eight

"She said that trust doesn't come naturally for her."

"Moblit will overlook your training today," Hange informed you, giving you a quick pat on the shoulder. 

"As long as it's not Levi, I'm fine with anyone," you replied dimly. "That night was a nightmare," you added before pursing your lips. 

That night refers to the night when Levi had you beat him just so you could let your feelings out. That night refers to the night when you actually did do that. That night refers to the night you had broken down right in front of him as you told him how you truly felt. That night that ended with you going to your room without your supper because you were still in tears. 

Well, you did get your supper because Levi visited your room with a tray of food that he left outside your door because he knew you might not want to see him. And you really didn't. Because that night was a night lacking sleep since your mind was kept awake by the repeating words that Levi had uttered. 

"This time, I'm keeping that ᴘʀᴏᴍɪꜱᴇ, my love."

That night that had passed a week. 

And since then, you couldn't look him in the eyes. You could barely stand in the same room with him. But you tried to hide it. You sucked it up and just went on with whatever was necessary. 

So in truth, Levi's plan failed. 

He thought that if you let your true feelings out to him, your relationship with him might improve. But that was not to be, so it seems. 

"But just out of curiosity and the kindness of my heart," you said, causing Hange to let out a small entertained scoff. "Where are you going?" 

"I'm following Levi and his squad to meet someone who might have an answer for us," they replied. 

"To what question?" You frowned, noticing how serious they sounded. 

"We're not sure, exactly," they sighed, rubbing their temples. "But Eren remembered something and hopefully, this will get us closer to victory, one way or another." 

"Good luck," you smiled, earning a grateful nod from Hange. "I'll get going, then. I'm sure Moblit is waiting for me at the training ground already." 

"Actually, I need you to go get Levi," Hange suddenly spoke. 

"Huh?" You gaped, expression absolutely frozen. 

"Yeah, he's been stress-cleaning so much lately, I'm worried," Hange sighed. "I need you to tell him to pull his shit together so he's in the right mindset for today."

"Right," you nodded hesitantly. "And you think having his ex-girlfriend talk to him will help?" You let out a disbelief scoff. 

"But he listens to you, right?" Hange replied with a slight smirk. 

"You're just scared of him, aren't you?" You tilted your head while looking at them. 

"Yes, I very much am," they pursed their lips while nodding. "Plus, it's an order," they shrugged casually. 

"You're abusing your power as my superior," you said. "I could report you for that."

"But you wouldn't," they grinned widely. 

"Yeah?" You quirked a brow, a teasing grin plastering your lips. "How are you so sure?" 

"Because if I'm gone, you'd be stuck with Levi," they wiggled their eyebrows playfully. 

"Good point," you nodded, letting out a small scoff while your lips were still in a grin. "Right then, guess I shall go fulfill my duty for my oh-so-great superior," you giggled, waving goodbye to Hange as you walked out. 

"Play nice!" Hange shouted from inside their office. 

You sighed, resting your back against Hange's closed door. 

'Ah, why am I stuck doing this shit?' You thought. 

Shaking your head, you pushed your body off the door, your footsteps walking against the corridors. Making turns and corners, you made your way through the familiar pathway until you stopped in front of the wooden door that belonged to Levi's office. 

You took a deep breath as you closed your eyes, lifting your fist to knock against the wooden door. You didn't hear the door opening and since you had your eyes closed, you didn't see it opening either. Your fist was leaning forward, your mind slightly confused as to why you still hadn't reached the door. 

Until you felt skin grabbing your wrist gently. The touch instantaneously familiar to you, causing your shut eyes to open wide. Your view was met with an expressionless Levi, holding your wrist that was way too close to his head. Your eyes slightly widened in shock, panic flourishing you. 

"Were you trying to punch me again?" He raised a brow, voice low as usual. 

"N-No, I was just-"

"What do you need?" He softly asked, slowly lowering your hand without letting go of his hold. 

"Uh, Hange asked me-"

Your words were cut off when Levi turned around and pulled you by the hand into his office. He closed his door, still not letting go of your hand. You weren't sure what's he doing but your eyes were pretty much just stuck to where you and he were connected. You should pull your hand away from him. You should, right? 

