thirteen

"You know how much I love you, right?"

"Yes, I do."

⥀

Your eyes scanned the words printed on the paper of the book that rested in front of you. You remembered stealing that book just a few days ago. Only at 8 years old, stealing was something you were already good at. It was something you learned from Levi, something that was a necessity in the Underground City you lived in. 

And it was only about eight years since Levi had saved you from that man in that dark alley. And ever since then, you never once left Levi's side. And the book that you were reading, it was telling you something. Something you never really knew until you read it.

Love. 

What was love? 

The book was conveying the feelings of love. 

And you found yourself understanding such feelings. Only your feelings were specifically meant towards Levi. The one and only person in your life. Levi. 

"My Levi," you had muttered to yourself. 

Your back was now laid against the flat ground surface of the rooftop. Your eyes were gazing at the dark ceiling of the City. There was a slight wind, something quite rare within the confining humidity of this trash hole. 

The loose strands of your hair were moving along with the breeze. Your heart did a warm flutter, a sense of peace flooding you as you said those words. As you claimed for Levi to be yours. 

"My Levi," you repeated, liking just how the words sounded. 

Perfect, if perfection was a thing. 

"Since when did I become yours?" His low voice questioned, startling you yet comforting you all at once. 

You tore your gaze away from the blank darkness. You craned your head to see Levi raising a questioning brow, interest piquing behind those grey steel eyes. He didn't seem mad or disgusted, or anything like that. He only looked intrigued. You watched as he walked towards you, taking a seat next to your lying body before lowering into a lying position by your side. 

"Are you gonna answer or are you going to just stare at me the whole time?" He plainly asked. 

"Can you call me yours?" You blankly requested, slightly taking him in shock with such a request. 

But he didn't oppose it. Only heed it. 

"My Y/N," he said in a low voice. "My Y/N," he repeated, finding himself liking just how beautiful it sounded. 

"It sounds nice," you hummed softly, watching as he sat. 

"Yeah," he nodded, the gears in his mind turning. 

"I think it's nice when I called you mine just now, too," you added quietly. 

"Yeah, it is," he mumbled, turning to you. 

Hovering over you, he brought a hand up to your cheek. His eyes were staring straight into yours. And though you've always found those grey orbs intimidating, you couldn't even force yourself to look away. 

You didn't even want to. 

"You have really pretty eyes," you whispered, studying the features of the boy over you. 

"So do you," he replied, lowering his head. 

You should feel scared. 

The last time someone was ever this close to you was probably the man who tried to violate you. And you thought you should feel scared of ever having to go through that again. But this wasn't the same case, was it? 

You wanted Levi to lean closer and closer until the gap between you two was non-existent. You wanted Levi to love you. Like the love you were feeling for him. 

"I love you," you whispered, closing your eyes as you felt his warmth nearing you. 

"I love you, too," he said before pressing his lips against yours. 

⥀

Is this what they meant by having your life flash before your eyes? 

Is this what you have to endure until Death came knocking on your door? 

If so, then maybe Death isn't too bad. 

Except-

"I hate you!"

"As long as I never see your face again, I don't care!"

"I never want to be near you ever again!" 

Now you weren't sure whether you were ready to die or not. 

Why did you have to say those things? 

Why did you have to be so harsh? 

Could you take back all the words you said? 

If you could, you would. 

You would take it all back.

Turn back time, see Levi again, kiss him again, and tell him how you feel again. 

Turn back time, to tell him just how much you loved him. 

And just how much you kept loving him even when you wanted to hate him. 

⥀

"C'mon Levi, just relax," you whispered, tightening the gear around his body. "Don't move," you whispered in a low voice next to his ear as your arms wrapped around his stomach to attach the front part of it. 

"I can put it on my own," he huffed, looking away as though bitter but you didn't fail to notice the blush appearing on his cheeks. 

"But isn't it more fun to have me doing this for you?" You asked, a slightly teasing tone with suggestion lacing your voice. 

"Whatever," he scoffed, trying to hide his blush, causing you to giggle. 

"Ugh, you guys need to stop," Furlan shuddered in disgust. 

"Don't act like you're not just jealous, Church," you scoffed, causing the boy to roll his eyes. 

"Trust me, I'd rather die than have to witness this anymore," he gagged. 

"Shut up, don't be mean to Bro and Sis!" Isabel came up, harshly hitting Furlan's arm. "They're sweet!"

"Thank you, my Isabel," you dramatically sighed, pulling her into a hug before you messily ruffled her brown locks. 

