chapter 34 | Apology

"You did what?"

"I...we are together...b—but she told me just yesterday that...she's pregnant..." my heart blows up in my chest, his eyes staring into mine but not exuding anything good. "I didn't know what to do, I immediately talked about abortion, but I think I hurt her...that's why she left...that's why she wasn't feeling good when you visited her..."

"What the hell are you talking about, Jungkook?" his voice tells me how bad this is, and I answer right away to not make him wait any longer. "I swear, dad, I didn't mean to hide this from you, but...I thought this was better to wait...I was scared of you and mom's reaction...Jungeun knows about it since the beginning, but I felt like you wouldn't understand and hate y/n or me..."

He huffs and straightens his back, getting his hands out of his pockets but bringing them to his face. He steps away, passing his fingers over his lips but moving towards the sofa. He grabs his phone. "Why did this happen? Is it even your baby?"

"Yes...but...we used protection when we did it...I don't know...she was scared to tell me and waited for two days..." I hold my hands together, these ones trembling like ever. "Does someone else know about this?"

"No...just my best friends...they know about the relationship..." I lose my breath out of fear, seeing him try to call someone. "She's not answering," he clenches his jaw, throwing his phone on the sofa. "How could she let this happen? You're her student!" he becomes upset like I expected him to be, but I try to remind him of the words he said. "Dad...you said that we can't control our feelings...she's twenty-two...she didn't do anything bad, and she always made sure I was comfortable with her, and okay with everything. I'm the one who went too far, I'm the one who kissed her, who asked for a hug...she told me she had to think about it because this can get us into trouble, and that she wouldn't want me to fail because of this relationship...I swear she does everything to protect me."

No more words come from him as he remembered what he told me and understood what it means. "Jungkook..." he brushes his hair back nervously. "She's you're teacher, I know she's a good woman, but she shouldn't have let this happen knowing the consequences."

"I know, but what if this had happened to you when you were twenty-two? What if one of your students of eighteen years old fell in love with you? That you caught feelings? If she kissed you first, hugged you first, and was there to comfort you when you sometimes were feeling down or not good enough? Wouldn't you have tried to keep it a secret even if this is wrong because it is unethical only...? What if it was mom...?"

He keeps his stare fixed on me, probably realizing that I'm right and that love can happen that way, even if other people believe this is not right. He does not answer me, he glances away, giving me the evidence that he would probably act the same way if he was in her shoes.

"I would...tell her to wait for me until she graduated..." he lets some words out to contradict me. "You're eighteen which means you should be done with school soon, you could have waited a little bit. I know this is easier to say than to do when you're in love with someone, but this can be dangerous for your grades and her job or even reputation."

"What's worth waiting for if we know I'm soon done with school? That we will keep it secret, and that I will work hard?" I try to make him understand the way I see this. He breathes out in an obvious manner and leans back on the table. "Because, Jungkook. This can have a lot of consequences if someone ever gets to know about it. You think you know your best friends, but something might happen between you all that would be the perfect excuse for them to snitch on you."

He's right, but I cannot believe that my best friends would do that to me.

"I'm not scolding you right now, Jungkook. Okay? But look at your grades, they're extremely good, but only in French. You failed the last tests in every subject which shows that you're too focused on her...And once again..." he lowers the tone of his voice, being kind with me even with the things he knows. "I'm not telling you that school guarantees a successful future, but I'd like you to just graduate, and then, you just choose the path you want to follow. Just graduating is all I wish for you because this is the most important."

"I know...I'm trying to work, dad...I study every time I come home," I tell him the truth even though I have to agree that my grades went downhill once I started to get her attention. "I know you do, but the problem is that you're too focused on her because you're in love, and you kinda leave your work aside, except for French."

"I'll try to do better for the next trimester..." I give him my word. "I just need to see her...I need to make it up..."

"We need to talk to her, I and your mother," he steps away, walking in circles out of anxiousness. Now she's still on the plane, so she can't answer us, but I will have to talk to her."

"No...I don't want you to say anything bad to her, dad..." I change his mind since I wouldn't want her to get to know I told him everything about us without warning her. "I won't tell her anything bad. You know it."

I exhale all my anxiousness out but get on the sofa. "We should wait before going out, your mom needs to know about this. Okay?" he cancels it, but I do not complain since I was not totally ready to have fun.

•••

5:40 pm.

I open my eyes at the sound of my phone ringing, the vibration of it on my mattress startling me. I grab it without any hopes, but my eyes catch sight of the name I've been wishing to read on my screen.

I hurry to open her text but feel my heart race.

< Jungkook, I'm sorry for leaving that way. I just need some time with my dad, I need to talk to him, I need his advice. I'm fine, don't be worried. If I didn't tell you, this is only because I was hurt, I'm sorry for reacting that way. I know you're not ready, I didn't want to put you in this situation, focus on your studies, I don't want this to be a problem for you. ]

Her answer is so cold, this is painful.

