chapter 33 | Reveal

< I think she's on the flight to France right now, she wanted to visit her dad, but she seemed to act weird. She wasn't all right, I could feel it. Why do you ask? ]

[ to France?! Wth are you talking about?! Why didn't you tell me about it yesterday?! >

< She did not want anyone to know ]

[ But she told you! >

< hey, why are you angry like that, Jungkook? ]

I heave a sigh but cannot hold my tears back. I burst into the room, not even behaving respectfully, I get to my desk to grab my bag, and I leave. While walking through the hallways at a fast pace to go back home, I dial y/n's number.

I cannot believe she did this, have I been hurtful when I talked to her? Was my reaction painful?

As soon as the ringtone resounds to tell me I cannot reach her out, I leave a message. "Y/n, please answer me or call me back. I really need to talk to you, I'm so sorry about yesterday," I sob but go down the stars. "I love you...I didn't mean what I said to you..." I end it and lock my phone, but someone yells my name in the background, so I turn around.

"Hey, wait," Dongsik hurries to get to my level, seeing me cry like a dumbass. "What's happening?"

"She left the country without telling me, I need to go home, Dongsik. I'll talk to you by text or call," I explain to him as quickly as I can and get out. I'm so scared that I can barely focus on one exact thought

Did I break her heart? Did I hurt her? Will she ever come back or at least answer me? I'm terrified.

40 minutes later...

I reach my neighborhood after walking all the way up here, but I rush towards y/n's house, despite what I know, I still knock on the door. I wipe my tears away to try to clear my sight from all the blurriness, and I get hold of my phone.

[ its my fault? What did I say wrong? I swear i just panicked and didn't know what to say >

[ I'm not feeling good without you and I'm scared >

[ you know I love you more than anything we never hide anything from each other why would you leave like that? >

I sob in front of her door but do not get any answers. I feel so lost, I do not know what to say, I cannot even talk about it to anyone, and that's the worst about it because I can't deal with it on my own, not when y/n is not here to help me.

I give up on trying and go back to my house. No one is here at this hour, so I'm going to have to wait until four p.m. to see my little brother and talk about it with him.

I step inside but throw my bag on the floor. I leave my shoes on the floor, my jacket on the back of the sofa, and move up to my bedroom while crying my eyes out. I burst into the room, and I drop myself on the bed, on my flat to bury my face in my pillow and let my heavy, emotional tears soak it.

I do not know what type of feeling is tearing me apart. Is it anger, which I do not have the right to feel? Pain because she left without telling me? Or fear because I don't have her near me anymore?

Probably all of those.

•••

4:20 pm.

"Jungkook!" the loud voice of my brother snatches me out of my dreams, startling me in a violent manner. "Bro! What the fuck is wrong with you?!" he shouts at me as if he was mad, holding his phone in one hand. "We were sick worried because I didn't know where you were! You did not even answer my texts! Why would you do that?!"

I stare at him, half asleep and dumbfounded. "Dad left his work earlier because he thought something bad happened to you!" his voice trembles, his eyes reflecting what I'm not used to seeing in them. "Fucking asshole," he bursts into tears right before my eyes, making me realize how serious this was.

I bite my lips but sit up on my bed. "I'm sorry...I...I went back home because I wasn't feeling good, but I forgot to warn you...I didn't expect to sleep for so long."

"I hate you!" he kicks me in the calf, probably not liking the fact that I got him to cry. I do not let him all alone in his sobs, my heart feeling weak, I stand up and take him in my arms to reassure him. "I'm sorry."

"Dad even told me to not say anything to mom because he was scared she could be in a panic," he snivels but steps back. "You're a damn dumbass, why did you leave without saying anything?" he looks up into my eyes. "Did you cry? Your ugly eyes are puffy!" he still expresses his madness through his care. He always does it that way, that's how I know he loves me. "Y/n...she left the country this morning without telling me. Dad knew about it, Mister Park too, but she hasn't told me..."

"What?" he wipes his cheeks and nose to remove the tears. "Why? What happened? I did not even know she left."