"Ugh, whatever," Furlan shook his head, walking outside. "We'll wait for you outside," he informed. "Come on, idiot," he called Isabel who stuck out her tongue before heeding his call. 

Once the two had gone to wait outside, you turned to look at Levi. Your heart was beating fast in nerves that haunted you. Your hand was tightly held in his, your eyes intently gazing at him. 

"Please be careful, okay? I know the plan requires you to-"

"It'll work," he interrupted in an attempt to assure you. "Your plans always work, darling," he softly said, placing a small kiss on your lips. "I need you to be careful-"

"I know how to stay hidden, Levi," you let out a small scoff, your lips tainted in a smile. "I just," you paused, sighing sharply. "I don't know how long you'll be gone and I've never been apart from you for that long."

"I'll be back," he whispered, pulling you closer to him in a hug. "Even if I don't, you know I'll always love you," he muttered, pressing his lips against the side of your head. "I have the ring to prove it." 

"ᴘʀᴏᴍɪꜱᴇ me you'll always love me?" 

"I ᴘʀᴏᴍɪꜱᴇ."

⥀

"Y/N? Y/N? Y/N?" You heard a familiar voice calling for you.

Your head feels light, a total contrast to your eyelids that felt impossible to open. The lower part of your body felt numb, the flesh of your skin almost non-existent. But still, you slowly opened your eyes. 

You hissed in pain or at least you thought you did but you couldn't hear yourself in your ears. Steam flooded your vision, additionally blurred by what seemed like tears. Your body was hot in all the wrong ways. 

A warm liquid of red blood oozed out of your wounds though you can't see. You could only feel them. But at the same time, you couldn't feel anything anymore. Blinking a few times, you finally made out who the silhouette was. 

"H-H-Hange," you croaked out, a small cough taking place immediately after calling their name. 

"Shit, shit, shit, shit," they cursed, gently slithering their hand under your head. 

"Ha-nge," you coughed. "Y- eye," you stuttered, small pained whimpers escaping you. "Bl-ding," you panted, trying to form a coherent sentence. 

"Wait, just hold on, okay? I'll get you out of here-"

"S-op," you croaked out, tears flowing onto your cheeks just as Hange cried. "G-out. D-nge-ous."

"Shh, save your strength," they cooed, crying silently. "I'll get you somewhere safe then I'll take you to Levi, okay? He can use the serum-"

"N-No," you coughed, blood spluttered out onto your chest. 

All the pain was beginning to creep onto you. Your eyes clenched shut as you tried to find a way to relieve yourself of the pain. Your throat had cleared slightly from the clot of blood that you let out earlier. But everything else only seemed to grow more painful. 

"Please, just go," you cried, tears staining your bloodied face. "I'll be fine, okay? Just go," you mumbled in breathless sobs. "Finish the mission, okay? They need you."

"Stop talking- I- Just- Let me get you to Lev-"

"Don't," you stopped them, slowly bringing your hand upwards. 

You groaned loudly as you tried to bring your hand from under the piece of house that had wrecked your lower body. It was a failure but regardless, you needed a way to make Hange go. 

"Please, Hange," you begged, voice straining in pain. "I need you to go," you hiccuped, watching with guilt at the tears Hange was letting out. 

"I can't leave you here," they shook their head, sobbing quietly. 

"You have to," you tried to smile only it just added to your pain. "Just do something else for me, will ya?" You asked, trying to brighten up your voice. 

"Anything," they sniffled, leaning down to hear you. 

Your lips parted in a whisper, letting them know your final request. Hange nodded, pulling away from you though their eyes were filled with tears. They held your hand, the one that was laid helpless and unweighted by the fallen houses. 

"Please do that for me," you mumbled, feeling yourself seeping further away from consciousness. 

"I will," they nodded, gently tightening their hold on your hand. "I'll stay here with you."

"No, please, don't-"

"If you want me to let you die, then at least let me stay here with you until the end," they insisted. 

Trying to find a way to fight her intent, you could only let out a laugh. It was sincere, genuine, something Hange was glad to hear before having lost you completely. Despite the wounded bloodied face you wore, your smile was still bright as you laughed. 

"Guess there's not much I can do about that," you laughed, mustering up a smile. 

"Yeah, exactly," they grinned weakly. 

"Thank you, Hange," you smiled, feeling comfort within your last moments. 

You closed your eyes, the last sight your vision caught was the view of Hange's saddened smile. You let yourself rest, your eyes closed, your vision turning black. 

The pain had resided now. 

You could feel your lips turning up in a small smile. 

'I'll see you again, Levi.'