six

"He's temperamental, crude, and unsociable."

"How are you and Levi?" Hange asked, taking a sip of their tea as their eyes looked over the rim of the cup to you, brown pupils clearly invested in what you had to say. 

"I'm fine," you awkwardly answered, frowning as you looked at the scientist. "I don't know about Levi nor do I care enough to ask him about it."

Hearing that, Hange set down their teacup and sighed lodly, laying their head on their desk as their eyes looked at you. "You're being so harsh to him," they said. 

"He left me in the Underground for more than 8 years, I think what I'm doing is no way as harsh as that," you hummed, taking another sip of your tea. 

"He's trying so hard, though," Hange reasoned. 

Hearing your friend's words made you think back to the last two weeks since you had been brought up to the surface. You were made an official Scout about a week after that. As Hange said, it's true that Levi had been trying his best to talk to you, approach you, care for you. 

It wasn't just Hange who had pointed it out, though. One night, you were having dinner with Levi's squad members, the teens gossiping with you about how Levi treated you way too differently than he treats eeryone else. 

You had realized that during dinner, he'd sit next to you instead of across the table next to Hange. You had also realized that your clothes were usually already washed even though you hadn't had the time to wash them yourself. 

You had also realized that your bed was always given hospital corners, the details so precise and proper that none other than Levi could have succeded in such a task. And it was obvious that Levi had been trying to approach you, finding ways to get you in private because he wanted to talk to you. 

But it just so happens that avoiding someone was something you were really good at. Because you were now an official Scout, you couldn't just pull an insult and leave him in cold because he was your superior now. So excuses were things that often popped into your mind everytime you see him and he asks to see you. 

"Well, I guess he'll have to try harder," you shrugged, taking another sip of your tea. 

"Ah well, you'll be spending your night with him anyway," Hange yawned, stretching their arms. 

"What?!" You almost spit out your tea, your eyes wide as saucepan. 

"Eh? I didn't tell you?" They frowned. "He's going to overlook your training tonight since I have a meeting with Erwin to discuss about the Shiganshina mission." 

"Then why isn't he joining?" You asked. 

"Because he's training you," they replied casually. 

"Well, why can't Moblit train me?" You ushered again. 

"Because he's going to be with me at the meeting tonight since we're discussing the squad's placement," they explained. 

"If you're discussing about the squad, then shouldnt't all your squad members be there?" 

"No, we're only discussing. This isn't the final plan," Hange hummed. "Plus, Levi's the best at this," they shrugged nonchalantly. 

"I guess," you exhaled disappointedly, giving up trying to find a way to avoid the night. "But he's a shitty teacher," you added, causing Hange to look at you with curiousity. "Did you know I used to always get beaten up when we were kids because he was trying to teach me how to fight, Kenny the Ripper style," you huffed with annoyance, thinking back to the memories as your words had a slight gossipy tone.

"Eh? You knew Kenny, too?" 

"Yeah but not for long. About a few months after I met Levi and Kenny, he was gone. I don't know what happened to him, though," you pursed your lips. 

"Oh, he's dead," Hange blurted out. 

"Huh?" You gaped, unsure if you heard them correctly or not. 

"Yeah, Levi and his squad had to fight Kenny just a couple of weeks ago."

"Oh," you uttered, uncertain of what to say. 

"Shit, it's getting kinda late. You should go get yourself prepared for tonight," they giggled. 

"Oh, that's gonna take a long time," you replied with a giggle of your own. 

You finished the rest of your tea before thanking Hange for spending their time with you. You stood up, closing the door to their office once you stood outside. You made your way back to your room for a shower. 

Once done, you had a change of clothes, your body feeling fresher at the newly-washed clothes. You heard a knock as you were buttoning up your shirt, your lips allowing your visitor for entrance to your room. 

"Your dinner," Levi entered with a tray of food held in his hands. 

"I can get my own dinner, thanks," you mumbled, running a hand through your hair. "Plus, isn't it too early for dinnertime?" 

"You have night training," he replied, placing the tray on your table. 

"Well, thanks," you said, before adding a silent, "I guess." Which he definitely heard. 

"Did Hange inform you of tonight? I know that shitty four-eyes forgets things," he plainly spoke. 

"If you're referring to the living nightmare that is training with you, then yes," you sassed, a hand on your hip. "They told me." 