'Yeah, I should definitely do that,' you thought. 

"What do you need?" He asked again, sitting on his chair. 

You had to blink a few times to realize that he had let go of your hand. And you were now standing by his desk across for him. He motioned for you to sit down and so you did. But what the hell got you so nervous and awkward? Was it him? 

'Of course not. It's just Levi,' your mind answered. 

"Hange told me that you'll be out today," you began, your fingers fumbling on your lap. 

You nervously watched as Levi eyed you. Slowly, he leaned forward, eyebrows quirked up. "Why are you nervous, Cadet?" 

"I-I'm not," you let out in a defensive tone, your fingers stopping their restless movements. 

"Sure," he nodded, leaning back against his chair. "You were saying?"

"I heard you've been stress-cleaning," you exhaled sharply. "Are you okay?" 

Levi's demeanor softened as he said, "I'm fine. Thank you for asking."

"Hange told me to," you lied. 

"Right," he nodded slowly. "I'll be sure to tell them my thanks. Is there anything else?" 

'Now's your time, Y/N,' you thought to yourself. 'Leave now.'

"Are you troubled by the upcoming mission?" You asked, contradicting your mind. 

"Yes, you could say that," he shrugged lightly. 

But you knew he was lying. Or at least, wasn't entirely truthful. 

'No, stop. Don't say anything else. Just get out,' your mind was screaming and begging for you to go. 

"I know you long enough to know that's not just it, Levi," you sighed, once again betraying your mind. "So what's really bothering you?" 

Levi wasn't sure whether or not he should answer. He didn't want to but he knew he can't really control himself when it comes to you. There's just something about you that makes him go crazy. Something about you that makes him wanna be who he really is. Something about you that makes him want to cry all his feelings out, unburden himself. 

"Do you still trust me?" He suddenly asked, taking you by surprise. 

What a question it was. 

You used to only trust him. You would let yourself walk in blind darkness if Levi was there to guide you. You would let yourself enter any trap if Levi was there to save you. You would sell your soul if Levi was the one you're selling it to. 

But that was before he left you. 

But did him leaving break the trust you had in him? 

You weren't sure. 

Would you still detach your soul from your body if Levi was the one to keep your body? Would you still give Levi a knife that could easily stab you to death? Would you still speak aloud your secrets if Levi was the ear that was tending to your words? 

"Yes," you answered firmly, weirdly sure of it. 

"Even after everything?" He questioned, grey eyes studying you carefully. 

"There's no one I trust more than the man who saved my life," you replied lowly, your finger toying with your ring. 

"I'm also the man who ruined your life," he added. 

"You're right," you exhaled, standing up from the chair. "But if it wasn't for you, I'd be dead. And sometimes I thought that that would be better, but that's not the point," you said. "You saved my life. After that, you kept saving more and more people. It's stupid not to trust someone who would throw themselves off to save someone else." 

"Thank you," he grimly replied. 

"Were you worried that people will lose trust in you if the upcoming mission fails or ends with lost lives?" You asked, softening your demeanor as you stayed standing. Noticing how silent he was, you knew it was certainly bothering him. "Haven't you been doing this for a longer time than me?" You let out a small chuckle. "It's war, lives will be lost."

"What if it was your life lost during battle?" He stood up, voice slightly raised and trembling. 

"Levi-"

"What if I couldn't be there to save you again?" 

"I'm not the same damsel in distress you saved in that alley," you let out, tone slightly harsh. "And you should work on that savior complex of yours."

You turned, walking towards the door. You were ready to leave. But you felt Levi's hand stopping you as he held onto your wrist. You didn't even hear him walking toward you. But you didn't dare turn around.

"I meant every word I said that night," he whispered. 

You knew he was talking about that night. And you didn't know if you should say anything or not. You weren't even sure what to say to him. 

Should you have said thank you? 

Was that how you felt? 

Should you have told him to give up and let you be? 

Was that how you felt? 

So, pulling your hand away from him, you said, "Hange told me to tell you to get your shit together for today."