Chapter 5

I've always wanted to be an Idol, the dream that kept me going, I work hard everyday, balancing school and training. I was having a usual school lives with few friends, but something happened.

A video of me singing in the gymansium are going viral in school, saying I've a really beautiful voice and everything. Since then, i've somehow got popular and became the "School Idol" everyone knows.

It was weird at first, being noticed in the hallway, getting attention from people who probably never notice me before. But, this is what I wanted right? To be noticed, to be admired. So, i smiled and play along with my part acting like it's not a big deal, but everything started to feel different.

And that's when I first notice him.

It was probably like around five or six months ago, we're on the same class, but I hadn't really notice him. He was just another face in the crowd of sea uniforms, whose name i don't know.

But, there was something different about him. He didn't look at me the way everyone else did. He never tried to approach me like everyone does, he seems to not care.

At first it was kind of annoying because he didn't noticed me, but then I started to find it refreshing. He wasn't treating me like i'm different, he just there...existing, quietly in the same room as me.

I think, that's why I started talking to him, interested to know him.

It started small, I'd glances at him in class while he's lost in thoughts, or just scribbling words in his notebook. He's not a part of anything big, just a few friends here and there. He is normal, in a way that made me want to know more about him.

So one morning, I decided to came up to him. "Hi! Good morning, Y/N-san!"

"Good morning, you're energetic as always Hoshimachi-san."

I'm surprised She's still calling me with my family name. We're been in the same class for four months that day.

"Eh? You're still calling me with my family name? I've told you that you can call me Sui-chan, right?" I tilted my head, trying to hide the slight frustration i got. "We've been in the same class for almost four months now."

"Bad habit, i'm sorry." He sounded really serious that day but at the same time he always seem so calm.

"You're always so serious, huh?" I remember i lean over and rest my chin on my hand trying to see more of his face. "I think you need to break the ice sometime."

So, i decided to invite him to see me practice afterschool. Maybe it could break some of that seriousness of his.

But he threw a really surprising question to me, one that i didn't expect. "Huh? Me? I didn't even know what you were practicing for, are you sure?"

At this point, he really didn't care about anything.

But, after a minutes of silence between us, he finally spoke again. "I guess, if you mind i would come."

I blink at him, unsure what to say next. Was he agreeing to come? Or just being polite? His reaction is just hard to read.

"Yeah? Thanks, I'll be waiting!"

I didn't expect much when i invited him. Part of me thought he wouldn't come and rather go home that day, but he keep his promise. I see him walking inside the gymnasium unsure why he was here. so I called him over. "Hey! Over here!"

"Hi! Sui-chan."

"You keep your words, huh?" I walked closer to him. "One who keep his words are interesting, y'know?" I grinned teasing him.

I always give my best even at training, i really wanted to be an idol. As I started to sing, i'd always steal glances to him, wanting to see his reaction but he was just there unreadable.

After the practice ended, i jogged to him wiping sweat in my forehead. "How was I?" I asked him excited that day.

"You were amazing." That's a word that i often hear, but hearing it from him felt different, it felt genuine.

His expression now are more calm, there is no hint of seriousness anymore in his voice, so I asked him. "Did it break some of that ice of yours?"

I still remember we walked home for the first time that day, we talk a lot along the way and eventually had to part ways.

I was really happy, because i feel like i can be myself around him. He sees me as Hoshimachi Suisei, not the "school idol", that part of him that makes me comfortable around him.

After that day, we talked more with each other, my life feels more alive when i'm around him, it was so much fun. I'd always sneak a glances towards him when he's not paying attention, lost on his own thoughts and world. Sometime, i'd see him scribbling words on his notebook, I wonder what he wrote?

So, one day i decided to go to a Coffee Shop together with him after the school finished. I wasn't sure what to drink, but he suggested me to tried Latte because it's light and not to bitter.

To my surprise it taste really good, not too bitter just enough and it taste really refreshing. Since then, i found myself always drinking coffee once a day. I found a new things i like, it's all thanks to him.

I wanted to get to know him better that day, so i asked him what he do outside of school. His answer caught me off guard, even to this day. Who would expect that he's secretly a martial artists?