I shrug but break down again, not handling this subject at all. "She told me something yesterday when we came home..." my voice does not remain steady. "She told me she was pregnant...she was scared to tell me...she was acting weird since Monday, but...I messed up...I said some things I did not mean...I think I hurt her..."

"Wait..." he processes the news. He must not have expected this, I did not either, but this is for sure even more surprising to him. "She is pregnant because of you?"

I nod, but he gapes at me. "What did you tell her for her to leave like that?"

"I said that..." I lift my hand to fly it up in the air but drop it back down, I sit down on the bed and hide my shameful face. "I asked her when we should go to the clinic if we have the right to not keep it...I told her that I was not ready because I'm too young...but I noticed in her eyes the way that she landed my words wrong."

A heavy exhalation gets heard from him. This means nothing but that I indeed did something bad.

"I swear if I didn't talk thoughtlessly I would never have said those things, I did not mean to talk about abortion or make her feel like I won't be there for her and the baby if I have to, but I was shocked and couldn't think straight," I try to explain myself and look up at him. "She knows I love her...If she knows that, she knows I'll never leave her for such a reason, right? So why did she do that?"

"Jungkook..." he pulls his hair back and sits next to me. "I think she must have understood by that, that you won't go through the pregnancy with her or want the baby..." he confirms what I feared the most. "I know that's not what you meant, but those words must have hurt her like hell for her to leave and not tell you anything."

"I did not mean to..." I cry heavily now that I heard it from him. I knew he would say that, but I did not want to believe in it, I prayed for him to tell me something positive. He does not say anything, but the door downstairs warns us that our dad is back, so I dart my eyes up towards Jungeun's ones. "Don't tell him about this. Okay?"

He nods to me, still exuding some displease as he must not like to keep such a secret. "Stop crying, you know he's gonna get worried and suspect something," he advises me and heads outside, so I take this opportunity to dry my tears and calm down. I grab my phone to see if I received something, but nothing from her. After eight hours, she still hasn't answered, this never happened before.

"He's fine, he just came back home and did not text us," my little brother talk to my father in the hallway, but this one comes inside my room. I turn around to look at him and stand up, swallowing my emotions to keep control. "Jungkook, what the hell is wrong with you to not tell us about it? Do you want us to die from fright?!" he scolds me as expected, but I shake my head. "I didn't know I would sleep until now...I was planning on texting Jungeun...I'm sorry, dad..."

He exhales, sharply, resting his hands on his hips. He's breathing hard, he must have been very scared because of the stupid guy I am. "Do not do that again. We already told you to warn your little brother once you leave school earlier. Not hours later,  but when you get out of school. What happened? Uh? You were mad when you texted me about the departure of y/n this morning. Why were you?"

"I was not..." I lie to him. "I just...I thought she would at least let us know since she often talks to us..." I quieten my voice now that I face him. "I want you to be honest with me, Jungkook. Are you in love with her? Are you attached to her or something? I know you would never spend so much time with a teacher just because you want good marks, do not make me believe this because I know that is not the reason why you always ask for a private lesson with her. She even took you to an aquarium. A teacher does not do that with a random student."

I shrug, not knowing what to say since I have to keep it to myself, not only for me but for y/n. "I like her...that's all..."

"You have feelings for her, don't you?" he figures out, and I nod. I do not have to lie about this, even if he knows it, he can just think that it is one-sided love. He does not show any anger anymore but sighs, his eyes glancing out the window, he remains quiet as if he was cogitating.

This is so soundless that I risk falling back into my painful thoughts right in front of them. I attempt to hold my tears in but feel them fill my eyes that are staring down at the floor.

"Are you crying for that reason?" he breaks the heavy silence that was weighing on us to ask me, noticing how I feel inside. I nod to him, ashamed of my own feelings and lies.

"Listen...I understand you, okay? If I was you, at your age, I would probably have had a crush on her too, that is completely fine and normal for a boy of eighteen years old, who has a wonderful, caring, and young teacher like her. And I'm pretty sure that all those private lessons with her, this kind of date and time you had with her intensified those feelings," he understands everything without even getting any words from me, making me become ridiculous affected by them. "I'm not trying to hurt you, Jungkook, but you have to understand that she acts that way with you because you're her student, and she cares about her students a lot. She wants you to succeed and as you told me yesterday, she helps the ones who are rude to her as well, that's because she does her job well. I know that it might make some fall in love or catch feelings because they're young, a woman gives them a lot of attention, and they feel privileged or special, but you need to learn how to control those feelings. I know this is hard, I'm not telling you to get rid of them, but this will go away once you meet another girl. You barely have contacts with any because of school and friends who are only boys, so that is why you feel that way when you're with her."