[ this is not a problem for me, I was dumb and didn't react the way I should have because I was scared. You don't have to apologize, I'm the one who should say sorry for hurting you. I should never have talked about abortion. I need to see you to talk about it, I had to tell my dad about it I hope you're not mad at me but I couldn't handle your departure...When are you coming back? >

< I guessed it, I saw a text from him. I'm not mad at you, I'm the one who caused this. I planned to stay here for two weeks. It's okay, Jungkook, really, I understand. We'll talk about it once I'm home ]

[ two weeks? Y/n...this is so long >

[ did you leave because you were hurt? Was it because of what I said? I swear I did not mean it >

< I kinda felt really hurt when I heard you mention the hospital without ever talking about it with me. I probably misunderstood because, to me, that just meant that you wouldn't be here for me or anything, that you wouldn't want this baby, and I was not upset because you're just 18 and you shouldn't have to deal with this, but yeah, that hurt pretty bad to hear it from you. I cannot abort, Jungkook, I would never think about doing this ]

[ I'm so sorry, you know how much I love you, I would never leave you alone. I'll be there for you, I promise, if you want to keep this baby, then I'll take care of it with you, I'll learn to be a good dad, and I'll work as hard as I can to graduate before the baby is born. I swear I won't let you handle that on your own, I want to be there for you and the baby because I know how hard it must be >

< We'll talk about it when I'm back. I love you ]

[ I love you more than anything❤ >

I exit the conversation once I see that she does not say anything anymore, and I wipe my tears away, relieved to know that she answered and will not ignore me.

At the sound of someone knocking on my door, I pull myself together but hear my mom pronounce my name. "You can come in," I sit up, and she enters the room. "Hey," she smiles at me, reassuring me with kindness after I feared that she would be angry with me.

She closes the door and comes closer. She sits right by my side as I'm trying to pretend that I was not crying just a minute ago, and she places her hand on my warm cheek. "Your dad told me, honey. I think we should talk about it. Is it okay with you?"

"Yes," my throat tightens, my eyes getting wet. I swallow to clear the way out and not break down. "I'm sorry for not telling you and hiding it from you and dad...I know this was bad, but I did not want her to get in trouble..."

"It's fine, we understand," she strokes my cheek with her thumb but moves her hand down. "And I know that you're worried about our reaction once we see her, but we will never judge her. All right? Either for the relationship she has with you, or the pregnancy, I'll never judge her," her words release a lot of tension in my body, the thoughts that were running through my head are now disappearing, to my biggest relief. "I should talk about something serious with you, I think this is a good time to do it."

"About what?" I clench my hand on the other one while staring at her and wondering what this could be. Her caring look does not leave me, she stays as calm as if we were having a simple discussion. "I never told you about the time when I was pregnant with you, right?"

"You never did..." I shake my head. "Well, when I was eighteen, the same age as you, and that I was still at school, I was a shy girl, I very studious one, and I never really had a relationship with a boy, but one day, I was invited to a party, and I told myself that maybe this would be a great opportunity to be more easy-going with people, to be more like the others and not so different. I wanted to fit the mold, as they say. So I went to that party, and I met some friends there, as well as the students that were always kinda apart but only because they were more popular, more outgoing. I didn't drink alcohol before that, but on that day, I wanted to...break the rules...if I can say, my friends were there, they pressured me, so I drank a little, but not even a glass so I was not drunk. However, after that, a popular guy approached me and my friends, and they started to talk about how they had the first time, but when I said that I did not have it yet, they made fun of me, they made me feel extremely ridiculous, and I felt like something was wrong with me since I was the only one that did not know about this stuff. That's during that talk that the popular guy talked to me, he told me that he could make this change...and...no matter what I always thought before this day, I did not refuse," her eyes drop down as if she was ashamed of herself, making me feel a pain in my chest.

I never had this type of talk with her, this feels weird but good. "As expected, we did not see each other again because school was over, but a few weeks later, I got to know that I was pregnant, I was terrified. At first, I thought about abortion right away, but I knew that this was impossible because this was illegal, and I was too young to leave the country, and my parents would never have allowed this. So...I kept my baby," she looks into my eyes, the reflection into them becoming more and more visible. "When my parents saw it because I couldn't hide it anymore, they threw me out of their house. It was more stress added to it, but I handled it because I wanted to be a good mother no matter what, I wanted to be mature, strong and show them and myself that I was not a kid anymore, and then, after all of this, you were born," she smiles at me, but some tears fill her eyes as she must have tried to hold them back, and I feel the same happen to me. "You have no idea how wonderful this day was, that was the best day of my life, and I knew right when I saw you that I would never regret what happened on that day. Those nine months were terribly difficult, but the end made me forget about all the pain and trouble, and I was the happiest woman on earth when I held you in my arms for the first time..." her tears roll down her face, but she wipes them away in a soft manner as all her words, that I would never have thought to hear, are making me emotional. "I just...I know the story is different since you both love each other, but I want you to know that we will never judge y/n for what happened, none of us will make her feel bad for getting pregnant," she reaches out for my face and erases the drops that went down my skin.

