fourteen

"Will you be okay?"

"I'll try my best."

"What happened to Hange's group?" Levi asked, trying to hide his worry as he asked the Commander. 

"I don't know," Erwin replied. "But the majority of them were caught in an explosion."

"Tsk," Levi huffed, trying to activate his gear, ready to make his way in search of his beloved. 

"Levi," Erwin stopped him, a hand held at Levi's forearm. "You're needed here." 

"I can't just leave my-"

"That's an order," Erwin insisted.

Levi had no choice but to obey. And so he kept on fighting. Until the very end. 

Until Levi had to watch as his Commander charged hundreds of soldiers into a charge towards the Beast Titan. Until he had to watch Erwin absolutely obliterated by the boulders sent by the monster. 

Until he had sliced off too many napes of Pure Titans to get to the Beast. Until he had sliced off the body of the Beast, way too close to killing the man residing within the Beast's nape. 

He had to wait until the very end of the mission to finally find you. Levi was ready to search the wrecked district for you but he was needed on the rooftop. 

"Captain! The syringe!" Eren shouted with worry, tears flooding him upon seeing his best friend on the verge of death. "We'll turn him into a Titan and have him eat Bertholdt!" 

"Yes," Levi weakly answered, taking out the case. 

But he was selfish. 

He didn't want to just give it yet. 

What if you were wounded and on the verge of death as well? 

What if you needed it? 

Levi wanted to be sure that you were okay before letting go of the one thing that could bring you back to him. 

And he knew just how wrong that was of him. 

But he found it hard to find care when all he could do was think of you. 

Levi Ackerman was a selfish man. 

But Levi knew he had to give it away. He knew you would agree, too. 

"Captain Levi!" Someone's voice called for his attention. "I finally found you," Floch grunted as he climbed up the roof. "Commander Erwin is badly wounded. His stomach is gouged and his organs are demolished."

Once again, Levi Ackerman was a selfish man. 

Even if reviving the Commander would bring future victory to humanity, Levi didn't want to let go of the serum. 

Because Levi Ackerman was a selfish man. 

But he knew he had to. 

Only now, he didn't know to whom the serum should be given. 

And his selfishness brought doubt. 

Amidst his moment of doubt, Mikasa had tried to attack him. And he might have gotten caught in Mikasa's attack had Hange not stopped the wailing girl. Upon seeing Hange, Levi's eyes widened, awaiting your appearance. He quickly glanced around, lacking your figure in his troubled vision. 

"Hange?" He asked with wide eyes of horror. 

The scientist didn't have to hear anything else to know what Levi wished to hear. He wanted, no-He needed Hange to say that you were alive. He needed Hange to say that you were okay. 

But Hange couldn't do that. 

All they could do was look down sadly, the answer clear on their face. 

"I'm sorry," Hange weakly apologized, not having enough courage to face Levi. 

And just like that, Levi had trouble focusing on the current situation. 

What did it matter if he had the serum if he couldn't even save the love of his life? 

What good was he alive if you weren't?

⤱

"Please always be mine."

"I'll always be yours."

"What happened?" Levi had his fists clenched by his sides, his voice shaking as he tried to suppress his tears. 

"Levi," Hange looked down, ashamed to look him in the eye. "It was my fault," they gulped. "She managed to get away but she came back to save me," they cried. "I'm sorry-"

"Did she say anything?" Levi asked calmly. 

"Yeah," Hange nodded. 

⥀

"Just do something else for me, will ya?" 

"Anything," Hange nodded, leaning down to hear you. 

"My room," you coughed out. "Under my pillow," you inhaled sharply. "Tell him to look there after everything's settled, yeah?" 

"Okay," Hange sobbed, nodding with an assuring smile. 

⥀

"I see," Levi nodded. "It's not your fault," he comforted, a hand placed on Hange's shoulder. 

Hange could only nod, letting Levi walk past them towards his door. He walked down the halls, turning corners and corners until he reached the wooden door that was your room. 

He wanted to knock. But what good would that do? 

He sighed, turning the doorknob before he swung the door open. He walked in, closing the door and locking it. 

Just looking at your unmade bed brought a sad smile onto his face. He knew there was no point to it but he couldn't help himself. 

He approached the bed, making your bed and giving neat hospital corners to it. He sat down on the smooth fabric, his eyes staring at your pillow. 