"That's not just a crush..." I shake my head and make him get the truth. "I really...I love her..."

"Sweetheart," he breathes out. "Love is not so easy. Love is too strong for you to feel that for her. What you feel is a mix of gratitude, attachment, and infatuation, that seems extremely strong at the beginning, you believe this will never go away, but after some time, you realize this was trivial like the other girls you had a crush on."

I peek at Jungeun since he knows the truth, but he does not say anything. "I'll deal with it, dad...but that's just hard..." my voice faintly cracks. "I know it is...but I'm pretty sure that not being close to her for some time will help you a lot. That's usually how a crush just fades away, trust me. Do not forget that we're here if you want or need to talk."

"Yes..." I do not talk about anything more since I can't, but he stays with me. "Do you want to go out? Staying in your bedroom and torturing your mind with this won't help you. We can just go out...go to Burger King, or McDonald's, wherever you want."

"Yeah..." I do not refuse, seeing him struggle to find a way to remove the pain and distress from my head. "All right, let's take the time you need and go. Isn't there a place you'd like to go to?"

"Subway," I answer him, and he nods. "Okay, we'll go there. After that, we could pass by mom's workplace to pick her up and go to a theme park, what do you think?"

"I want to do that," I accept, not willing to affect them with my mood by staying home and not doing anything but cry. "Great, you can get ready, I'm waiting for you both downstairs," he smiles at me and steps back to leave the room, and he goes away.

My little brother looks at me but knows what is happening in my head.

I sniffle and wipe my tears away. "Do you think I should tell him the truth...?" I forget what to do, not knowing anymore. "I don't know...maybe. I think...I mean, y/n is gone anyway. This is a serious matter, you should probably let dad knows first, then mom will know as well. This is important, we're talking about a pregnancy right now, a baby, not just a relationship."

I exhale sharply but land on my bed, feeling anxious about revealing it to my parents when y/n must not want them to know. "What if they get mad at her...? I don't want them to put the blame on her..."

"They won't, you know how they are. Just explain everything clearly," he gives me his best advices. I should follow them, I have to. "If you were me..." I turn around to look at him in the eyes. "What would you do? Would you want her to keep the baby...? Wouldn't you be scared?"

"I would talk about it with her first so that we both make the decision together and give our opinion about it, but you know, no parent is ever ready for the first baby. No matter how old you are, if this is the first time, this is unknown, and we're never ready for it. However, I would probably want to keep the baby, despite what people might think, I'd never want to prevent them from living, but that's just my point of view, not yours," he states but acts more mature than I do as always. I'm not even surprised anymore, I know how grown up he is when something is serious. "Yeah...I shouldn't have reacted that way..."

"It's fine, you just panicked and made a mistake. You just need to solve this," he calms me down effortlessly, so I take a few seconds to prepare myself and breathe. I stand up, my body shaking, and my heart still pounding, I pass by my brother and walk down the stairs, but stop at the middle of it. "Can you...wait upstairs? Please," I ask him. He complies and goes to his bedroom, so I go down and look for my dad. He's standing in front of the console table, he smiles at me. "Are you ready?"

"I...I need to talk about something with you..." I join my hands in the front of my body, and he gazes at me, his hands in the pockets of his trousers. "Go ahead."

"This is...I mean...promise me you won't get mad...please..." I save myself before starting, but he frowns at me. "What is it about, Jungkook? I can't promise you that if you've done something wrong."

"This is...about Miss Han...and I..." I only give a small detail, to begin with, and he does not move. "And what's wrong?"

"I..." I drop my eyes down to the ground to not have to look into his eyes that frighten me in this situation. "We are...We did something..."

He does not say anything yet but tilts his head to the side, waiting for me to continue the sentence I do not have the guts to let out. "You did what?"