die?" Kunikida asked.

Dazai thought about Kunikida's question for a minute. "Oh...yeah..."

"You promised, Dazai. You. Promised," Kunikida reminded him.

"I know, I know..." Dazai replied.

"I know I don't have any control over you, nor do I desire to, but I feel a bit lied to right now. I hate to say it, but I don't know if I can trust you after this. I've tried to trust you before, but it never ends well, and this is the worst it's ended up," Kunikida went on.

Dazai began to feel guilty. "I'm sorry...I made a promise to you and then I went and betrayed your trust. You probably hate me now and will never trust me again and also not want to be partners with me anymore, and that's ok. I deserve it..." He began to avert his gaze even further away if that was even possible at this point.

Kunikida also began to feel bad. He hadn't meant to make Dazai feel guilty and regretted even bringing it up and saying he doubted his partner. "Hey Dazai, look at me."

Dazai did so.

"I don't know what goes on in your head or why you feel this way, but there's something I need you to know," Kunikida continued.

"Yeah?" Dazai asked.

"Whenever I say I don't want you to die, it's the truth. And I don't hate you, ok? I never could. Maybe you do make it a bit hard to trust you at times, but I'd be lying if I said I have no trust in you at all, and honestly...I couldn't have asked for a better partner," Kunikida confessed.

Dazai smiled a little. "Thanks, Kunikida. That really means a lot."

"Anytime, Dazai," Kunikida replied.

"I really will try to stop for real this time," Dazai promised.

Kunikida gave him a skeptical look.

"Keyword 'try', I'm not sure if I'll succeed," Dazai clarified.

"Well...I suppose I can't ask for a promise you may not be able to keep, but I've said it before and I'll say it again: I don't want you to die. And I'll repeat it as many times as I need to," Kunikida declared.

"Much appreciated," Dazai said.

"Hey, that's what I'm here for," Kunikida replied.

"Oh by the way, I noticed you were holding my hand earlier-" Dazai began, but stopped short as he watched Kunikida's face turn beet red again.

"Oh yeah...I was doing that..." Kunikida remembered.

Dazai also began to blush.

"Don't take it the wrong way, though!" Kunikida hastily added.

"What might the 'wrong way' be?" Dazai wanted to know.

"Erm...nothing! Never mind," Kunikida replied. Why do I feel this way...?

Why did that feel like rejection? Dazai wondered.

He's probably taking what I just said the wrong way too, dang it...that wasn't my intention, Kunikida thought.

Yosano soon returned to give Dazai one more checkup, and that's when she noticed that her coworkers had been replaced by tomatoes. "Well, well."

Dazai and Kunikida were startled by Yosano's sudden return.

"How are you feeling, Dazai?" Yosano asked.

"I'm doing great," Dazai replied.

"Good...BECAUSE YOU MADE ME WORK OVERTIME!!!!!! I HOPE YOU'RE SATISFIED WITH YOURSELF!!!!!!" Yosano yelled.

Dazai yelped and hid behind Kunikida. "I'm sorry, doc! Please don't kill me! I need to actually keep my promise to Kunikida this time!"

Yosano scowled. "Yeah, like that helps now. And you're begging to stay alive...who are you and what have you done with Dazai?"

"It's still me, I'm just saying, I can't die because I promised Kunikida I wouldn't, and I don't want to betray his trust again like I already did," Dazai explained.

The yelling summoned Ranpo over Yosano's office. "What's all this racket?"

"Nothing major. I just had to make sure Dazai knows he made me work overtime," Yosano announced.

Ranpo glanced over at Dazai and Kunikida. "I take it you freaked him out and that's why he won't let go of Kunikida now?"

"Protect me, Kunikida..." Dazai begged.

"Don't worry, you're safe," Kunikida assured him.

"Aren't they adorable together?" Yosano asked.

"YOSANO!" Dazai and Kunikida exclaimed in unison.

"Yeeeesssss! And look at how in sync they are!" Ranpo added.

"RANPO!" Dazai and Kunikida screamed.

"My point exactly," Ranpo said casually.

Kunikida buried his face in his hands.

"Ok, ok, I'm sorry," Ranpo apologized.

Is it possible to die of embarrassment? Kunikida wondered for what felt like the millionth time lately.

Dazai was wondering the same thing.

"Ranpo may be sorry, but I'm sure not," Yosano declared with a smirk.

"Oh, we know you aren't," Dazai replied.

Yosano just continued to smirk.

Atsushi re-entered the room so he could check on Dazai. "Oh, good! Mr. Dazai's finally awake."

"Took him long enough," Yosano remarked.

"Yeah, we were all worried sick! Especially Kunikida," Ranpo added.

"Ranpo!" Kunikida scolded.

"What? It's true," Ranpo pointed out.

"Yeah, it is," Kunikida admitted.

By the looks of Mr. Dazai and Mr. Kunikida, Dr. Yosano's been teasing them again, no doubt, Atsushi thought.

"Y'know....it's a shame I actually became unconscious when I tried to drown myself, cause I bet Kunikida had been screaming my name a lot," Dazai remarked.

"Maybe I was, what about it?" Kunikida asked.

"Oh no..." Ranpo muttered.

"Well, Kunikida: I have a confession to make," Dazai began.

Is he going to say what I think he's going to say? Kunikida wondered.

"I never get tired of hearing your lovely screaming," Dazai declared.

"I-" Kunikida was left speechless.

"Yep, your screaming is a lovely thing to hear," Dazai continued.

"What's that supposed to mean?!" Kunikida demanded.

"Just what I said. Your screaming is music to my ears," Dazai went on.

Kunikida genuinely didn't know how to feel about this tidbit of info. He'd never been told such a thing before.

"Dazai...you just proudly admitted to Kunikida himself that you love his screaming," Ranpo pointed out.

"That I did," Dazai agreed.

"How can someone actually be this shameless?" Yosano asked.

"You may call me The Shameless God," Dazai announced.

"Yeah, no one's ever gonna call you that. But we can agree on the shameless part, at least," Yosano responded.

"Ouch," Dazai complained.

Without anyone noticing, Kunikida hid under the bed due to another wave of embarrassment.

"Hey, where's Mr. Kunikida?" Atsushi spoke up.

"Probably hiding cause he's embarrassed about what Dazai just said," Yosano suggested.

"What?! No. How could anyone be embarrassed by such a compliment?" Dazai asked.

"You may have meant it as a compliment, but you don't know if Kunikida took it that way," Ranpo answered.

"Oh well, I guess I'll have to explain some things to him later once I find him," Dazai said.