That's where he was supposed to look, right? 

He had no idea what you had left him. But whatever it was, could he handle it? 

He could barely handle hearing the news of your death, let alone having to face it. 

Having to face living a life without you, could he do it? 

He had to. 

For you. 

Slowly, he stretched out his arm. The tip of his fingers felt the soft fabric of your sheets, his calloused fingers gripping the underside of the pillow before he gently placed it aside. 

Tears pricked the corners of his eyes as he saw the square folded paper with his name written on it. Written in your handwriting. 

Your beautifully messy handwriting. 

A total contrast to Levi's neat style. 

He picked it up, his fingers gracing over his written name on the letter. Slowly, he opened it, the insides of his heart trying to brace himself for what was to come. 

He unfolded it, eyes scanning your handwriting for a sense of reality. And a sense of reality, he received. 

Your handwriting was easily recognizable to Levi just as your touch was. His eyes found a place at the top corner of it. 

My dearest Levi,

If you're reading this, it must mean I'm gone. Guess we're both bad at keeping ᴘʀᴏᴍɪꜱᴇꜱ, huh? 

My pride prevented me from telling you the truth so I'm writing this letter so you know how I feel. And how I've always felt. 

That day when you came to the Underground, I wanted to hate you so much. I wanted to have you suffer just as I had in those years of loneliness after you had left me. So I tried my best to make that happen. 

Only I couldn't find it in myself to properly hate you. 

I wonder why. 

But I suppose it's because I love you. 

I love you more than anyone and anything, Levi Ackerman. 

You have a nice last name, Levi. After learning that from Hange, I couldn't help but hear myself say these words; Y/N Ackerman. 

What do you think, love? Sounds nice, doesn't it? 

Maybe if you add 'My' in front of it, it'd sound better. 

How I wish I could hear you say that...

But I suppose it's just not meant to be. 

But even so, I'll see you again one day. I'll love you, still. 

In any life, I will always love you, my Levi.

And I forgive you. 

I forgive you for everything. 

I know I told you I hate you and how I wish you left me that day we first met. But those were lies. There's no one I'd rather have to save me in that dark alley than you. Because I can't imagine ever loving anyone else but you, Levi. And even in death, I will always love you. 

And I'm aware of the history of our failed ᴘʀᴏᴍɪꜱᴇꜱ, but ᴘʀᴏᴍɪꜱᴇ me this, Levi. 

ᴘʀᴏᴍɪꜱᴇ me you'll always love me? 

Before I end this letter, I just have one last request. Please let me die with the ring on my hand. I don't want to ever be separated from you, even in Death. And keep your ring. Even if you find someone in the future, keep the ring as a reminder. 

I'm aware of just how selfish this sounds but it turns out, Levi, I'm a selfish woman. 

I want you. 

I always have and I always will. 

Because I'll always love you. 

ᴘʀᴏᴍɪꜱᴇ me you'll always love me? 

Always yours, 

Y/N Ackerman. 

"My Y/N Ackerman," he whispered, tears staining the words as he read the letter. 

He folded it back neatly, slipping the piece of parchment inside the pocket of his shirt. He crawled further onto your bed until his back was against the wall. 

Taking your pillow, Levi placed his face onto it, muffling the sounds of his frustrated tears. Even the pillow had a faint smell of you, the lingering scent bringing back just how much he truly adored you. 

Everything about you. 

He adored your beauty, from the inside and out. 

He adored just how beautiful you looked under the dim light of the shared bedroom of the house in the Underground when he'd have his arm around your waist to keep your body flushed against his while his other palm intertwined his fingers with yours. 

And under the candle-lit room, you two would dance in silence, only appreciating the comfort and company of one another. 

Now with whom shall he dance again? 

Now with whom shall he love again?

Only you had the power to succumb him to his emotions. 

Now that he lost you, could he ever feel again? 

But if you had asked for him to ᴘʀᴏᴍɪꜱᴇ to love you, always and forever, then-

"I ᴘʀᴏᴍɪꜱᴇ." 

And that was a ᴘʀᴏᴍɪꜱᴇ he knew he could keep until the very end. 

The one and only ᴘʀᴏᴍɪꜱᴇ he could keep until the very end. 

Because no matter what life he's living, he will always love you. 

﹂THE END﹁