Final, Drabble

A/N - this part takes place right after the fight in chapter 27 when Ashton has Michael take Shane away. This will be his POV and you'll get to see his side of the story after he kicks her out. Enjoy!

Ashton’s POV

You want to get inside my head? Understand why I do the horrible things I do? Why I say the shit I say?

Welcome.

It’s a pretty fucked up place, my mind. I don’t think I’ll ever understand why I am the way I am. Maybe it’s because I’ve never had any stability in my life. That’s the reason I am so unstable.

Every single person that I’ve allowed to get close to me has let me down. Hurt me in some way. At some point I just put up these walls and stopped caring about other people and their feelings.

I became my number one priority. I put no one before myself. That is until she walked into my life. No, forced her way into my life. Turned it completely upside down.

I felt things I’ve never felt before. Was it love? Probably not but I do care about her, more than I’ve cared about anyone before. She made me laugh when I couldn’t even crack a smile. She just has that way about her. She’s bright and bubbly and sees the good in the world.

She’s the complete opposite of me. She brought out a different side, a change that everyone seemed to notice and was grateful for. But just like everything in my life I fucked that one up too. I pushed her away in the worst way possible.

And for what? Because she told me loved me? How could she possibly love me? I’m a … I’m a monster.

————————————I pace my room, yanking at the ends of my hair. I don’t know what to do with myself. My heart hasn’t stopped racing. Blood is still pouring from my forehead where she hit me with my alarm clock. I’m furious and haven’t a clue how to control the rage growing inside me.

Kicking her out was the only thing I could think of. I needed her out my sight before I did something I would regret. I have no power over my anger and God only knows what I would do.

First, she leaves me in New York. Then I come home to find that she destroyed my room, broke half my shit. I have half a mind to go to her room and ruin everything she loves too. I’m fucking furious.

What the hell happened to her?

I happened, that’s what. It was fucking me who destroyed her. She was such a kind, sweet person when I met her, willing to give everyone a chance even when they didn’t deserve one. I’m the reason she went off the deep end. I’m the one to blame.

Michael comes storming in my room, slamming the door behind him so hard that the whole room shook. He looks like he’s ready to strike and he does, shoving me hard, causing my to lose my balance and I fall against my bed.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” he screams, his voice strained.

“I don’t know” I huff, slamming my fist down on the mattress. I don’t know where to direct my anger and honestly I could punch anything right about now. There is so much wrong with me. No one can fix how fucked up I am.

Michael steps to me again, poking his finger into my collarbone with each word. “I knew you were a fucking asshole but really Ashton? What did she ever do to deserve being treated like that?”

I shake my head, pissed that one of my best friends is taking her side. “She’s not fucking innocent in all of this” I shoot back. “Do you see my room? She’s out of her fucking mind” I argue, my tone matching his.

Michael looks at me with such disgust, like he doesn’t even know who I am anymore. “You cheated on her. Did you think she would just sit back and take it?”

“Should have known the first time I fucked her that she was a crazy bitch” I mutter to myself, knowing that it spark something inside of Michael. He doesn’t approve of anyone disrespecting a woman.

Maybe I want to feel pain. I want to feel something. So I’m not surprised when Michael lunges at me, wrapping his hand tight around my throat and slams my head into the wall, putting a whole in it. “You stay the fuck away from her!”

Michael isn’t one for violence. He doesn’t get angry that often either. He’s a laid back guy. That’s how I know how badly I fucked up this situation – the calmest person I know is ready to take shots at me.

“You going to hit me?” I test him, smiling smugly at him when the door flies open. Adrienne comes rushing in the room, Luke following closely behind her.

“Michael!” she shouts, pulling at his arm but he doesn’t bulge. She’s afraid, I can tell, afraid of what her boyfriend might do or what I might do to him if both of us don’t calm down.

“I will fucking kill him” he says through his teeth, his cheeks red with anger. Not once did he take his eyes off me.

“Come on man” Luke huffs. “It’s not worth it.”

“Like hell it isn’t” Michael glances his way.

“Michael!” Adrienne tries again. “Let go!” she pleads with him, still tugging at his arm. “Please” the desperation is so clear in her voice.

Michael closes his eyes, bringing himself back to reality. He slowly removes his hand from my throat. I exhale loudly before Michael punches me right in the gut.

“Rot in hell” he spits. “Let’s go Adrienne” he steps out of my room, reaching for her hand.

“Give me a minute” he tells him, her arms folded tightly across her chest.

“I’m not leaving you alone with him.”

“I’ll be fine” she says the words slowly, carefully. “I yell if I need you.”

Michael’s hesitant. “Fine. I’ll be right out here.”

Adrienne nods then slowly closes the door when Michael and Luke exit. “Uh, thanks for that by the way” my lips curls into a half-smile as I point to the hole that was left from the back of my skull.

“I should have let him tear your head off for the way you treated Shane” she says with such distaste. I won’t argue with her there. “Sit down” she demands.

I pick up my desk chair, standing it up right and sit down. She hops on Calum’s bed and I can feel her gaze on me but she doesn’t say anything.

“What?” I glance her way, wondering what she wants other than to yell at me for breaking her best friend’s heart.

She lets out a long, shaky breath. “I just need to know why” she states as she plays with a loose string on Calum’s comforter.

I know this can’t be easy for her – talking to the enemy, especially one with a temper like my own.

“Why what?” I huff.

“I need to know why you cheated on her” she elaborates, pulling her legs up on the bed, tucking them underneath her. She leans forward, resting her elbows on her knees. “You guys were so good. She was really happy with you in New York. So why?”

“I didn’t” I answer honestly, my eyes immediately darting to my feet, my hand clamping onto the back of my neck. “I couldn’t” I say quietly. And that’s the truth. I couldn’t sleep with her.

“Then explain what she saw” she says, narrowing her eyes in on me. It’s rare to see Adrienne mad but fuck with a girl’s best friend and she could tear you apart with one look. “Because I’ve heard her side and I would love to see you talk your way out of this one” she says sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

“Okay” I sigh heavily, ready to finally tell someone my side of the story. “I left her at the restaurant, you know after she told me she loved me. I freaked the fuck out. So I went back to the hotel and headed straight for the bar. There was this hot bridesmaid, drunk out of her mind and she threw herself at me. So yeah, I took her upstairs with all intentions of sleeping with her but I couldn’t do it Adrienne” I look up at her, needing her to believe me. It’s the truth. “I was a fucking mess.”

“If what you’re saying is true then why did you let her believe it?” she tilts her head to the side, staring at me with a confused expression. No one would really understand why I lied and let Shane believe I fucked that bridesmaid.

“Because I’m no good for her. It’s better this way.”

“Is it?” she lifts her eyebrows.

“I don’t fucking know Adrienne. I want her. I want her so fucking bad. I want to run down the hall and apologize for how fucking stupid I was” I admit and I never want to apologize for anything. “But you don’t understand. No one does. It’s not good for her to be with me.”

“I agree with you there. She deserves answers though Ashton and I need to know” she pats her chest. “I don’t know how to piece my best friend together.” I can see the tears threatening to pool in her eyes, just like before when she watched Shane have an absolute breakdown.

I didn’t realize how many people I actually hurt. Normally I wouldn’t care but I care about these people. They are the closest thing I have to family.

“Maybe it’s best she doesn’t know the truth. She’ll get over you eventually” her words dig into me like knives, knowing that one day Shane will move on from me. “Promise me you’ll stay away from her?”

I nod, not able to voice my answer. I know I have to. It’s going to be hard but I have to let Shane go. It’s the best thing for her.