"Well then, I'll see you later," he said. "And fix your collar," he instructed, causing you to roll your eyes. 

"My collar's fine," you scoffed. 

Turning around, Levi eyed you. He approached you, his head shaking slightly for a second. Bringing his hands up to your neck, he tugged onto your collar harshly. The action brought your forward towards him slightly. Your face grew hot as your eyes maintained contact with his sharp ones. Your stomach churned with a familiar feeling, the sensation betraying your rational mind. 

"This isn't fine," he huffed roughly, voice deep and close. He fixed your collar, straightening out the fabric so the texture was smooth and neat.

Your eyes stared into his, the grey hues scattering his orbs reminding you of times when looking at them would just bring you an immediate sense of comfot. Much like what you're feeling at the moment despite the way you feel for him. 

The distance between the two of you could hardly be called distance. But there was still the gap. And the gap was slowly disappearing as well. Slowly disappearing as you felt the warmth from Levi's face lean closer to you. 

What was he doing? Your heart raced, your stomach growing with flying butterflies. You watched as his eyes, the same ones you had lived most of your life loving, flickering from your orbs to your lips. 

'No,' you thought, your mind slightly panicking. 'No, God no, please don't kiss me. I can't do this shit again,' your mind was restless. 'Levi, please, don't kiss me, I beg you,' you were thinking. 

You wanted to say those words. You wanted to push him off, report him or something. But he didn't do anything. Yet. 

You were scared. Not because he was trying to kiss you. But because you wanted him to kiss you. Your mind was in contemplation. Should you stop him? You should, shouldn't you? 

'That's the right thing to do,' you thought. 

But why couldn't you say it? Why couldn't you tell him to stop? Why couldn't you push him off? Why did you want to feel his lips against yours again. 

It's been too long since you felt his embrace. You wanted to feel his kiss again. You wanted to feel his body against yours, how synchronised you two always were. You wanted to feel that again. 

Was he still a good kisser? Would he still hold you just as lovingly as he used to? 

'Maybe I should just let him,' you sighed in the back of your head. 

"If you brought me my food all the way here, maybe you should probably let me eat," your voice croaked, your feet taking a step back away from him, stopping him just a small space away from your lips. 

'Thank fucking God,' you thought, ignoring how your heart felt twisted at the loss oppourtinuty to feel his lips against yours once more. 

"Right," he cleared his throat, taking a step away. "I'll see you tonight. Don't be late," he spoke, leaving you before you could say anything else. 

You let out a loud sigh, your body falling straight onto your chair. Your body felt weak, your heart racing because you wanted more than anything to turn back time. 

Turn back time so you didn't step away. Turn back time so you could feel Levi kiss you again. You shook your head, trying to free yourself from all the thoughts and emotions that were confusing you so you could focus on your food and get ready for your training that night. 

Levi, meanwhile, was extremely frustrated with himself. Internally, he was beating himself up for having lost his composure. He almost kissed you. He almost fucking kissed you. 

But he couldn't help himself. 

It was in the way you were looking at him in the fucking eyes. You've been avoiding him so much that he hasn't had a good look of yours and he fucking missed you. He's been missing you for 8 years. And now he got you back. 

But he didn't really have you, did he? 

You hated him. 

But even so, knowing you were there, was enough for him. Your presence, your warmth, they all reminded Levi of the feeling of home. It was a feeling he's been estranged with ever since he left you. 

Yes, he left you with reason to save you from being Titan food. But he's only realized recently how flawed that decision was. Not only did he doubt you on not being able to protect yourself, he also abandoned you when he knew just how much you two meant to each other. 

So with what he had done, did he really deserve the forgiveness that he so dearly seeks for? 

Was he deserving to be called your partner? 

Was he deserving of being able to be called your partner again?

Was he deserving of your love again? 

 Your touch? Your embrace? Your warmth? 

Even your mere presence, was he deserving to have you? 

There could only be one answer to all those questions that troubled him. Either yes or no. Only you could truly decide but Levi thought that logically, the answer should be no. 

No, he didn't deserve any of that. 

But Levi desired for the answer to be yes. 

Levi wanted, more than anything, for you to tell him yes. 

Yes, I forgive you. 

Yes, be my partner. 

Yes, feel my touch.

Yes, feel my embrace. 

Yes, love me again. 

Love me again just like how you used to love me. 

Although Levi never stopped loving you, he wanted to hear you say that.