Chapter 5: Chuuya's Advice

Once the day was over, Kunikida headed off to meet Chuuya. He hoped that his Mafia buddy might have some advice about these strange occurrences.

When Kunikida got to the bar and sat at a table, he noticed Chuuya hadn't yet arrived. He then decided to try to use the time to figure out how he'd phrase his problem to Chuuya. After all, the fashionista was bound to find it just as shocking as those at the agency had, if not more, and Kunikida had no intentions of drastically shocking his friend.

Honestly, Chuuya's probably going to be even more shocked than my coworkers. Or maybe not, since my coworkers are always the ones who have to see when I'm annoyed at Dazai. Chuuya mostly hears about it. Then again, he of all people knows firsthand how annoying Dazai can get since they were partners in the past and Dazai was likely just as infuriating back then...ok, bottom line is Chuuya's the perfect person to ask about this, Kunikida thought. He faceplanted into the table, much like he'd done earlier on his desk. This was confusing, and by extension, frustrating. Why was this happening? Why couldn't he just go back to the way things were? Why was this his life? Why was everything so darn confusing? Why did Dazai have be so...

"Dude, you ok?" a voice asked, interrupting Kunikida's train of thought.

Kunikida looked up to see that Chuuya had finally arrived. "Oh hey, Chuuya. I wish I could say it was..."

"Hey. Sorry I'm late, Dazai decided to stop by the Mafia's headquarters and annoy me, which then held up my arrival. Gosh, I hate that mackerel so much," Chuuya replied as he took a seat.

Kunikida shook his head. "Classic Dazai. And don't worry about it, I have nowhere else to be."

"I know, right?" Chuuya agreed, rolling his eyes.

"I see he still annoys one person at least," Kunikida remarked.

Chuuya tilted his head, puzzled.

"I mean..." Kunikida began. Welp, he'd really just blurted that one out.

"What?" Chuuya asked.

The time had come for Kunikida to admit his problem. "I need some advice."

"On?" Chuuya prompted.

"Since yesterday, Dazai's been just as annoying as ever. And yet for some reason, I haven't felt as annoyed towards him as usual. And that's worrying me," Kunikida revealed.

In that moment, Chuuya's expression resembled that of the shocked Pikachu and he was temporarily rendered speechless.

"I know. It's shocking everyone else, too," Kunikida continued. Just as I thought, he's completely and utterly shocked.

"No freaking way, Kunikida. You of all people aren't mad at Dazai?! The last time this happened was when you had amnesia...wait. Maybe you have it again? I really hope you don't..." Chuuya wondered. His tone held a note of worry.

"Nah, I remember everything just fine. That's what makes this even more confusing," Kunikida replied.

"This. Is. The. Most. Shocking. Thing. I've. Ever. Heard," Chuuya declared.

"I know," Kunikida agreed.

"Actually, I take that back. I'd probably tie it with you looking forward to checkups," Chuuya reconsidered.

Kunikida felt all the blood drain from his face.

Chuuya took one look at him and began to freak out. "Kunikida, are you ok?! Was it something I said? I'm sorry, please don't die!"

After a minute, Kunikida calmed down a bit. "Sorry, I didn't mean to worry you. I'm not dying. It's just that Yosano kept trying to give me a checkup earlier and I guess I'm still terrified from that whole ordeal."

"Oh yikes," Chuuya commented.

"I mean, I get that she's worried and all and I appreciate her concern, I really do, but do I really need a checkup?" Kunikida asked.

"Personally, I don't think so. You seem pretty healthy, just confused as you mentioned," Chuuya replied.

"That's what I'm saying!" Kunikida agreed. "I don't need a checkup, but she just won't leave me alone."

"Well if she keeps doing that, remind me not to head over there. Not that I want to after yesterday..." Chuuya said.

"Is it cause Dazai kept calling you a monster?" Kunikida asked.

Chuuya hesitated but then he nodded, almost as if he was ashamed to admit it.

"Sorry he did that. If it's any consolation, I don't think you are," Kunikida admitted, feeling bad for his friend.

Chuuya smiled a bit. "Thanks..."

"Anytime," Kunikida replied. "And I did tell Dazai not to call you that anymore, but sadly I doubt he'll listen."

"Probably not," Chuuya agreed. "So, back to you. Do you still need advice?"

"Yeah, it might help me figure out what the heck is wrong with me."

"So...Dazai's been super annoying as usual, and you haven't been as mad at him as you normally would be..." Chuuya thought aloud.

"Yep," Kunikida confirmed.

Chuuya thought about it some more. This is really shocking. There are very few things more surprising, and those would be Kunikida looking forward to checkups and me not being mad at the waste of bandages. What could this mean...?

Kunikida watched Chuuya continue to ponder the problem.

Maybe Kunikida...likes Dazai? If that is the case, then I'm sorry to say he has bad taste, but nothing I can do about it. Wait no! I can't insult my friend's taste, that's just tasteless for lack of a better word. Anyways, I'll bring it up to him, Chuuya decided.

Kunikida just kept watching his friend, waiting for any sign that maybe he'd thought of something.

"Aha!" Chuuya exclaimed after a few more minutes.

"What?" Kunikida asked, taking a sip of his drink.

"Maybe you like Dazai," Chuuya suggested, shrugging.

Kunikida spit out his drink and it accidentally landed all over Chuuya. What'd he just say?!