I nod to her but sniffle uncontrollably. "I'm just scared...I'm stressed out...but I want to be there for her no matter what because we're both in this, and I don't want her to feel like she's alone..." I express some of my feelings in a trembling voice, and she listens to me. "I know, honey. Everyone would feel stressed out and scared, I was too, but I'm so proud of you, hearing my son saying those words is what makes me the proudest and happiest. I know you love her, Jungeun told me how head over heels in love you are with her, so I knew you would not let her down. You have the right to be scared, but you just have to talk about it with her, even if you cannot be there all the time because you have your studies, she will understand, she will be happy to know that she can count on you and that someone is there for her, someone who loves her. Trust me, this is the most important for a woman in this type of situation, and I and your dad will be there to help her as well, do not worry about that."

"Thank you so much, mom..." I do not hide my feelings anymore, being way too affected by everything to even be shy about telling her that. "I love you...and I'm sorry...I didn't know you had to go through all that because of me..."

"No, my baby. This was not because of you, do not ever feel guilty for what happened," she shakes her head and brushes my hair back. "That was my decision, my choices, and I will never regret them because I'm happy with my life now. You are the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me. Okay?"

I smile but pass my sleeves over my cheeks, and she comes closer to hug me, and I do it back. I haven't hugged her for a while, to be more precise, it hasn't happened since I was a kid. "Give her some time. Okay? Everything is going to be fine, we're all here for you both."

"Yeah...I just..." I gaze down. "I want her to be with me...I always need her close to make sure she's okay, that she still loves me and is not mad at me..."

"She's not mad at you, honey. She still loves you," she pulls apart and cups my face full of tears. "If she didn't, she wouldn't have been hurt by your words. She wouldn't have done all of this to be with you. Trust me."

"Sure?" I ask for her opinion and reassurance, and she affirms. "Yes, sure."

"I love you, mom," I tell her what I should remind her of every day "I love you too, honey," she presses a comforting kiss on my forehead.

'YOUR P.O.V'

After reading Jungkook's last text, I sit down on my bed, leaving my luggage aside. I calm down and swallow to not tear up, and I dial Mister Jeon's number, feeling frightened.

The ringtone resounds for some long seconds, and he picks it up. "Hello?" his intimidating voice makes my eyes go down instantly, even though it's just a call. "Hello, Mister Jeon..I...I arrived at my house...so I call you as told."

"Oh, okay. You didn't have to hurry, you could have gotten comfortable, I'm sorry if that message sounded rude," he apologizes and sounds way more sweet than anticipated. I really thought he would get mad and hate me. "Oh...it's fine...you didn't sound rude at all."

"All right then. Uhm..." he clears his throat, leaving some silence. "I guess you know what I want to talk about, right?"

"I do," I confirm. "And I wanted to apologize for hiding it from you and causing Jungkook to do so. I just...I love him a lot, sincerely, but I know that this is wrong, and I might be a problem for his grades, but I could not act like I should have, I let my emotions take over me, Mister Jeon...I don't want—"

"Y/n," he interrupts me, but in a soft manner. "Calm down. It's all right. We're not mad, we're just worried for our son, my wife knows what it is, so she's just worried. We don't want you to feel like you've done something bad, we can see that Jungkook is in love with you, he's been crying since he got to know that you left the country and that he might have hurt you with his words, but let's just talk. What matters the most to us is that you truly love him."

"I love your son more than anything, Mister Jeon. He really makes me feel loved, he cares for me, and he's so sweet...I really couldn't control my feelings..." I do not keep those to myself since I have to show him how honest I am. "I understand, y/n, I just want to know why you left like that without telling him, I want the know the real reason."

"I was...I was really scared about telling him about the pregnancy, and when I told him and that he talked about not keeping the baby right away, this hurt me a lot, even though I understand why he reacted that way, that just seriously hurt me, and I...I don't know..." I try to make him understand the best way I can. "Okay, I can understand it. I just want you to know that Jungkook was raised well, but he doesn't know how to deal with this. He's still a bit immature sometimes, those thoughts were not what he would have on his mind if he was not chocked at that moment. My wife had a talk with him, he understood that this can be painful to hear those words and that you must have gotten disappointed to believe that you'd be alone to go through that pregnancy, but that won't happen. All right? You can count on Jungkook, and us when he has to study or something."

"Thank you so much, Mister Jeon..." I show him my gratitude, feeling like I mean more to them than I ever did to my own mother. "No need to, you are...you're our son's girlfriend, you're a part of our family now," a gentle smile can be heard through his words, and the same expression appears on my face. "Anyway, I think I should leave you alone now, you must be tired and still a bit affected by this. So, try to clear your mind and take some time, don't feel pressured by the events, enjoy your time with your family, okay?"

"Okay, thank you again, Mister Jeon, really," I cannot help but do it anew, feeling like this won't ever be enough. "No problem, we hope you'll enjoy this trip. Jungkook will be there as soon as you're back," he reminds me, and he ends the call.

I leave my phone and lock it to put it aside. Now I need to take some time and talk about it with my dad, I have to be honest with him.