"What? No way, seriously? That's cool!!!" I mean it by any words. "What kind? Could you show me some move?"

It's the first time I see him talking with excitement, so I just listened to him that day, replying with more question, one which he answer that i found myself amaze with him.

"Then, why don't you tell anyone this hobby of yours?"

He replied, "It's something I rarely talk about...perhaps it's just personal. Beside, i don't want anyone to know."

I was excited hearing his hobby that he kept to himself, it's like he trusted me a lot.

"Maybe, you could teach me some of your stuff? I always wonder what it feels like to learn martial art."

"I'm not really a teacher, but we can both try it out."

I was really happy hearing him agreed to teach me martial arts. I've always wanted to do something new, just to get a fresh air of everything.

We both finished our coffee and talked along the way home. Everything felt natural and genuine, his words, his emotion. He think of me as just Hoshimachi Suisei, not the "School Idol."

The day was super fun, it really is.

Then, came the day when he finally teach me his martial art. We found an empty spot far away from anyone. The late afternoon sun shine through the whole achool.

He was patient with me, he show me how to do the basic stance, how to throw a punch and how to block. It was harder than it looks, i kept losing balance to which made him smile and laugh.

"Well, we'll get there, okay? Hang on there." He spoke. "But, you're doing pretty well."

He adjust my position, his hand gently moved my arms into the right position. For a moment, i felt my heart skip a beat. He wasn't treating like I was fragile, but he wasn't being rough. It felt nice.

I collapsed to the ground after one hour, "This is harder than I thought!" How can he practice it so effortlessly?

"That's how it is." He sat next to me. "But, no pain no gain, right?"

We sat next to each other, feeling the comfortable silence between us. I liked that about him, we didn't always have to filled the empty space, he was someone I could be quiet with, he's different.

"Is it okay if we hang out like this?" His question caught me off guard.

"Of course...why wouldn't it be?" I started to like your companion, y'know? I feel like i wanted you by my side.

"How do I put this..." He paused. "You're... well you're you. And I'm not exactly popular."

Who cares about that stuff anyway, I could hang out with whoever i want. Who cares if i'm popular and he is not.

"Who care about something like that?"

We then walked home together, the air filled with silence, so i try to break it out. "I can't wait for the festival." I spoke, turning my attention to him. "How about you?"

"It's two weeks away right?" He replied. "I'm excited to see you perform."

"Is that it? Is that all you excited about? How about our class and other stuff?"

"I'd rather go home, I don't like social event anyway."

Eh? Is he for real? I don't think i've ever heard that from somebody. "It's more than that! How about if we go around the whole school in the festival?"

"Why don't you like social event anyway?"

"It's just not my things, y'know? Too much people, too many attention...i just feel like don't fit in."

How many times has he said something like that? I asked him again to which he replies that it easier not to stand out. Does he hate people that much?

Standing out does not always mean a bad things right? Or maybe was he embarassed to walk with me around the school? Is he afraid to be seen with me?

"Look, i understand that you don't want people to talk or stare. But, Y/N-san, I don't care what they say and you should too."

Because they don't know how i truly feels.

"I just don't want to mess up your images and everythi—" I'm annoyed to even hear ths word "image."

"I don't care about any of that. I'm not going to throw someone just because others don't like it."

Why does he care about my images that much? I just wanted to have fun with him, because of him i'm able to try a new things and found something new that I like.

"I'll think about it." I hear him mumbling that make me stopped my steps that day.

"You'll think about it?" I was really frustrated that day and dissapointed too, because he started to think about me like everyone else does.

"I mean it's not like everyone will ignore us, right?" I saw his eyes glancing to other students that kept looking at us. "People already talk."

"Let them be." Don't you get it, Y/N-san? I just wanted to have fun with you, because i can be myself with you. "I want you to be there, Y/N-san." I mean it. "But, i cannot force you."

Silence fill the air between us, but it wasn't the same. I take a glance at him that day and it didn't feel the same at all. Something is changing and I couldn't stop it.

I'm scared that he started to think about me like everyone else does. He is the one that made my life vibrant with colors again, one that i can share my moments with.