"Jeez, dude! Warn me when you're gonna do that!" Chuuya scolded, drying himself off.

"Sorry," Kunikida apologized, still flustered over what Chuuya had suggested.

"It was just an idea, I could be completely wrong. But doesn't it make sense? You're always mad at Dazai, but then suddenly something changed. What else could that mean?" Chuuya continued.

Kunikida had no idea why that suggestion made him feel that way again. "That's absolutely not the case! Nope! Never! Not at all!" At this point, he was trying to convince himself of that just as much as Chuuya, maybe more.

"Your very insistent denial isn't helping your case, buddy. Just saying," Chuuya pointed out.

"But it's true! How could that possibly be it?" Kunikida protested.

"As I said, maybe I'm wrong. It was just a suggestion," Chuuya repeated.

Kunikida turned beet red and laid his head on the table. Someone please just kill me now before I die of embarrassment...wait no! Great, now I sound like Dazai. Ugh, this makes everything so much worse. Maybe he has more of an influence on me than I'd like to admit...

Poor Kunikida, he's got it bad, Chuuya thought, and he considered saying it out loud, but he figured that wouldn't help things at the moment.

After a good 10-ish minutes, Kunikida finally looked up again. "Just how long have you thought that?"

"Awhile, actually," Chuuya admitted.

"No wonder you keep telling Dazai and me to get a room," Kunikida commented. He didn't know if he'd ever live this down.

Chuuya shrugged. "Those remarks are equal parts serious and sarcastic, honestly. I mostly make them to annoy Dazai cause he deserves it after all those times he's called me short and insulted my fashion taste. But there is some truth to them, too. You guys are like a married couple."

"Chuuya!" Kunikida exclaimed. At this point, he may as well have been a human tomato.

Chuuya tried not to laugh at Kunikida's expression. Sorry, Kunikida. It's just funny to see your reactions. Oh no, is the mackerel having an influence on me?! Great, just great. I'd better stop teasing Kunikida before he starts to think the same thing...

"Chuuya Fashionista Nakahara, you absolute scoundrel...are you trying to make me die of embarrassment?" Kunikida demanded, faceplanting on the table again.

"Nah, of course not. I would never do that to you. I was just trying to lighten the mood cause you look really tense and need to learn to relax a bit. And as I've already said, maybe I'm completely wrong, and my intent wasn't to embarrass you in any way, I was just trying to offer advice," Chuuya explained. He started laughing at the middle name Kunikida had just dubbed him with.

"I'm not embarrassed!" Kunikida argued.

(A/N: you sure about that, beloved idealist/ex-math teacher? 👀)

Chuuya raised his eyebrows. "Dude, you literally just asked if I was trying to make you die of embarrassment and now you're claiming you're not embarrassed?"

"Fine, maybe I am..." Kunikida admitted, looking up.

"Sorry, dude," Chuuya apologized.

"It's fine, I just didn't expect you to think that," Kunikida assured him.

"And I didn't expect to come to that conclusion," Chuuya replied.

"Well, you sure did come to it," Kunikida pointed out.

"That I did. But I might have some more advice to offer," Chuuya said.

"I'm listening," Kunikida responded.

Chuuya nodded. "I could be wrong with that assumption that caused you to do a spit take. I don't know, maybe you've just subconsciously decided that being constantly angry at Dazai isn't worth the amount of your time and energy that it consumes...wow, I sound like a total hypocrite saying that."

Kunikida laughed. "Maybe just a little."

"Hey man, you didn't have to agree with me," Chuuya joked.

"Apologies, my friend. But it had to be done," Kunikida replied jestingly.

Chuuya laughed. "Ok, fair enough, I guess. But in all seriousness, Kunikida, it's not at all a bad thing if you're becoming less mad at Dazai. I know you may see it that way, but it really isn't."

How did he know I was seeing it as a bad thing? Can he see right through me? Kunikida wondered.

"This may be easier said than done, but try to take it one day at a time and not worry too much. If you end up being mad at Dazai again after awhile, understandable. But if you don't, that's ok too. Either way, I hope it all works out for you," Chuuya continued.

Kunikida smiled. "Thanks, Chuuya."

Chuuya smiled back and gave a thumbs-up. "Anytime, dude. Glad I could help."

"Oh believe me, you really did," Kunikida replied.

"Well I am pretty good at advice, if I do say so myself," Chuuya announced.

"You are!" Kunikida agreed.

"Why thank you," said Chuuya.

"You are very welcome," Kunikida responded.

"Welp, I should probably get going. See ya whenever. Probably pretty soon given how often we find ourselves needing to vent about how annoying Dazai is. That or if you need to talk to me about your confusion," Chuuya said, waving and starting to walk off.

"Bye," Kunikida replied, also heading out.

As Kunikida headed home, he thought about Chuuya's words, specifically the claim that he might like Dazai. Could Chuuya have been right? Do I like Dazai? Nonsense, that couldn't be it. Plus, I've only ever seen him flirt with every girl he sees, only to ask them to die with him. Which would probably explain why he can't find a partner. Either way, that definitely could NOT be it. Nope. No way. Not at all. I definitely don't like Dazai, no matter what anyone says. Ugh. Chuuya's advice really did help, but I'm still so confused about everything. Hopefully this won't last forever, and things will start to make sense again, but I suppose one can only hope...