Never to suffer would never to have been blessed

Stone's POV of Ella's crash :)

"Sir, I need you to calm down."

My eyes whip away from the floor and onto the small brunette policeman, who stands in front of me with a fake confidence etched onto his face.

I glower at him in response, tugging at my hair as I stare back at the dirty floor of the police station.

What have I done? What the fuck have I done?

I can't lose Ella. I can't. I will not loose her. She is my lifeline, my world, my absolute everything.

She deserves better than me, I know that. But I will not ever let her go. I will fight for her, for us, until my very last breath.

I wanted to call her, I needed to hear her voice. But instead I was stuck here, waiting for absolutely fucking nothing.

I was quite very seriously contemplating bounding over to the room where Brennan's dad Baron was and telling him to hurry the fuck up, but I didn't want to make this even worse than it had already become, especially if there was a risk of it affecting Ella.

After what felt like an eternity, Baron walked out of the room. He exchanged a few more words with the detective before walking over to me.

"You're all good for now." He says, standing in front of my hunched sitting frame. "I'm going to have to reason with them for a little longer but for now you're free to go."

I immediately stand from my chair, rising up to my height at the go-ahead for me to leave this place and find my Ella.

"Ella." I grit out. "Where is Ella?"

He sighs. "I don't know. Last I heard she was going back to her apartment. But Stone I think you ne—"

"My phone." I demand to know, "Where is my phone?"

"It's in my car." He says, stopping me when I begin to go and find it. "Stone, listen to me. Ella needs space, and you need to give her that space. Things will only get worse if you pressure her into forgiving you too fas—"

"I will never pressure her to do anything." I growl, fury rushing through my veins. "How fucking dare you say that."

"Stone." He sighs. "You know that's not what I meant. Just let Ella process this in her own time, okay?"

"Fucking fine." I sigh. "But I cannot ever be without her, I have to make this right. I have to tell her how sorry I am."

Baron nods, following me out of the police station as we walk towards his car. It's already dark out, and I desperately need to know if Ella got home safe before I lose my mind.

"You can take my car." Baron says. "I have to go deal with Brennan. Just don't go too crazy, okay?"

"Thanks." I grumble, taking his keys from him. "Means a lot."

My eyes widen when he suddenly pulls me in for a hug, I grow tense and stiff when he pats my back yet I can't help but feel grateful for the gesture.

"Everything will work out, Stone." He says, pulling away. "Just don't give up on her."

"Never." I reply instantly, climbing into his car and starting the engine.

He says goodbye before I quickly slam the door shut and pull out of the parking lot. The drive to her apartment is a painful blur, the answering machine of Ella's phone echoing like a taunting chorus.

In no time at all I am driving up the hill leading to Ella's apartment complex, I do not even bother to shut off the engine as I tear open the door and run up to her apartment.

My fist is harsh and heavy against the wood of her front door, but I do not care, I need to see her face and to know that she is alright.

My heart thumps in my chest with worry when there is no sign of her soft little feet padding along the floor of her apartment, my eyes grow wide when she does not answer my desperate calls of her name.

As much as I know she hates me right now, I know that she would never ignore me, especially if I was waking up her neighbours with my desperate calls and knocks.

I hurry back to my car, calling her several more times as I drive over to the beach, praying that she is still there and that she has never left.

The tires of Baron's car screech as I stop it along the grass at the side of the beach, the sound of Ella's voicemail chiming through the walls of his car for the fiftieth time in the past twenty minutes.

I tear the door open again, desperately scanning up and down the beach in search for my green-haired goddess. When I do not see her, I walk over to where I last saw her, the place where she shattered my heart.

My body crumbles when my eyes land on her small green converse scattered across the sand. I see her stood in front of me, her eyes glazed and red as she angrily throws her shoes at me.

It wasn't the force of the shoes that hurt me, it was the look of betrayal and hurt etched onto her beautiful features at the hands of something that I had done that made me feel physically sick.

I crouched down and stared at the green fabric for far too long before I picked them up, I brought them close to my chest, hoping they could bring me some kind of comfort.

The clock on the car read midnight when I climbed back into it, I placed her shoes gently into the footwell, tearing my eyes away from them before slamming my fists against the steering wheel with rage.

My heart skipped a beat and my rage subsided when I suddenly heard the ringtone of my phone. I desperately searched for it, finding it beside her shoes in the footwell from when I had thrown it over there earlier.

"Hello?" I rush out, not even checking the contact. "Ella, baby, is that you?"

Dread courses through me when I hear Brennan's voice on the other end. "Stone."

"What?" I breathe out at his cautious voice. "What is it? Where the fuck is Ella?"

"Stone." He sighs, his voice extremely fragile. "I need you to calm down."

"Why? What the fuck is it?!" I bark out in frustration.

There's a silence on the other end, a silence long enough for dread to settle deep within me and burn away my anger, replacing it with a much stronger form of anger that is worry.

"Tell me." I practically whisper before raising my voice entirely. "Just fucking tell me, Brennan!"

"Ella and her dad have had a car crash."

No.

No, no, no.

My heart burns and crumbles to the the pits of my stomach, I feel sick, I feel physically sick.

No. No. This cannot be happening, not Ella, it must be a mistake.

Brennan speaks up when I do not speak. "She's at the hospital, Stone. They're working on her but her condition is critical."

No. Not Ella. Please god, don't let it be Ella.

I hang up the phone, throwing it at the windshield of the car before punching and hitting at the steering wheel. I growl of frustration tears through my body as the feeling of my entire being shattering becomes overwhelming.

The drive to the hospital is a complete blur, I don't even remember stopping at any red lights on the drive over, my mind is elsewhere, focusing on every little thing that is Ella.

I need to see her, to touch her, to know that she is okay. I need to hear her soft angelic voice, I need to see her green hair and listen to her tell me how much I annoy her.

This has to be some sort of sick dream, some sort of punishment for all of the bad things I have done. It's my fault, it's all my fault. If I had been there with her, if I had stayed by her side then none of this would have happened.

It's all my fault.

I could not breathe, my throat felt as though it had closed up entirely, I would not be able to breathe again until I heard my Ella's sweet voice. I would not be able to breathe until I know that she is okay.

Nothing else mattered to me in the entire world as I tore open the doors of the hospital, I was like a madman, glowering at the doctors and nurses who tried to calm me down as I demanded to know where my Ella was.

"Where the fuck is sh—"

"Stone?"

My attention tore away from the reception staff behind the counter and onto Ella's blonde haired friend, who's eyes where red with freshly shed tears.

"Where is she, Lana?" I snarl as I plead. "Where is Ella? Tell me she is okay."

"She's okay. She's alive. She's breathing." Lana says, making me sit down in the waiting area. "The paramedics said that her condition was touch and go, but she's alive. She's unconscious but she's here."

"What the fuck happened?" I hoarsely grumble, feeling as though I may quite possible pass out. "Who was driving?"

Lana sighs, sitting down beside me. "She was with her dad, he was driving and had been drinking. I don't know exactly what happened but the police believe that he lost consciousness at the wheel before the car swerved into a tree."

Every word felt like an extra dagger being slashed into my skin, ripping open my organs to torture me for letting her leave me. But I could not even begin to focus on my own pain, not when Ella was laying alone in a hospital bed, not when her pain overwhelmed my entire being to the brink of insanity.

"And her dad?" I ask. "Is he okay?"

Lana is silent, and my heart shatters for Ella. Despite everything he had done and said to her, she still loved him, she is going to be heartbroken. Her parents meant the world to her, and it physically pains me that she is going to have to learn about this no doubt moments after she wakes up.

She will wake up. She has to. I cannot live without her. I will not live without her.

Tears well in my eyes, making the view of the hospital floor blurry as my need to see Ella grows. But I cannot see her yet, as much as I want to I cannot, not if I'm risking the doctors ability to save her.

"She's lost a lot of blood." Lana says, her voice cautious but determined for me to know. "They said she's lucky to be alive. She'll be okay, Stone. She's a stubborn ass, she won't go without a fight."

I nod my head in agreement with her statement, releasing a hoarse shaky breath at the small slither of confirmation that she is okay, something I will only fully be able to believe when I hear her voice and have her in my arms.

"Drizella Miller?" A voice suddenly calls from the doorway.

I stand up immediately, striding over to the small male doctor gripping onto a clipboard. He gulps at the sight of my frantic stance, taking a step back in fear.

"Is she okay?" I ask desperately.

"Are you family of Miss Miller?"

"What the fuck do you mea—"

"Yes." Lana interrupts my rage. "He's her fiancé and I'm her best friend."

I glance down at her, very silently grateful to her for stopping me from risking being unable to see my Ella.

"She's unconscious as of right now, but we have strong hope to believe she'll come around within a few days." He voices quietly. "You may see her now if you wish."

At his words, I rush past him down the hallway, searching and searching to find any hint of my green-haired girl. I pass a worried Mrs Lewis, who tries to stop me, failing when she sees the look on my face.

After a few more rooms, my frantic steps come to an entire halt at the sight of some green hair sprawled out across the blue hospital bed.

A sob racks through my body when I take in her bruised and bandaged self. Her face is pale, no longer accompanied by a small pink blush on her round freckled cheeks. Her big brown doe eyes are closed, her long brown eyelashes draping across her pale cheeks as she takes in very small breaths.

I crouch down in front of her, softly gripping onto her small pale hand. I feel violently sick at the sight of her beautiful skin littered with small scars and bandages.

"Ella, baby." I croak out in a desperate sob. "Please wake up. I need you to tell me you are okay."

Another harsh sob racks through my body when she does not respond. I listen to the soft spread out intake and outtake of her breaths, clinging on to the sound like precious gold.

"Ella, please." I whisper, stroking her skin. "I cannot live without you, remember?

I take ahold of her small hand, encasing it with mine, desperate to feel her touch. I bring my lips down to the skin, pressing delicate kisses across her hand as more tears and sobs tear through me.

"Ella venit primus, remember?" I mutter into her skin. "Always and forever."

————a/n - i hope you guys enjoyed this chapter of Stone losing his mind! I wanted this chapter to be longer, but I still hope you guys enjoyed!